Saturday, April 16, 2022

mobster-verse (PB): Victoria "Mary" Colson

 Biographical information

 

Full name

Victoria « Mary » Colson

 

Born

1903

 

Age

30

 

Status

Alive

 

Origin

LONDON, England

 

Address

Small Heath Birmingham,  England.

 

Also known as

« Virgin » Mary (derogatory)

Mary (Everybody close to her calls her Mary)

Victoria Colson

Mrs. Colson

Miss V (when she sings)

Brown Bunny (derogatory)

The Nightingale of Small Heath.

 

 

Affiliation

Shelby Family

Peaky Blinders

 

Occupation

Nurse
Singer
Barmaid at The Garrison Pub.

 

Relationships (with the Shelbys sans Thomas) :

 

Arthur Shelby :

 

Arthur had a soft spot for Victoria. He enjoyed her bold nature when she came and stated that the pub needed a feminine touch and a little bit of beauty. He enjoyed her voice and the warmth she brought to the pub and appreciated their little banter. He treated her like a sister, especially since she didn’t mind telling him when he was out of line or when she lectured him about sleeping around with prostitutes without at least using protection -he could father children he didn’t want and that was the angle she argued with.-  He quickly grew protective of her and could go berzerk if someone dared touch, intimidate, or threaten her.  When Finn told him that he believed she was falling for Tommy, he didn’t believe him, considering how hard to read her face was. He soon realized the way she was behaving when his brother was around and how animated she became when he was mentioned and decided to make Thomas aware of the situation by telling him straight to his face that « Mary » was falling for him and she was too good of a woman to be left pining and he should deal with her in a way or the other but at least give her closure.

 

Polly Gray

 

Polly, as with most of the newcomers to their inner circle put Victoria through the wringer. She wanted to see if she was sincere or if she was a conniving little bitch. Much to her surprise, she found out that Victoria was a genuine woman who sincerely cared for her family but had a few skeletons in her closet. The two would grow closer over time, with Polly trying to help Victoria loosen up a bit and stop looking past her shoulders for a potential threat. She considered her somehow like her daughter and Victoria considered her like a maternal figure she never had. Her death left her devastated, even more so than John’s.

 

Ada Thorne

 

While Ada wants nothing to do with the Peaky Blinders or their business, she already heard about Victoria as well as Victoria heard about Ada. They both share a mutual respect. Victoria would treat her like a sister she never had, increasingly trusting her with secrets about her past she had not yet confided to Tommy. Ada realized that Alcohol was one poison Victoria took regularly and the more stressed out and scared she was, the more she drank. Polly being the same, the two women would increase their alcohol intake to the point of alerting Thomas when Victoria settles with him. Ada does help her sober up by allowing Victoria to channel her grief through taking care of Karl.

 

Finn Shelby :

 

Victoria is a little older than Finn, so when they met, he treated her as a friend. Finn, with his carefree mind, managed to crack her eggshell. He usually would banter with her and would make her the butt of his jokes. He quickly grew attached to her and would eagerly watch her perform at the club. He’s the first to notice that despite her claims, she’s not indifferent to Thomas and would discuss the matter with Arthur, unsure of what to do with the information. Finn would also witness an intimidation attempt from a rival gang from London, which she owed money, which would turn into an assault and would rescue her in time. The incident would shake her for a while and impact her performance but she requested Finn not to tell his brothers and would spend a couple weeks sleeping with a crowbar under her pillow in fear of another attack. When the two guys sent by the rival gang, crash one of her concerts, she broke down on stage and ran away, frightened that they would return to finish their job. Finn ended up spilling the beans to his brothers who took it upon them to pay her debt off, but not before they brutalized the men.

 

 

John Shelby

 

Victoria didn’t interact much with John, but they shared a mutual respect.  He had always been kind at best or at least polite when she was around. He advised Thomas to leave her out of illegal activities because she wasn’t cut for the task. It had less to do with being sentimental and honorable than being careful and protecting the business. However, John recognized that her ability to draw attention and captivate her audience could be used to take information from specific targets. She enjoyed John’s company and thought that he was a very thoughtful and decent human being.  She wept when he died and still is devastated by his death to this day.

 

 

Husband :

Carter Colson (1890 –  died. 1920) He was a former gangster from London, a gross manipulative asshole who took advantage of her. He left her in debt the didn’t pay for the birth and funeral of their child without telling her and unable to pay, she fled to Small Heath.

 

Father :

Jonathan Kingston (died 1915)

 

Mother :

Helen Bridge ( Still alive but has abandoned her daughter, might come back later in her story to bring trouble. She is wealthy and well established in the British political scene.)

 

Son :

Paul Colson (1918 – 1918 He didn’t survive childbirth and lived for 30 minutes.)

 

Sisters-in-law :

Katherine Colson (She never liked Victoria and cut ties after the death of her brother. She rats her out to mobsters to whom her brother owed money.)

 

Pets

A cat: Queen

 

Portrayed by

Gugu Mbatha-Raw

 

 

CHARACTER HISTORY :

 

EARLY LIFE

 

Victoria is born to a Jamaican father and an English mother. They met when her mother was on a trip to Jamaica with her parents, fell in love, and had sex that resulted in Victoria’s mother, Helen, getting pregnant. She returned to Great Britain and kept her pregnancy a secret and gave birth in 1903 to a daughter she didn’t even name and gave to an orphanage. Her father remained in Jamaica until WW1 broke and he joined the British army. He died in 1915 on the battlefield.

 

The nuns called the baby Victoria and raised her in a loveless and abusive environment. They trained her to become a nurse, so she would be able to help the children and alleviate the nuns' workload. She grew up into a beautiful woman who excelled in the medical field and discovered a real talent for singing she worked hard on.

 

In 1917, she met a 27 years old black man who belonged to a gang well established in London. He had managed to lie his way out of war by pretending to be disabled -which he wasn’t- He manipulated the then 14 years old Victoria,  into falling for him, using the fact she was young, naive, and eager to escape her miserable life. They started to « date » and one year later, she got pregnant with their first child. He married her with the complicity of the nuns and she became Mrs. Coulson.  She gave birth to a baby boy « Paul Colson » who died only 30 minutes after his birth, traumatizing the young woman.

 

She lived a very poor life with her husband and the two were very often forced to move out of the places they chose. She tried working as a nurse but wasn’t hired due to discrimination or sleazeballs who wanted to have sex with her. She was forced to turn into factory labor but there, befriended a woman called Stacy Dash. She discovered in 1920, at 17 years old, that her husband was actually a gangster who owed money to his London-based gang. He had swindled her into loving him, thinking he was an honest man when he wasn’t. The news devastated the young woman who sought refuge at Stacy's house and stayed for a full week. Her husband begged her to come back to him and warned her that they had to run away because his gang was looking for him but she refused to come back. After a week, she returned to their home only to find it burglarized and her husband murdered.

 

Scared for her life, she fled and hid at Small heath, where she lived a very difficult life. Afraid of being discovered and being asked about the money her late husband owed to the mob, she worked as a barmaid in any slump that wanted to hire her, when she wasn’t singing on the street. She witnessed the rise of the Shelby family as the resident gangsters but chose not to take part in any of their activities.

 

In 1924, she met with Arthur Shelby, after a dreadful month spent eating almost nothing, she chose to reach out to the Shelbys for an honest job and was hired as a barmaid. She kept quiet for a couple years but built a good rapport with Arthur, Ada, John, and Finn. Grace’s death and the following doom and gloom that settled in the bar compelled her to ask permission to begin her « singing career » Which somehow helped soften the blow of Grace’s death.

 

--- this is where the story differs from the show. Thomas still has hallucinations of Grace, and his situation is still difficult.

 

In 1925/1926 :

 

A couple months before John’s death, he informed Arthur about Victoria’s interest in his brother. Arthur then discussed the situation with both Victoria (who denied it) and Thomas (who didn’t realize the scope of the revelation). She had fairly found her place within the family, becoming a close friend and ally to the Shelbys. Her past, however, caught up to her, and one night, she was confronted by two London gangsters who -tipped off by her former sister-in-law-. The confrontation quickly turned ugly as the men tried to frighten her into giving them her money and paying off the debt, and they tried to rape her to prove their point. Finn witnessed the whole ordeal because he was going to her place to talk about her relationship with Tommy and how obvious it was that they both cared for each other – and his ulterior motive was to use this connexion to his advantage- He rescued her and tried to convince her to talk about the situation but she refused to bring her drama to their already dramatic life.

 

Things quickly turned sour for her. She started to heavily drink and sleep with a crowbar behind her pillow. She was staring at the clientele of the pub, to find her assailants and her behavior didn’t go unnoticed. All hell broke loose when the men who stalked her, finally attended one of her shows at the pub, prompting her to break down on stage and cancel the show. A concerned Thomas tried to make her tell the truth but it took a while before she finally explained what was going on. Enraged, Thomas asked his brothers to help him deal with the situation. They found the guys, beat them up, and paid them off, saving Victoria from them. Still concerned, Thomas asked for the young woman to come live with him so he would make sure to keep an eye on her and protect her better.  Which she agreed to do.

 

This year saw the death of John, which was a shock for the family. Because they feuded with the Changretta, the Shelbys lost a brother and that sent both Thomas and Victoria into despair. Of them both, and perhaps because she was used to being left behind and to death (from the orphanage, her son, and her husband), Victoria found the strength to comfort Thomas and help him grieve for the death. They had sex for the first time while mourning for John and from this moment on, they would become more intimate.  At first, Tommy believed that it meant nothing, she was just another woman he had sex with like Tatiana Petrovna or Mary Carlton but he was wrong. He cared for Victoria, enough for him to be alarmed when Ada told him about her alcoholism and the grief she was trying to deal with. She encouraged her brother to talk to the woman and have her speak of her late son and her past. Which he did, and which brought them closer together.

 

The war with the Changretta Family reached its end in 1926 with the death of Changretta at the hand of Arthur. The family seems to still reel from the death of Grace and John but the genuine and innocent presence of the young woman offers some well-deserved comfort to both Thomas and Charles. He wants her to permanently settle with him and become an honest woman (so perhaps he is proposing but it’s not clear here) but she always rejects his suggestions, unwilling to become a replacement for his late wife. Thomas is plagued with nightmares of Grace as he feels guilty about replacing her « so soon » with someone else as he feels he is falling for Victoria. His family, however, advise him to be very careful with the young woman and not use her as he did with Tatiana.

 

Comes 1929 ------ to be updated 

 

  

PERSONALITY

 

Victoria’s saving grâce had always been her wits. She is clever, and stoic most of the time so she could observe people and gather as much information as she could. She is widely known for her beautiful singing voice, her skills as a nurse, and her uncanny beauty.  She is a quiet woman who loves quiet hobbies and she’s also resilient. Despite growing up in a very abusive orphanage, Victoria still found the strength to keep a positive outlook on life -at least, she pretends to be She still has some innocence left and despite her aloof nature, once she trusts people she warms up to them and reveals a very soft and kinder side.  Deep down, she’s a broken bird who needs a safe place to heal but hasn’t known what genuine love is and therefore can’t recognize it when she sees it.  She’s very loyal and once she gets closer to the Shelbys, she would remain loyal and follow Thomas Shelby -but not blindly-

 

CHARACTER ANALYSIS

 

 

Living... in post-WWI Birmingham, England, a widow. She is doing her best to survive a very difficult time. How had she not been killed yet is a mystery?

Profession... She has medical training and is a certified nurse who worked at the orphanage she grew up in. However, when the Orphanage closed off, she tried to find a legitimate job as a nurse but she couldn’t face it due to either racism or sexual harassment. She resorted to becoming a barmaid and a singer at a local pub in Birmingham that happens to be owned by the Peaky Blinders.

Interests...  Drinking and dancing. Victoria doesn’t have many vices but alcohol helped her numb the pain. She also loves animals and sometimes watches racetracks

Relationship Status... single. Since she had to fend for herself, she avoided opening up to people.

Challenge... Staying alive and out of illegal activities. She doesn’t have much choice since gangsters were thriving at her time. She had to give in to her sleazy landlord to keep her roof over her head.

Personality... Victoria is intelligent, cunning, witty, and stoic (not to Tommy’s extent, but she’s really hard to read). She is trying to protect herself from pain as her life had been nothing but a bad cycle. Deep down she’s actually very soft and desperate for love but looks in the wrong places.  She is not above killing someone if that meant she could protect others (or herself). She’s been traumatized by the loss of her baby, the abandonment of her mother, and the abuse at the hands of the nuns who « raised her ».  She wears on her back the stigmata of the whipping she received at their hands. All she wants is a happy life, but she tends to self-sabotage because she doesn’t believe she’s worth loving.

 

XXX

 

ROMANCES :

 

THOMAS SHELBY

 

They have a very complex relationship. They met when he was still married to Grace and at the very beginning, despite noting her beauty and quiet nature, he didn’t really pay attention to her.  He enjoyed her honesty and the genuine care she put into her work and noticed he enjoyed her singing. However, she was at the very best, just one of his employees, and at the very worst, not important enough for him to care.

 

Things started to change with grace’s death. By then, Victoria had become very close to some of his siblings, especially Arthur and Finn. He noticed her genuine care for his family and admitted to her that he enjoyed it when she was singing because the place looked less gloomy and dreadful to stay in. The two started to spend more time talking to each other and eventually bonded over time. Both are very reserved and keep their feelings close to their heart due to their respective traumas and issues. Victoria is very guarded because she fears being abandoned and abused like she so often was in the past but she can’t really hold back her tenderness towards her kin « Thomas ».

 

They’re both hurt, and both are trying to find something that could make them forget the pain. Thomas has alcohol, smoking, and gambling while she limits herself to Drinking. They both like sex as a way to forget their pain but as they grow attached, they start to make love instead of seeking release. They argued a lot, especially before they admitted their feelings to one another because Thomas didn’t mind having sex with other women when he felt like it (or to further his plan) because he wanted to prove to himself that he wasn’t in love with Victoria. They argued when other men flirted with the singer because Thomas was afraid she would leave with one of them. It took some time before he realized that he was jealous and wanted her for himself. Not just because he was selfish, not just because he craved her affection but because he wanted to make her happy. Still….Being in love and caring for one another wasn’t an easy task for both of them.

 

He wants to protect her and doesn’t tell her what he considers she doesn’t need to know, which would increasingly frustrate her. Despite her desire to keep her hands clean, she also wants to support her man and wants to advise her but it’s a thin thread that could snap at any moment. She is smart, and she sometimes has the right ideas but Tommy doesn’t want to lose her because she got her hands dirty with his business. He’s overprotective of her and since John’s death is paranoid enough to double her security details. She noticed that he’s self-destructing and never satisfies himself with what he has. He’s afraid to hurt her beyond reason and to lose the tiny bit of sanity still left inside him. he’s afraid that she would believe he compares her to Grace and would never be up to her memory and it eats at him that perhaps his second love would ruin his third one.

.

Tommy is the first man she’s actually loved and with this first love comes to passion. She loves him fiercely and doesn’t hesitate to knock some senses into his skull or confront his family if she thinks they went out of line. She also reasons with Thomas and tries to soften the angles so the family doesn’t break apart. Needless to say that she doesn’t always succeed but her efforts are noteworthy.

 

 

***

 

Quotes

 

« You don’t need to go tonight. You don’t need to die for a nobody like me. »


« Don’t think for a second that I don’t have it in me to kill a man. I’d kill you in a second and wipe my blade on your fucking face. »


«I don’t come from two worlds, Tommy. I am but human and I suffer like the rest of us, so fuck you and your high horse! »


« My weapon of choice is Bourbon. If I was looking for something quick, I’d shoot myself. »


"Love? Your mouth says the words but I see your cold eyes. I see the emptiness inside and the desperate need to fill the void. You don’t love me, you simply need a distraction."


« Are you really laying on my bed, pretending that all I am to you is a cunt to fuck? Are you really trying to make me believe that there is no affection for me in that black heart of yours? Piss off !”


"This smile of yours, Tommy, is going to be the death of me. It seems that I can’t resist when you smile, eh?"


 

« I don’t want to let my heart bleed in front of him. If I do that, then he would have seen all of me and all of me can’t be loved. I know…God told me. »


« I swear, on your fucking brother’s grave, that if you keep yapping your mouth I will slap the shit out of you Thomas! How Dare you speak to me like this ?! »


« I have never given my heart to someone before… If I give it to you, promise me you won’t destroy it. It’s all I have left, my most prized possession. Don’t fuck with me. »

quick musing: On why you shouldn't put too much pressure on yourself.

 Quote of the day "Not everything has to become a mission. Not everything has to carry the weight of people's expectations. When you write, you first do it for yourself and perhaps, some people would get along with the story. Perhaps, some people would identify with your characters. Sometimes it's good to have glitter for the sake of glitter with no higher purpose. Have fun!" <--- Brought to you by my dear dear friend Myriam M. who is a French writer.

I was lamenting about how long it's taken me to finish the first draft (which isn't finished yet.) and how I felt like a fraud. She told me that storytelling was my calling, that I was able to write thousands and thousands of pages worth of alternate universes, fanfictions, original stories, and poems and I felt the best when I was doing it. (Thank you by the way M.)
She told me that I shouldn't be worried about the way people would welcome my book, nor change the topics I actually talk about (war, self-acceptance, mental illness, politics/ conspiracies on another planet than Earth). She told me that I shouldn't make it more than it is. it doesn't have to be a game-changer. It doesn't have to be a masterpiece. It doesn't have to please the majority. It only has to please me and be the story I want to write. It only has to be something I can be proud of. It has to be something I had fun writing.
And she's right. I have noticed that in this business (but also in life in general), people put too much pressure on their shoulders and aren't able to enjoy either their work or whatever they enjoy because they feel the need to make it bigger than it is and to seek unanimous approval. (which is impossible and it's okay.) Please, have fun. please, enjoy your craft and any other leisure activity you're doing. Sometimes, glitter is just glitter and we have the right to enjoy it. ❤
*I honestly can't wait to finish the book (Editing will start this year. If all goes well, It should start around June/ July.) and be able to talk more about it 😃

Quick musing: The Gap in your resume and why it should be stopped

 Quickly musing:

Ah, the value of a human being isn't based on some arbitrary path. Life happens, choices are made, therefore it's very unlikely that everyone would follow the same script.
Well, I think that the "gap in the resume" is really antiquated and more often than not, is used in social situations by people asking the question, to look down at the recipient of said question. They don't really care about what led to a different path (be it setbacks, be it some time off to learn/ study something, be it anything really.), Unfortunately, it's still a dick-measuring contest, and it prevents people from focusing on what's more important.
Again, we do live in societies where people first define themselves by the job they have (or the best way they can contribute to society by making money) but those considerations quickly lose weight when something serious happens.
But in the end, what truly matters is the content of your heart and the impact you had on others. And I still think that this question should be removed from standard job interviews.

Quick musing of the night: About nerve-wrecking

 Another Quickie,

I quit my former job a little more than a year ago. After years of crying myself to sleep, having nightmares about my job, and being too tired to have "my" normal social life. I was working myself to sickness and the mental abuse from the employer, the backstabbing from colleagues who had already given up, the intense perfectionist trait of mine that made me work to the last minute even on the day I definitely left the company made me reconsider everything.
It was the hardest thing I have ever done. especially since I left during the pandemic but by then when I was at the hospital, I sincerely started to think about the life I wanted to have and this wasn't it. I quit. I sent my resignation letter and went to work that day with a knot in my belly. But it was easier than I thought and the sense of relief I felt during the last couple of months spent there was worth the decision I made. (I can never thank enough, the friends, family, and Main husband who gave me vital emotional support)
No job should make you feel like crying yourself to sleep.
No job should invade your private life to the point of destroying it.
No job should put your health in danger.
No employer should abuse their employees
And the most important is that there should be a work-life balance.
what's the point in running after money if it prevents you to have the time to spend it on things you love?
Anyway, I was just musing about how happy I was today, I am slowly coming back to being myself again. work isn't easy, no job is easy but hell! we don't have to suffer like that, even masochists have limits!

Treasurethe one who trusts you

Quote of the day: "treasure the one who trusts you for it is the most precious gift one could give." ---- brought to you by my friend A.
I absolutely agree. I find it beautiful when someone is comfortable enough with me and trusts me enough to be true to themselves. They would be and behave as they are, without feeling the need to mask. I love it when they are relaxed next to me and we can enjoy each other's company without compensating for something. We just are. We just love each other without conditions. we are free.
I find it even more beautiful when I feel comfortable and am capable of trust. A life of trauma and violence really took it away from me and I still don't give my love or my trust that easily. I just find it liberating to be myself, be cheeky, or have my meltdowns or whatever goes without having to worry or making the exhausting effort to mask for others. I am me, and the most beautiful thing I have seen is that I could be loved for being me. just me.
it's just really cool to be able to have that. A safe haven, a safe place, a safe person (people) to be yourself with

Wednesday, April 13, 2022

Pris: Satisfaction

 "Patience hasn't really been my forte. Has it, Superbia? I know I need time to heal and regain my full strength. I know I need time to unleash my true power. I have to train, to perfect myself in order to be a reliable warrior on the battlefield. I have never waged war before. I have, however, killed and exterminated pantheons. I was responsible for so many deaths, and yet, I was just unleashed, undisciplined, and probably not conscious of the power I displayed on such days. I need to refine my art and improve my skills. I understand it, beloved. That doesn't mean I could be patient. I couldn't and you know damn well that I couldn't be. So what could satisfy me when I am waiting for war? 


You. You satisfy me. you feed my hunger for carnage by challenging me when we go out into the mortal realm. You feed my curiosity and excitement by forcing me to use my powers in a more creative way. You feed my lust for you, by making love to me just the way I love it. Oh...Superbia, your love-making skills. I could spend eternity describing the joy and pleasure you give me when you fuck me. I could start with the intensity in your eyes, the dirty words you utter to me, the spanking, the nibbling, and the oh delicious way you hold my neck and make me beg for you. I could spend way too much time praising you, beloved,, but I won't be doing it here, not now, because Lust will be dealt with another day. 


You satisfy me, beloved when we tend to spend time together and travel the world. I know you are giving me more than just your mere presence on Earth. I know you revile this place and you despise humans. I know it costs you to mingle with them and yet, here you are with me.  You show your affection by being patient, taking your time, and even indulging in some of those human fine arts. I measure my luck. I realize that you really care about me, my well-being, and you cater to my every need. I know you are aware of my desire to see my sister bleed at my feet. I dream about bathing in her blood and watching her die.  I share my dreams with you and as soon as you catch disappointment in my voice, you always arrange for me to entertain my mind out of that frustration. 


I am happy by your side. I have just realized it, my King. I am happy by your side because I can finally be me. I can finally be taken care of as I deserve and considered as more than just a pretty face. My power goes beyond my beauty. My power goes beyond Hope and Light. My power is Life. My power is absolute. My power is at your service, but so is my love. You are the best thing to have ever happened to me, Superbia. Your old form and new form both brought me new things and I am grateful for these. I am grateful to you. I love you."

Doya: Bruises

 "Let me take a look at you, Dean, when you patch me up. You've mastered the stitches like no one I've ever known. They're always clean, and quick, but on top of that, they leave little to no scars.  It's a simple gesture of yours, you checking on me, making sure I don't have bigger injuries, and patching me up when I do. It's simple but it means the world to me. Through this, I see that you care. Through this, I also see that you're scared. Fair enough, I am scared too. I am scared a shit tone ever since we got together and I was made part of Team Free Will. I thought I would have a hard time watching you guys die on my watch. I had nightmares about seeing you die in front of me without being able to prevent it. How many times did we get close to this? I have lost count, but I know how hard it impacted me. Losing you. Surviving you. I couldn't deal with that shit. I realized that I also couldn't deal with dying and leaving you behind. How could I die and force you to survive me? 


You have been through so much loss over the years. You've been hurting. When we met you were on autopilot, only doing what you knew and losing yourself to your work. You had buried yourself deep inside your mind just so you wouldn't be hurt again. I came in like a wrecking ball, come to think of it. Unexpected, dangerous, and dramatically changing your lives. I could say the same about you. I was a mess. A suicidal mess at that. I wanted to find the monster that slaughtered my family and kill it and die with it because I felt guilty. I felt unloveable. I felt like a loser who would keep on losing. Spending time with you opened my eyes to the fact I was craving a family. I wanted to give all the love inside me to other people and I was tired of being on my own. I found that balance with you. I found that love in you. Needless to say that I appreciate not having to sleep in an empty bed. -you know that already-. Needless to say that I can let go and take charge of both our pleasure. Needless to say that I love seeing the stigmata of the night on your body, the proof that we were both alive and together the night before. 


You understand me. you understand my pain just like I understand yours. you soothe my heart, silence my demons just like I do with yours. I think that I got lucky when I ran into you, you know why? you've changed my life in your own way. from a lonely, stupid reckless soul, I became grounded, hopeful, determined, and into the moment. I came back to life. That's the magic you did on me. I am alive.  The Oya I thought would never come back, the cheerful loving, stubborn and playful Oya was thought to have died a long time ago. Yet with you, she's reborn. I am reborn and I am humbled you chose me. I am humbled that you trust me. I am humbled you love me, Dean. It's no small feat, especially when one can plainly see how much care you put into my care. I want to protect you, love, from any potential pain, coming our way. I want to protect your heart and let you see love as something that was beautiful to experience. Love is beautiful, loving you is even more beautiful." 


 

Jb (modern): What

 « Would it be crazy to want to elope to a desert island and build a life together there? I have so many ideas… so many desires. But if I take a minute to think, I realize that plenty of these can’t happen. Yet! I found something amazing with you, Jaime. I found a home in you. Somewhere I can feel safe. Somewhere where I am wanted. I love spending time at the secret lair and I think that I am getting used to sleeping with someone. Would it be crazy to elope and just be happy together? I daydream about it. I know it's ridiculous because we shouldn't escape. we should instead face whatever comes our way. My older brother died because he tried to run away with Lyanna Stark, so I should not be repeating his mistakes. I should...I should be free to love whoever I want to. I should be free to love you. 


I haven't said the words to you. perhaps, you think that I am not serious and I just want to have fun. I can promise you that I am serious. If I wasn't, I would have collected boyfriends like dust, but I didn't. If I wasn't serious, I wouldn't be visiting you or lamenting about not being able to be seen with you in public. Do you think I would bother to hide if I didn't want to protect you? Do you think I would want to protect you if I didn't love you? it's so foolishly easy to explain why you are the first person I call when another guy hurts me. It's so easy to explain why I always show up at your door when uninvited. it's because I want to see you. I want to be with you.  I... I... it's not as complicated as it seems, yeah? I am in love with you, Mister Jaime Lannister. 


It dawned on me at Christmas. I was upset that you were upset. I wanted you to know that I had been faithful. I wanted you to know that I would never entertain the idea of seeing someone else. Heck! Eleonor Bigsby almost had a bloody argument with me because she called you old and nasty... What is Love, if not the strong desire to make you happy? what is Love, if not the warmth and satisfaction I feel when I lay next to you? what is love, If not the desire to take you to my favorite places, make you have a good time? What is Love, if not the strength to face the odds against us? What is it, if not accept to remain in the shadows to protect you, because you requested it? 


I don't know how you feel about me. I don't know what you want from me and perhaps that could explain why I am not screaming at you that I want a life with you. I don't want to ruin the peaceful time we have together. I don't want to...I am selfish, I know. I will tell you when it's right. I don't care that you are older than me, or that you've probably had a child in the past, or whatever skeleton in your closet -except for murder. please, let me not discover you've killed someone!- perhaps I'm just trying to protect my heart a little more. After all, I already had someone claim they love me, only to learn they never did and that shit hurts. it hurts... it hurts so much that it's holding me back from telling you how I truly feel about you. Maybe...Maybe I should. we'll see. "

 

JB (regular): A man of honour

« You have always been a man of your word. As far as I remember you, Jaime, you’ve always made sure to keep your word. You were the only one to come to join us in our battle against the Night King. Your desire to protect humanity against Death incarnate, truly made me reconsider you as a whole. It was the first time you weren’t a « Lannister » to me. I didn’t see the shadow of your dad and sister but instead, I saw the man you were. I think I fell for you at this very moment. In retrospect, I think I fell for you right before our last battle. 


You have always taken your time with me. Case in point, we haven’t acted on our mutual yearning. You have always been kind to me, even when you lectured me. I knew you were always looking out for me. Oh, Jaime… when everyone was hating on you for the choices you made, I saw things from your perspective. You loved. You loved fiercely! You made your choices because you loved your family, your people under the ruling of the mad king,  and during the long night, you showed your love for humanity. You loved and you lost everything.


I know what it’s like to lose everything. I have always wanted to give you the world, Jaime. Because you have suffered enough. Your married skin, traumatized body, and scarred soul have been through too much already. I was motivated by your smile. I was motivated by the idea of bringing a smile back to your face and that made me feel warm inside. That made me cross the whole continent so I could find you. Do you have any idea of what your smile does to me? I learned to love the curves of your face, the intense emerald gazes yours that send shivers down my spine. I learned to like your sharp tongue, and that burly face, tanned by the years spent fighting and the loss you suffered from. I learned to love you as a whole, without your hand, without a crown on top of your head, without pompous titles, and with nothing but the shell left after the death of Cersei. I loved you then, at your worst. I love you now, at your better and I will love you at your best. 


I want to be yours. I want to share everything with you. I want the lips of the man I chose to touch my body, whisper in my ear. I want the hands of the man I chose to discover my body, my curves, and the warmth between my legs. I want you to possess me, conquer those lands people died trying to steal. I want you to make me feel good because I know the heart would align with the body and the love I feel for you is healing. I want to be yours… mind, body, and soul. And I swear before the gods, old and new, that I will always love you, whether we have the blessings or not. Whether… we can be together or not. »



Klasma: I want to tell you a secret

 "I want to tell you a secret, Klaus. Well is it a secret when you can read into me like I am an open book? I guess there is still something that you need to hear. Here you are, staring at the ceiling, your chest heaving up and down at a steady pace. I feel the urge to let my hand run over your chest, stroking your skin to make you feel good and perhaps soothe me too. You're here, you're real and you're under my fingers. I watch as you seem at peace or maybe you are satisfied. it's been a while, forgive me if I can't really decipher what you're truly thinking. I want to tell you a secret but my lips are closed off. I can't let the words escape my lips. I want to tell you about the witches that are hunting me, about the joy I feel when I am truly unleashed when I can kill those who seek to kill me. Is it bloodlust? perhaps... It is liberating because I don't have to hold back. I don't have to pretend. I don't have to hide. I let go of my feelings, the ones that hurt the most because of the curse. I want to tell you I understand. I understand. 


I want to tell you that I enjoyed our encounter.  I memorized every crease and corner of your body. I memorized your face, your smiles, your golden eyes when you turn. I learned to appreciate your uncanny beauty. It was more to me than just flesh bumping against flesh. it was more than sex. I felt connected to someone which I haven't felt for centuries. I felt at the right place, with the right person. I felt alive! Yes, you fucked me good, that's an understatement! but aside from the pleasure, you gave me. Aside from the joy we both felt, there was something else. We're both kindred sports, aren't we? Both cursed, both lonely, both sensitive... I felt your loneliness when you were deep inside of me. I felt the desire to be close to someone. I felt it too. I desperately need to be close to people, to be trusted, and to trust. I saw mischief in your eyes, relief perhaps... I felt your warmth and your candor. You were genuine with me. You were...I felt...  


The real secret here is that I know you will leave and it scares me. I know you will forget about me. You are the Original after all, Elijah's brother. If my memory is any good as it was before, Elijah and your whole family have a habit of leaving, running away, hiding... scheming, and fighting. You will be gone and you will leave me behind. For you, I might just have been this new little experiment, this little witch whose powers could be useful. For me, you were more than just another Tuesday. You were a promise, you were someone I wanted to see again, and again... and again. You were a friend and you will be the one to break my heart, because as stupid as it sounds, I grew attached to my Hybrid but I can't ever tell him so. "

Friday, April 8, 2022

COPG "short'! "She was Life incarnate."


COPG

 "Wherever she went, Elpis made life flourish. She was, after all, the goddess of Hope and Life, the daughter of Gaea, the Primeval goddess of Life. Her revenge sounded sweet to her and she knew that soon, the dreams of bathing in the blood of her siblings would soon become reality. Pride promised her so and he always kept his promises."