Klasma: Cat and Mouse

Klasma: Cat and Mouse

// Aren't they? This is just me musing about these two. :) 

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They played a game of cat and mouse. The cursed witch and the hybrid. Fate had them cross paths several times. Each and every one of these encounters was different. The first one was made of blood and tears for Klaus did slaughter her family. The second one was made with joy and warmth for they got to know each other, centuries later. She came to him with a different mindset. She wanted to give him a chance and see him for who he really was. It probably had something to do with experimenting some of that immortality. It changed her perspective on him and on his behavior centuries ago. That encounter helped them get close to each other but more importantly, it helped her realize just how much touch-deprived she had been. It helped Mary realize just how much she enjoyed his company and how devastated she would be when he would leave. 

And he did leave. Typical Klaus behavior. He was bound to come back to Mystic Falls and they said goodbyes. The first of perhaps many, but one that wasn't bitter as they usually always were. It hurt to watch him leave. The cursed witch couldn't even lie to herself at this point, she wanted the hybrid to return. She found herself thinking about him, about his smile, and about his chuckle. She wanted to talk to him, trade memories of the centuries they went through and the follies they experienced back then. He taught her a lot, in such a short amount of time spent with her, he taught her a lot about painting. She taught him something or two about singing since it was something she excelled at. the witch found herself thinking about their fingers entwined, and the wine they both shared at his porch, late at night. Mary was craving his company and the solitude she felt because he was absent was now impossible to ignore. 

They played a game of cat and mouse. She knew that they would meet again and perhaps, this third meeting would be different and positive. Could things really ever be positive? Could they be when she was always at risk of being discovered? Could they be when she could be found by literally any other supernatural creature? Could their reunion be happy, when he probably wouldn't be done being hunted down by enemies? This life she wanted with him, this life she was dreaming of might be the hardest life she's ever had. To her eyes, it wasn't as bad as the life she had before. What was worse than solitude and pain? What was worse, eh? Certainly not a life with Klaus. what did that mean anyway? A life with him? Life between two immortals? What did that mean? 

-TBC-

COPG: life and Death of Ishtar: Dreams and nightmares

COPG: life and Death of Ishtar: Dreams and nightmares

 // Welp... Ishtar wanted to speak, so I let him :p 

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Ishtar resumed walking among mortals, part of his heart wanted to find Elpis and reason with her. He wanted her to come back home and join forces against Pride. Ayasha informed him of the victory of the sins Lust and Pride over the rest of their siblings and their current affairs with the Greek Pantheon. He knew that it would only be a matter of time before Pride, Lust, and his sister would raid the Primordial Garden and he refused to accept that she couldn't be reasoned with.  It was clear that she had become more powerful since she was set free. He only felt her once, but her surge of power was so intense that nobody could have missed her. Ishtar realized that she discovered her true potential and was tapping into it, empowering herself to levels rivaling those of Gaea.  Ayasha told him that she had received the visit of a black butterfly on the day their brother died and she was scared of receiving another visit. What would she do? who would die? she refused to know and she was spending her days locked in her room.

He wished he could talk to her and convince her to follow him instead of staying with the Sin. What could possibly bring Pride to the goddess??? He was unable to feel anything and Elpis was a goddess who felt deeply. She needed someone to love her, to worship her, to make her feel like she was the only goddess in the whole universe. Pride made her believe things that were not true. He probably promised her things he wouldn't be able to give Elpis and she would end up disappointed. His obsession with Elpis didn't stop, not even after he made up with Ayasha, not even after Gaea rejected his last offer. Elpis was still in his mind. He didn't know how she looked like today, he had not felt her presence in millennia nor heard her voice so he could only rely on his memories of his sister. They overwhelmed him. They haunted him and he couldn't escape those. He couldn't escape his own desires and was wondering if he didn't end up being the one cursed by the knife. He couldn't kill Elpis and perhaps, that was the reason for the dreams and nightmares. 

Elpis, the most beautiful creature of the universe, with her sensual voice that whispered in his ear. Elpis, with her generous curves that drove him wild, even now. He was craving her, even now. He wanted her soft voice, her warmth and the soft curves of her body against his strong hands. He wanted to hear her moan, submit to his will and desires. It was driving him mad to know that he could never have her because someone else had claimed her before. It was driving him mad to hear her taunt him, haunt him and remind him of what he had lost because he had betrayed her. Why did he do something so stupid? Killing his father hasn't bothered the god, but betraying Elpis made him feel cursed. He was in love with her but obsessed would probably be more accurate. He was "in love" with her and couldn't reconcile what he did with what he wanted.  So walking among humans helped him find the comfort he couldn't get from Ayasha. At least, among them, he felt at home. 

-TBC-

Doya: Charlie and you.

 Doya: Charlie and you.

// This is from Sam's pov. I haven't written him in a while. He adores Oya and he's always seen her as a sister to him. Of course, he loves to calls her "gremlin" just like she loves to call him "bookworm". He's reflecting on how important she is to him and to team free will. This is something he would tell her but only if he's pressed about it, which is the circumstance of this little monologue. 

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"I have sworn to never get close to someone after Charlie... I promised myself to never let anyone become family to me. I was fine with team free Will. we were enough for each other, or so I thought. I was still reeling from Charlie's death and I refused to grieve for her. Charlie was... She was a sister to me, O. She was my little sister. She went from being a nerd, scared of everything into a total badass. I never really, I mean, I got to tell her that I love her, right? But I never got to tell her just how much I did. I still don't know how to process her loss to this day but I can already see her kick my ass and ask me to move forward. She wanted us to live, Dean, Castiel, and I. She wanted us to enjoy our lives and until her death, we were in such a dark place, that we didn't understand what she meant. We thought we couldn't have our cake and eat it too. You know? 

Charlie would have loved you. She probably would have had a crush on you because she loved badass women and you're badass. Charlie would have loved to see Dean with you. I love to see him with you. He is happy. He's smiling. He's laughing. He has a reason to keep going. You just. Ah! When we hunt together, he only talks about you. What you'd like to eat, how you'd react to something we see... He's always thinking about you and it's good to see. He's not worried, well, not anymore since you recovered from Pluto's attack. I love to see it, to see my big brother happy and... and I love to be happy myself. Yeah. I mean... you do make me happy O. I wasn't expecting you, I didn't see you coming. I just, well, we just met and we just clicked, and... you started to hang out with us. 

What's my point? Well... My point is, I didn't want to have another sister, but life is a bitch and she does whatever she pleases. You came into my life, you became my sister without me realizing it. I let you in, it was easy to let you in. You're funny. you're sweet. you're too much sometimes but I like it. You have a temper in you. You pulled no fucking punches on Dean or me... or Castiel at the beginning. I was afraid you would not get used to having an angel as family, but you overcame your issues with angels, at least, with him. You welcomed him, you both made amends and it's great to see. You understand and you always find those words we can't say. You always seem to know how we feel and what could make us feel better. I got used to you. That's it. I got used to you. You're my sister, Oya. I love you so much and I don't want to miss the opportunity to tell you that now. I love you. , you're my sister, and even if nothing has been made official. You are my sister."

-TBC-

got: Away, where the pasture is greener

got: Away, where the pasture is greener

 // Just a little musing from my little princess. It's yet another take on the "longing" she's been experiencing regarding Jaime Lannister. It's a slow-burn, we've been writing them since 2018 and they only just now, confessed their love for each other XD 

xxxxxx

"I used to think that life would be better for me should no one ever touch me again. I was used to seeing how cruel the world was. How easy it was to break an individual and turn them into nothing but property. I was not a person for my masters. I was a tool. I was either used to giving pleasure or used to take lives but I never got to choose for myself. I used to be disgusted by men. I refused to let them touch me because most of the time, they have been brutal with me. They have never considered my humanity. I was but the Jewel of Astapor. I was but a slave for them. I was but as used and abused as they liked. It took a while before I even considered men to be different. 

It happened rather quickly. Tyrion was actually the first man to ever show me respect. We started on the wrong foot because he was scared I would try to dethrone my sister. He needed to be sure that I would be loyal. Fair enough. He still showed me respect, something the others never bothered to do. I realized that I could trust men. Jon was the second man, I trusted. Unlike Tyrion who I often doubted -probably because he is a cunning and clever man-, I trusted Jon right away. His eyes were honest. He was genuine. He showed genuine care for my sister and for his family. He didn't treat me like I was some sort of burden or monster or jewel. I was just Bäahal, the queen's sister. 

I guess Jaime really changed everything. I respected him from the moment we met. He came when everyone around him abandoned us and mankind. He came because he was a man of honor and we fought side by side against the Night King. He pulled me out of my funk and made me realize that I had a life to live. He cared enough for me back then, to want me to survive. Jaime never treated me as less than a person. I admired his bravery. I admired his dedication to his family. He was a man ruled by his instincts and emotions. He was a man who made mistakes. He was a man who was able to lose everything if that meant saving people he loved. Yes, he killed my dad, but at the same time, he saved a whole city. Jaime never was the "kingslayer" for me. He had always been Jaime.

I guess we got closer. I fell in love with him, just like that. I can't explain why my heart chose Jaime Lannister and I honestly don't want to know why. What I do know, is that we both have been patient. It's taken years. It's taken us months of longing and crying, and desperately trying to forget about the other. It's taken us a lot of sacrifices because we can't be together until my sister blesses our union. Do you realize just how difficult that is? We swore to do things right. We swore to never give in to each other until we got our blessings. We got them from his side of the family but he still doesn't have them from my side. He doesn't have the queen's approval for such a union. so we don't touch. We don't kiss. We don't claim our love for one another in public. it hurts... 

It's even more difficult because I am now craving his touch. I am craving that man. Who would have thought? Not me! I never thought I would want to have a man hold me, kiss me. I never thought I would want to feel his kisses on my skin, to feel him explore and discover my body the way I want Jaime too. Have you ever felt it? the desire to become one with the person you love? the desire to feel their sex, to hear their moans, to make them lose their minds? Have you ever felt the need to moan their names? or have you ever spent nights touching yourself and dreaming that it is them touching you? I have. I have. I fucking have. I want to become Jaime's lover. I want to become his...And when he left? when he left with Jon? I couldn't fucking tell him that I was in love with him. I had to let him go without saying the words. That fucking hurt. The silver lining in this is that we found ways to express our love for each other. we found ways but I'm tired of finding ways. I just want to be with him without restraint. I just want it."

modern Got: Photoshoot madness

modern Got: Photoshoot madness

 // Welp, I just love these two okay? 

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Daenerys' phone was buzzing. She kept receiving messages on her social media ever since Bäahal's new photoshoot. Things have been better between the two sisters since Daenerys was starting to see Jon Stark. She remembered the bright smile her little sister had when she told her about the photo shoot. It was one of the biggest international magazines in the country that was dedicating a full issue about the Targaryen House. She was so excited and explained that the magazine would showcase her charity work, her routine, and real star treatment. The silver heiress was happy about the positive reactions the publication had. She read some of the notifications, mostly "congratulating"  Daenerys for her sister's publication.  She turned her notifications off, thinking that she would go through the comments and would handpick the ones she wanted to reply to. She could only imagine how excited Bäahal was upon seeing the front cover of the magazine. 

She was right, Bäahal was over the moon upon seeing the front cover.  She was dancing in her bedroom, twirling on her heels while she was looking at the magazine online and the pictures she took to illustrate it. Oh, those were quite something! Bäahal and the magazine decided to snap and make her look even more beautiful than she was naturally. She was looking so damn sexy, otherworldly, and at times, even vulnerable. The heiress fell onto her bed, her silver locks crowned her face and a large smile crept on her lips. She had to talk to Jaime, see if he had seen her photoshoot, and hear his reaction live. It was huge. It was the first time a magazine genuinely wanted to dedicate an issue to the young woman. 

"Jaime?" -He had picked up the phone, obviously eager to answer her.- "Hi!"

"Hi, Bäahal. Long time no see. Where are you now?" -He wondered. Jaime had not been able to see Bäahal because he was not in town when she was. He had been missing his little firecracker but wouldn't admit it out loud, at least, not until she was in front of him. She could tell, by the way, he asked his question, that Jaime was in fact missing her.-

"I'm back in the Targaryen Estate. I've just landed from a little trip to Naath. mmhhh... Did I tell you that I wanted to visit mom's grave?"

"Yes, you did. How was it?" -She smiled over the phone, mostly because he took it casually. They had that conversation a while ago, and Bäahal already told him that she would want them to visit her mother's grave, should they be together in a couple more years. It was a subtle way to let him know just how serious she wanted this relationship to be. Jaime didn't miss it, and he told her that they would visit together when she would be ready to make it happen-

"It was good. It had been a long time and I felt that years went by without me being able to talk to mom properly. I was home back there. I am more at peace now because I am happier." -She grinned and put her face against the pillow.- "MMmmhh...."

"What? Oh...Let me guess. You called because you wanted me to tell you if I have heard the news, right?" -She groaned, indicating that he was right- "Aha! I saw the front cover and I read the magazine three times already. You did fantastic, Firecracker." -He sounded proud, and this made the heiress lift her head up and roll on her side. 

"Really? You read it three times?" -He groaned and that made her bite her bottom lip.- "I'm so... fucking excited about this issue! It's the first one I ever did! They... hold on, you read it three times? For the text or for the pictures?"

"Both!" -She chuckled and shook her head. "I'm serious, Bäahal! I have read it three times because I wanted to remember what you said. I wanted to remember your favorite dishes. I wanted to remember your favorite places and your morning routine. I learned about what you liked to eat at breakfast and how much Dance is important to you."

"You already knew that." -She teased him before she bit her thumb.- "yet, you still read. This is very romantic. I love you." -She whispered over the phone, feeling her cheeks turn red. Jaime smiled over the phone and mouthed the words as well.

"I love you too. However, your pictures were... Bäahal! I can't focus on my work! you know that?" -She chuckled and nodded.- "Don't laugh, you Firecracker! I can't focus at all! You are gorgeous in those pictures! and very sexy! I'm proud of you for the issue, love."

"You're proud of me?" -She blushed and put the phone closer to her lips.-

It was the first time Jaime let her know over the phone how he felt about her work. The issue was a serious one, despite being peppered with racy pictures. She spoke with passion about her charity work and dance and allowed herself to be vulnerable yet strong and determined to the readers. It had a big "here I am" energy that Jaime loved about her. Bäahal had always been shy. She would avoid giving interviews unless she was under the supervision of her sister -mostly because Daenerys forced her little sister to be under her wing- This time, she was able to handle a whole interview by herself and radiated confidence and power. She was a true dragon princess and he wanted to celebrate her for this. 

"I am. I will tell you this, when I come back we will celebrate together. I'll cook your favorite dish. You'll spend a couple days with me? Right?"

"Alright! let's do this. Thank you Jaime." -She gave him a sheepish smile and rolled on her back so she could look at the ceiling. "I miss you."

"I miss you too. We'll see each other soon. For now, Enjoy your issue and I'll go back to work. I promise I'll read the issue a 4th time tonight." -She chuckled and agreed.- "Good. Take care of yourself, Bäahal."

"You too, love. See you soon." -And she hung up the phone.-

Life was indeed, so much better now. She enjoyed the fact her family was slowly starting to get together and heal. It was a slow-paced process but it was going somewhere. Of course, everything was extremely fragile and she knew that anything could ruin the efforts they were making. What she didn't know, however, was the violent nature of her siblings' secrets. Maybe things would get better enough to help them survive a potential crisis, and she truly wished it would be the case, but Bäahal wasn't ready to hear those secrets. She wasn't ready for the pain it would bring into her life and the disappointment that would follow.

-TBC-

A vintage touch: Brutal force

// You don't touch Mary. You don't fuck with Mary because if you do, You'll fuck with Arthur and he's far less pleasant than most.  This took place a while before the start of the storyline. I just wanted to show the bond between Arthur and Mary. 

xxxxx

"Mary... Mary.. look at me, please." -Arthur's begging voice was tearing down the silence that had settled between the two of them-

Mary was shaking, from head to toe, her cheek was cut and she could still feel the bruise on her stomach from a punch she had received earlier on. She had her eyes wide open, her arms were dropped and she was barely standing up.  She wasn't looking at him, her lips were still trembling but Arthur ended up cupping both her cheeks, staining them with fresh blood.  She was shocked and he realized that it was because of him. Mary had never seen Arthur lose his mind before. She'd always seen the aftermath of his fights when she patched the boys up. She'd scold them about their tendencies to fight and would urge them to be careful so she wouldn't have to attend their funerals. Tonight, things were different. Arthur was drenched in blood, her cheeks and some of her hair were soiled too.  Her green eyes were unfocused but Arthur's voice became louder to the point that it snapped her back into reality. 

"Arthur! Arthur!!!!.." -She screamed and held onto his arms. he pulled her into a tight hug and gently petted her hair with one hand while the other stroked her back. She was still shocked and he understood that he had to be in charge if he needed things to be done.-

He took Mary to the Pied Piper Pub, keeping her away from the carnage he had made on the streets. His victims were alive, but hardly recognizable because he had ruined their faces. Mary let him walk her back into the pub and sat her on the chair. He yelled at the men to clear the space and bring him a basin of warm water, and a clean cloth because he had to clean both of them up. The bar owner quickly rushed into action, unwilling to piss off the deadliest member of the peaky blinders. How could he? The rest of the men cleared the room and waited outside under the supervision of the peaky boys who never left Arthur's side.  Mary was still hysterical, still shaking, even though she was sitting at the table. She gasped and yelped when she felt Arthur's hand grab her ankle. He wanted to check if she was hurt in places he had no eyes on. She shrugged and swatted his hand off of her ankle. 

"Mary! Mary, it's just me. It's Arthur. I just want to check if you are alright."

"I... I am..." -but she snarled and he knew she wasn't.- "They... Are they dead?"

"I should have killed 'em for what they did to you, Mary. I didn't. They're alive."

"Arthur...Arthur...Are you, okay?"

"I am. Where are you hurt? where did these bastards touch you?" -He stopped focusing on the ankle and watched as the owner brought the basin of warm water and the clean clothes- "I'm sorry...I'm sorry Mary. Please tell me where you're hurt."

He smelled like alcohol and tobacco. He smelled that putrid scent of blood but she didn't care. She didn't care because Arthur came to her rescue. It shouldn't have been like that. She shouldn't have been assaulted just for walking into the "wrong" neighborhood. She shouldn't have to cower in fear of being hurt because she entered a bar. It was a very hot night and she needed to drink some fresh water. She joined the place and nervously felt the judgemental gazes of the patrons who had never seen a black patron before. They didn't accept them, no signs, but the pub was known for rejecting anyone who didn't fit the description. Mary was brave, she held her head high and walked to the bartender. He warned her that she shouldn't be there, but she told him that she only wanted to have a glass of water. He told her that he couldn't service her but she insisted on having a glass of water. If he had to make her pay for it, she could. Again, he refused to service her. 

One of the peaky boys assigned to her protection rushed to Arthur and asked him to come to the pub so he could interfere in case Mary needed some help. Arthur didn't need to be told twice. He followed the young boy, hoping that Mary wouldn't be hurt until he arrived. The bartender tried to convince Mary to leave, mostly because he informed her that he couldn't protect her if something happened but she was unphased. She needed to drink water and she needed it now. She convinced the man to fetch her a glass of water and was about to serve her when two men grabbed her arms and forbade the bartender to try anything. She protested and struggled so they would get off of her, but it only excited them. They teased her, about being a lone black woman in a pub full of horny men. She struggled harder, ended up scratching the face of one of the men, and injured him. That got him angry and he punched her in her belly, causing her to spit blood on the face of the other man. He became so angry that he pulled his knife out and started to lightly cut her cheek when the peaky boy who stayed back entered the pub and started to fight the two men.  

"I... I think I'm bruised in my belly... They punched me there." -She groaned and then put her fingers on her cheek as she felt a sting- "I think... they cut me here... How bad is it?" -She inquired, her eyes still wide open, her body still shaking as she couldn't believe her eyes. 

How could asking for a glass of water lead to such violence? As soon as they released her -and as soon as she recognized the hat of the peaky boy-, Mary ran towards the exit. She bumped into Arthur who put both hands on her shoulders "Mary! You good?" -She couldn't answer, but he noticed the cut on her cheek and the blood that was rolling down her soft skin. It was enough to push him into a berzerker rage. "Take care of her!" -He ordered the second peaky boy who took Mary out of the pub so she could get some fresh air. It happened so fast, so fast that she didn't fully realize what was happening. Once the fresh air hit her nostrils and filled her lungs, Mary slowly came back to her senses. She put both hands on her knees and bent a little forward in order to catch her breath back. She put her hand on her belly and then looked up at the front door.  

It didn't take long, some shouting, some yelling, Arthur's voice dominating the whole pub and the street and finally, she saw her assailants being brought out of the pub and into the streets, by Arthur and the other Peaky Boy. She watched as Arthur unleashed his anger and massacred the two men. She watched his fists breaking bones, getting soaked with these people's blood, his eyes dark with rage as they dared to attack Mary. Arthur's mind flashbacked to when he found her in the pub. The sight of her eyes filled with fear and disgust was enough to rile him up. he needed to make these bastards pay for what they did to his sister. he had to teach them a lesson. So his fists flew and hit hard. His fists would be relentless as he sought revenge for the young woman. Arthur's mind became blank, it was hot white with rage as he pounded into those men. The oldest Shelby didn't even realize the fear he might have induced in Mary's heart, for she saw the beast he was. 

"It's a light cut. you're gonna be alright. Let me see your bruise." -He didn't give Mary the chance to protest and helped her pull her skirt down on her waist and lift her shirt up -right under her bra- so he could see just how bad the bruise was. She had a fist-sized bruise on her belly and it crept up to her sternum. That wasn't as bad as he feared it would be, but Mary would need to take it easy for at least two weeks.- "You'll be alright. two weeks off of work and you'll be alright Mary." -He said as he grabbed the clean towel and dipped it in the warm water basin.

"I don't understand why they did it..." -She whispered as she finally let tears roll on her cheeks. Arthur started by cleaning her face, removing any trace of blood that had stained her soft skin. She was finally crying, her body still shaking from the sheer shock she went through- "I just wanted water... Arthur... I just wanted to drink some water and....and they told me that I couldn't drink because they didn't serve Black people... I just insisted on drinking water, even offered to pay for it..."- She said, shakily trying to grab her bag to show she had money in it. Arthur shushed her. 

"I know Mary. I know. They shouldn't have done it. Trust me, there would be retaliation." -he promised himself that he would burn the place down. He would talk to Tommy about the events, but he would first make sure that Mary was doing alright. He cleaned her face as she pulled her shirt back on her waist. and then washed some of her hair, her neck, and the places his bloody hands touched.

Silence fell between the two of them. Mary was still seeing the scene of a berserker Arthur beating the brains out of her assailants. She had never seen Arthur in action before. She had never seen him lose control. Part of her was relieved that he did so in order to protect her because she could tell he was furious. She could feel his rage from where she stood and knew that he was enraged because they hurt /her/. Yet, part of her was scared. She was scared of that display of violence. She was nauseous about the amount of blood she saw him soak his fists up with. She was scared of this type of violence against her -not from Arthur! but from the people who had something against her family.-  And she was scared he would be hurt the same way he was hurting others.  Arthur could feel her fear but he misinterpreted it. Thinking that Mary was in fact, scared of him. he washed his hands, and his face, and removed his trench coat so he would be as clean as possible. 

" Mary... I need ya to look at meh." -She nodded, calmer than before and more focused on Arthur's face now. " I am sorry. It shouldn't have happened like this. The...The boys Tommy sent were supposed to take care of ya. They should have gone to the pub with ya." -He made a mental note about punishing the peaky who took too much time before he intervened.- "They didn't and ya got cut. ya got hurt." -He groaned, visibly upset by what happened to her- "I managed to come because it wasn't too far away but just imagine if I came too late? you'd be..." -he shook his head- "Mary. What you saw outside. The violence, the blood. I didn't want ya to see it. I didn't... I didn't mean to scare ya like that. I know it's not pretty and I know I'm a monster... I'm sorry if I scared ya."

"Arthur... no... No... You didn't scare me." -She said, leaning her forehead to his.- "You didn't scare me. You saved me! you saved... You saved me! I'm... I just realized how violent things could be for all of you. I'm... I've just realized you put your life in danger every day, that's all. I'm... I'm... I fear to see you at the end of those fists. I fear you'll end up like those guys on the streets.." -She shook her hands so he would release them and she could cup his face with both her hands.- "I fear for Tommy...But I am not afraid of you. I am not...Arthur, please, look at me." -He set his cerulean eyes upon her, prompting Mary to give him a coy smile.- "Good, that's good... You are not a monster, Arthur. You are a force of Nature. You...You saved me, Arthur." -She repeated and pressed a kiss on his forehead while he crumbled against her. 

His bravado collapsed and he became a puppy in her arms. Mary wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pulled him into a tight hug. Arthur hated that violence. He loved that violence too. He was a man who learned how to kill in order to protect his family and later on, his country. He was a man whose inner violence and pain both built him and destroyed him. He was a man very few could accept, very few could understand and most of them feared. Arthur Shelby? just the name was enough to scare people, but when they saw him walk on the streets, they would always step aside and cower in fear. Arthur was a monster, somehow... he projected that image and he sincerely believed he was one. Yet, he was still capable of being good, of being loved and Mary... well, she might not know it, but she made him believe he could be more than just a beast. Even now, as she was traumatized by the events that unfolded, she still managed to comfort the older man. She still found compassion and love within her heart to forgive him for the brutal display of violence in front of her.  He would take her home and would have a word with Tommy. He would make sure she was safely back to where she belonged. Next to Tommy. Yes, he would!

-TBC-

COPG: Summer love.

(Elpis) "Let me play your requiem. Give me a minute or two to look deep into your soul and see your true self. Let me play your requiem and celebrate the life you are about to leave behind. I admit, I have a soft spot for those who are willing to do anything to appease my soul. I admit, I like them even more if they help me get closer to my goal. My goal tonight? Chaos. Beautiful chaos that would entice my soulmate and myself. Chaos that would demonstrate my strength and the level of control I have over my powers. So yes, mortal, let me play your requiem tonight. let me celebrate the end of your existence on this astral plane for it serves a higher purpose."

Klasma: An enemy for all -encounter with werewolves

Klasma: An enemy for all -encounter with werewolves 

// centuries ago Mary was doing her best to hide from humans, hide from Vampires and hide from witches. She encountered lycans, however, who chased after her. 

xxx

"Do not ever be prey. Do not let them catch you off-guard." 

Mary remembered the fear that was clinging to her bones as she was running across the forest. Her feet were bleeding from brushing against rough stones, sharp tree branches, and anything sharp that cut through her flesh. She remembered the distress she felt as she stumbled across that forest. She remembered the urge to scream and the desire to not be found and make the least noise possible so she would hold back those screams inside her.  She was cursed, forbidden to ever be accepted by humans, witches, werewolves, and vampires. As soon as they would see her eyes, they would know she was cursed. They would know she was the "Cursed One" who helped the Mikaelsons and betrayed her coven. They would know she is an enemy of their people and they would always hunt her down.  Vampires, humans, and witches wouldn't know until they saw her eyes. Werewolves, however, would know straight away that she was a supernatural creature. It was something she couldn't hide from them without a spell, because her scent betrayed her true nature. But a spell was a delicate thing, glamour didn't last longer than a couple hours, and given her limitations with silver and vervain, she couldn't properly craft a special ring that could allow her to prolong the spell. Bummer! 

"Do not ever be prey. Do not let them smell your fear or they would be relentless."

The witch wrapped her arms around her legs, as the painful memories of the werewolves pack hunting her down surfaced again. All it took was a minute. She had not noticed that her spell had stopped working and was hoping that her crossing the street would keep her unnoticed by the pack. It could have worked if one curious werewolf hadn't tried to stop her. She was attractive and he had tried to woo her. Upon her refusal to give in to his charm, the young pup became more violent and held onto her shoulders to shake her up, causing her sunglasses to fall down and her eyes to be revealed. It took him a minute but he realized who he had in front of him. The legendary cursed witch. The one whose death would make him a hero among the supernatural creatures. He would be acknowledged by his people and those beyond his race. The cursed witch killer had a nice ring to it, but it distracted him long enough for her to cast a blinding spell and escape his clutch. They went after her, at first, for her attack on their brother.  They soon were informed of the truth and were all out for blood. Her blood.

"Do not let them overpower you, for you would be nothing but meat for their fangs to tear apart."

Mary ran, fell to the ground, and hurt herself. Her blood was smearing several spots in the forest, making her easy to track down. She couldn't just run. She had to stop and fight. She hated it. taking a life was not something she wanted to do, yet it was something she had to do if she wanted to live. It would have been easier, after all, easier for her to die right then and there after centuries of pain. but she refused to die. She wanted to live. She needed to live. But the pain, the tears, and the exhaustion all came together, clashed together, and ended up triggering something inside the witch. there was nowhere to hide, no place she could feel as if she belonged. There was nothing she could have done but fight her enemies. Mary remembered very little of what happened that day. She vaguely remembered her fear, the anger that was starting to take over at the unfairness of the situation. 

"You can't outrun them! so you will fight them! Fight until you make it rain blood!"

She fought tough and nails. She fought for her life, tearing the pack apart, limb by limb, with nothing left by guts, blood, and limbs on the floor. She was soaked with blood, it had splashed over the trees, over the foliage near her, over the stones.. over her surroundings. It was a real carnage, something she didn't quite remember but could still feel. Her bones were cold. Her eyes were wide open as she was traumatized by her own violence. Could it be that the anger she tried so desperately to hide just decided to come out? Did she use her enemies as literal punching balls? She couldn't tell...she couldn't tell.. except the fact it soothed her heart and she loved it. The next thing she did, upon realizing the carnage she was responsible for, was laugh. She laughed her heart out, laughed so hard that she hurt her insides. She was in so much pain from the claws and bites she got from the werewolves' attacks that Mary didn't notice she was bleeding. They were gone. it was the most important thing.  

"Fight it! Fight it! Fight until you are the only one standing."

It was the life she was cursed to live. A life made of escaping death. A life made of pain and suffering. It was a life she refused to endure anymore. Nobody could accept endless days of pain. Nobody deserved such punishment... especially not when she got punished for helping others. She was a healer. She was a healer and she deserved to be healed as well. She deserved to not be lonely.. she deserved.... she deserved to be something else than an enemy for all. Weren't there at least a few creatures who would see her for who she was? weren't there at least a few souls who could love her the way she was? Or was she forced into a life of solitude like her supreme intended? She didn't know. She didn't know, but she would try to live. That was the best she could do after all. 

Try. 

-TBC-

got (modern): I lost him to find you

got (modern): I lost him to find you

// Bäahal is still reeling from her past relationship with Elias. His upcoming wedding has made the news. She wishes she could meet him while holding Jaime's arm but she knows it's never going to happen. She's talking to Jaime when he's sleeping. 

xxx

"Hey Jaime, are you sleeping? I can't seem to find my sleep. I will talk to you instead. I bumped into my ex a couple of days ago. I didn't anticipate seeing him after he left me. Elias, heir of a dornish mogul, the former love of my life. He broke my heart, you know? You have to know, it was plastered all over the newspapers and tabloids for months. They relished in the sight of a distraught Targaryen and they made sure to always bring him into the conversations. Always. I don't know how I endured it without losing my mind. I guess that my family trained me for a moment like this one. I could have lost it, you know? my mind? One minute I was the most beautiful person he's ever seen. I was the love of his life. I made plans with him you know? I wanted to marry him. I wanted to carry his children. I wanted so many things, that never got to be because he left me. 

It was so sudden, Jaime. One day I was the love of his life and the other he just vanished with a note telling me that he didn't love me and never did. how could I trust people after that? how could I recover from such a blow? He hurt me. He broke my heart and I've never felt so unworthy of being loved than when he left me. I was convinced that nobody could ever love me. My dad tried his best to give me hope after my mom died, but he failed. My family hated me. the one brother who came around ended up dying in an accident. I was supposed to be alone. I was supposed to be. I thought I had toughened up, you know? before I met you? I had made progress. I was ready to devour the world. I went to parties, and I focused on dancing. I focused on charity work. I lost myself at work. It was better this way. My sister would respect me if she wasn't able to love me. Tabloids got bored after a while. Then I met you. 

I fell in love with you, as easy as it was to breathe. I just didn't plan on falling in love yet I did.  I fell in love with you. How sweet it is. I thought my heart was lost forever, broken into pieces by what Elias did. I'm glad I was wrong. I'm glad that Elias didn't take all the love I had left inside of me. I thought the whole thing was behind me and somehow it is. I don't love him anymore. I don't care about him anymore. However,  it hurt when I read the newspaper and it talked about his upcoming wedding to a westerosi. He dumped me telling me that he couldn't marry a Westerosi, only for him, to do it years later! Make it make sense! Ahah! Make it make sense because I definitely can't.  Reading the news truly opened wounds I thought were closed for good. 

Seeing him was worse. As long as it was a picture in a magazine or internet newspaper, I could stomach the sight of him. What I didn't expect, however, was to bump into him. To hear him talk to me, to see his fucking face. Jaime, I was petrified because all of a sudden, I wasn't your firecracker, I was just the young girl who was in love with a scumbag who broke her heart. He seemed confused, he tried to tell me about his new wife. He was half-apologizing and half-bragging about his life without me. I wanted to slap his fucking face. I wanted to scream at him that I hated him for what he did! that he was a coward for not having been honest with me. I wanted to tell him that I found better than him. You are better than him, no doubt here. you are better, not just because you're hotter, richer, or even more charismatic. You're better than him because you're honest with me. You're better than him because you're not afraid to be with me. And you've welcomed me, all of me. He never could.  he pretended. he was good at it. 

Then I realized that I didn't need to shove into his face that I was seeing you. I didn't need it to keep my dignity. to show that I had moved on. I simply shrugged, congratulated him, and told him that I was happy he was out of my life because I was finally at peace. I even thanked him for showing me his true face, because then, I was able to move on. I was able to have a better life as soon as I realized that he wasn't shit. yeah. He ain't shit, you and I both know it. If he really was the real deal, he wouldn't have left me. And, if he left me, he would have done it so, with much more gusto than what he did. He was so confused, if only you could have seen his face. he didn't understand how I could stand tall and not really give a fuck about him. Why would I? mmmm? why would I, when I got you? Why would I waste my time? when you're here. come on. I lost him, but it wasn't really a loss. He set me free, so I could find you. So we could be together. In a way, leaving me was a gift he gave me. 

All I'm saying is that I am madly in love with you, Jaime. I want a life with you. I want to have your kids. I want to marry you. I want everything with you. It's probably too early for you to hear that, which is why I'm glad you're sleeping. But this is what I feel. I want to be your firecracker forever. If you'd want me. Now.. let's try to sleep again. We'll talk in the morning."

Doya: The End of the world

 // Excerpt of a Conversation between Sarah Thomas and Oya. 

xxxx

"Well... that's a tough question, Sarah. I know the world is ending. Well, isn't it ending every week or so?. Well... I don't need a paper or a ring to consider myself hitched to Dean forever. Our bond really goes far beyond this life. There is this very sweet thing he told me the other day when we were chilling together. He said that we shared one heart. Can you believe it? He said so. He is right. My heart is his and his heart is mine. We both look in the same direction, we both want the same thing, and we share the same life. MMMhhh... He really does make me happy. Far beyond what I have ever expected. He loves all of me, Sarah. All of me. He's not going to expect me to have kids, you know I can't physically. I'm barren. Fabrice rejected me because of this. Fabrice wanted me to become a mother, rather than a hunter. He didn't want me to have a career. He never really accepted me. I am deeply flawed, I am stubborn, I am commanding, and I need to be reassured. I sometimes can be reckless, that costs me and the scars on my arms are a constant reminder of my own recklessness. 

Yet, Dean still stayed with me. Through all of this. Several times, I have wanted to call my mom just to talk about him. I have wanted to introduce him to my dad. I have wanted him to get along with my brother. I have wanted him to meet with my family and unfortunately, reality came back to me each fucking time. He will never meet my people, except for Josh and you. I have lost everyone. Can you believe it, I lost a family and I found one. I made one. I am part of his family now. You can as well call me Oya Winchester. It's not going to be official though, unless we get married in Las Vegas, which, I'm not going to do. We don't have time for this. He wears my necklace, it's good enough as a token of our bond? don't you think so? mmph... Speaking of family. I felt guilty a while ago. I have forgotten the sound of the voices of my family. I can't for the love of Chuck, remember what they sounded like. I still can see their faces, especially in my dreams, but even that is getting blurred. 

I don't remember. I guess that's life? we're bound to forget a few things. oh, to answer your question. I would follow him till the end of time. I love him so much, that I can't imagine a life without him. I can't imagine a world where Dean is no more. I can't move forward if he dies on me. So... I will follow him till the end of the world. If he dies, then I would go with him. No! no, not as a sacrificial lamb. I'm not going to be reckless, he wouldn't like it. however, when my time has come, I won't fight to stay alive. I don't want people to fight to keep me alive. If he's dead and I am heavily injured, let me die. it's not as scary as it was before. Yeah, I was almost killed by a pagan god, and I realized that I didn't want to die and leave Dean alone, leave him behind. I realized that I wanted to live, and I wanted to experience more from life too. So... yeah. I'm not scared to die. I nearly did.  It's just so strange to realize just how much you could love someone.  It's a good thing, isn't it?"

COPG; Life of Elpis: Euphoria

COPG; Life of Elpis: Euphoria

A/N: Well, My little goddess is very happy with how things are turning. This one is a little cheeky, just because. 

xxxx

The pink-haired goddess smiled to herself, as she was brushing her long hair in front of her vanity. Tonight was supposed to be a date with her sin. He came back from a long absence, some business he had with Lust, and their attempt at taming the Olympian pantheon. The goddess was way too focused on her revenge, so much so that she decided to take a step back on Pride's business with Lust. She knew that if he needed her help he would have requested it a while ago. No, Elpis had to focus on recovering. She had to make sure that could tap into her power and could master it. She had to be perfect, to know the true extent of her power in order to use it during their last assault on her pantheon. It required time. It required patience, two things the goddess didn't have. 

She had noticed her connection to nature was far more powerful than it used to be. She was in tune with it, with most living creatures. She didn't try yet to locate her mother, Gaea. It could have been a true test of her powers, to be able to find out the All-Mother, but that meant she would have to expose herself to her mother and ruin the efforts Pride and she had been making to remain hidden. It was too soon. She had to wait. They argued that it would be better to first wipe out her siblings and pantheon. Without the primeval gods, Gaea would be severed from the astral plane of the Gods. The primordial Garden would still exist, but there would be nothing to power it. It was as good as if it was empty and it would considerably weaken her mother. 

This war was like a chess game. It was carefully crafted, and studied by the goddess and the Sin in order to ensure their total victory over their enemies. So she wouldn't find her mother until she was ready for it. She would train instead, she would cause a ruckus wherever Pride would take her. She would indulge in the enjoyment of those human delicacies and refined hobbies. What was so wrong after all? Pride might have been busy, but he would return.  He always did. The more they spent time together, the more eager to find his goddess, the Sin was. So she could wait for him and she knew he would keep his promise. He would come back to her. It was good, after all, she trained, improved in the manipulation of her weapon, and she could enjoy going out with the Sin. 

She could enjoy herself. How long had it been since she was so free? Millennia. It had been more than 2000 years since the goddess was this free. She could dance to any music, and eat any food of her choosing. She could decide to give in to her bloodlust and entertain her beloved. She could decide, instead, to stay with him in their hotel room and feed their carnal needs. Oh, the carnal needs. The goddess stopped brushing her hair and put the brush onto her vanity. She let her fingers run over the skin of her delicate neck and rolled her head to the side. things had changed over the millennia. This Pride wasn't the same she used to know and she had matured enough, learned from her human vessels, and grew into the woman she was. 

Oh.. oh she knew nothing before. She was too impressed by the sin, although still wild and curious, she didn't know much about loving a man. She didn't know much about her true desires, and the interest in provoking her King, challenging him so he could showcase his true power. She learned, and she discovered just how passionate and greedy she was. She discovered, just how much better they understood each other and their back and forth, their playfulness fueled their arousal. He excited her, mentally stimulated her, and all of that transformed into electric shocks over her skin. electric shocks that went down her spine and into her loins. Even now... as he was away from her, the simple memory of her lover was enough to light up her whole being. her hands turned white, slowly creeping up, to her arm. Tonight, she would have the most fun with her beloved. Tonight, she would push herself a little further, drink into her progress, and create some more chaos with her sin. Tonight would be a night to celebrate. 

one more night she knew her siblings would spend in hell, dreading her return. 

-TBC-

Got (regular) Pray a little prayer for me

 // Just a little solo following a lovely banter with Jaime. 

xxxx

Just before Jaime and Jon left the castle, the princess and the knight exchanged a couple words. They couldn't touch each other, let alone claim their love for each other in public. It was impossible for her to let the knight leave without talking to him. So she managed to talk to him, she managed to hold back the urge to touch him, she even managed to make him promise he would bring back her ring and would put it on her fingers. It was spontaneous, she had to give him something to hold onto until his return. The ring was full of symbolism. It was a reminder of their union, an unofficial way for both of them to tie the knot in front of the gods and between the two of them. Jaime took the ring and he promised his life that he would return to her and put the ring on her fingers himself. how romantic! he accepted her mission and as a determined knight, she knew he would do everything he could to make it happen.

That alone would have been enough for the young princess. He promised her that he come back and he would put that ring back on her fingers where it belonged. It could have been enough, but, Jaime said more. he told her that while he was away, she would have to keep his heart with her. It took her a while to understand what he truly meant there, but it was the sweetest way he had to tell her "I love you" without saying it. She blushed at his words, realizing that it was real, their love was real and Jaime had embraced his feelings for her. they couldn't give in to it, they had to wait for Daenerys' permission to be together, but she could wait for him. She would wait for him. He gave her his heart and promised her that he would love her whether or not he was alive. Her heart sank when she watched him leave King's Landing, She couldn't contain her tears, even as they said goodbye. She couldn't hold back the frustration over not being able to come to him and hug him. 

She felt punished for falling in love with a man. She felt punished for having one request. It was one simple request that she had for the gods. She wanted to be loved. She wanted to be free to love whoever her heart chose. Jaime was her choice, and yet, for this, she was punished. For this, they were punished. It had been a very difficult moment for the two of them, mostly because she could see how devastated Jaime was to see her cry. He wanted to comfort her like he did when they were on their own. He wanted to press his forehead against hers, bringing the young princess some comfort. He wanted to make her stop crying but found himself unable to do so and unable to hide the despair in his eyes. But the promise he made her brought them comfort. They would meet again. Jon would return too and her sister would be happy. There was a reason to keep hope. They would meet again because Love conquered all. 

Love would conquer all. 

It had to. 

-TBC-

Vintage touch: Secret Desires

Vintage touch: Secret Desires

// Conversation between Polly and Mary that doesn't resolve around Tommy. However, Polly has several questions regarding Mary, her desires, the type of life she wants to lead, motherhood, and perhaps also the way society would look at her (and Tommy). 

xxxxx

Polly visited Mary early today. She needed to spend some time with the young woman and see if she needed some help with the Grace Shelby Institute. Mary enjoyed her work as the Head Nun and spent a lot of time ensuring the children (and also the staff) had everything they needed. She made sure to remember the names of the children and to help the nuns prepare for special events -such as museums visits or any other cultural activities, or preparing birthday parties so the children could feel special on that day and associate good memories rather than the fact they were abandoned by their parents the day they were born-. She loved her new job and even took the time to sing to the orphans when she was done with administrative duties. It was good to see and Polly enjoyed sharing a meal with her. Usually, it was Mary who left the orphanage, so she could take a walk and spend lunch at Tommy's office but from time to time, Polly liked to be the one to leave the office and visit the orphanage. Today was such a day. 

As a matter of fact, it also was an excuse she found because she wanted to ask Mary questions about her future. It was obvious to the cunning Polly that something had happened between Tommy and Mary. They had sex! It was obvious given the way they behaved around one another. It was obvious to Polly that they had crossed the line and given into each other and it was obvious that it was the reason that led Lizzie to lose her mind and slap Mary a couple days ago. Polly didn't mention the slap to Mary, mostly because she didn't want to embarrass her and didn't think it was the right moment to bring that up. However, she was seething with anger towards Lizzie for hitting Mary, out of spite and jealousy. It was obvious that Lizzie had realized that she would never get rid of the woman because Tommy got her under his skin. Tommy chose her for reasons that were out of reach for the Stark woman, but it was the reality of the situation. Tommy chose Mary and nobody could or should try to hurt her unless they wanted Tommy to tear a new hole into their bodies. 

"I've got a question for you, Mary." -She lifted a brow as Mary looked up at her. "Several... questions."

"It's lunch. I have time. Go ahead, Polls...What is it that you want to know?"

"Have you ever tried to find your birth mother?" -The question made the young woman blink and she leaned into her seat. Her birth mother? The woman who had left her in the orphanage? Why would she try to find her? what would she tell her 30 years later? Her eyes grew wide and she moistened her lips. Her throat was too dry to speak, so Mary shook her head- "No? not even once?"

"I-- Have wondered for years why she left me behind. The nurses told me the truth. She was a rich white girl who got pregnant by a black man. I was a disgrace. It was a shameful act to hide. Once I was old enough to really understand what those words meant, I stopped trying to look out for her. She left me, not because she was too young to be with a child, or because she wasn't married when she got pregnant. It was because of my blood. My father's blood." -She took a deep breath and looked up to the ceiling.- "You are my mom, Polls...the closest I would ever have... I don't want to know who the woman who gave me birth is! I don't give a fuck about her. I give a fuck about you." -Her voice broke at this instant as emotions overwhelmed her.-

Polly listened to her, her blue eyes slowly wet from the tears she refused to share. It was heartbreaking, to see Mary so vulnerable, yet so honest with her. She had every right to not want to know who her birth mother was and Polly would have been fine with this answer if the existence of that woman wouldn't become a problem down the road. Tommy researched Mary's past and was unknown to her, he also had her followed by Peaky boys, so she wouldn't get kidnapped or hurt by anyone when he wasn't around. He knew Mary wouldn't like that protection, because she would feel trapped, but he didn't want to take any chance of her being hurt because she was seeing him. 

Tommy searched Mary's past and was able to discover the truth about her birth. He had everything in a file and shared some of the information he gathered with Polly. She would have kept her mouth shut if concerning news hadn't come. A couple of weeks ago, the Peaky boys who protected Mary found two suspicious men who had been following Mary. After a beat-up, the men revealed that they didn't want to hurt Mary but wanted to know what her life was on behalf of her mother. After some rough interrogation, it became clear that Mary's biological mother sent them after her to locate Mary and investigate her to report on their employer. The Peaky summoned Arthur who requested the men to be locked in a warehouse and fetch Tommy so he could decide what to do with these people. 

Once it was established that they weren't dangerous and were indeed just detectives, Tommy decided to give them an ultimatum: Either they cooperated and do everything Tommy ordered them to do, or they die for defiance. They chose to cooperate and revealed that Mary's mother was trying to gather as much information as she could on Mary, so she could avoid a scandal. She came from a prestigious family and because she was set up to marry for the second time-a prominent political figure, an MP sharing the meeting room with Tommy Shelby- she had to make sure she had no skeleton left in her closet. Her first daughter had to be found. What Tommy understood, however, was that down the line, this woman might actually try to hurt her daughter to protect her second wedding. He offered the men to stop investigating Mary and to work for him instead and gather as much information as they could about her mother. 

"What if... What if I told you that we know who she is and we know she's alive and lives in London?"

"I don't want to know, Polls. What good would that do to me?? SHe left me behind because she wanted a cozy life unburdened by a child of color. I am a black child after all. How could she possibly welcome me? eh? How could she? I have nothing to say to her, nothing because she's not my mother. You are... /you/ Polls... You are the closest of a mother I'll ever have. So please... please... Don't talk to me about her. I don't wanna know." -She wiped some tears and tapped her fingers on the table. 

Polly was moved and relieved that Mary didn't want to know the truth about her mother. Regardless of what that woman might want to do in the future, as long as she doesn't build a rapport with her daughter, it was a difficulty they wouldn't have to deal with in the future. Polly wiped her tears and gave a warm smile to the young woman. She outstretched her arm to grab her hand and stroke it with her thumb. Mary tried to calm down, but she only managed to cry some more. Fuck those tears! where did they come from? It bothered Mary to be crying at lunch, right after they had one of the biggest laughter together. She rolled her eyes and squeezed Polly's hand a little tighter. 

"You said you had several questions... Please, go ahead and ask them." -She begged, refusing to stay in the conversation about her birth mother. Polly got herself together and straightened on her chair.-

"Yes! I. I actually wanted to know... I just..." -She paused- "You are 30, right, Mary? This is very young. Your life has just begun. I know you.."

"I've never seen you hesitate before you ask me a question. It must be something /really/ difficult to get off of your chest." -Intrigued Mary bent a little forward and planted her fork onto her meal.- "So. I'm young, eh? I have my life in front of me, eh? So what... you want to know if I'm ready to get married? Have kids?"

"Smart girl, yes. that was the question I wanted to ask. It's... a big one! You don't have to answer, but I had to ask it. See how you saw your future."

"I'm afraid, Polly. I'm afraid to trust someone to the point of giving them my heart. Carter was an old bastard. He saw the child I was and he decided to abuse my trust before he abused my body.  I married a monster, but you know what that means, don't you?" -Polly nodded and squeezed Mary's hand harder- "I don't know if I could become a good mom. My little Paul... he died because of me...I know he did. So..I-I don't know if I would be a good mom.."

"You are going to be a wonderful mom. Look at how you're taking care of all those orphans and of Charlie. You are a good mom. And by the sound of your voice, I can tell that you want to have another child. You want to try it again." -She smiled at Mary who shrugged and put her fork down.- "What are you afraid of? The father of your kids?"

"Polly...If I were to have a child, I would be married first. I would be married to a man who loves me and who isn't afraid to show it to me. I would trust him with my whole life and I would proudly carry his child. What bothers me, is that, if the father is not a black man.." -She carefully picked her words- "Then he would have to suffer from being ridiculed because he chose me. I can't... become a burden for him."

"Listen to me carefully. Mary, If I am your mother, then You are my daughter! I will never allow anyone to disrespect you. I will never accept to hear, or see any discrimination against you. I will never let them hurt you because of the color of your skin, the features you have, or whatever bullshit they can target you with. You are part of this family. Regardless of what you decide to do, or who you decide to marry, you will always have a home here, with us. With me!" -Mary's eyes grew wide and she covered her mouth with her warm palm so she could sob into it. Her eyes quickly filled with tears she let roll down her cheeks.- "I understand that you actually want a family. You want to get married. You want to have children. You want a second chance at life, don't you?" - Mary nodded and moistened her lips.- "Then you will bloody have it! You will! Don't even think you won't!"

"Polls... I don't... I mean...You really woke up early and chose violence as I see." -She tried to lighten up the mood but it barely worked. instead, the young woman was left wiping the tears off of her face.- "How long have you been thinking about it?"

"Long enough. I just needed to make sure that you were not sacrificing anything to make other people happy. It's good to remind ourselves about our goals."

"I am not... I am not doing that." She blushed and moistened her lips. Mary could tell that Polly was walking on eggs. She didn't want to mention Tommy, not when Mary was upset like that. However, she clearly understood that Polly wanted to know if she wanted to build a life with Tommy and what kind of life she wanted for them.- "I do want the happiness of my future spouse, and mine. He can do whatever he wants to do, who am I to judge, eh? However, I hope he would be faithful to me. I hope, he would think about me when I am not here. I hope.. he would give me his heart to keep just like I would give him my heart to keep. I just want to be loved, Polls... is it asking too much?" -She asked, wiping fresh tears off of her face and sitting straighter on her chair. 

"No. It's understandable. You say that your future husband could do whatever he wants to. Are you sure you're ready to commit to these words? Today, everybody is a whore, a gangster, a killer. Fucking businessmen are killers, and MPs are killers.. everyone has blood on their hands. Today it's all about killing first or being the one killed. Your hands are clean."

"But they can get soaked with blood if the need arises. Don't think for a second, that I would not be able to kill a man if that means I can protect myself or my loved ones. I am not as helpless as I used to be. I learned how to use a gun, and how to use a blade. I learned since the last time I was attacked."

"I know. It's good to hear." Polly rubbed her hands together before she grabbed her bag and took a cigarette from it. She lit it up and inhaled some smoke. "Come on, Dry your tears, Mary! I hate when you cry, you're going to make me cry too." -She complained before she released Mary's hand and wiped the tears that had run onto her cheeks.- "Lizzie... she shouldn't have done what she did to you. She knows it, we know it, apologized and Tommy handled her. She'll stay around, she's a trusted secretary. Are you okay with seeing her?"

"Lizzie... Well... to answer you, I am okay with it. I don't mind Lizzie. She is in love with Tommy. I can understand the passion and I know that to her, I'm a stranger who stole her life. I pity her, Really... She is looking at the wrong person. She's looking for a Tommy who doesn't exist."

Polly took a minute to consider the words Mary said.  She was right, essentially right in the fact that Lizzie didn't see Tommy for who he really was. She projected her desires onto him, her desire for a clean slate and a better life. Her desire for having someone who knew her and accepted all of her. She wished Tommy cared for her, at a deeper level like he cared for Grace but he only had empathy and compassion for Lizzie. friendship at the very best, but definitely not love. Mary had a speech that Polly had not heard from others. She encouraged her to keep talking, blowing the smoke out before she took another puff. 

"And who is Tommy, Mary? Do you know who he is?"

"No. I don't. Tommy is like a black stallion, Polls. He can't be tamed, and shouldn't be. Black stallions thrive best when they are free. I might not have been on the battlefield, but I do know what it is to have flashbacks of traumatic events hit back at you as if you were living the moment again... and again.. and again.  I do know how it feels to be trapped, to live in a world that hates your guts and wants to see you dead. Tommy...is complex to grasp, not complicated, just complex because he doesn't give the keys to understand him fully. He still protects himself because I assume, he doesn't want to suffer anymore. He wants to be in control of everything. He wants to be the man on top so he wouldn't be the soldier at the bottom anymore. but what I see, when I look into his eyes at night. What I see is a broken man. What I see, is a man in pain. A soul looking for comfort. For peace. for reassurance.  Just like Black stallions, and horses in general, he can't be alone, Polls. He can't be alone. He needs you. He needs his brothers. He needs his family. He needs you. He needs love. I might not have a lot to give, but as long as I live in his house, I will give both Charlie and him all the love in the world." -She blushed and bit her bottom lip. She wasn't upset anymore and didn't realize the full impact of her words on Polly nor what it revealed to the older woman. -

"I see. You really spent time studying Tommy." -Polly chuckled a little, moved by the words the young woman just said to her. Mary loved Tommy. It was plain as day. Of course, she loved that man.- "I guess that I have all the answers I was looking for. For now. Maybe we should be moving forward and focusing on something else instead? Something a little more pleasant to talk about?"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah... Let me know, what exactly do you have planned for the children for summer."

And Mary started to tell her about what she had decided to do for the kids. It helped warm up the atmosphere and they relaxed against their chairs. Mary was happy that Polly asked her questions about how she felt about Tommy and about what could make her comfortable. Polly was perhaps, one of the very few women who actually cared about her. She had a family. She /WAS/ family. Polly really wanted to make her realize just how important she was for the family and not just because of Tommy. She established actual connections with all of them and it couldn't be brushed under the rug to simply focus on Tommy. She was family and it was damn time that she saw the truth as it was. 

-TBC-

A vintage's touch: Polly's musing

A vintage touch:  Polly's musing

 // Writing to this music:  The End of the World - YouTube* Mary is thinking about how Tommy doesn't have the support he needs. 

xxxx

War had torn the country in more ways than others. It wasn't just the number of men who didn't come back from the war, it also was the number who came back, changed. Tommy was one of them. A man who was said to be sweet and romantic before he had to go to France. War changed him and after the horrors, he experienced there, he came back a daredevil. He came back with a devouring ambition, with trauma, with a thick skin and high walls that would shield his heart and mind forever. He came back with the desire to protect his family, to go as far as he could, and climb up the ladder of society until he came on top of it. He came back with a death-seeking wish nothing and no one could ever grant him. Tommy simply wouldn't die, no matter how hard he was trying to. So he decided to move forward, to go as far as he could in his pursuit of everything. War had broken this man who could only thrive when he kept going at war against others, including himself.  Even today, He was restless, confused, and probably on edge because once again, there was some new light in his life.  Her name was Mary Colson.

Grace brought some light into his darkness. She pieced the man back together and gave him some of his humanity back. Suddenly, there was softness. Suddenly, there was a gut-wrenching desire to pursue happiness otherwise than with substance abuse, war, meaningless sex, and turf wars. there was something else those hands of his could do than destroy. He could build a life for himself again. He could seek happiness. He could try. He did try! But no matter how much he wanted it, Tommy simply couldn't be that man. He couldn't be the man who left for France during the First World War. He couldn't have enough of a simple life anymore. He needed more and Grace wouldn't have understood it along the way. Grace, like most people, would want a quiet life. She would want domestic bliss. She would want Tommy to be a man he wasn't anymore and couldn't be again. How could he? when his mind was broken? That was the million dollars question nobody could answer. 

The war had torn apart the whole country, for those who didn't die on the battlefield came back traumatized. That was something Mary understood. She understood the pain one felt when one had lost a part of themselves. She understood the emptiness and the despair that choked them up until they do something to change it. She recognized the signs in Tommy's eyes, the signs of a man who had lost everything, even his own will to live, and was just dead-walking. She was dead-walking too when she pushed the door of the Garrison Pub all those years ago. She was dead-walking too, trying to survive a country that wasn't kind to her kin. A country that didn't care about women who could either be raped, beaten up, or killed and sometimes the three at the same time. It was a country that didn't give her a single chance, and this, as soon as she was born. Yet, despite her misfortunes, Mary was still living. Mary was still moving forward and she was still able to enjoy life for all the little pleasures it could give her. She found a family with the Shelbys, a clan with the Peaky Blinders, and connections that would ensure she would never be alone. Wasn't it the greatest revenge of them all? To be alive? To be loved? 

Polly believed that Mary was actually what Tommy needed. She was compassionate and empathetic and she understood him in ways others couldn't. She understood that he needed someone with him, someone who could see right through the smoke. She could see Tommy, just like anybody else, needed a shoulder to lean on from time to time. He needed a presence, he needed comfort, he needed someone who wouldn't judge him or his bad deeds. He needed someone true, and authentic and Mary was this. She knew he wasn't a good man, she knew he was in fact, a man who did bad things and who would never stop being a gangster. He was an ambitious man, whose passion was devouring him from the inside. He was a traumatized soldier, who needed someone to understand his pain. He needed someone who would comfort him, make the noise stop, make the nightmares stop, make his shaking hands stop, not by ignoring them, but by acknowledging them. 

Mary could. Polly was certain of that. Mary understood what that was, to grow up in a world that didn't want her. She experienced horrors throughout her childhood, yet, still managed to have a good heart. A heart that wasn't tainted by hardships, despair, or desolation. A rare thing, a precious thing. Tommy could use the company of someone who wasn't jaded by life just yet. He could benefit from it, he could perhaps, smile again or dance again, things that he had lost since Grace's death. Mary knew what Tommy was, and the true nature of his business. She knew he was a bad man and she still stayed with him, fully aware of the sins of that man... Of the sins of that family. She still stayed. She still cared for all of them but wasn't ready to admit to herself that she wanted a life with Tommy. She wanted to become officially HIS, to become Mrs. Shelby. She had her reasons and Polly couldn't blame her for being wary about marriage. After all, she was a very young widow. One who was married way too young to a man way older than she was. After all, she had a child who didn't survive the first 30 minutes after his birth. She realized her husband had lied to her and was genuinely just using her to pass his frustrations on. And he had the nerves to be murdered too, adding to her trauma. Could Polly really blame the girl for wanting to feel reassured? No. No, she couldn't. 

She couldn't even promise her that Tommy wouldn't try to kill himself again, nor that he wouldn't piss off the wrong enemy, the one who would best him in everything. Polly couldn't even tell Mary not to worry because living with the Shelbys, and marrying into the family, meant that troubles would find you no matter what or how. Tommy was trouble. Tommy was the embodiment of Danger. He would seek a new enemy to go to war against. He would seek release in alcoholic stupors or on drugs. He would seek comfort in her arms and perhaps, open up to Mary like he so desperately needed to. Polly couldn't promise a quiet life to that quiet woman. She could, however, ensure her that Tommy did love her. Polly was fantastic at sensing things and she could feel the feelings her nephew had buried deep inside his heart and refused to let out. Love. Tommy loved Mary and Mary loved Tommy. yet, Tommy wasn't ready. He was still reeling about the death of his first wife. He was still paranoid, still worried that something could happen to Mary because of him. Believe it or not, Tommy carried the weight of the deaths he caused on his shoulders. It affected him all the same, if not more when it was family. SO imagine losing Mary? He would lose the last of his sanity if she died.

So, the Black Stallion was afraid. Fair enough. She couldn't blame Tommy to feel that way. But what about Mary? The poor girl needed to be loved. She had been rejected so many times by so many people. She had been used and abused and while she finally took matters into her hands, and chose /her/ people, she deserved to feel safe. She deserved to feel loved. She deserved a second chance at happiness. A husband, perhaps children..her own house...Something, anything that could make her feel that she belonged somewhere and that people would be waiting for her to come home. Polly wasn't defeated just yet, but she knew, oh she knew that if her nephew and her favorite girl were to get together, they would have to face the enemies of this union. She would have to face people who would be against them being together or even worse. Some might try to go against either of them to get to the other. Polly knew she could see it in the future. Her tarot warned her about future conflicts and an invisible danger that was looming over the family. Yet, it had to happen. They had to be together, Polly would see to it. 

-TBC-

Got (modern): She was still living

// I am writing this while listening to  Amazing by Aerosmith.

xxxxxx

Dance was an escape. 

Her body was her paint brush and the stage was her canvas. She needed to express her emotions in the best way possible and dancing allowed her to do so. Bäahal was known for being expressive during her performances. Once she stepped into a stage, all eyes were on her and for a brief moment, there only was the music and the young woman. For a brief moment she remembered her childhood, the happy memories with her mother, the visits of her father. She remembered her friends at pre-school, the birthday parties she attended, the smiles she had on her face. She remembered her mother's smile, the warmth that came from the woman whenever she smiled at her daughter or whenever she hugged her. She remembered the good times and that fueled her dancing, brought smiles to the faces of those who watched her perform. 

Dance was an escape. 

It allowed for the young heiress to speak with her body words she couldn't say. She was thrusted into her memories and would, for a moment or two, remember her mother. She missed her. She missed her loving presence, her clever pieces of advice, her kindness. She missed her mother and in a way, Dancing connected their souls together. In a way, dancing soothed her heart. For so long she had not been able to express her pain because nobody would listen to her. She came to her father's family and this decision wreaked havoc in the family. She was abused in a way a child shouldn't be. Her siblings wanted nothing to do with her and when the older brother finally came around, he died. Her step-mother used to beat her, verbally abuse her and remind her that she was the reason the family was destroyed.

Dance was her escape.

Aerys II didn't have any choice but to build her a gym inside their family estate. She had to have her special place, a sanctuary of some sort where she could let go of her real emotions. She had screamed in there and danced frenetically. She had cried in there, and danced accordingly. her body dancing slowly, spinning around while she pleaded and banged onto the floor.  She had danced her grief away, when her dad died and she truly felt alone in the whole world. She had no friends, her family hated her and many treated her like a stranger at the very best and a nuisance at the very worst. Dancing was the only way she could breathe. Dancing was everything for the silver head and while she found some satisfaction with the underground dance battles, she wanted nothing more but to dance in public, dance anywhere she could, and show her passion with no restraints.  She wished she could take Jaime or Kyra to one of her shows. 

Dance was her escape. 

She wished a lot of things, but they weren't possible. It wasn't safe.She wanted to show the people she loved how much they meant to her. She wanted to express her affection, claim her love for Jaime through dance. She wished she could perform in public, with him in attendance watching her dance. She wished she could lift the cup of her dance battles and make a speech about the people who believed in her and embraced her dreams. She wished she could, but the reality of things made it impossible as of now. So she danced in the safety of her Gym. She danced Her frustrations away. She danced her solitude away and it felt good. Her muscles were sore. her throat dry and her skin soaked with sweat but she kept dancing. She kept moving. 

She kept living. 

-TBC-

Doya: on the road to Pluto: A matter of Faith

 // Faith is practically the word that could describe this storyline. 

xxxxxx

Oya was staring at the ceiling on that warm summer night. Her eyes were focused on the ceiling and she was rubbing her taut belly. She knew it was a matter of Faith, Dean told her so, she had to have faith in the process. They were hunting Pluto and Dean devised a plan to defeat the pagan god. His plan required the intervention of Crowley, the current King of Hell, and Rowena his mother, a mischievous and powerful witch. The hunter didn't feel comfortable with the idea of having Rowena or Crowley work with Team Free Will, but she talked to Dean. He made it easier for her to accept the situation by reassuring her about his awareness of the situation. He knew his devils, he knew his foes and he was expecting a betrayal. Besides, they needed their help and no matter how much Oya hated it, she couldn't deny how powerful they were and how much their presence would help win this war against the pagan god. 

Oya used to have faith. She grew up believing in Chuck, angels, and demons. She grew up thinking that if she led a good and virtuous life, she would end up in Heaven. she grew up thinking that angels listened to her prayers and interceded on her behalf to Chuck. She used to believe that her late fiancé loved her and she had faith in their relationship. Where did it take her? What did she get for having faith in humanity? in Fate? Nothing and she didn't want to try it again and be hurt because she let her guard down. So she stared at the ceiling, wondering just how long she could keep faith in the plan and in the people who were supposed to be helping them? She bit her bottom lip and closed both eyes, forcing her mind to focus on an answer. the truth was, she didn't trust them but she trusted Dean. She knew he would take into consideration everything, especially what could save the world. 

So she had Faith in him. She always had. from the moment they met to this morning, Oya had always trusted Dean. He always kept his word, and since he promised Oya he wouldn't do anything stupid and wouldn't sacrifice himself unless it was the last resort, he hadn't done it. She trusted him and knew that he would always come back to her if they were separated. He always did. So when Dean told her that she had to have faith in the process, she believed him. Castiel and Sam were trying to locate Pluto, but they also were investigating whatever plot Crowley might have by working cases involving demons. If they sniffed anything indicating that there would be a betrayal, they would alert the rest of the family and they would devise a plan. The plan would work. Pluto would be defeated. Oya was starting to believe it.  There was no other way things could go because if they didn't defeat Pluto, that would mean the rest of the world would be at war with him. 

She rolled on her side, setting her hazel eyes upon Dean who was taking a nap. She knew that a single noise would wake him up since his sleep wasn't deep, but she chose to be gentle and soft. Her hand softly stroked the skin of his arm, her nose rubbed against the strong bicep of the Winchester elder and she started to plant soft kisses against it. Dean felt them but he didn't move, too busy enjoying the sensation of her soft lips against his skin. He enjoyed it when Oya was caring for him, and he loved when she managed to turn the dreadful day into something he looked forward to. She made his mornings sweeter, and the whole world felt much better live in when she was in there. She curled against him and let her hands run over his scalp. She had faith. It would be alright. 

-TBC-