Colby: Ada and Mary - Bonding time

 "I admire you, Ada. You were able to move forward after the death of your husband."

Mary was still holding a glass of whisky. Ada came for a little visit and the two women ended up drinking together and reminisced about the times when John was still alive. They also talked about Ada's children and Charlie and little by little, they focused their conversation on themselves. Mary had always admired Ada's hard head and bravado. Ada was a no-nonsense woman who refused to be disrespected. She had endured the negative reaction towards her bi-racial child and had never let it interfere with her child's happiness. If anything, she was fiercely protecting her children, while also allowing herself the right to be happy and pursue that happiness. Her husband's life was over and had been for a decade by now, but hers was just at the beginning. She still had a lot to do and to see such a vibrant woman comforted Mary. 

Tommy's sister, however, felt that Mary was selling herself short. It was one thing to marry the love of one's life and to lose it to murder. It was another one to actually survive through the shitload of abuse Mary Colson went through and still keep a gentle heart. Surviving was not the most admirable thing about Mary. Everyone survived but not everyone kept a kind heart like Mary did. Not everyone could still see the good in people like Mary did. Not everyone was willing to give another chance at life, at love, at happiness like Mary did. Ada was admirative of that and she wanted Mary to be able to see it as well. While Mary was still drinking, she lit up a cigarette and slowly blew some of it before she said. 

"You managed to do just the same, Mary." 

"I didn't love my husband. I thought I did but I was just a child. After the death of our son, I grew up. I realized that I didn't love him but I hoped he did. I had no one else but him. When he died, I felt relieved."

Mary shook her head and furrowed her brows at Ada's reply. How could she say something like this? She blushed and set her green eyes upon the Shelby.  Ada curbed a brow, not because she didn't agree with what Mary was saying but because it still wasn't grounds to admire /her/. Ada went with the motion. It was hard as fuck to survive Freddie. It was difficult but she managed to keep going, one foot after the other. One day after the other. Mary fought against the odds and even then, even after she succeeded, she still believed that she didn't do enough, that she wasn't enough. That was a mindset Ada wanted to snap her out of. If anything, Mary proved that she was more than enough. 

"There's nothing to admire from me. I just did what I had to do for our child. I just did what I had to do that I knew he'd want me to. "

"It takes a lot of strength, Ada.  It took me so long before I felt the desire to live again. It took the love of Charlie... It took Tommy... It took your family for me to actually start to heal. For so long I felt like a walking corpse. Walking aimlessly and feeling numb. I didn't have a goal and I felt that I had nothing to look forward to. I just...I was lost for so long, Ada. So fucking long." -She said, taking another sip of her whisky. Ada's blue gaze softened and she blew some smoke before her free hand gently held onto Mary's.-

"I understand. More than you know. I understand exactly what you said. I just couldn't fail my child back then and  I can't fail my children today so...I have to keep moving. Mary, I admire you as well. I think that it takes a lot of guts to endure all you have to endure and to survive. You managed to build a life for yourself, to find your way back to life. Ever since you came into our lives, I have felt better. Tom's happier... Charlie too. You're kind. I am not. You're still kind despite what life gave you and this.... this I admire." -Ada then squeezed Mary's hand who smiled at her-

"You shouldn't be admiring me, but... I do appreciate the kind words you have for me. I didn't know you thought this about me."

" There are a lot of things I do think. I don't always have the time to speak on it or my brother doesn't have it in him to listen to me. Still... I am happy you're in our lives, Mary. And it's not too far-fetched to think that we all do." 

She blew another smoke and leaned into her chair but before they could eventually keep talking, a loud cry could be heard in the living room. Elisabeth was crying, which alerted Ada who quickly stood up and waltzed to the living room, only to find her daughter cut open on her forehead, her older brother was trying to dab a handkerchief on her forehead while Charlie was running out of the room. He bumped into Ada who asked him what happened and he explained that they were running around and Elisabeth hit the corner of the table and ended up cutting her forehead up. The two women looked at each other and Mary nodded. She would quickly take care of it and make sure she would stitch Elisabeth up so there would be no deep scar left. Ultimately, wasn't it how chaotic life was supposed to be when there were children? Strangely enough, this very mundane thing reassured Mary. All was well. All would be well. 

A vintage's touch: Sisterly bond

// It's been a while since I've written this babe. 

xxxx

Another sleepless night, spent watching after Arthur, the oldest Shelby sibling. Mary had helped him through a bad case of withdrawal but it sucked the energy off of her, so she fell asleep, curled up in a ball on the couch. She didn't hear the sound of the front door, nor did she hear the sound of Ada's light footsteps as she entered the room with a silver tray and somewhat of a light breakfast served on it. She felt the hand of Tommy's sister run through her soft curly hair and slowly opened her eyes.  Ada gave her a faint smile and put the tray on the small night desk. Mary rubbed her eyes and gave Ada a small smile before she sat on the bed and put her feet on the floor. 

"Good morning, Sunshine."

"How long was I asleep?" -She glanced at the clock on the wall- "Oh... that much..."

"You have been up for two days straight. I didn't have the heart to wake you up. I chose to let you do it on your own terms." Ada elected to sit on the chair near the bed and crossed her legs once she was neatly seated.-

"I am so exhausted, Ada...Arthur is suffering so much. I don't know what more I can do to help him."

"You don't have to do squat, Mary!  You're already doing fucking too much for Arthur! He's a grown man. He has to pick up after himself." 

Ada was frustrated. She loved her brother, there was no doubt about it, but she was on her knees. Arthur was only adding to the stress she was under. She saw how hard Mary worked and it was becoming annoying, to some extent, that they all had to put their lives on hold because the oldest Shelby was in a predicament he put himself in. Mary wasn't Arthur's mother and Ada certainly had her own children to care about. 

"I know.... But I also know that Arthur is in pain. It's a pain we can't fully understand you and me, because we've not gone to war. We didn't see what they saw, we didn't do what they did. Tommy, John... Arthur, all of them are coping in their own way, and Arthur... Well... his way is the most visible. "

"I guess you're right. it's just.. I worry about him. We won't always be able to be there for him. What is going to happen if he goes through another drunken or drugged-up stupor and nobody is here to help? He's got to get himself together for fuck's sake!" -Ada lit a cigarette and started to smoke.-

Mary took the silver tray and put it on the bed so she could grab the cup of tea that was on it. She rolled her head and massaged the back of her neck. Ada was upset and she couldn't hold it back given how shaky her left knee was. The nurse could relate. She was upset as well, mostly because she felt powerless. Arthur was self-destructive and she wanted to help him but she knew that she couldn't win this battle for him. It had to come from him. She took a couple sips from her cup and put it back on the tray.  Her green eyes set upon Ada who shrugged her shoulders and tilted her head to the side. 

"Arthur told me that he was scared to fail his brother again. He is scared I die on his watch again.  He thinks that he is responsible for Grace's death and that he would fail me too. It's... I think he's traumatized."

"No shit, Mary! Who isn't bloody traumatized?  Arthur knows I will always do my best to bring him home. Tommy knows I'll do my best for this family but..." -She puffed some smoke in the air- " I didn't come here to talk about my brothers. I came here to talk about you. It's been weeks since we've talked to each other. how are you, Mary?"

"I'm fine. I worry about Tommy but I guess he's doing alright. He just hasn't been home for a while and Charlie and I are both missing him."

"So... My brother is hurting you. That's what you're telling me."

"What? Oh.. no! Not at all. I mean... He has that wanderlust he can't really fight against. I understand his need to escape and wander... I focus on Charlie, I work harder... I do miss him. I do... I still don't know what we are, Ada. I know I'm family."

"But you want more than just know. You want it to be official, don't you?"

"......." -Mary tucked some hair behind her ears and nibbled on her bottom lip- "I want to be respectable. I don't want to keep my late husband's name and forever be a widow. I don't have a maiden name, if I did, believe me, I would have changed it back to it but I don't have any." She fidgeted with the hem of her skirt and lowered her head. "It's silly, I know."

"No. You want to make things official with Tommy. You also have wants and needs, Mary, and I'd be damned if you didn't make your demands to my brother. he is stubborn, but I think it's past the time you turn around each other. You fucking love him, don't you? Then maybe it's time you make it clear, don't you think?"

"He might still say no. It might still make things awkward. I don't want to ruin what we have, especially if he doesn't feel the same way I do. Tommy.... I am not sure he is in love with me, Ada. Perhaps, I am too naive to think that I could have what you had with your first husband. A man who could love me for me. A man who wouldn't want to leave me or use me... A man oh Ada...I feel silly. I'm making a fool of myself."

Ada furrowed her brows and crushed her cigarette on the ashtray near her desk. She was upset, it was so nonsensical to have Mary be so uncertain about Tommy's feelings for her. It was so obvious that her brother was head over heels for Mary and they were already living as a married couple, so what was holding him back? why couldn't he just make it official?

"Never, ever think that you're making a fool of yourself! Mary. Never! I can't make things better, nor can I speak for my idiot brother, but what I can say is that you're a Shelby. You're part of the family. I love you. I refuse to let you think that you're lesser than me. You're not. You have integrity, you're a breath of fresh air! and my brother is a lucky asshole to have you. So. Look at me and look me right in the eye when I say this. Your desires and wants are valid and you have every right in the world to make demands. So, demand it! You have my support! Now. forever. Always!"

And she knelt before Mary, holding the hand of the young woman just so she could look into Mary's eyes. The nurse held back some tears but she managed to smile to Ada. Her words meant the world to her but she needed Tommy to confirm it was true.

PB: Ada x Mary: Cheeky

 // A little bit of Ada and a little bit of Mary, perhaps with dashes of Finn. 

Finn had tried all morning to enter Ada's living room, but was barred from entering by his sister. Mary had been giving her a medical examination of her body in order to make sure that everything was alright. Ada had been exhausted lately and had been bleeding a little bit, which concerned her about a potential internal bleeding. Finn couldn't enter, which made him a little upset because he wanted to hear her sing and tease her about his brother. He had to wait outside and decided to spend time with karl. Ada, who was laying on the couch, propped herself on her elbows, blew some air into her hair to set her eye free.

"Mary?" -Mary lifted her head and planted her green eyes on Ada's blue eyes.- "When was the last time you had fucked?" -The question made Mary blush and she chewed at her bottom lip.- "Come on. you can answer me. "

"Why do you wanna know? Is it because I'm looking at your vagina, eh?" -That made Ada laugh and she grinned at the young woman-

"Come on. Don't be a prude. I just want to know if you get your plumbing done." -Mary chuckled and straigthened on the couch. She stood up and walked to the bar counter where a basin of warm water was waiting for her.- "I'm serious Mary. it's important to have sex. it's good for your mood."

"Ada! Thank you for your concern but I am fine." -She said, washing her hands in the basin while Ada pulled her panties back on and sat on the couch. She pulled a cigarette from her bag and lit it.- "you're fine by the way. I didn't see any internal injuries."

"Thank you, Mary. It was nice to come and take a look at me. That's very kind of you."

"Don't mention it. T'was my pleasure to come and help." -Mary dried her hands on the towel that was sitting near the table.- "And to answer your question, the last time I fucked a man was...." -She bit her tongue and cleared her throat. She couldn't say it. 

The last time she had sex was with Tommy. Right after the death of John, Tommy and Mary comforted each other and ended up sleeping together. It meant nothing at the moment but a way to grieve together for the man they both loved but it was the last time she had sex. Before that, well, before that, the last sex she ever had was with her last landlord. Long before the Peaky Blinders took her in and protected her from the London Gangsters, and long before she went to live with Tommy, she fucked her landlords in order to not pay the rent with money. It wasn't always great, and some didn't want to let her take charge of the act, but at least it was quite fast. She liked sex, but it never lasted long enough for her to enjoy it fully and she always ended up frustrated. It took her a while, since she settled at Tommy's countryside house, to get used not to have her bed warmed by the presence of men.  She managed and for a couple years, she managed to stand solitude. 

But then Grace died. Then John died. Then She and Tommy had sex and that awoke her appetite. Ada knew it happened, mostly because she noticed the change in Mary's behaviour. She noticed the change in the way she dressed herself, the fact she was trying to seduce Tommy, the fact she was absolutely seducing Tommy but he didn't want to act on it -for reasons of his own- and it was so painfully obvious that Ada took it upon herself to actually address the situation to his brother. He pretended he didn't hear her, didn't even want to mention Mary's name and tried to keep her out of his business, but she could see the gleam in his eye, the stress on his face he was unable to hide, and it downed on Ada that her older brother actually cared a great deal about Mary. And yes, that also meant that he wanted to have sex with her but refused to do so, again, for reasons that were only his own.

"You can say it. We know you and Tommy fucked each other brains out." -She teased her, blowing some smoke in front of her.- "The only question I have to ask you is... have you done it again?" -Mary shook her head and put both hands on the counter- "And why?"

"Because!! I don't know. Go ask Tommy about it." -She said, turning on her heels and looking at Ada with a blushing face.- "I haven't had sex with him since then."

"But a pretty girl like you must have plenty opportunities for this, right?" -She shrugged- "Come on, you can tell me what's going on, right?"

"I don't sleep with other people. I don't want to. I don't have the need for--"

"Oh come on. Don't act all prude on me. You need it, we need it! if that makes us sluts then we're super sluts and you know it!" -Ada blew some smoke and chuckled at her own words. Mary was blushing so hard that it made Ada laugh. it was all just banter, a way to embarrass the young woman and poke fun at her while actually having a nice girls talk.- "You love sex! Did you forget the conversations we had about it? If you love it, then how can you deal without it, Saint Mary?"

"Don't start, Ada! Don't call me that. I'm not a saint." -Mary fetched herself a glass of gin and walked towards the couch.- 

She sat on it, and yanked her head back so she could look at the ceiling. Ada smiled at her and turned a little bit so she could have a good look at the young woman. As a matter of fact. Ada was probably the last to meet Mary. She had heard about the young woman from Polly -who quickly took a liking in her- and from her brother who mentioned her casually. There was nothing, at first, that could have made Ada think that Tommy might care for Mary more than just a Peaky Blinder's friend, but he was animated when he spoke about her singing. He was animated when he told her what his son had to say about his day with Mary. And she noticed the smile on his face each and everytime someone mentioned the woman. It was subtle, barely visible, but Ada knew her brother and that didn't escape her keen eye. It took her a while before she actually met Mary and judged by herself, but when it happened, she put her to test. She wanted to make sure that she was a genuinely kind person who wouldn't hurt her brother. she wanted to make sure that Tommy wouldn't find himself in a bad relationship with someone who could screw them up like Grace did (despite redeeming herself later). 

Mary was new, Mary seemed genuine and perhaps a little too fragile. That was before she got to know her better, before she realized that Mary was a survivor. She sat in silence, listening to Mary's tales of the Orphanage, the abuse, the torture, the whip scars on her back she showed on more than one occasion during a night out trying outfits. Ada learned about her resilience and the trauma of losing her child, at just 15 years old. Anything could have made her jaded, anything should have made her jaded, yet she was looking at life with a positive mindset. yet, she was caring for others. yet, she didn't want nor try to hurt others and that was a character strength. That was something good. that was something different, perhaps everything Linda wished she was. perhaps everything Lizzie hoped she could be. Perhaps everything her brother needed. Perhaps everything the whole family needed. Someone who was given the chance to truly embrace herself, to allow her tears to be shed, her anger to be released and her love to be expressed. Ada saw her like a sister, the sister she never had. someone younger than her who could actually understand her.

"Then you can answer me truthfully. I can't believe that nobody had tried to have sex with you, or date. Is there someone who wants to become a rival to my brother?" -She asked, lifting a brow while she drew some smoke and blew it away from Mary.

"Your brother is on a league of his own. Besides, why would he have a rival? That would mean Tom and I would be together. we're not. we're not! so there's no "rivalry" possible. However, if you want me to tell you the truth, Ada. I do have admirers. People I don't really care about but I am polite with. I do have them. Some men want to own me, others want to fuck me and I think maybe one or two tried to marry me." -She chuckled and took a sip of whiskey.- "I don't want any of them. I don't care.."

"You care about my brother's cock, don't you?" -Mary gently threw a pillow at Ada who chuckled and blocked it with a slap of her hand- "What?"

"Ada! Stop talking like this! I am not...I care about Tommy and Charles. I care about them a great deal."

"And you would want to have sex with him again, don't you? Come on! you're young! you can't possibly live like a hermit and not enjoy that gorgeous body of yours and the fun of having a great lover. I say... I say that if Tommy doesn't want to fuck you, then you should find someone else."

"What?... You want me to go find someone to just..." -Ada nodded and drew smoke in.- "Come on, Ada. I can't do that, not now. I have to know if Tommy wants me because if he doesn't, then I won't be pining for him. If he doesn't want me, then I would find me a man who would fuck my brains out, to put it like you did." -She grinned and took another sip of her whiskey.- "What is the question you really wanted to ask me, Ada?"

"Well...I just wanted to know if Tommy had reasons to be worried. He might not say it, I know him and I swear he would panic if someone else was around you. If someone was close enough to snatch you away. You bring him calm. You bring him warmth. You bring him things he never thought he could have again and he is too stubborn and stupid to notice just how much of a treasure you are. If he isn't careful, he might lose you to another man who would dare try to woo you and would succeed in doing so. I just wanted to know if Tommy was not losing you, that's all."

"He...." -Ada was very blunt and her words forced Mary to consider her next words. Ada seemed way too confident when it came to her brother'rs intention. She was trying to tell Mary that Tommy wasn't indifferent to her but it couldn't click in the woman's head. it couldn't click that Tommy might have an interest in her and it didn't click that instead of being the one who should be afraid, according to Ada, it was her brother.- "He doesn't even have me. How can he lose what he doesn't have?" -Her tone was bitter and she took her glass to her lips to empty in one big gulp, the rest of her drink.- "He doesn't even want me. Trust me Ada.  He doesn't want me. It's okay. It's okay. Just as I told you. I won't be pining for him to make a move towards me forever. Once I'm sure he doesn't want anything to do with me, then I will let other men court me, love me, fuck me... I'll have that great romp you so desperately want me to have." -She put the glass on her lap and straigthened on the chair. 

"Mary. I don't know what others might think, or say, but to me, you are a Shelby. You are my sister and I care a great deal about you. I care enough to give you a piece of advice. Let loose. Dress up. Look fuckable. He has to see that you could catch someone else's eye and you might just go. And you deserve to have a man who wants you, loves you, protects you. You are /my/ sister and I also want your happiness. Tommy is difficult, he's really difficult and despite all of his claims, he isn't fully dead. He's still there. My brother is still there."

"He is...Maybe not with me, but I know he is. I saw him with Grace. I know how alive he could be. She died, and he suffered from it, but he isn't dead." -She took a deep breath and ran her hand over her curly hair. She bit her bottom lip and crossed her legs.- "Will we have Finn wait eternally for us to be done?"

"Finn? Well. He can wait a little longer now, can he?" -Ada smiled and shifted on the sofa so she could look in front of her. "He really likes you. He keeps being goofy around you, but he certainly loves you a lot."

"We're closer in age. He's like a little brother to me. Do you remember when I was still singing at the bar and he kept trying to imitate me but really badly and on purpose?" -She chuckled and shook her head.- "'He...He is a sweet boy. I know he's eager to become a Peaky Blinder, well he is now, but he is still very sweet."

"And stupider! He takes inconsiderate risks. He'll come to see you so you could patch him up and he will look at you with puppy eyes so you don't snitch on him." -She crossed her arms and leaned into the sofa- "So, if he wants to drag you into his shit, he would have to wait. I want to spend some time with you and we will have it."

Mary didn't insist. She was way too happy with just sitting there and talking to Ada for a while. They didn't see each other that much and aside from Polly and the orphanage nurses -with whom she didn't have deep conversations-, Mary needed some feminine company. They decided to talk about Mary's past, her singing career that never took off, her desire to return to singing at some point and also Ada's evolution as a businesswoman and what it entailed. They talked. They laughed. They bonded. 

-TBC-