« Would it be crazy to want to elope to a desert island and build a life together there? I have so many ideas… so many desires. But if I take a minute to think, I realize that plenty of these can’t happen. Yet! I found something amazing with you, Jaime. I found a home in you. Somewhere I can feel safe. Somewhere where I am wanted. I love spending time at the secret lair and I think that I am getting used to sleeping with someone. Would it be crazy to elope and just be happy together? I daydream about it. I know it's ridiculous because we shouldn't escape. we should instead face whatever comes our way. My older brother died because he tried to run away with Lyanna Stark, so I should not be repeating his mistakes. I should...I should be free to love whoever I want to. I should be free to love you.
I haven't said the words to you. perhaps, you think that I am not serious and I just want to have fun. I can promise you that I am serious. If I wasn't, I would have collected boyfriends like dust, but I didn't. If I wasn't serious, I wouldn't be visiting you or lamenting about not being able to be seen with you in public. Do you think I would bother to hide if I didn't want to protect you? Do you think I would want to protect you if I didn't love you? it's so foolishly easy to explain why you are the first person I call when another guy hurts me. It's so easy to explain why I always show up at your door when uninvited. it's because I want to see you. I want to be with you. I... I... it's not as complicated as it seems, yeah? I am in love with you, Mister Jaime Lannister.
It dawned on me at Christmas. I was upset that you were upset. I wanted you to know that I had been faithful. I wanted you to know that I would never entertain the idea of seeing someone else. Heck! Eleonor Bigsby almost had a bloody argument with me because she called you old and nasty... What is Love, if not the strong desire to make you happy? what is Love, if not the warmth and satisfaction I feel when I lay next to you? what is love, If not the desire to take you to my favorite places, make you have a good time? What is Love, if not the strength to face the odds against us? What is it, if not accept to remain in the shadows to protect you, because you requested it?
I don't know how you feel about me. I don't know what you want from me and perhaps that could explain why I am not screaming at you that I want a life with you. I don't want to ruin the peaceful time we have together. I don't want to...I am selfish, I know. I will tell you when it's right. I don't care that you are older than me, or that you've probably had a child in the past, or whatever skeleton in your closet -except for murder. please, let me not discover you've killed someone!- perhaps I'm just trying to protect my heart a little more. After all, I already had someone claim they love me, only to learn they never did and that shit hurts. it hurts... it hurts so much that it's holding me back from telling you how I truly feel about you. Maybe...Maybe I should. we'll see. "
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