SOA : And then there was silence

A/N: Follow-up to « good news, bad news ». 

xxx

Jessica was nervous. She knew that something terrible had happened but she wasn't able to tell what it was to have her friend this upset and distraught. Asma was shaking and visibly had been crying for a long time now. She kept wiping out her tears as if it would make her stop but both knew it wouldn't. Worried, Jessica rubbed her round belly as if to reassure her unborn baby and herself before she had her sit on the couch. She informed Asma she would go make some infusion to calm her nerves and she should relax on the couch and flew towards the kitchen. Her hands were shaking because she had already seen her friend in such a state of mind and knew that Alcohol might potentially be involved if she wasn't careful. She made mental notes to go and hide all the liquors that were in her house so Asma wouldn't have the chance to take one and drink again. Jessica's hand was still shaking as she remembered the expression of pure fear she saw on her friend's face. Asma was more than scared, she was terrified.

In moments like these, she wouldn't have hesitated and would have taken her guns, called her boys, set up a meeting but she couldn't. Not when she was pregnant and Jax explicitly told her to stay safe. Chewing at her bottom lip, she took a chocolate curl and twirled it around her finger for a minute as she was waiting for the water to boil. She could hear Asma sob in the living room and tapped the fingers of the other hand onto the counter of the kitchen. How could she help her if not by providing her a safe place to stay at for a couple of days? After all, Asma called for help, so help she would get. Furrowing her brows, she put together big mugs of infusion she would give both Asma and herself to calm their nerves. The guest room was ready to welcome someone so it wasn't an issue, tonight they would talk and tomorrow they would plan about what to do next.

Asma was shaking too. Her arms were wrapped around her legs as she was rocking back and forth and tried to comfort herself. Everything is going to be alright. He might possibly not know where Jessica lived. The kids and her best friend would be alright. Asma kept trying to convince herself that she didn't do the wrong thing by asking her friend some help but it quite didn't calm her. All the opposite. She unwinded her arms from her legs and started to tap her fingers against the couch. There had to have alcohol somewhere in this house. Of course, there was, how would the crew members drink themselves to oblivion if there wasn't alcohol at home? Asma stood up and started to look out for a bottle. She would take the opportunity not to have Jessica in the same room to at least have a taste of alcohol and hide the bottle in her bag.

So she started to look around, at the shelves near the wall, at the huge dresser where books and albums were stored at. Usually, there was a bar in the drawers below, so she crouched in front of it and opened it. Her heartbeats were faster than before, the need for alcohol was overwhelming. In situations like these, she didn't want to feel. Escaping from her own emotions seemed to be Asma's solution. She would leave her own body, numb it down to the point of not feeling anything and maybe Oscar would vanish from her mind. Maybe he would even not come back to her life. She found a bottle of whiskey and sat on the floor with it in her hand. Her heart was now racing and hit against her ribcage. She remembered her conversation with Jax, how he encouraged her to try again despite her having fucked up her efforts and ruining 1 year of sobriety.

« Shit! » She groaned and wiped away her tears before she heard the familiar noise of cups tingling. It was Jessica who came back from the kitchen with the infusion she made Asma. She widely opened her eyes as she noticed her friend had a bottle in her hand and concern crossed her face. All this stress wasn't good for the baby, so Asma quietly put the bottle back into the drawer and closed it. « I didn't drink Jess. I didn't take a sip. » She then furrowed her brows and put her legs into a meditative position. « But I certainly really did want to. I want to. It's tempting me. »

« You won't be drinking tonight Asma. Whatever is hurting you, we can face it together. I can hear anything, you know I can. » She said as she gave Asma the tray so she could join her on the floor.

Sitting by Asma, right next to her, she rubbed her belly once again, as if to reassure the baby and herself that everything would be alright. It was a gesture that came naturally to her. Who would have thought? Jessica Darling Teller would get pregnant and have a child? Of course, she became more comfortable with the idea of it, despite her still having doubts, which probably was a step every parent went through. Tonight she was at peace with herself and excited about this new life she was carrying despite missing the one responsible for all of this: Jax himself. How dare he put that bun in the oven and leave the kitchen when he should be around and help her bake? How dare he be so far away and make her miss him like never before? It was exhausting, to say the least, to be this worried about someone who might not come back because of their job and the situation with Asma didn't make things go better but in a sense, they did. Asma needed her, Jessica needed action. She needed to feel that despite being pregnant, she still could be herself and wouldn't lose everything to this new changing stressful life. She still was Jess.

« I know you can. You don't have to but you still do. You're so good to me Jessica... » She said, her eyes deciding yet again to grace her face with tears. Jessica shook her head and gently stroked Asma's cheek with the back of her hand, almost motherly.

«Of course Honey. I am here for you. I am glad you are not injured, I was scared something might have happened to you. » She started, her hands still wiping tears away from Asma's face.

« It could have. I could have been dead by now. » She said shivering at the soft contact of her friend's hand over her face. Asma closed her eyes and leaned into Jessica's touch. The brunette furrowed her brows.

« A gang? Were you attacked by a gang? » But Asma shook her head. « Uh ?... A local from the town? » Asma shook her head once again. « Oscar ?. » She literally saw her friend stiffen once she heard the name. Of course, it was Oscar. Of course, it was this bastard. Nobody made Asma feel like this except Oscar. With the words combined and the fact Asma had almost tried to drink and ruin her efforts informed Jessica that what happened with him awoke painful memories. « What happened, sweetie ? » She asked, taking the mug in her hands and encouraging Asma to do so.

« He came to the AA meeting tonight. He came and... He was in the front row. Can you believe it? The front row? I couldn't do anything and just left and he followed me. Jess.. He knows about the AA meetings.. maybe he knows about my house.. maybe he knows about yours? I should. I shouldn't be there. » She said, shaking her head when Jessi gently pushed the tray towards her so she could grab her mug. « It was a bad idea. You're pregnant, you can be in danger! I have to go. » She said, as her legs moved and she tried to leave but Jessica held her arm and furrowed her brows.

« No way. You're not leaving this place. Are you fucking insane? If Oscar came to your meeting, then he certainly has been observing you for quite some time. You are NOT safe out there on your own and I cannot for the love of life let you walk away and be in danger! »

« Jessica !!! You don't seem to understand who you're messing with! I told you already all he did to me! I told you he has lost his mind and he's violent! I told you he threw me off the stairs, beat me and so and so because he was paranoid and controlling. I told you that me leaving him and hiding in Charming might have made him insane! HE IS INSANE and you are too if you want me to fucking stay here and put you in danger! Let me go! Let me go! » She said, knocking the tray and her mug in the process. She ran her hand through her pink locks, her tone clearly indicating she was terrified and not thinking straight but Jessica, despite being heartbroken by the sight of her friend, didn't let go of her.

« You are not going! I don't care about him right now! You are not going to leave Charming because you think you don't deserve to have another shot at life! You deserve a good life! Understood ? You deserve a fucking great life and a future! And you will have them here! I am not letting you go! I will NEVER let you go! » She said pulling Asma into a hug.

Asma tensed and at first didn't hug her sister back, but she relaxed and started to sob. Her arms wind around the brunette and she held her tighter. She was exhausted, mentally exhausted because of the emotions she had felt in the last week. From Tiggy sexing her up to Oscar showing up. Her heart couldn't catch a break. She held onto Jessica, making sure not to crush her belly and hid her face at the crook of his neck. She couldn't stop crying so Jessica gently petted her hair and whispered soothing words. Of course, she would not let Asma go and take the risk to be found by Oscar. God only knew what he had in store for her. He might kill her, kidnap her, force her to live with him again and be even more violent towards her. She shook at the idea of what Oscar could do to her sister and refused to even entertain the idea of letting her go.

Of course, he would look after Asma. He would try to find her and Jessica would be ready to kick his ass. She was already planning how to protect Asma without her crew. She could defend herself of course but wished she never had to. She thought about calling Crowley who might be of help but regarding what happened with Wendy a couple of months ago, she wasn't sure she wanted to see his face again. The wound didn't disappear, the pain was still there and despite Jax knowing -they still haven't talked about it in length and of how it would impact on the boys.- She still felt guilty and still had to tuck it together with tapes at the back of her mind to avoid thinking about it. So Crowley was only an emergency option. Asma calmed down after a while and pulled away from Jessica with an apologetic look on her face.

« I am sorry about the floor. I'll help you clean that up. I am sorry, you wanted to calm my nerves and I made a mess. »

« It's alright sweetpea, I still have my mug right there. Have some and drink up. » She said, now rubbing her sister's back. « Take your time when you drink. We'll figure out tomorrow how to help you with your situation. I need to make sure you're actually safer at home than not. Is it okay if you don't go to work for a few days? » Asma nodded. « Good, because he certainly knows where you work at and I don't want him to take any chance to hurt you. » She then watched as Asma gulped down the soothing beverage and kissed her temple as if to help soothe her even more.

« I didn't want to pull you into that shit. I didn't want to. »

« I know. You didn't. He found you. You were doing so much better lately. I have been trying to tell you that I was proud of all the efforts you made. You look stunning, your business seems to be good and... »

« ...And I had sex with Tiggy. » Asma quickly cut her short, much to Jessica's surprise.

« You what? » She asked again, unsure of whether or not she heard her well.

« Yeah. I had sex with him, about a week ago? He's out of town now but we... we had. I mean, he came to my shop some night and said he wanted some ink but I goddamn knew he didn't want to ink on him and was looking for something else. We bantered, we kissed, we had sex on the big chair then at my place. That was so good! Jess ! How come I haven't had sex in a year? I want to see him again you know? He was actually very good to me. I didn't expect that. »

« I'm sorry Asma but you had sex with Tiggy ??? Out of the blue? He just came at your shop and had sex with you like that? »

« Girl! I'm telling you! It was like in those porn flicks, except, I know the guy. I never thought he'd be looking at me and think he wanted to tap that. » She said chuckling because the thought of it was so surreal. She never thought Tiggy would even look at her twice nor did she think she would but it happened. He said the right things at the right moment and romanced her so hard -in his very own blunt sexy way- that she ended up shrugging off her doubts and gave into him. « I don't regret though... I want to see him again. Have some fun you know? »

« I said, you go, girl ! He'll be home soon enough, with Jax I hope. » She said watching as Asma stopped drinking and put her mug on the tray. « Asma, you should go and get some sleep. You are exhausted.

« I know... » Asma said, using the handkerchiefs to clean the plate and the spilled infusion. « I can't sleep alone. »

« You won't. You'll sleep next to me. I'd love that. »

« Really? » She asked, looking up to the brunette who pushed away some of her brown strands from her face.

« Really! The bed is empty so why not having you with me? We'll talk again tomorrow and figure this situation out. I promise you, he won't find you tonight. » She said kissing her shoulder. « Come over and have some sleep. We'll talk about Tiggy and you will tell me EVERYTHING, cause I want details. Come okay? » Asma, once the tray and the floor were clean, stood up and outstretched her hand so Jessica would stand back up too.

« Okay... I'll try to sleep then. I'll try to. »

« You better try that. I'll look after you Asma, you have nothing to fear here. If he ever tries to lay a finger on your hair, he's dead. No negotiations, no questions asked. » She said, a dark glare crossing her beautiful blue eyes.

« Thank you.Thank you. » She said, wiping out a fresh single tear that rolled down her face. She followed Jessica to her bed and crashed onto it. Jessica found herself laying on her back with Asma who laid her head against her shoulder and fell asleep as soon as she hit the soft mattress. Jessica barely slept that night, concerned about the following day. She would have to make sure the house was safe and that Oscar didn't find his way there so the boys would be safe. The night was quite eventful but it only was the beginning.

(TBC)

SOA : Some good news and some bad

A/N: let her breathe some okay? Oscar storyline is not dead, as a matter of fact, he observed her for a year to get to know her and find the right time to make himself known. Now is the time. All usual disclaimers

Xxxxxxxx

One year sober. She did ruin this anniversary when she drank on her brother's anniversary. A moment of solitude led to a moment of weakness and she couldn't fight her demons anymore. Asma wasn't very proud of herself because she knew she would have to go through the same path over again. Start over, reset everything. It was a necessary pain and she was aware of that, but that didn't remove the bitter taste of failure in her mouth. Jax was kind, she wrongly texted him when she truly wanted Jessica's help that night and he brought her over to their house, pretending she needed a lift and their house was the closest so Jessica wouldn't know about her mistake. That was nice and it gave her a real chance to start over.

Therefore, this one year was gone. She returned to AA meetings and resumed working on herself for the last three months. The taste of alcohol wasn't the worst. It was the temptation that came back that was the worst. She had to struggle day and night not to succumb to the urge to throw some jack daniels into her throat and deal with the issue at hand the best way she could. By facing it. She had to force herself into acting instead of reacting and despite Jessica noticing a slight discomfort whenever her friend came over the house, she still had no clue that Asma did drink three months ago. It was okay, Asma was working very hard for it to work. She still went to the races where she would let speed be her new drug.

She still went to Jessica's house and spent time with her, the jellybeans and Lyla whenever the blonde stopped by and even allowed herself to spend some night at the local restaurants or discovering places she didn't know existed at Charming. It was okay, she even had it good. Since her business had been left alone and no racial slurs were painted in the last year, she even relaxed more at work. And boy did she work. Her business was good, known and appreciated. She received visits from local teenagers or young adult in soul-searching phases, but also bikers and SAMCRO members. Most of the time she fixed existing tattoos or added new ones but it was fine by Asma. Bills were paid and it was enough for her.

Something happened as well. A good new of the sort. A couple of days before Jax left town, she received a call from « Tiggy ». She couldn't remember how he got her phone number and suspected Opie for giving it to her, not that it mattered. He called and he came over for a « tattoo ». Well, he didn't actually need to be inked but he wanted to see and talk to her. They talked, she couldn't remember the conversation, her mind was too busy feeling attracted to him to actually allow her to focus on him. They kissed and kissed and undressed each other to finally have sex at her shop. Not the most comfortable place you'd argue, but it happened there. Then she went home with him and it happened again. It lasted quite a few hours before he left her place and went back to his.

But it happened. She had sex! Asma kept it to herself for a couple of days, unable to say if it really happened or if she dreamed the whole thing but a text from Tiggy brought her back to reality. It did happen, he did it, it was most likely to happen again and she wanted to have it. He was a complex man with a huge emotional baggage. There was no need to be Sherlock Holmes to notice that he was troubled. Of course, there also was the issue of him being part of SAMCRO and therefore tied to illegal activities but it was way above her head right now. They fucked so what? It wasn't as if she wanted to date him or anything -or he for that matters. So of course, she shushed that thought away and focused on being happy to finally have itched a very intense scratch.

It did make her eager to remain sober because she did remember everything that happened that night. She remembered the words they exchanged, the things they did, the shivers it sent down her spine, the relief and the pleasure of being fucked. Of course, she would want to still be able to remember so she pushed through the AA meetings. « Hi my name is Asma Jensen and I'm an alcoholic. » became her routine for the last couple of days. Tiggy left town with his crew so she had no idea of where he was and why he was away but it didn't matter. He would return. He would yes? It became easier for her to open up about the reasons that led her to drink.Since she started the programme, she always talked about everything BUT the main reason that led her to drink.

She talked about her mother being so ill she had to be taken to a medical facility. She talked about her brother being in a gang and being murdered the two weeks after she arrived in town. She talked about the racial slurs painted on her shop and the judgemental Stepford moms who had nothing better to do. She talked about her limp, her lack of sexual activities despite having found a solution lately and of course she talked about her loneliness. What she didn't talk about was Oscar. « Hi, my name is Asma Jensen and I am an alcoholic... » did come with its perks and its flaws. Of course, talking helped, and the counselor really did a good job to help bring out the most painful memories for you to talk about and understand your addiction. Of course, you needed more than just a conversation but it was part of the healing and she appreciated to be able to talk about it. She felt better, she felt more grounded and at last, she began to have a future.

« Hi, my name is Asm-- » She couldn't finish her sentence that very evening. It was such a shame, it was a night she decided would change everything for her because she would finally be able to talk about her biggest issue. She was ready to open up about her trauma and face her fears. It would do her great, it would do great by Jessica and the kids too. She wanted to do right by her friend, and by herself of course. It was first and foremost a quest for well-being, a personal quest for feeling better and be happier. It didn't take away from Asma's need to be a better person to be around, especially when kids were involved. She froze, unable to talk. He was sitting in the group she was addressing, right in front of her. At first, she didn't notice because he was wearing sunglasses, but soon enough he took them off and she could see it was Oscar. How bold did he feel to actually appear in front of her? Asma's heart sank and she quickly mumbled an apology before she headed towards the exit. Her blood pressure level increased, her legs became weak, her heart skipped several beats but she knew one thing: she had to get out of there.

He followed her quietly, walking behind her as if he owned the streets of the small town. She tried to walk faster but she knew that she'd trip and fall and it would be his cue to grab her. She took her phone and tried to call Jessica but her hands were shaking too much. As she finally reached out her car, She successfully called Jessica but before she could put the phone in her ear to cry for help, She turned around, to see if he was still following her but there was nobody. Swiftly, Asma entered her car and left the place as fast as she could. Jessica missed her calls because she had to cater to Abel needs and maybe it was for the best because the Asma she would have had the phone would be hysterical. She parked in front of her house. The neighborhood was silent given how late it was so Asma knew she would have to be careful not to make too much noise. She wiped away the tears that finally rolled down her cheeks and took a deep breath.

Yes, he was in town. He announced his presence several months ago with a yellow rose, how else did she think it would turn out to be? He was probably observing her, maybe he knew about her house? It wasn't safe for her to stay there so she didn't think twice and turned on the engine of the car. Jessica called her but Asma didn't hear her phone. She didn't know where to go, where she wouldn't put anyone in danger. She would have gone to Tiggy's place if she even knew where it was. She would have gone to Opie and see where he could keep her safe or she would have gone to the auto repair and stayed the fuck out of sight and under their protection.

But nobody was home. Nobody was there except for Jessica. Panicked and crying, Asma picked up some speed and quickly arrived at Jessica's house. She parked there and yanked her head into the headset. What could she do now? Oscar found her, let her know he was there, and finally moved on to actually meeting her face to face at her AA meeting. She took a deep breath and her reflexes had her open her purse to take a flask of whiskey she usually kept inside. There was nothing, so she searched the car and found nothing in there too. Shit ! That's what you get for leading a clean life! There was no trace of alcohol in her car which frustrated the young woman who leaned her head back into the headset and looked up to the roof of her car. It was bad, it was more than bad...

She couldn't escape from him. No matter where she was, he would always go after her. She knew that now. She couldn't even drink to forget. Her new way of life forced her to feel and what she felt at this exact moment was fear. Her phone rang again, Jessica being worried not to hear from her friend and she picked up the phone, wiping out her tears.

« Hello... Jess ? Do you have a spare room for tonight? I have nowhere else to go. »

At the other end of the phone, Jessica replied with a quick « Yes » and asked her where she was but she heard the sobs of her friend and started to ask questions « Are you alright? Where are you? I can come get you. Asma ?  Are you safe right now? » But questioned remained unanswered because Asma was still sobbing.

« I'm right outside your front door. » She managed to say before she started to sob harder. Of course, Jessica decided to come pick up her friend and went outside. She gently let Asma see her before she knocked on the door to urge her friend to get out of the car. For a brief minute, Asma thought that it might have been a bad idea to come and endanger her friend but she opened the door and quickly found herself entangled in a soft embrace.

« Come inside and tell me what happened okay? »

She would, once she would catch her breath, Asma promised Jessica she would tell her what happened earlier. Everything, from her sexcapade with Tiggy to Oscar reenacting « good omen » on her.

(TBC)

Chronicles of the Primeval gods : Interlude – Ishtar- Hypocrite

A/N: He is still pissed off (blending in old solos about him and the new elements of the plot). I don't hate him for he's been a tool for Ayasha but still, he's an asshole

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

« I am Ishtar the God of War. The New All-Father. As I sit on my throne I remembered the events that led to that new position of mine. Would you believe me if I said that I didn't plan on any of this to happen? I was very fine with just being the god of war. I walked on human battlefields, influencing them so they could fight a war in my name. It didn't matter which side won because both sacrificed their lives for my sake. I became a little more powerful with each passing wars and I helped to regulate mankind in the process. Elpis was always by my sides. Sweet Elpis. Kind Elpis. Delicate Elpis like a flower waiting to be plucked from the fertile ground by my rough calloused hands. I keep telling myself that I only had benevolent thoughts towards my sister and that I never lusted after her. That is a lie, maybe the biggest of them all. I desired her. I still do. I imagined she would be mine and mine only. She used to be so innocent and gullible. Upbrought to only help those around her or maybe it was her true nature? She appeased me. I am bloodthirsty, violent, despicable even but it is my nature. I am the God of War. I call for blood, I kill other gods and I encourage humans to kill each other. I thrive in their destruction. I thrive in their demise. She appeased me with her light, with her softness.

I still remember how she felt whenever her soft hand touched my roughed and calloused skin. Her voice felt like silk, her skin was the softest I've ever touched. Her features were beautiful. From her hair that was soft like cotton candy to her plump lips and curves to damn a pure heart. I wanted her. I wanted all of her. I remember the dreams I had involving her and how I always woke up frustrated that they were nothing but illusions of the mind. I truly believed that working with me would prepare her to the next level and she thought as I did. I was gravely mistaken. When the scandal broke that Elpis had given herself to a SIN, I remember how furious I was. I felt betrayed, I felt robbed of the chance to be with her. At first, I wanted to believe that she didn't give herself but was forced to. After all, Sins were the worst of the worst of any living creature. They were flawed with no redeeming quality about them. Of course, it would be in their nature to force themselves on others. Of course, Pride, the worst of them all would have taken her against her will. I couldn't imagine things to have gone otherwise. He had to have taken her by force. Elpis herself wouldn't have given herself to an abomination like him.

Did he think I didn't know my sister? She had refused so many suitors before him, so many of them who coveted her for her unique beauty and her power? I have witnessed it with my own two eyes, she didn't want anyone and when I asked her about the reasons she wouldn't, she said that « gods are like men, you can't trust them. They are brutal and greedy and I don't want to be with someone who would treat me as if I was some good rather than a person. » She had a point, most gods objectified her and I plead guilty of doing it too. She might have been my sweet sister, she was valuable and desired by all. She soothed my aching soul, quenched my thirst and helped me sleep at night. She made me believe I was worthy of being loved, unlike Ares who clearly wasn't. She made me believe that I could be more than just what I was made to be. I could be more than the god of War. It was a strange feeling I felt for her. I wanted to keep it to myself. I wanted to keep her to myself so I could feel that way for all eternity. It was selfish I know. I was right up there with all the gods she didn't want to be with but I kept deluding myself that because we were siblings and she was used to me, she would have accepted to be mine.

I was wrong, however. She clearly chose him. She chose this abomination and disbelief and panic turned into anger and disgust. Ayasha and I spent time talking about how we could have Elpis see reason. We wanted her to give up on the sin and realize that she was making a mistake. He couldn't love her. He couldn't feel love, he didn't know what it was. He would never. He was a monster. We were gods but he was even worse than Charybdis or Scylla. He was even worse than the Kraken or any other monsters Zeus and his band of degenerates fathered. He wasn't even a god's offspring. How could she choose him over a god like me? I felt insulted, Ayasha made me realize that I was indeed insulted. She ignored the true magnificence of a god to fuck with a less-than-nothing. That was what those sins were to me, good for nothing, wannabe-gods creatures who thought they would actually be granted an existence? I was pissed off, to be very honest and because I felt angry, I wanted to destroy her. I wanted to destroy the sins as well. They had to be gone. So I stabbed her. I cursed her. I forced her to live an eternal cycle of reincarnation because she didn't choose me.

I was jealous and I thought that with her forgotten and gone, I would be able to forget my jealousy and focus on destroying our enemies. A war broke and forced me to slain my brothers. They couldn't understand why I had punished our sister. Wasn't it obvious? She didn't want to marry Leviathan, she didn't want to give up on Pride. She didn't want me. Fortunately for Ayasha and I, many gods sided with us and helped me ambush and destroy the All-Father. I never thought that in the turmoil of the war, I would be able to defeat my father. With the help and sacrifice of many, Ayasha's knowledge about our father's weaknesses, we were able to defeat him. I became the new All-Father, powerful enough to destroy Pantheons if I wanted to. I forced other gods to comply or be punished either by death or torture until they pledged allegiance to me. And they forgot about Elpis. The curse worked well, many didn't remember the reasons we went to war. The All-mother went to Earth and exiled herself there, which I was fine with. Elpis was gone except for Ayasha and my memory.

I kept being tormented with memories of her. I would dream about the night I cursed her and what she told me. She knew what happened, foresaw something I missed and swore to me that she would destroy me once she would set herself free. I still remember how warm she was in my arms, the desire of her that tormented my very nights. I still dreamed about her, the soft voice of hers, the soft flesh of hers and how I wanted to make her mine. Even today, I am torn between wanting to kill her for good or try and make her « change her ways ». Things took an unexpected turn. Her love for Pride made her scratch the seal. She once again came back to everyone memories. Her presence turned those I forced to serve me against me, like Khrön and Sitaa. I know how other gods serving me are giving me dirty looks, those who didn't side with me when the war broke. I can feel their hatred and disgust of me, I can feel they wished they could overthrow me but they can't. I'm the All-Father now. I'm too powerful for that. 

She overcame part of the curse, out of love? Out of revenge? I couldn't tell but it was a threat I would rather not have to deal with. I didn't want to see her be the goddess of Despair and influence on my subjects. I however needed to destroy the SINS who remained our mortal enemies. In order to kill Pride and avenge myself for what he took from me, I needed a powerful weapon. One of those wielded by All-fathers of every pantheon. I didn't have my weapon forged yet, but I would begin the work. I would make myself a sword and a shield. I would destroy them and I would punish Elpis.

(TBC)

You are a work of art

//This is for my lovelies fighting their battles like mine. This is for those who have their own issues (big or small). This is for my survivor friends, for my fighters <3 and this is definitely for myself. 

You are a work of art

Your heart is a soldier that overcame so much adversity, Heartbreaks, panic attacks, grief...

It had it all and yet here you are standing on your two feet.

Your body bears the marks of your life, scars that tell your stories, reminders of old battles you won

Yes, you won because you're still around to tell the tale.

It doesn't matter if you inflicted these to yourself or if life threw a sharp lemon that cut deep

You are still there to tell the tale.

You are a work of art

Your soul is a warrior that has to fight for its survival. It had seen it all, the pain and the joy

It is what helps you move forward, despite how terrible life might be with you at this instant

It is who you are, believe it or not. It is your essence that has you walk the walk and take the hit.

And you took hit after hit and you're still around. My beautiful fighter, my beautiful soul

You are still there to tell the tale

You are a work of art

You might have been the hero and the villain in the story that is your life

Sometimes working for your own benefit or your own demise. I understand that I understand you.

Despite this double battle you are leading, you're still punching your way through.

Never give up, never give in. It's exhausting when you think about it and yet you're back into it.

Back into the grinder, making everyday work even if you keep on bleeding. You still fight

You are still there to tell the tale.

And I thank you for that, please keep going, my warrior, my hero, myself.  

Chronicles of the primeval gods : Tears of a mother -Gaea Soliloquy-

A/N: All the usual disclaimer! this Gaea belongs to me

xxx

« My child, my beautiful child.

I do not know where you are. I do not know how you feel but I certainly know how much you're in pain. I have felt it when Ishtar stabbed you. I have felt your essence in great turmoil and I found myself powerless at helping you. I couldn't save you from Ishtar and Ayasha and I blame myself for not having seen it coming. I should have known, Ayasha was always so full of ambition and she understood very fast, how powerful information could be. She knew everything and she could use it against everyone. I should have known better but I was blinded by my trust in all of my children. They sacrificed your life because you found something beautiful. You fell in love.

I welcomed all type of life, for I was at the origin of it. Primeval gods, New gods, humans, and even the sins are somehow an extension of myself. I was less worried about the war between Sins and gods than I was happy to see that my latest born found love. He made you happy, he made you mature. I have noticed it while others were too blinded by their own feelings about you. I saw you became a woman in front of my very loving eyes but I wasn't there when you were betrayed and stabbed. I wasn't there when you spent millennia trapped within humans. What a cruel punishment you had, all of this because you fell in love. I was gravely mistaken to think that it would stop with you being cursed.

A war broke between my children for there were those who sided with you and thought your love for the sin could be our salvation and others who were convinced that Isthar did the right thing and prevented our extinction. They killed each other and each passing time, I could feel the death of my children. Oh my darling, it was so much, too much for me to endure so I left our realm. I left and fled to Earth in order to find you. I still remembered you and I searched and searched the Earth in hope to find you until I stopped searching because the curse got to me. I forgot about you. I remained on Earth after your brother killed your father and became the new All-Father. I couldn't return to what once was our home. I decided to stay neutral and not take part of anything involving our family as long as mankind was safe.

Yes, Mankind. My creation. I realized how powerless I was at stopping them betraying you or their father. I realized that maybe my rôle wasn't to prevent anything from happening but merely witness it. So I remained neutral and let life unfold before me. They couldn't murder me, so they spared me which was fine because I survived long enough to remember you when you scratched the seal. Oh, Elpis. I am weeping for your plight. I am so sorry for what happened to you. I am sorry for the loss of your siblings as well. Do you think I didn't feel it when they killed my sweet Khrön or when they killed my first born, Sitaa? Do you think I didn't weep for them? I was distraught just like I always am when my children are being murdered but I remained neutral because that is how I am supposed to be.

All I ever wanted, was for you to be happy my daughter. I wanted you to experience life like humans do and are the happiest creature I have ever made. I am sorry they brought you into this world of darkness and sadness and I know that when you are free, you would want me to side with you and I can't. I am their mother as well as yours. They are my children, misguided creature who took wrong decisions and hurt so many souls in the process. They are still my children and I love them despite their flaws. I am aware you would want to avenge yourself and I won't stop you. You do as you must, you live the life I gave you as you wish to. I just hope you will be happy, this is my only demand as your mother.

Be happy Elpis.

Your mother Gaea. »

Heart bursts (angst, depression)

I wish I never spoke. I wish I never said those words.
I wish I never came to you when I didn't even know you.
Because if I had said nothing, if I hadn't spoken to you then maybe I wouldn't be hurting now

I wish I never spoke, I wish I never let you in
Because the moment I shared those feelings, I was doomed already
I let the doors open, invited you to motherfucking ruin me. If I hadn't, I wouldn't be crying now

I wish I never spoke, I wish I never acknowledged those feelings
For the only thing they are good for is hurting me, reminding me over and over again I was weak
Love is for the weak, love is for the fool, love simply might just not be for me

I keep giving myself excuses. Oh I didn't meet the right guy, oh it wasn't my fault
Maybe it wasn't , maybe I have a poor judgement when it comes to people
Maybe I am only going towards those I know would hurt me because I know how to sing that song

I keep trying to kill those feelings, make me feel nothing, become numb to all of it
I keep trying so hard to ignore everything, pretend it goes past me, that I don't care nor want it
But truth is, behind the mask, there is a very real need to be loved too, if others can why not me ?

It doesn't happen at will, it doesn't happen when you least think about it
It either happens or not, it is either good or bad, it is either bad with good or good with bad
but it's never just luck. I believe some people are meant to live those wonderful stories, others not

I wish I never spoke, I wish I never said those words
I wish I never let you in when I knew you shouldn't
Because I ended up hurting you, whether I wanted it or not. I ended up being the mean one,always

I wish I never spoke, I wish I never said those words
Because I took you in, hurt you with my words, hurt you with myself, poor wounded mind of mine
Because I warned you before 'I'm not to be loved. » and you didn't want to listen

I wish I never spoke
I wish I never was
For the greatest pain of all, is to hurt all you've ever loved.

It's always my fault : ZEUS POV (My New Boss-MNB- )

A/N: Ah Zeus, (from My New Boss. You can find information in my articles) is having a very hard time. He's just learned that his former fiancé is heavily pregnant with her husband (and his best friend) and it just threw him back to when he acted like a fool and lost her for good. Heavy themes here. I needed a perfect way to convey some dark emotions and Zeus gave it to me. It's just him thinking of himself, not necessarily how others perceive him save for « he's an asshole ».

Xxxxx

« I am 8 months old pregnant Zeus. It's one of the reasons I don't want to visit you. Old wounds might open again and I've just healed from what you did to me. Don't ask me to come see you. You very much know I would not come over. With Love, Margot. »

Pregnant. She was pregnant! Of course, she would be. Zeus found himself staring blankly at the screen of his computer. In a moment of weakness, he reached out to his two only true friends.Paul Kingsman, his childhood best friend and Margot Kingsman, Paul's wife and Zeus former fiancée. He would talk to both, usually Paul over the phone and Margot through e-mails. After all these years it was a miracle if Margot wanted to talk to him altogether. He treated her very poorly years ago. She knew about his life, the untold story of the Olympian family. She knew about the way he was raised, the abuse from his father, the physical and mental scars it left on her fiancé. It never made her look down at him, if anything, she pushed him to become the successful man he was today. Margot was a rare one, brave, resilient and understanding. She loved him more than he deserved even when he rarely was at home because he worked very hard to clean the name of his family after his father was exposed for being a fraud. Margot stayed by his sides even when he virtually became poor and he had to work even harder to provide for his family.

When she told him she was pregnant with their child, Zeus was the happiest man on Earth. He swore to God and the other gods on Earth that he would take care of his child unlike his father did to him. He promised to himself and to her that he would be a different man than his father was and he was excited and thrilled about fatherhood. Zeus started to picture himself bonding with his child over sports if it was his child's interest, or science or frankly whatever his baby would want to do.He wasn't discriminatory. He was not going to fight his offspring regarding its preferences or its identity. He simply wanted his child to feel loved, welcomed and worthy.

Unfortunately, life happened and Margot got sick. Her pregnancy wasn't too far advanced so she miscarried. Zeus was distraught and snapped at this moment. He started to ignore her, came late at home, sometimes didn't even check on her. We could say, he abandoned his fiancée right after she had a miscarriage and later on dumped her over that very tragedy. That was an asshole move. He was an asshole he knew that. He refused to talk about the loss of his potential child, mostly because it hurt and he was ashamed of the way he treated Margot. She was the one who needed him the most and he abandoned her. Plain and simple. He left.

He left because he was scared. For him, it had to be his fault. The fetus couldn't have been viable because he was defective. The child couldn't have been born because it had half of his blood running through its veins. The child couldn't have been a good person anyway because it was his. The mental abuse his father put him through resurfaced as soon as Margot lost her fetus. It wasn't her fault and he never blamed her for it, it was his and his only. How could /he/ produce anything good? He had tried, his company was working but he was feared. People hated him because he was merciless and a shark. People hated him because of his good looks, almost inhuman features and he attracted many people. People hated him because he was the son of his father. Hercules was a fraud, he stole money from so many people rich and poor alike and ruined their lives. He worked along with the Irish mob in money-laundering and put his own son's life in jeopardy. If it wasn't for Kerri Jensen, Zeus would have died on that elevator from the gunshot he received from the mafia's goon.

Zeus roamed his hand over his face, angry at himself about how his life turned into. He fucked up. He knew he fucked up and he wasn't able to fix anything anymore. Margot moved on from him, she found a good man to attach her life to. Paul was a very good man, the best she could have ever found in Zeus' opinion. He loved Margot and from what he told Zeus, she did have a very good life. Margot was better off without him but still. It stung. I should have been his baby. They were supposed to be destined to each other. It should have been his baby and he fucked that up too. He ruined everything he touched, thank you, dad, for that! Hercules always told his son he was a good for nothing, that he was responsible for his mother's suicide, that he was a disgrace and a shame and he wished he had had another child than him to be his heir. He kept forcing Zeus into becoming a monster just like him and after all these years fighting his dad, Zeus realized he was just like him. He became an asshole in order to fight his father and undo the harm he caused others and would most likely end up being alone like his father.

Ah.. wouldn't that be fitting? For him to end up alone like he had always feared he would be? The news of Margot's pregnancy reignited a fire inside of him, opened a wound back. It destroyed him if he was being honest with himself. She was able to move on with her life, be genuinely happy and welcome a new life while he was denied all of it. Well.. not completely. Of course the new prompted him to propose to Irina Tchekovka, the supermodel who happened to also have a master degree in biochemistry. They have been on a long on and off relationship and Irina was truly a keeper. She was simple and kind and loved him despite his many flaws. She was very good to him and yet, he knew he would break her heart. He loved her but wasn't « in love » with her. Never was and never will.No. To make things go from bad to worse, he did fall in love with someone else. A newcomer in his life, the beautiful Asma Jensen.

Asma came into his life like a storm. She wasn't planned, wasn't welcomed -despite him promising her mother he would hire her daughter as a thank you for saving his life- and ultimately had to suffer his mistreatment until she proved herself to be worthy of his attention. She was resilient and good, caring even. She took care of him when he was drunk when he was still hurting from the gunshot wound when he was finding himself in predicaments. She proved herself to be useful to him, but more than that. She saw the asshole he was and stuck by him despite that. She was able to get him at the most genuinely around her, get him talk about secrets and feelings he kept to himself, made him fall in love with her. Shit ! That was it! He was in love with her but he broke her heart several times already. She couldn't possibly still love him when he was being so heartless. No ?

Well, even if he had a reasonable doubt, Zeus knew that she would not forgive him after he proposed to someone else. He chose Irina because she was less problematic and far away from his real issues. She was oblivious to what he was doing, of his mission to undo the harm caused by his father and his willingness to mingle with a known criminal to get the job done. She was convenient and practical and he cared about her enough to see himself married to her. He chose Irina in spite of Asma claiming her love for him a few days ago. He told her that he would break her heart because it was what he always did. He took everything from people only to smash their hearts onto the ground and stomp on it with his heels. He destroyed. He fucking did. And the day she learned about his engagement (through broadcasted news Tom put on purpose), he almost could hear her heart break. He watched as she stiffened and held back tears so she could save face and later on when she went to his office, she simply congratulated him on his engagement and put her reports on the table. He didn't say anything, what could he say save « Thank you » and she left, but it didn't escape from him that she was distraught.

He had two hearts in his pockets and he already knew he would destroy both of them. Nothing could go right because he didn't know how to do it otherwise. He simply took and took all that people had to offer to him and then he destroyed every little thing he had built with them. Paul blessed his soul, was by his sides only because he was a loyal man with principles. Margot stayed because they were childhood friends and she knew him more than he did know himself, even though they never met face to face after he left. She stuck to writing him emails and occasionally have him over the phone but not more than that. Seeing him was too much for her, too painful and it was better this way for him too. He was better off alone, wasn't he? But could he be? Zeus knew that he desperately needed company and wouldn't do good on his own. Maybe that made him a slut but all these years going from one bed to another was only the result of him trying to find another Margot. Irina was his Margot. Asma was a forbidden fruit. She already had a bad taste of how painful it could be to live with a man like him so he didn't try to think too much about it.

That was his excuse. It all fell down the drain whenever he saw her beautiful face. She had to force herself to spend her days by his sides. It was her job, she was his personal assistant, which made it even more painful for both of them. Zeus had to pretend he didn't care, but he could see her heartbreak and in return, it broke his heart. He could have easily said yes and tried to go out with her, but he didn't and deep down, he knew that it was because he was afraid that something worse might happen to her. He was afraid that she might even suffer more than she already did because his love was toxic, his genuine unbridled love was a catastrophe and it was better if he saved her from all of this, from himself. That was why he chose Irina. Because it was the easy way.

But they would both suffer from his hand. They would both suffer because of him. It was always his fault, wasn't it?

(TBC)

I want to go away (depression, sadness, angst)

 How do you live ? How can you live ?

Sometimes she wishes she never existed. She wishes she wasn't there.

She dreams of peeling her skin away, vanishing into thin air.

She dreams of disappearing in a snap of a finger, or having the Earth crack open to swallow her.

She hopes it could happen fast, faster than the time to sit and think about her failures.

Faster than trying so desesperately to live in a life that was just not meant to exist ?

Isn't life the same as existence ?

Sometimes she believes she has taken the place of someone with more value than her

She believes she's an imposter, a vile usurper who should not have had the right to breathe

Someone else would have been in her shoes, would have known what to do with themselves

Someone else would have experienced how it felt to actually be in the present, live to the fullest

They would have known the difference between living and existing.

Maybe life is an endless suite of pain. Maybe suffering is existing...

You should be grateful, she would say to herself, at least you can breathe and you have chances

The sharp knife of self-blaming kept on piercing through her skin, why was she like this ?

Why wasn't she normal ? Why wasn't she like others whose bright smiles could make her blind

Nobody cares about your sadness, nobody cares about your illness, get better soon already ! Try !

Because you surely aren't trying harder enough, see how the others can bouce back, why not you ?

You should be grateful, you're still breathing, others never had the chance, she kept telling herself

Maybe there's no real point in all of this, maybe we're just mixing air for nothing...

It didn't help to think that way, to think it was her fault and think she was the problem

It only added fuel to the self-hatred. How dared she feel that way ? How dared she be in pain ?

She didn't know how to express it, so she started to shut herself down. Keep it to herself

For nobody could handle massive, pure, bleeding pain that never really got away. They'd leave.

They left ! So she kept it to herself in hopes that somehow, her thoughts would kill her slowly.

Maybe there's no real point in all of this, maybe we're just born to die

What would happen if she died ? Nothing she already knew. The world would be spinning still

She would be (maybe) mourned and then they would return to their daily lives, be happy, be alive

She would be nothing but a distant memory. They would forget her face, her voice, her words

She would fade away, slowly but surely, so why not fade away now ? Why not disappear ?

She sometimes wishes she never existed, less complications, less problems, less regrets

« Where do you want to go ? »

« Away. »

Away was her answer, always she said so. Most thought she wanted to escape from the place

She simply wanted to escape from her life, leave it all behind and fucking die.

Yet she couldn't say it, so she simply came with a sober « Away » knowing they wouldn't notice

So she went to bed, praying hard to her god and other gods that one of them could have mercy

and grant her her only wish ever since she could have dreamed

To not be.

To go away

Barry White - Practice What You Preach

The best there is <3

Elpis and Pride : The Queen to his King -slight erotica-

A/ N: This is just a moment I thought about. She's a little less angry than usual. All the usual disclaimers

Xxx

« I am a queen who needs her king. » She whispered to him, her fingers running through his luscious hair. Pride was above her smaller curvier frame. Her hair was crowning her face and stuck to her naked frame. Both bodies were slick with sweat as he was slowly thrusting into her. They had woken up only a few hours ago and he realized that she had been very upset. « I need you Pride. I need you. » She whispered, almost as if she was calling him. Of course, she did.

« I am right there. I am right there Elpis. » He repeated, muffling a groan as her petite crevice tightened around his throbbing cock. Pride pressed his lips against hers and pushed her legs up against her chest, thus allowing him to freely manœuvre and making her whimper as he went deeper inside of her. Her hands cupped his cheeks as he was still bent forward her and she kissed him again.

A few hours ago, the king of the Underworld found Elpis in his chamber. She was quite easy to spot on with her golden aura glowing so brightly all over the realm. She didn't leave his chamber very often unless there was something she specifically needed or she wanted to visit Earth. Therefore he always knew where to find her. It was for her own protection that she wasn't allowed to wander around the Underworld because he knew how his siblings would try to kill her and despite her best sentiments, she still was more vulnerable to them than she wanted to admit. Pride had to protect her at any cost. His chambers were his most secure place in the Underworld.

Nobody could enter at their will and he had to ensure Elpis could teleport inside without being attacked by his defense system – Powerful minions he made from scratch alongside powerful ancient magic he countered with the use of an en enchanted amulet he gave Elpis.- It still feels surreal to have the goddess back into his life. There was this constant reminder that she came from a time that never existed for him and he could see in her eyes her disappointment when he didn't react the way she expected him to. She didn't make a fuss like he thought she would -maybe his time spent with Asma somehow had him expect her to be dramatic- but he saw she was hurt and confused. So she made herself harder to get, teasing him even more and challenging him until he made her submit to him, to her king. For he was her king and she claimed him as such, right from the day he set her free,

Elpis was angry since she was released and most of the time, she would talk about vengeance. Rarely since she was freed had Pride seen her mourn her loss. Consumed by anger, she relegated her pain at the back of her head and would focus on her murderous thoughts instead. Of course, she couldn't escape from her true nature and more often than not, the goddess of light w awaited anxiously her lover's return and updates about the whereabouts of her siblings. She usually teased him when he returned or excited his anger towards his many enemies, telling stories about how he was seen as nothing and an abomination by her own or sometimes telling him about how she would have been taken away from him in the past.

Yesterday, however, when he found her, she wasn't angry. She was still heartbroken by the death of her siblings and he found her crying. The sin never liked when she was upset, even less in distress like she was, so he comforted her in a very calm way. He wrapped his arms around her frame and kept telling her how he was going to avenge her for her loss. It seemed to have calmed her and soon enough she wasn't crying anymore. He cradled the goddess, his hands running through her soft pink locks as he promised her to be the one to kill Ayasha. He promised he would bring the goddess to the Underworld and make sure she couldn't break free so Elpis would be able to kill her effortlessly. He promised her that it would be glorious and bloody. He promised her that she would feel better. He had no idea if she would but at this point, he would just say anything to ease her pain. It seemed to work and she wasn't crying anymore.

« Yes please. stay with me Pride. Stay with me... » She whispered, her hands stroking his arms as he straightened up. « Beloved... claim me. » She pleaded, as he pulled her hips up while he thrust deeper and harder into her. She felt delicious, her warm and wet walls closing onto his cock, hugging it as if they didn't want it to ever leave her core. She sunk her head into the pillow and used moved her arms to place them above her head. Her fingers grabbed the edges of the pillow and she bit her inner arm as he made her body shake with each powerful thrust. He didn't rush, he took his time to relish in the wet sounds of their lovemaking. He liked to hear the sound of flesh smacking against flesh, of her cries of passion echoing through the whole room. Her pleasure fueled his and she was stunning below him.

« I'm here! Always here. » He managed to mumble but she shook her head.

« No.. closer! » She whimpered as he pushed himself forward so he would support his weight on his arms. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pressed him against her as only his hips were pounding. He went a bit faster, not giving his beloved a break. « Haaaaannn just like that, just like that Pride! Beloved.. make me sore.. pound it. » She groaned, her nails sinking into his skin as he went harder on her. The bed creaked as he didn't restrain himself, finally enjoying being able to give his all without restraint. She moaned louder and wrapped her legs around his thighs. Her embrace was warm, she was warm and despite the strangled moans that came from her, he could tell she was enjoying herself.

«You feel so good around your king. »

« Haan. I fit like a glove.. my little pussy feels so good right now haaann.. my king. It needs your cock inside.. it needs you..haha. I need you. »

« I know.. my queen. » He said as he wrapped his hand around her neck. Her eyes glowed brightly at his words and the sensation of his hand around her neck that nearly sent her over the edge.

« F.. fuck! Pride ! » She moaned louder and sunk her nails harder, breaking his skin and drawing blood to her fingers. He felt her petite core constrict him tighter and growled in her ear. « Ah! »

« Yes. Just like that,..you're so wet.. look at you. So wet for your king. » He grunted as he sat on the bed pushing her up with his powerful grip so she would assume a sitting position. He felt her roll her eyes and gasp for air as suddenly he filled all the space inside of her.

« Like a queen should. » She whispered. « A queen should always be ready for her king. » She said, her fingers running through his blonde hair as she massaged his scalp and kissed his lips. He could feel in her aura that she was less sad than the day before. She felt like she belonged and she did feel that way; He was saying all the things she needed him to say during such a turmoil and she was grateful he did. Pride wrapped his arm around her waist and finally shut her eyes tight. He didn't move for a minute, despite his raging erection throbbing inside of her and used his hand to remove some rebellious strands from her face. She didn't look alright, as a matter of fact, she quickly stopped being alright which despite him needing to reach the finish line made him stop.

« Elpis? » He called for her but she refused to open her eyes. Her features came close to when she was crying, which increased his concern. « Beloved, are you alright? »

« No...not really. I'm sorry Pride, I have just realized. I have lost two of the closest siblings I had. I have lost them and I haven't avenged them yet...but the worst in all of that is that I feel very alone. I am alone.I have nothing else now. No one else. » She said, her eyes still closed. Pride furrowed his brows. Why did she say she had no one when she clearly had him? He felt outraged at her remarks and would have been angry if it wasn't for her face to get all teary and choked up again. « I mean.. I know I have you, but you're not really....we have so much to build again. Maybe you will never truly be there for me... maybe there would be others.. maybe I wouldn't be your queen but just some ally you have...I have seen how it is with...Lust. » She said, gently placing her hand on his chest. « She knows you. She is close to you in ways I would never... maybe she is your true queen and I am just a poser. » She shook her head and swallowed her tears. « So thinking about my siblings just made me realize...I might never have people who love me like they did and it just broke my heart. » She said while chewing on her bottom lip.  « I don't want to come second in your heart. I don't want to deprive you of your precious ally either. » She sighed. « I won't bring that again, my king. And I am sorry but I cannot proceed. I think I am still grieving and the pain is too strong. Perhaps you could leave me be and seek company near someone who could provide.» She wanted his heart, she was willing to fight for it but she was wise and she knew better than to engage in fisticuffs with an ally. It unsettled the Sin who disengaged from her and sat her on the bed.

« I went out of my way to set you free Elpis. »

« I know and I am grateful for that. » she said wiping out a few tears that rolled down her cheek.

« I don't think you understand. I went OUT of my ways to set YOU free! »

« Of course. You gave me your word when I was being cursed. You are a man of your word. » She sounded a bit detached, a lot rationalizing; She was thinking he did it because he promised to and not because he cared. Her tone was neutral but he could see a genuine sadness in her eyes.

«No. I could have let you rot for eternity. I could have but didn't do it. » He spoke firmly as he grabbed her hand. « I protected your vessel even as she was driven crazy by my presence. I protected her. I even wanted her to be happy. »

« She reached out to you in ways I seem unable to. » She shrugged, now with her eyes half open and glancing at him.

« You are talking nonsense again Elpis. Is it sadness that is speaking through this mouth of yours? »

« What else if not truth? You call me my queen but I know it's just yet another pet name. You don't mean it. »

« What if I do? What if I do uh? » He asked, eyes turning into purple flames. Her were still glowing as she stared at him intensely. Not believing his words.

« What if you do? I don't believe you do. I don't believe any of it. I don't. I don't understand why you keep me around.. unless maybe you want to avenge yourself from my pantheon? »

« I sure do want to avenge /us/ from your pantheon. »

« And when it's done? What would happen? I will help you defeat your enemies and then? AND THEN? »

«Then I will rule, with you by my sides. » He sternly said

« I want to believe you. I am sorry I can't. » She said, shaking her head.

« But you will, my queen. » He said those words again, this time cupping her cheek and lifting her head up so he could steal a kiss. Her words troubled him and he still was angry at how she responded to him but he knew better than to disrupt her mourning process. Maybe once she would be much calmer and had accepted the death of her sibling would she eventually see the bigger picture and the untold words between the two of them but right now, right now he knew she needed to be comforted.

« They killed Sitaa and Khrön. I don't know what to do Pride. I want to avenge myself but once I'm done avenging.. it scares me. The unknown scares me.... » She said, wrapping her arms around his frame as he petted her hair quietly.

« Hush, hush sweet Elpis. Grieve for their deaths. Relish in the preparation of your vengeance and do not lose sight of our common goal. We would rule together. We would rule the world. Me as the King and you., as my queen. »

« Is it a promise? » She asked in a soft broken voice as she held him tighter.

« It is. The King said so. »

« So be it then. »

She then lifted her head and kissed his cheek before she nuzzled his torso. He willed himself into ignoring his desires. He knew there were a place and time for that and until she recovered completely from her loss, he already knew there would be moments like these, but it didn't matter much to him, at least not that morning for he had different ways to satisfy is hunger. A hunt would do, torture would do and basically anything that inflicted pain or advances his plot would. One thing he was certain, however, was that he didn't lie to her when he called her queen. Not this time. Not ever.

TBC

Dean and Oya : A moment in time -Shorty redux

A/N: that's a sweet nothing, curiously I cannot stop thinking about the damn kitchen! All usual disclaimers

 Xxxxxxx

Dean woke up early that morning,  It had been a good three months now since they killed Oya's brother, went on that dinner date and she told him about how she felt and he told her about how he felt. Every morning felt like usual except maybe for this weight on his chest that didn't seem to want to leave anytime soon. He still felt vulnerable because he let her know what he kept to his himself for quite some time now. Hell, he admitted it to himself to that very night and since then, had been trying not to think too hard about it. Granted she had reacted in a way he didn't expect and he noticed she was making efforts to keep things the way they were until he was comfortable with the idea of being with her, as in.. at the same place as she was feelings wise.

Her company was still the same. She was this angry little ball of nerves who started a fight with strangers and friends alike. Last time they went out to buy a pie for lunch. It didn't help that the vendor was actually very cute and while Oya got a call from one of her friends, forcing her to take a couple of steps away to carry her conversation while Dean purchased the pie, she noticed the gorgeous brunette flirt bent a little forward the table, all smiling and looking cute and obviously flirting with Dean. At first, Oya thought that Dean would handle it on his own. She trusted him. She knew he wasn't falling for the woman's scheme BUT, it went so far that the woman had the
audacity to let her fingers touch the back of his hand. Dean never saw Oya walk so fast towards him. She grabbed the woman wrist and pushed it away while shouting «  Take your goddamn hand off of him, you two-face sneaky bitch! You think I didn't see you from where I was? You see us walk into that damn shop and the only thing you do is flirting with my man? Get the fuck out of here! Don't you dare touch him again! » She then looked up to Dean with a big annoyed frown on her face and threw the money on the table while the confused woman apologized for being out of line and handed them their pie. Oya was upset, so upset that she went back to baby and decided to sulk.

It wasn't Dean's fault, she knew that. It wasn't that woman's fault either because she and Dean didn't come holding hands and didn't claim they were anything so of course, she assumed they were friends and allowed herself to flirt. It was Oya's reaction that blew out of proportion and she felt stupid for having yelled at that woman but at the same time thought it was justified because she did try to seduce Dean and she touched him. Dean tried to make it make the issue less important as it was. Oya was territorial and notoriously jealous. It wasn't the first time she acted like that so of course, he was unphased, he noted that she said « my man » during her outburst, but he knew it probably just was her talking without thinking. Still..it felt strange.

She woke up quickly after him because she felt the weight shift on the bed and crossed her arms above her belly. Her hazel eyes, still asleep were staring at Dean as she sunk herself into the mattress. Yesterday didn't go away. She still felt upset about the fact this waitress touched Dean. Of course, she was worried, because all of these girls were always so pretty as if they came right out of a tv show with all these supermodels. They were tall, they were gracious and luminous and fun and Oya always felt that Dean could have easily fallen for these sirens songs. Oya was short in comparison, angry, angsty at times and laced with traumas that didn't go away. She was the opposite of those golden girls and it bothered her a lot to feel this insecure about herself, even more now that he said he was interested. She was afraid he lost interest and growled lowly.

« Morning Dickhead. »

« Morning bitch. » He replied with a grin while she was still grumpy. «I thought you slept well? You didn't have a nightmare last night. »

« Nope. I slept okay. I'm just upset about yesterday. » She said as he sat at the corner of the bed, baring his back at her.  He turned his head to glance past his shoulder and look at her.

« You're still thinking about yesterday? It was nothing, you just got crazy as usual. »

« I wasn't crazy. I'm not crazy. She was flirting with you and touched you. Next thing I know she would have given you her phone number. »

« I wouldn't have called her. » He said, his jade eyes staring at her. He wouldn't have, she knew that.

« I know. It's just the fact she gave it to you as if I wasn't even in the room. »

« You were on the phone, to her defense. » He said in a teasing tone. She grabbed a pillow and threw it at his face -he dodged it- « Ahaha I'm serious, you were on the phone. »

« Asshole! Of course, I was! But she didn't see me. She didn't see.. our bond! »

« We said nothing, she couldn't have guessed. » He said as he pushed himself on the other corner of the bed, right next to her.  « Besides, what do you want us to do? It's not as if we would have walked into the shop and said  'Hello, we're in love, now give us a pie. ' »

« Said like that it sounds ridiculous indeed! » Oya said, chuckling a bit. Dean grinned at her, pleased that his little joke softened her features. He let his fingers trace the soft skin of her arms.

« You overreacted yesterday Oya. I see you. I only see you. They can throw me their phone numbers for all I care, there is only yours I want to call. » He said, appreciating how smooth he actually was. It was not that bad actually. Oya pursed her lips in disbelief but quickly blushed and had that crooked smile she always had whenever embarrassed.

« Only my number? » He grinned at her and nodded. « Only only my number ? » she asked as she quietly climbed on him and sat on his lap. He quickly wrapped his powerful arms around her tinier frame and pressed her softer body against his larger build. Oya yanked her head back to look at him.

« Only only your number yeah! » He said with a chuckle. He felt her hands gently massage the back of his neck and closed his eyes for a while.

« You'll get bored of me. »

« I can't. You are taking all of the space in my head. » He grinned. « How could a shorty like you take so much space in there uh?  You should take a short smaller space since you're so small. » He teased her, nuzzling her nose before he pulled his face away.

« How dare you ?! I'm not that small! » The African hunter stuck her pierced tongue out and started to undulate, enjoying how quick he was responding to her -unless this was a morning wood she failed to notice

« You're very very small. You're so small you need to take books to make sure you reach my cheek when we take pictures. » He teased her, kissing her cheek again while a muffled a groan at the sensation of her delicious hips swaying against him. She knew what she was doing and was distracting him from the real conversation they were starting to have, but to be fair, he did that too.
Oya was jealous. He knew that. What he couldn't wrap his head around was that she wasn't feeling secure enough with him to let go of her jealousy. He wasn't a ladies man. Sure, he attracted them all with his good looks and suave attitude, but Dean wasn't going around. He remembered their argument back when she found out he had a dating app he never used.  Even THEN she showed her true colors when everything was grey between them. Dean cupped her cheek and leaned his forehead against hers.

«I am afraid you stop.... loving me because I am not good enough for you. I'm toxic Dean...through and through.. I don't want you to... » He shushed her with a finger on her plump lips, those pretty plump lips of hers he always wanted to kiss.

« I can't let you say that. I'm a sinner too. We both sin so what? » He said, eyes gleaming as he spoke. She looked at him confused for a brief minute and then cupped both of his cheeks with her hands. He let his large palm grab a fistful of her black curls while the other hand held onto her tighter. « Do you think I'm gonna leave because you fisticuff with the pretty ladies? »

« Uh..mmhh.. yeah? Among other things.  You'd think I don't trust us enough and maybe I don't just trust me enough...not maybe. This is certain. I don't trust myself enough to bring smiles on your face. I want to make you happy..I'm scared I would hurt you. I don't want to. I want to cut the bitches who want to get into your pants though. » She said chuckling nervously. She pulled his head against her shoulder and held him there so he wouldn't see her panic-face; He could feel her shiver
and gently ran his hand over her back. Her concerns were his as well. After all, he brought hell around him to people who cared about him, what would be different with Oya? Here she was being afraid she could not make him happy while he didn't even know if he could make her happy.  Dean furrowed his brows for a minute and then started to tickle her.

« That's for speaking non-sense shorty! »

« Ahahahah no stop! Stop !! STOP !!! Dean ! Ahahahahah » She laughed so hard that she ended up hitting against his chest with her tiny fist. « Ahahah stop, please! Stop that! » She kept on laughing until he kissed her lips, stealing a kiss that made her blush and calm.Oya chuckled in between their kisses, still soft as only their lips pressed against one another. « Mmhhhh okay, you won. You won! Okay...okay.. but tell me something. »

« Mmmh ?? » He said, seemingly stopping messing up with her.  She ran her hand through her hair and took a deep breath to regain some focus.

« I know you're scared.... I know I am. For sure I am but I .. but you're the reason I wake up every morning with a smile on my face. You. Make me happy from the moment I wake up. I.. » She shifted her eyes, looking for words to say that didn't begin with « I love » and didn't finish with « you ».  He knew what she wanted to say and swallowed hard. « don't want to wake up with anyone else.  Unless I have to. »

« That's very specific. » He said with a chuckle, thinking she was cute as she blushed harder due to how her lips were curled into that sheepish smile of hers.

« I...wouldn't want to cook for someone else. » He told her, avoiding the infamous three words. He already said these and it still gave him mini-heart attacks to think about it. Going around but giving meaning to something that belonged to them was even more personal, less threatening. He loved her, cooking for someone else was his way to let her know this and she knew. Of course, occasionally she would say « I love you. » accidentally even. But not when she could control it, like right now.

« Are you going to assault every goddamn person who just talks to me? »

« No. But I'll murder them with my eyes if I can't with my words. » She said with a grin.

« I can live with that. » Dean grabbed her neck and pressed his lips to hers once again, this time insisting a little bit more. It soothed the young woman to know that somehow in all this craziness, he wasn't going to turn his back on her and never would she.