Art by my good friend Lelia:) it's a
tradition for her, she calls it Santa Thong, and since she started
it, I liked it so much I decided to do spread the love using
exclusively images from her series.
Of course, I would begin with wishing
all of you happy holidays. Those include anything and everything you
would celebrate from now up until the 1st of January.
2016 was such a strange year for me,
both fulfilling in some ways and distressing in others. As I reflect
upon the days spent, I realize that maybe this year is the one I
« felt » alive the most. Truth be told, I sometimes wish
I didn't feel as much and as intensely as I do because I always end
up being an emotional trainwreck. It has its perks though and I
believe that without those perks, I wouldn't have known how to finish
this year. It's in itself, a miracle that I am still standing and
still going. It is. Those of you who know, know what I am talking
about and I am very grateful for having you in my life. That's it,
this year (like the other years ahah ) I'll be talking about my
gratitude for having such a beautiful support in my life.
Losing Magz to suicide this year had me
reflect on my very own journey with the demons we share/d together.
« Thanatos » (as I call it), Anxiety, Depression. It made
me think of the decisions I made, the commitment to these, the fact I
became more open about talking about these, especially to close
friends (my support system really, along with my sisters <3) was
the best decision I have ever made. I do /not/ feel ashamed anymore,
although it still is something I would not talk about /that /
much. And if I don't, I really owe it to my rolemodels who are
survivors just like me and keep on fighting and living their lives as
they should be. Seeing them being so open about their own lives truly
inspired me and keep on fueling my own strength when I'm lacking of
it. Thank you beautiful people for speaking up for/to me at a time I
was hiding everything to myself. Thank you for guiding me through
realizing I needed the right kind of help. Thank you for making me
feel normal and loved and proud. Thank /you/. Can you believe, I am
even able to articulate my emotions and express them when needed and
although it's not happening 100%, it's still a major step forward
from where I used to be before. I can't thank enough my other
lovelies, for having been the loving shoulders, the warm hands and
the soothing souls they've been with me. I can't thank you enough for
your support and love, especially those who walk me through my
episodes, those who witness my meltdowns and those who singlehandedly
silenced my demons and believed in me.
Speaking of those who believe in me, I
gotta say, creatively this year was a big bang of some sort !
Here I am finally writing that book, sharing a bit more of my
writings and writing process and sketching here and there whenever I
can. You're the reason I didn't stop, every encouraging words,
inboxes, pm, texts.. every request, every compliment and praise are
fueling my motivation. You know how fleeting it is, especially in my
condition and yet this year I kept on pushing myself. It was not just
because I was able to find the motivation, but when I lost it, you
were there <3 I got to meet several people I hold very dear in my
heart and strengthened my relationship with my friends in the biz. We
don't know what tomorow holds for us but I am very sure, next year I
would not let those efforts and trust be in vain. I really
appreciate your curiousity and concern and presence in my life. Thank
you my creative people for being who you are and for bringing the
best out of me regarding my art.
Speaking of bringing the best. 2016 was
a dreadful year, one has to admit. It was tougher for me because,
like most of the time, I found myself in distress in the face of the
world. I'm probably scarred due to past trauma, violent human beings
who poisoned my life for years but since I was a child, I never
thought people were inherently good. I believe(d) we have to work
very hard to be a good person and yes we do. We do because it's so
very easy to slip into the darkest corners of our souls. So this year
more than other years seemed like people gave up or maybe gave into
their darkest instincts. I am fortunate really, to have very
optimistic people who were able to restore Hope into my heart and
helped me pull myself together through their inspiring words. I saw
people acting humane, showing compassion, defending those in need. I
saw people who didn't close their hearts and minds. I saw people who
were aware of our History as human beings and don't want the bad
events to repeat again. I saw people wanting an actual change and a
real joint work to help the world be a better place. I saw all of
that in the last 4 months of this year and it sincerely helped me
smoothly start again. So yes, I consider myself lucky to have these
wonderful people in my life who do their best at their own scale to
be decent human beings and who keep me motivated to actually wake up
(literally speaking) every day and trust again. I am really trying to
do the very same, around me, as much as possible ! Thank you for
being this inspiring.
Finally 2016 was definitely a year of
love. Why finish with love ? Because it all starts with love. I
keep saying everyday that I am left speechless at how unalduterated
and genuine and powerful the love I receive is. Not just from my old
pals, but also the new ones. It just is ! It clicks really well
and I couldn't have been happier for this ! Your love means
everything for me. It's healing me, it's fueling me with strength and
power and I really wish I do give it back to you. Look at you now,
most of you are married (for those who are), engaged (for those who
are) and/or successful in their job, at a happier place this year
than the last, have kids (for those who do), have fulfilled their
dreams, are in great healthy relationships and of course, have dreams
for the year to come, plans, aspirations and of course new steps
ahead of them. I wish you to have everything you desire my dears,
everything your hearts ever want. I love you when you are happy and
would always want you to be, because you're deserving, you know
that ? You're deserving so much good in your life. I know you're
working hard to get there and I sincerely hope you will all live the
lives you want to.
As of me ? If anything, 2016
taught me I actually didn't have a blackened heart and am still very
capable of loving with every fiber of my body;) My friend Louise keep
talking about helping me find my Wolverine Ahaha (You don't need to
Lou) but it's a touuuugh job though, but it's not impossible anymore
since I think I can safely admit I wouldn't mind trying.
TO 2017 ! May it bring you all you
ever wanted. May it be a safe year for you and of course, may it be
the year I actually meet my Wolverine (I'm joking ! I'm joking !
But really, may it be a good year ! I'm hoping it would be for
all of us)
I love you
HAPPY HOLIDAYS <3 <3
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