A/N: Jessica and Asma never really had « the talk ». so this is the talk! The scene wouldn't want to quit my mind so here you are! It's harsh though, you're warned.
Jessica belongs to my friend! do NOT use her! This version of Asma is mine as well!
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She knocked at the front door, hard. Her plump lips called out for her friend relentlessly as she urgently wanted to see the brunette. Jax was out of town and the boys were at Opie's so Jessica was alone. She heard the deafening noise and a screeching sound made by her friend who was yelling her name at the top of her lungs and given the intonation, she realized that Asma was drunk. It shook her up and without hesitation, the SAMCRO Queen quickly opened the door. Asma yanked her head back and crossed her arms over her chest in a defensive position. What on Earth brought her to her friend's home if it wasn't that stupid urge to actually talk to someone she could trust? Asma drank her soul tonight out of desperation and she couldn't feel more miserable than she was.
« Here you are! Finally !!! » A bottle of Jack Daniels was in her hand and she pointed her finger at her friend. The pink head barely could stand up and Jessica knew she was too wasted for her own good and might end up puking. « I kept calling you! For god's sake were you sleeping or what? »
« Asma ?! What happened? » Her voice was firm but concern crept out and if Asma wasn't so drunk, she would have noticed but she was so it went past her head. A dark chuckle escaped from the tattoo artist's lips and she walked into her home.
« What didn't happen you mean? Because we can make a LOOOOONG LIST of the shit that never happened! » She said taking another gulp at her bottle. She let out a groan and took another big gulp of the burning liquid.
Jessica was alarmed, mostly because she knew how much Asma was struggling against her alcoholism. They talked about it, Jess even helped her join the AA of the town and offered to become her sponsor but Asma refused to lay such a burden on her shoulders. The pink haired lady didn't want to talk about the reasons she started to drink and she refused to open her wounds but it became harder since Elias entered her life and she was forced to move in Charming. Jessica had no idea of what was tormenting her friend but she knew it had to be a deep wound. The brunet wrapped her bathrobe around her frame tighter and crossed her arms over her chest, informing Asma that she would not let her down, whether she liked it or not.
« Give me that bottle. You drank enough! » Her voice was commanding and under any different circumstances, it would at least, would have made Asma think twice but as drunk as she was, the pink head refused to listen.
« No ! NO !! » Asma kept her bottle close to her frame and shook her head. « I can't give you Mr. Jack... I can't give you my only loyal friend. »
« I am your friend.....You don't need Mr.Jack. Give me the bottle. » Asma shook her head and walked towards the living room.
« Yes you are my friend and he is my friend too! If I give him to you I won't be able to drink and I need to drink! I DESERVE to drink! » She groaned painfully while taking another gulp. Jessica, still alarmed and now stiff as wood walked towards her friend.
« Asma! Please ! Give me that bottle! You're hurting yourself! »
« How do you do it uh Jess? How do you build all of that? You have a-a-a house! You have adopted kids! You have a great fiancé! He'd die for you-you know? » Asma mumbled while walking in zigzag. Jessica furrowed her brows and shook her head.
« Luck I guess? I worked hard for this relationship and you know that! There's no fairy tale here! Asma ! »
« YES! There IS !!! I'm not saying you don't deserve to be happy and all that shit! Of course, you do! But when I look at you.. when I look at you, at times it makes me realize how much of a piece of shit I am myself! I will never have what you have! I'd kill to be in your shoes. That's what I was drinking to tonight! To be in your shoes for a day, heck even an hour! »
She missed a step and fell on her flat, unwillingly dropping the bottle that broke into shards next to her. Jessica hurried next to her and knelt next to Asma who remained on the floor. « I told you... you should have given me that bottle. Are you injured? » She asked in a worried tone. The pink head's words didn't go unnoticed but Jessica couldn't correct her friend. Asma was blissfully ignorant of her true occupation and of the dangers she was facing on a daily basis. She didn't know about the times Jessica nearly died, she didn't know about the Knights, about Crowley, and about how dangerous Jax life actually was. Jessica was sparing her friend and decided that keeping her into the dark would actually save her life but tonight was a battle the raven-haired beauty was not prepared to fight. Asma groaned painfully and curled her fingers into fists.
« I broke it.... I broke it !! Shit !! I broke it! » She was panicking and she kept hitting the floor. Her voice broke and she started to whine. « There goes my life! » She rolled on her side, to look at Jessica with a sad look on her face, tears were filling her eyes but she still wasn't crying. Deep inside she felt pathetic. All these months Asma really tried not to show this side of her to her only friend in this shithole and yet tonight, she wasn't able to stop herself. « I broke it! I broke it! Jessica ! » She said, unfocused. Jessica quickly looked at her friend and noticed she wasn't injured so she grabbed her and had her sit on the floor. « I broke it Jess... I broke my life. »
« There you go. Asma. I'm taking you to the bathroom. I'll give you a shower alright? You need to sober up. I'll give you a shower and I'll give you some coffee and something for a massive headache you're going to have. » Asma was hysterical, she first was yelling and now, she couldn't help but sob without actually having tears rolling down her cheeks.
« I'm sorry. I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry. I fucked up. I fucked up tonight like I fuck up everything else....You don't have to do that, let me on your floor, that's where I belong! » She said while resisting Jessica's lift. « I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. » She sounded in distress and she actually was. Asma wasn't a happy alcoholic, instead, she was pretty much the opposite. Sincere and sad, it almost felt like she was an open book on her miseries. Jessica had dealt with drunkards before but never with the sad types, so she was nervous.
« You don't belong there. You know it's not true. » She said while sitting next to Asma and holding her against her frame. « What happened tonight Asma? You've been sober for all these months. What happened that made you drink again? »
« I fucked up that's why! » She answered with a newfound energy before derailing again in non-sensical words. « I am not even able to keep someone by my sides! I'm taking the leftovers and the crumbs Elias wants to feed me..... and I'm okay with it! All of my hopes and dreams went down the gutter.. my life has no sense. Why am I even around today? » She said, biting back a sob. « He'll find me again.. he'll take me away. I think I'll let him do as he pleases. He'd say 'you deserve it anymore, you broke my heart ' and I would say 'yes' because I did. I left him... because he ruined my legs and gave me a limp. » She started to chuckle darkly before she tried to set herself free from her friend. Jessica eyes grew wide at the revelations made by her friend and quickly tried to keep her by her side.
« Asma! I'm taking you to the bathroom alright? I'm taking you to the bathroom and we're going to sober you up. »
« Sober me up? I don't want to. » Jessica held onto her and shook her head.
« You have to. We can't have a proper conversation when you're drunk like that. » Asma shook her head.
« It was a mistake for me to come here! I don't want to talk! I DON'T WANT TO TALK! » She tried to stand up but fell back so Jessica held her with one arm and helped herself back onto her feet before she could lift Asma up. She struggled against her and shook her head before finally giving up. « I don't want to talk! »
« What are you so afraid of? » Jessica finally asked, while dragging her to the bathroom. « Talking is good Asma. You clearly need to talk. »
« It hurts! It hurts to speak ! » the pink haired tattoo artist said while shaking and on the verge of crying. « I don't want to be in pain....I don't want to face it. Jess don't let me do it alone. »Her voice broke harder as they finally entered the bathroom. Asma removed her ballerinas and Jess opened the shower.
« I am here! You're not alone. You'll never be alone Asma. I'll enter with you in the shower okay? We're going to do this together! » She said, patiently turning the water on, once she was sure Asma and she were in the shower. « We're going to do this together alright? I'm with you, I won't leave your sides. »
« Please... Please....Don't leave me... » -Jessica nodded and gave her a soft and warm smile-
Cold water hit their bodies and caused Asma to scream and shake. As her hair became wet and her clothes clung to her body, Asma started to cry and slowly dropped to her knees and later on her heels. She was crying loud and Jessica held her against her frame and petted her hair. There was such a violent pain that was held back by Asma that it almost became surreal for the SAMCRO Queen. It was a side of her Jessica never got to see until now and it was a raw and heated moment for both of them. A turning point as they would say.in the darkness of the bathroom, only lightened by the moonlight, Jessica tried her best to comfort her friend in her shell-shocked state of mind. She felt Asma cling to her and wrap her arms around her shoulders as if she was afraid her friend would leave her in such an ugly moment. Jessica furrowed her brows and tried to make sense of what she heard. She did mention Elias, which was a complicated relationship Asma told her about but that other person she talked about? Jessica never heard of them and could perceive that it actually was a bad person.
It took about an hour before Asma did sober up and Jessica dared to move in order to turn the water off. She helped Asma stand up and quickly gave her a towel to dry herself up while she would look for fresh and dry bathrobes to give her and put on herself. Once both were dry, the brunette took Asma out to the kitchen again where she grabbed a broom and cleaned the broken mess left by the bottle of jack. Asma was sitting quietly on a stool and stared at the table. Jessica came back, put some water to boil in order to make a nice teacup for both of them and sat next to her friend. She held her hand as tight as she could. Wet strands of pink hair were clinging on Asma's face when she turned to her left to stare at her friend with a confused and ashamed gaze.
« I'm sorry for earlier. I was a mess when I showed up at your doorstep. I shouldn't have. »
« Yes, you should! You are in great pain Asma and I never noticed it until you showed up tonight. What..uh.... » She paused for a while and then continued « ... I'm here for you. I'm always going to be there for you. You know that? » -Asma nodded slowly.-
« It's me.... I didn't want anyone to see me like this. Usually, I get drunk alone in my house. I thought I could do that tonight but I couldn't. I c-c-came to your place and... I-I-I didn't want you to see me like this...I'm sorry. » She bit back a sob and looked away.
« What made you drink tonight? I heard you talk about Elias. He's not good for you babe... »
She didn't want to tell her that he went on his own revenge spree and semi-joined the crows so he could have information about his archnemesis. He was hell-bent on revenge and destruction, how could he build anything with Asma ? Especially since Jessica realized how truly broken she was.
« I know... but he's all I have. He's the only one who's not talking to me because he feels charitable and the only one to have shown interest so far.... My brother was in a gang. I'm not exactly a prime beauty. » She chewed at her bottom lip. « I am alone, I feel alone and he gives me comfort... but... he would never open up to me because he's mourning his family. I can't blame him. I can't....I just.... » She took a deep breath and looked back into Jessica's eyes. « I feel pathetic you know? Because that really is all I can afford.. a man who would never love me. At least he's decent. It does hurt..still..... » She sighed and shook her head.
« You don't have to punish yourself. I ain't saying Elias isn't a decent man but babe... you deserve better. » Was all Jess could come up with, without selling out the crows or even her and Elias involvement in it. She bit back her tongue, cursing under her breath for not being able to come up with more comforting words. Asma shrugged and shook her head.
« He was my shot at a decent life....He's way better than the man.... » Asma became stiff and she swallowed a lump.
« The man you talked about when you were drunk right? You said he ruined your legs? » Jessica wanted to walk on eggs but she broke one and Asma's gaze widen so much that she thought her friend might be scared and try to run away. Asma shifty-eyed with her and cringed so hard that it basically felt like a slap in Jessica's face. She never saw Asma be afraid of someone like this before. Her friend usually was a big talker and handled herself pretty much fine but she was starting to panic and held onto Jessica's hand tighter ;
« You wouldn't want to sit in the same room as his. He's insane... He's insane and dangerous! » Asùa shifty-eyed again with her friend and started to shake nervously. « He.... He was a good boy you know? My childhood friend. Mom loved him, dad died before he could meet him....he would have approved. It felt natural for us to be together so when he asked me out, I said yes! We were happy! I shit you not, we really were! Until he proposed... I agreed and he switched on the very next day. » Her voice died as she finished her sentence and took a gulp of the warm tea.
« I didn't know... I'm so sorry. We don't have to talk about him if you don't want to. You.. Is he the reason you drank tonight? »
« I can handle Elias and the non-thing we have going on... but I received a golden rose. It's.... his signature... He knows where I live! He knows... and he's coming for me. I have to pack and leave. I have to...I have to pack and leave tonight! » Asma nearly fell off of her chair as she started to panic but Jessica held her hand tighter.
« You don't have to live your life on the run. You don't have to run away from him. Asma, I can protect you. You came here for a reason, not just Charming but to my house and into my life. »
« This isn't a burden I want to lay on your shoulders. This isn't what I wanted. THIS isn't who I wanted to be. That man... that man ruined me. I was so bright and with dreams and he crushed it to the ground, turned it into ashes, turned me into this alcoholic mess....I don't want you to meet him, I don't want you to meethim.. please, let me run away, let me go. It'll be as if I never entered your life, you'll forget me as soon as I'll leave. » She said in a short breath, looking around as she realized that he might be around and might be watching her. Jessica held her hand tighter and shook her head, now more resolved than ever to take that man down and offer a true chance to build herself back to Asma. She then grabbed her other hand, thus forcing the pink haired artist to look at her, with streams of tears rolling down her cheeks.
« I know you're afraid that like I told you before, you are not alone. I.. I'm not the soft person you think I am. I am not alone either. I have people backing me up and they can help you too. We can help you and we will. If he's the reason you started to drink again.... » Her face took a sinister gaze. « ..Then we shall remove him from your life completely. I can see how much he hurt you...Even all the things you didn't tell me. It enrages me already to know someone hurt you like that, but you don't have to run away. You came here for a reason, your brother took you here for a reason. We met for a reason. You're not a burden. You never were to me. You are a FRIEND and as such, I will protect you. »
Asma looked at her while she was still crying, unsure if what she heard actually happened. It was the first time she barely opened up about Oscar and the reaction was so different from what she imagined that Asma was lost and confused. Instead of rejecting her, Jessica was embracing her and the fact she tried to protect her, was too much to bear for the pink haired lady who nodded, filled with a newfound hope. She held Jessica's hands and brought them to her lips in order to kiss them with gratitude. Jessica smiled, herself tearing up because of the overwhelming intensity that filled the room and she nodded as if to reassure Asma and confirm her own motivation to help her friend. She saw the brightest sides of Asma but now confronted to her ugly ones, she realized she didn't want to leave her on her own. Quietly, the brunette removed her left hand from Asma's and pulled her into a tight hug, and patted her back until she was sure her friend had calmed down. Her eyes never left the clock on the wall, as she was counting the hours before she would go to see the Knights and the crows and talk to them about that « Oscar » who was threatening the very life of her friend. She had no idea of how vicious Oscar really was but she would get to have tasted very soon.
