If only she could float

She felt there was nothing else she could do.

Maybe swim a little harder to keep herself afloat

Breathe a little bit of air until she couldn't fight it anymore

And sunk, like a stone, into the depth of her thoughts

She didn't like to think about herself, take a good and hard look

For it was too painful to stare at the failures posing as trophies

For it was too painful to stare at the bleeding leaking wounds

For she didn't know how to stitch herself up, so she didn't look

She felt there was nothing else she could do

Maybe harden her skin a little more, harden it until it was numb

For it was easier to not feel everything, pretend you were okay

For it was easier to go on your merry way, make it dull and bland

But it was farcical, a real masquerade of life to flaunt at others

You would wake up, go on with your duties, make a living

Watch as the others smile and laugh and feel "happy" in wonder

How do they do it? how can they do it? Am I even alive?

Questions like these were still filling her mind without an answer

What is life? if not pretend to be like others and do as they do?

What is life? if not burying deep inside the pain and suffering

dishing out smiles at whoever asks you "How are you doing?"

When does it get real? When do you drop the mask?

She felt there was nothing else she could do if not struggling

Maybe that was what life was about, you struggling to breathe

Catch a little bit of air, move your arms until they hurt

Struggle, struggle until you can't move anymore

And then sink

And die

Maybe that was how it was supposed to be or maybe not

She didn't know better, she couldn't know better but that grinder

She wished she could float, even for a second to catch a break

Maybe then, her thoughts would be better, lighter, happier

If only she could float