A/N: I guess they really don't want me to keep my Pride with me :'( I am so upset about losing him over and over again. But he's my muse and I decided to keep writing our stories until the deletion spree stops for a while. My babies though <3 I love them!
Things got complicated real quick, didn't they? Asma's POV.
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I couldn't think straight that evening. How long has it been since we went on a run Pride and I ? several weeks, maybe months? I lost count. All I knew was that we've been very careful so the entity's siblings couldn't find her.. me. I mean me. My life was turned upside down the minute I met Pride you know? Before he came into my life, I simply was a known artist, a painter. I kept sketching and painting the world around me, nature at its best, architecture and from time to time portraits. I was very shy and cautious of the world because the world had never been kind to me. I never met good people who would never try to take advantage of me and the ones who were good with me didn't stay around because life happened. Some started a family and moved away from me, or I started to get some recognition and I moved away from them. It never really was willing from both parts but that was my life. I suppose, now that I know the deity of Hope was inhabiting me that maybe it wasn't just life. It might have been on purpose? I don't know. I'd never know.
So, yes. I am a vessel. Officially that is. I started to paint what I perceived as dreams more frequently. It was always the same guy but at different moments of his life. He was always happy and at peace next to me as if. I was the one making him feel that way. I thought it was just a dream you know but turns out, these were memories from the entity living inside of me. Talk about a surprise when the guy showed up in my usual coffee shop and talked to me. Talk about my surprise when he told me that I was hunted down by the entity's siblings and I should quickly move if I wanted to live. I couldn't believe and yet it happened in front of my eyes. Death, destruction and him being larger than life, handsome and scary at the same time. My wife switched from boring to worse in a snap of a finger and I became his unwilling guest... or like I phrased it, his « prisoner ». I couldn't believe a creature like him, a SIN, an actual seven sin, could express something else than nefarious and dangerous thoughts and feelings. I refused to believe he was in love with Elpis, the primeval goddess of Hope and light that was inside of me. I just couldn't. He scared me to the bones and I couldn't even understand how the « man » in front of me could have been the one I kept on painting. But he was.
I had romances, two to be precise but they were enough to make me an adult in the flesh department and in my heart. They were good guys, kind and sweet but it didn't work out because we didn't match. Bummer ! I hated breaking up with them but it was so liberating afterward. I was free again, I could paint again, I could be myself. Why am I telling you all of this? Well, turns out things took a very very bad turn for me. I fell in love with him. Plain and simple. I fell in love with a sin, me, a mortal! Since we were running away from her siblings, I spent a lot of time with him and I got the chance to know him better. I also benefited from the flashbacks of Elpis to remind me that he had layers and wasn't just one-dimensional. He truly loved her. I realized he really did. It took millennia for him to find her. He spent millennia with his memories of her and them together wiped out from the minute she was cursed into a never-ending cycle of reincarnation in the human realm. He was stolen these millennia with her, he was stolen his everything. It moved me, what can I say? I never saw such dedicated love in my life. His eyes softened every time he talked about her, and I even surprised him smile when he was lost in his thoughts and memories of her. I only could assume they were about her given how warm he suddenly became.
I started to sketch him a lot more, not just memories of the SIN but actual thoughts and feelings from me. I sketched all the moments he made me feel afraid. Afraid he might be so angry at what I said that he would snap at me. He couldn't kill me for the sake of his beloved but his anger wasn't pretty at all. But we got along, after a while, we started to know each other and he was softer with me, tolerated me even better. I started to see a different side of him and open up to him. So my sketches changed, they became warmer as time went by until that very day I drew him in such a beautiful and warm fashion, with a heart as a background and the most details I've ever put on a sketch...I was in love with him and envious of his love for the goddess. That was when things started spiraling.
With the luck I have, I had to fall in love with a man who already had a beloved. A man who was determined to set her free, a man who saw me as just a meatsuit. He couldn't see me otherwise, I was just human. I couldn't handle him, I couldn't even see him in his true glory without being killed because it was too much power for this frail body. I tried to fight it as soon as I realized. I felt disgusted because the deity entrapped within me was far more perfect and deserving than I could ever be. She braved everything to be with him, decided to stand by him because she believed in him and trusted their relationship. She was willing to sacrifice everything just to be with him and she brought him a new purpose, a new way of thinking about himself. She gave him a new life, breathed something new into him and managed to find him millennia later. I could feel her fighting spirit and some of her emotions and I knew she was eager to hold him in her arms, to kiss him and simply be with him. She was impossibly in love with the SIN just as he was and here I was, interfering between the two of them. I felt dirty, I felt inadequate. But I couldn't help. Those feelings were real and they were mine.
So what did I do? I confessed someday. We were talking and the words came out of my lips. He resisted you know, threw me off and dismissed those feelings because that was the right thing to do. But I am myself, human, full of passion and determined to have what I want. I wanted him. I still do and the more time we spend together, the more I want to be with him. It hurts a lot when he talks about Elpis and all the great things she was. It hurts me because I know I shouldn't feel jealous, I shouldn't be envious and I certainly shouldn't be hurting her. I tried to keep it quiet, to shut it down but then how could I when he is PRIDE? He's influencing me, I know that. He's subconscious pushes me into doing what I want. I kissed him several times and he kissed me back. Usually, it was one of his tactics to make me shut up because of the boy, I'm a motormouth when I'm anxious. But I realized that there was more than just convenience in his kisses.
I couldn't think straight that evening because we had that argument again about me not being Elpis and me not being deserving of his affection and me really want him. We argued and I cried and... I can't believe I told him I was willing to pretend to be Elpis if that made him happy. I want him to be happy so of course, I know how important it is for him to set his beloved free. I will do that for him because I am in love with him. I was willing not to talk about my feelings, I could paint them instead. Ah ! The evening really was bad. We tried to focus on something else, so I brought him my sketchbook, showed him how my feelings for him changed but he seemed unphased, which didn't surprise me. I am insignificant after all. But things took a different turn when I dared to compare him to a human because he had emotions. Pride got so angry, I was scared again and you know me? I had to talk my head off. Which I did. He grew impatient, told me to quiet down and I argued again, asked him to make me and he kissed him and he pushed me on my back. The SIN was back. I'm not trying to find an excuse for what happened next, but yes we had sex. I wanted it, he wanted it and it was great. It was raw and rough and hot and it left me with stars in my head and rainbows in my eyes and my poor heart just sunk a little more because I realized I wanted him for eternity. I needed him for eternity... Fuck.. I am doomed ain't I?
He just did the very thing that hurt Elpis millennia ago. He was having sex with anything before he was with her and during their time together until she learned he was cheating on her? I had that memory and it was vivid in my mind and heart. Elpis was devastated and she thought that since he couldn't commit, he wasn't into her so she was wasting her time. That was the first time he actually acknowledged his feelings for her. I became one of these girls he fucked. I hurt her. I couldn't sleep after we were done but I remained silent because I didn't know what to say. I just laid against him, cuddled with him while my head was already in the future. Elpis could feel and see all I felt and saw. I was sure about that. We have linked after all. And while I couldn't have a clear link to her so we couldn't speak, I already knew how hurt she was that he had sex with me and cheated on her. Maybe circumstances were different this time because I was a vessel, I could always try to convince her that it was his way to get closer to her, that he simply used me to be with her again since I bore an uncanny physical resemblance to her. I could put myself back to my place, the good-to-nothing human who simply carried the most important treasure of this world. I'm not being sarcastic here! Hope was literally trapped within me and I grew up in a world where there was no hope at all. It was a cold and pessimistic world where everything was written in advance and had to happen. Where no one could foresee a better future or fight for it. Where people were simply apathetic to everything. She was important. I might die setting her free but who would care anyway? Nobody cared enough... I was alone.
I might have wrecked this relationship or maybe I am giving myself too much importance. They were old spirits and had already lived millennia before I was born. I was nothing, maybe just a grain of salt in their life. So, if I didn't wreck their home, what did I wreck? I turned on my side and let him spoon me with his arm wrapped around my belly. He kissed my shoulder and neck, still giving me affection while I was lost my mind, trying to figure out whose life I ruined by having the best sex of my life. It suddenly became clear. I played myself. I ruined myself. I knew he wasn't in love with me and would never be. I didn't want him to ruin his relationship with this beautiful soul entrapped within me because I wasn't worth it. I didn't want to destroy anything he visibly had troubles building. But ultimately, I was the one suffering from the situation, more than he could ever do. My life was forever changed because I met him. If I was lucky enough to still be alive after that ordeal, he already told me he would never see me again. I would live like an empty shell with only memories of him in my mind and heart. It wasn't appealing. At all. If I died while freeing the deity, then I would have lived a very short and unsatisfying life. A life of solitude, sometimes self-imposed. A life of pessimism and fatality where nothing could happen without a reason. A life without hope of a better tomorrow, a life without the big love affair I think I deserved to have. I wanted a life filled with joy and love and how ironic was it to realize that when I would probably just end up dead in a short while? He didn't quite know how to address my situation because he didn't bother with human emotions but he felt I was in turmoil.
I wrapped my arm above his and entwined our fingers to give him a sense of security and normalcy. My mind might have been wandering but the warm sensation in my body, the afterglow of our lovemaking. no wait, it wasn't loved.. of our sexual intercourse was still on me. I bit my bottom lip as I tried to find some strength and wiped out tears I tried to hide from him.
« Are you alright? » He finally managed to ask, to which I replied with a nod. I was alright. The most alright I could ever be.
« Well, you gave me my first orgasms. We can celebrate this. » I said, half-joking.
He did make me feel like never before, satisfied me in ways I never knew I could be and helped me rediscover my body but it was my heart that was shattered because I realized that the best I ever had might be the best I could ever have. I couldn't complain, he gave himself to me, had me have a taste. It was more than I could ever hope for. He smirked smugly, as Pride always did and kept kissing the crook of my neck.
« You weren't so bad either. You promised I would get addicted but I don't think it worked. » He said seductively, inviting me for another round. I sighed softly and thought to myself that if that was the most I could get, then I would get it shamelessly, without having second thoughts for the poor soul entrapped within me, at least, not when we were having sex. I had all the time to have remorses afterward but would it be fair for me? My life was limited and fragile so maybe I deserved it. I wasn't a homewrecker. I was a woman in love. I smiled and turned around to face him and his cerulean eyes.
« I think we need more tests... you weren't very receptive but the second test would be better. I'm never wrong. » I said, as I bit his bottom lip and let my hands ran over his chest. Pride grunted and lifted my naked and supple leg up to his waist.
I wasn't a homewrecker but I did deserve to be wrecked both metaphorically and literally that night. It wasn't time for regret because my life was at stake so I decided to ignore and push back any remorse for the evening. He granted me a gift, who was I to refuse it?
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