Pride and Asma : Ayasha the « One who always know »

A/N: So still laying the ground for our baby <3 This time we spend a little bit of time with the primeval gods. Elpis decision to remain with Pride destroyed everything. Would we know why the primeval gods hate the SIN so much? Stay tuned! (lmao or don't:p this scene just needed to be written because it didn't leave my mind for two straight days! Now it's done!) Pride belongs to my friend Nate and Asma/Elpis belong to me

xxx xxx xxx

« You didn't give me a choice Elpis. It had to be done » Lamented Ayasha.

She was the elder goddess of Knowledge when her pantheon was still thriving. She used to know everything or at least she always was one of the first to know. Yet, when it was revealed to the All-Father that her dear sister Elpis was involved with one of their sworn enemies, it was a complete shock for the goddess. How come she didn't know? How come Elpis was able to spend time on Earth without Ayasha noticing? They all blamed the goddess for her lack of foreseeing and came to her with an ultimatum. Either she convinced her sister to give up on this foolish love, either she was cast away and stripped from her goddess title. Panicked, the golden-skinned deity ran towards Ishtar, her brother and the god of War who fomented a plan to coerce Elpis into giving up her love for the Sin. They tried the soft way, conversations, and attempts at guilt-tripping Elpis into giving up on Pride. However, love was too overwhelming and too powerful to be subdued by threats.

Ayasha noticed that her magic fountain of truth, which allowed her to observe the universe, couldn't locate Elpis for short periods on time when she was on Earth and realized that it only happened when she saw her lover. It explained to her why she couldn't know about Elpis romance with the SIN and why it was even more dangerous to leave her sister alone with that monster. SINS were and had always been sworn enemies of Primeval gods because they had the power to destroy them. All the gods from different pantheons heard of the SINS when they decided to overthrow the gods in Olympus. From the moment Olympus fell, their names were all over the primeval gods' lips. It only took one of them to destroy entire pantheons and it wasn't even Pride.

As soon as Olympus fell and the Egyptian Pantheon followed, it became clear that the others would follow. Little by little Hades spread his power and destroyed the competition, ensuring that he was the only god of Death still alive and worshipped universally. Primeval gods were considered the very first deities to have existed. They existed before Earth itself was born and Gaea gave birth to several of these gods alongside to humanity. Essentially, they were the most powerful gods that there could be. Primeval goddess of Life was the strongest there was but also the most vital entity of the universe and Earth, so Hades decided not to touch her unless she opposed him, which she didn't do. Other gods, however, wanted to stop Hade's rampage and foolishness as soon as possible which led to the imperative need to destroy his « children », the SINS.  The whole pantheon perceived them as soulless monsters, but Elpis didn't. She did worse than having a different opinion, she betrayed her own pantheon. She fell in love!

« Where are you little mortal? Where are you so I can kill you? » Ayasha growled.

She hit the edge of the fountain of Truth out of frustration from not being able to locate the avatar of her sister. It was crucial for the elder gods to find and put Elpis back into a cycle of reincarnation so the SINS would not come after them. It would at least be the least of their problems if Pride remained oblivious of what they did to him and didn't seek revenge. Ayasha didn't have a choice but to tell Ishtar their brother and the god of War what happened. She wanted him to find a solution, maybe rough up Elpis a little so she would give up on being with that filthy creature but even he failed to convince their sister. She was Hope after all, how could she be reasoned with?? How could she see Pride for the monster and abomination he truly was? How could she? They failed and this failure prompted Ishtar to resort to the worst. He wouldn't kill her because he couldn't bring himself to, but she would be punished. So he grabbed the dagger of Fate and stabbed Elpis in her heart, not deep enough to kill her instantaneously, but enough to condemn her to a never-ending cycle. The gesture in itself divided the pantheon and without Hope by their sides, a war quickly started.

Most of the primeval gods were destroyed. Gaea exiled herself and usually was left out of the conflict by her children and siblings. Ishtar was attacked by many who thought that he shouldn't have cursed his own sister but should have instead tried to take on the SIN itself. Others thought that Ishtar destroyed their only chance to survive the wrath of the SINS and viewed a union between Pride and Elpis as their salvation. Others sided with Ishtar and thought that he was too nice on Elpis and should have killed her. One argument led to the other and they ended up in a war that nobody wanted in the first place. Many died, others were locked in prisons, the All-Father was killed and forced Ishtar to take over as the new King and Ayasha were assigned the surveillance of her sister's soul. It made the goddess shiver because she failed twice. She didn't know Elpis would be strong enough to breach the seal and make herself known to the SIN. She didn't know Pride would find her and now she was unable to locate them unless they remained for too long in the same place.

The Dagger of Fate was hidden in the ruins of the ancient Egyptian pantheon, which became a place nobody ever set a foot at. It was protected with elder magic which made it even harder to penetrate unless you were an elder. Ishtar thought that by leaving the only weapon capable of hurting an elder god out of reach, he would save himself some trouble. After all, aside from the weapon, the elder gods themselves or the SINS, it was difficult to end a primeval god but he didn't take second chances and made sure the dagger wouldn't be a problem. His only concern, now that the war of the elders was almost done, was to make sure Elpis wouldn't wake up and the SINS wouldn't come after them.

Ayasha, still frustrated felt a few tears roll down her cheeks and as she wiped them off of her face with the back of her hand, the elder goddess turned to her brother who was still in the shadow. His white hues stared at her golden form and he cleared his throat.

« You still can't see her? »

« She is the SIN. Whenever they are together I can't see her. I can only count on him being busy in the underworld so I could have more chance to see her. Eventually, she would need to go out to buy supplies or do anything her human heart would desire. When it's done, when she's vulnerable again I would kill her. » Ayasha said with a grin before she turned around and faced her brother.

« Ayasha... I have been a bit harsh on you last time we spoke. » He began with, but she shook her head.

« I made a mistake, I wasn't paying enough attention. She made herself known and he found her in a heartbeat. I have to make sure he becomes oblivious again. » She said hugging the loincloth that covered her crotch. « Do you think we've made the right decision? »

« You dare ask that question again? » His voice turned into thunder, prompting the goddess to slightly bow in front of him to calm his nerves.

« I didn't mean to... I just.. I just miss my sister Ishtar... I miss her and I wonder if she's suffering, if she remembers us, if she would come back to us or if she's lost forever. » Her voice broke as she spoke. Indeed she missed Elpis and she's witnessed what a lack of Hope could induce in both the elder realm and the human realm. « I need her back. »

«...... » Ishtar pondered her words and then looked at his sister, his white hues glowing less. « I do miss her too. I am still angry at what she did and the fact she put us all in jeopardy with her romance. She had it coming, she refused to listen to reason. There is nothing good that could come from the SINS and she desecrated herself by falling in love and doing Gaea-knows-what with that filthy creature. »

« Ishtar! She was in love with him. He seemingly treated her well. How dare you talk about her in such terms? She fell in love with the wrong person, that was all. It's HIM we have to blame! It's HIM who took her away from us! »

« Of course it's him! » Ishtar's raspy voice boomed into the destroyed room. « I might be angry at Elpis, I still want to destroy the SINS, starting with him. He has to be destroyed! I will give you another assignment. » Ayasha nodded quickly, afraid of her brother's growing anger due to his hatred towards the SIN. « Find a way to destroy this abomination. All of us can be destroyed, even the SINS. We need to destroy him for good and once it's done, we can uncurse our sister. »

« Are you serious? We're just about to win our own war, why don't we recover f-- »

« DID I STUTTER AYASHA? » He shouted, making his sister shake and nod quickly.

« I will do as you request All-Father. »

Filled with remorse, she watched as her brother vanished and turned her body once again to face the fountain of Truth. She hit it again with her fists and screamed loudly, making the walls and floor shake as she unleashed her own frustration and anger. She would find a way to destroy the SIN, she would make sure Pride die and would make sure he suffers as much as she did from not seeing her sister. He took her away from them, he started that war of the elders because of extreme measures she had to take. He ruined her life and she wanted to make him pay. Furiously, she kept looking around the world for tracks to follow all the while summoning her minions.

« You called mistress? » -said one of them-

« Yes. I want you to go to the Underworld and spy on the SINS. I want to find their weak spots, I need to know how to destroy this vermin. » One of her minions swallowed a lump, clearly afraid.

« We.. we would be killed if we go there. They.. they won't leave us alone, mistress, we can't go to the Underworld. »

« Find a way! Otherwise, you would know why I am the most dangerous of the elder gods. I know everything, including how to torture you to the point you would wish you were dead instead. » She threatened as they disappeared. Ayasha was indeed dangerous, even more than Ishtar because she did know everything. The fiasco with Elpis was a cruel reminder that she needed to step up her game and be merciless if she wanted to achieve her goals. In a decaying pantheon and with the threat of being irrelevant and worse, dead, Ayasha needed to find the solution to the « SINS problem » and fast if she wanted a chance to survive.

(TBC)

Pride and Asma: Christmas banter

She insisted on celebrating Christmas. He didn't care much about the human holiday but he didn't want her to keep being snappy and upset. She was at her worst when she was upset. If it wasn't her constant need to fill the silence with her endless stream of questions and remarks, it was her sobbing in the confines of her bedroom or being irritatingly silent for days. The human didn't know how to balance herself but could he really blame her?

Her life turned for the worst the moment the entrapped deity within her broke her seal. Suddenly everyone became a threat to her life and if they weren't careful, she could die. Besides, she, a simple human being, was dealing with concepts and entities that went far beyond her comprehension and Pride was no exception. Celebrating Christmas now, was her last attempt at normalcy and her last attempt at trying to find peace in all this chaos. He refused at first but the more she insisted, the less he went against her wishes.

When Pride did something, he committed to it until it was the best version that could possibly be. Call it a flaw of character or a quirk, but the entity went overboard. He decorated the house, made it look as if it was home and witnessed the change in the painter's face. It lit up, much to his relief. She ran to the kitchen, started to cook something that he didn't care about because he didn't need to eat to sustain himself. He watched her walk back and forth from her bedroom to the kitchen and decided to wait and drink bourbon. She was energized beyond his understanding and most of her efforts were made in order to impress him. She foolishly wanted him to "feel" Christmas and understand how important it was for her but he couldn't. He simply couldn't because he wasn't human, to begin with.

Surely, once she was done with the meals, she went upstairs one last time to change into a sexy red dress that made her look almost divine. Sure, she couldn't come close to his Elpis in regards of her beauty since the other was a goddess, but she was as close as a mortal could be and he appreciated it. She, on the other hand, felt it was a dream came true. A princess Christmas as she finally was able to celebrate it with someone instead of at home with her dog. She was able to be on her A game with the only fancy dress she could grab when they packed the first time. She wanted to throw pixie dust in his eyes and seduce the Sin.

Was he influencing her? probably, he was Pride after all. Did she feel any regret for trying to seduce a creature that wasn't even hers, to begin with? she did, but her remorse was blown away by his sight. She was puny and mortal and their adventures might end up with her death so why would she shy away from what her heart desired? The meal started well, it was polite and decent until Asma tried to "open his eyes and heart". Being human, a scared one at that, made Asma unable to take her distance with the situation. She wanted to force her human beliefs and views and feelings on a creature that couldn't think or feel like a human. Concepts such as love and compassion and selflessness were lost on him but it was frustrating the painter who really wanted to force her mind on him.

Was it him influencing her or her true nature? Maybe both. Frustrated and upset, Asma immediately went Diva on him. Yes, she was in love with him, yes she was scared of him and of what future held in store for them. Yes she wanted him to see her, love her the way she did and yes she didn't understand what he truly was. And they began to argue and the dinner was ruined just like that, with a snap of fingers. He tried to reason her. Yes, Pride tried to reason the human of the foolishness of her feelings for him. He tried to warn her that the more she would give, the more he would take. but Asma didn't listen. She was stubborn, maybe more than Pride himself was.

"I'll give everything to you then. I won't need you to give back to me. I just want to give you my love." She selfishly said to him. Because it was a feeling she couldn't contain within herself anymore. it was grandiose, like a typhoon. It was brutal and impossible to control. her love was devastating her and devastating him in the process.

"You don't know what you're getting yourself into." He tried to warn her.

Because she would give and give and give and he would take until there was nothing left of her. She knew, deep inside, that it would end badly for her but she decided to write the narrative at her convenience. It wouldn't be him taking from her, it would be her giving everything to him. It would be her choice, it would be her way to go. She already knew he would leave her once Elpis would be free. She already knew it was a battle she lost even before it began. She already knew that her frail form couldn't handle his true form because he was glorious and lethal at the same time; She knew all of that, but she fell in love with the sweet and kind sides he showed towards her. She fell in love with the Hope he induced in her heart and the thrills of the life they were living together. She fell in love with him because, in the midst of fire and death that surrounded her, she felt alive for the first time.

"I don't care." She replied with hand on his cheek as she pressed her lips against his. Come what may, she would sail this ship.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS 2016

Art by my good friend Lelia:) it's a tradition for her, she calls it Santa Thong, and since she started it, I liked it so much I decided to do spread the love using exclusively images from her series.

Of course, I would begin with wishing all of you happy holidays. Those include anything and everything you would celebrate from now up until the 1^st of January.

2016 was such a strange year for me, both fulfilling in some ways and distressing in others. As I reflect upon the days spent, I realize that maybe this year is the one I « felt » alive the most. Truth be told, I sometimes wish I didn't feel as much and as intensely as I do because I always end up being an emotional trainwreck. It has its perks though and I believe that without those perks, I wouldn't have known how to finish this year. It's in itself, a miracle that I am still standing and still going. It is. Those of you who know, know what I am talking about and I am very grateful for having you in my life. That's it, this year (like the other years ahah ) I'll be talking about my gratitude for having such a beautiful support in my life.

Losing Magz to suicide this year had me reflect on my very own journey with the demons we share/d together. « Thanatos » (as I call it), Anxiety, Depression. It made me think of the decisions I made, the commitment to these, the fact I became more open about talking about these, especially to close friends (my support system really, along with my sisters <3) was the best decision I have ever made. I do /not/ feel ashamed anymore, although it still is something I would not talk about /that / much. And if I don't, I really owe it to my rolemodels who are survivors just like me and keep on fighting and living their lives as they should be. Seeing them being so open about their own lives truly inspired me and keep on fueling my own strength when I'm lacking of it. Thank you beautiful people for speaking up for/to me at a time I was hiding everything to myself. Thank you for guiding me through realizing I needed the right kind of help. Thank you for making me feel normal and loved and proud. Thank /you/. Can you believe, I am even able to articulate my emotions and express them when needed and although it's not happening 100%, it's still a major step forward from where I used to be before. I can't thank enough my other lovelies, for having been the loving shoulders, the warm hands and the soothing souls they've been with me. I can't thank you enough for your support and love, especially those who walk me through my episodes, those who witness my meltdowns and those who singlehandedly silenced my demons and believed in me.

Speaking of those who believe in me, I gotta say, creatively this year was a big bang of some sort ! Here I am finally writing that book, sharing a bit more of my writings and writing process and sketching here and there whenever I can. You're the reason I didn't stop, every encouraging words, inboxes, pm, texts.. every request, every compliment and praise are fueling my motivation. You know how fleeting it is, especially in my condition and yet this year I kept on pushing myself. It was not just because I was able to find the motivation, but when I lost it, you were there <3 I got to meet several people I hold very dear in my heart and strengthened my relationship with my friends in the biz. We don't know what tomorow holds for us but I am very sure, next year I would not let those efforts and trust be in vain. I really appreciate your curiousity and concern and presence in my life. Thank you my creative people for being who you are and for bringing the best out of me regarding my art.

Speaking of bringing the best. 2016 was a dreadful year, one has to admit. It was tougher for me because, like most of the time, I found myself in distress in the face of the world. I'm probably scarred due to past trauma, violent human beings who poisoned my life for years but since I was a child, I never thought people were inherently good. I believe(d) we have to work very hard to be a good person and yes we do. We do because it's so very easy to slip into the darkest corners of our souls. So this year more than other years seemed like people gave up or maybe gave into their darkest instincts. I am fortunate really, to have very optimistic people who were able to restore Hope into my heart and helped me pull myself together through their inspiring words. I saw people acting humane, showing compassion, defending those in need. I saw people who didn't close their hearts and minds. I saw people who were aware of our History as human beings and don't want the bad events to repeat again. I saw people wanting an actual change and a real joint work to help the world be a better place. I saw all of that in the last 4 months of this year and it sincerely helped me smoothly start again. So yes, I consider myself lucky to have these wonderful people in my life who do their best at their own scale to be decent human beings and who keep me motivated to actually wake up (literally speaking) every day and trust again. I am really trying to do the very same, around me, as much as possible ! Thank you for being this inspiring.

Finally 2016 was definitely a year of love. Why finish with love ? Because it all starts with love. I keep saying everyday that I am left speechless at how unalduterated and genuine and powerful the love I receive is. Not just from my old pals, but also the new ones. It just is ! It clicks really well and I couldn't have been happier for this ! Your love means everything for me. It's healing me, it's fueling me with strength and power and I really wish I do give it back to you. Look at you now, most of you are married (for those who are), engaged (for those who are) and/or successful in their job, at a happier place this year than the last, have kids (for those who do), have fulfilled their dreams, are in great healthy relationships and of course, have dreams for the year to come, plans, aspirations and of course new steps ahead of them. I wish you to have everything you desire my dears, everything your hearts ever want. I love you when you are happy and would always want you to be, because you're deserving, you know that ? You're deserving so much good in your life. I know you're working hard to get there and I sincerely hope you will all live the lives you want to.

As of me ? If anything, 2016 taught me I actually didn't have a blackened heart and am still very capable of loving with every fiber of my body;) My friend Louise keep talking about helping me find my Wolverine Ahaha (You don't need to Lou) but it's a touuuugh job though, but it's not impossible anymore since I think I can safely admit I wouldn't mind trying.

TO 2017 ! May it bring you all you ever wanted. May it be a safe year for you and of course, may it be the year I actually meet my Wolverine (I'm joking ! I'm joking ! But really, may it be a good year ! I'm hoping it would be for all of us)

I love you

HAPPY HOLIDAYS <3 <3