"Oya. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy."
My father told me these words before he passed away. He had witnessed the horrors our family suffered from. My brother's possession -and death since his soul was consumed-, Our mother's murder by the hand of the possessed brother. My fiancé left me because I couldn't conceive children and be possessed too. Lord had mercy, my father didn't see me kill Fabrice to save my own life but he knew. I told him the following days. I could have stopped hunting altogether, but being a hunter was who I was. It was all I ever knew. Saving people, killing monsters...It was the life that chose me.
"Please, be happy Oya. Find that person who would make you feel loved. Find that person who would give you a home and who would make you feel safe. Be happy my daughter, be happy."
Oh, dad. I wish you were alive today. I know Fabrice broke your heart when he broke mine. I know you were worried to leave me alone without support but I made it. I made it pretty good. I started over I think. I found someone you might have approved of. He is brave, and strong, and caring. His life was miserable but he still kept on fighting. I met him a year ago and I never thought I could feel this way again. Yet I do.
He came into my life like a thunderstorm and there was nothing I could do to stop him. I let him in. I tried to fight it, daddy, keep myself neutral so I wouldn't feel for him but I failed. I fell for him. I fell harder than I ever did. Have you felt this way when you met mom? Have you felt this intensely as I am feeling for Dean? I don't know dad. I don't know. I refused for so long to see I fell in love that I kept shoving it away, pretended it didn't exist up until it started to suffocate me. That love struggled for recognition. it struggled and I stopped resisting it and it felt much better now. I feel much better now. I love him. I told him. it is weird but I feel relieved he knows.
Dad. You wanted me to be happy, I think I am getting there. I am afraid to lose him, but I want him to be part of my life if you know what I mean? We don't have to be more than we already are. I'd rather have this than nothing. I'd rather have this than him hating on me. I still have nightmares about it happening. him blaming me for making him even more miserable, hurting him, hurting Sam. Nightmares about him dying because of me... I wouldn't be able to handle it. I love him..whenever I want to feel happy or imagine a different life, he's always in there. he's always holding my hand, kissing my lips, cuddling with me. He's always happy. that's what I want to give him. But we're broken you see? Dad, you see right?
What if my love isn't enough? what if I can't make him happy? what if..I hurt him? Those fears don't drive me away from him, all the opposite. I learned not to quit when it gets tough. I am just afraid I don't do him any good, you see? The way you did mom some good, I want to be able to do it for him too. Be his support, be his better half... Give him what I think he deserves. I'm not forgetting about myself daddy, I promise. He makes me happy too. he cares about me, always watch after me, make sure I'm alright and comforts me when I need it. God, I love this man.
I love him daddy... sometimes maybe more than words can even say. If my guilt doesn't take the best out of me, then maybe, you'd have to wait a little longer before I come tell you everything in person. Can you, mom, Kalusha wait a little bit before I come and talk to you? Keep my place warm, I don't intend to die any sooner. I miss you all.. but be patient. There's still one story in the book I haven't exactly told. "
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