2021 - How to define that year?

How could I define my 2021? 

Let's start with the traditional Santa Thong (c) Lelia. she created the concept and the illustrations and I love her for this! these pin-ups always bring a smile to my face. Always. 

I don't know. To be honest, I don't really know. I guess I would say that I lived. It was a complicated year but I experienced life. I experienced the good, the bad, and the ugly like everybody else did. It was rough on the edge if I am being honest here. It started so badly I thought I wouldn't make I got sick and it became so serious they thought about everything under the sun BUT the actual disease. Ah!  It forced me to reconsider my life and the choices I made. I realized that I still had regrets and I couldn't just go with regrets in my heart. I still believe so. Life is so short, so precious, we have to live it to the fullest and enjoy every moment we can have. It wasn't the first time I experienced something so dire, but it was a nice reminder of the fierce fire inside my heart. So, Life went on. 

This end of the year is absolutely weird and awful. Awful because people close to me really got their short end of the stick. I would lie if I said this doesn't affect me, it does, very much so. I lost a friend who was dear to me this year. Her death is still a shock to me, I'm still unable to speak to her in the past tense. She had been knowing me for a decade now and was one of the first people who helped me on my path to recovery. I was able to enjoy life again, to talk about my mental health, to hope thanks to her love and care, and openness... I loved Colleen (or better known as Ceej or Raven pumpkin as I called her). She was taken so young and her death, coupled with my terrible experience at the beginning of the year encouraged me to enjoy my life as much as possible...and face my challenges head-on so I don't keep any regret in my heart. 

I know other people who share the same disease, one being the closest to my heart (and out of respect for his wishes, I won't name him in public).  this one devastated me upon learning. I was knocked out and then forced to stand back up because support was needed and I couldn't break down. This end of the year is spectacularly awful, stressful and yet we find solace in the sweet moments of joy together. I said a while ago, it's the little things that matter. it's the joy and love and care. All the rest is just a bonus.

I wanted to make a better year than the disastrous 2019-2020 and in some ways, it happened. I succeeded. Family and Friends gave me the support I needed and I was humbled to be able to give them back. My bonds got stronger, my desire to live bigger and I still have my dreams forcing me to keep going. I almost finished the book (the draft of it). I really hope that next year would be the year I edit it and end up publishing (in early 2023). I have my own business now and I have made progress regarding my mental and physical health. I count my blessings, really. 

So, I cried, I laughed, I got angry this year. I dreamed, I destroyed and I built this year. I guess as I was saying earlier, I just lived. It was a complicated year, filled with small successes and bigger ones. Filled with failure, anxiety, depression, and struggle. Filled with Hope and Joy and a desire to see tomorrow. All in all, I got lucky. I am lucky and I also work hard. I am lucky for the people who love me, those who support me, those who never left my side. I am lucky for their love and I try to make sure I am still worthy of it and especially work on self-love. This year, I think I tolerated myself way more than the previous ones. I didn't try to hurt myself, I didn't try to off myself. This time I just was. 

And I guess that in all this turmoil and Joy, this is my real victory here. 

Goodbye 2021, you weirdo! Goodbye and welcome to 2022!

I am excited about the year to come and I honestly can't wait to talk more about the book. 

Be well, be safe! Be careful. <3 

Thank you for loving me, You know I love you very much so. 

Witchy hour - feelings

 She was a hurricane in hiding. Always having to check her emotions so she wouldn’t have power slips and put others in danger. The witch had emotions, lots of them and when she felt something she felt it deeply. Eternity sometimes did it. Immortals pretended they didn’t feel anything while in reality they were overloaded with them. They pretended they didn’t care and perhaps to some extent they didn’t. Perhaps what was trivial meant even less for them and perhaps they grew used to death and to murder but they felt. They felt a lot of things. 

Asma forbade herself to feel anything for others yet she failed. She failed because one or maybe more people would crack her walls and she would welcome them. She grew attached to some over the centuries, tending to their very needs or helping them with their issues and internal turmoils. She wailed in distress when they betrayed her or tried to hurt her upon finding the truth -her truth-. She took hard their deaths even when age claimed them and it was time to go. She took even harder the budding romantic feelings she felt for Elijah and he never reciprocated. 

Rejection. She’d known it for most of her life and sometimes even wondered if it had to do with her curse or if she’d experience it regardless. 

Heartbreak. Her curse was not the reason Elijah didn’t look at her. She simply wasn’t enough for him. She wasn’t Hayley, or Katherine. She wasn’t the great women he met so long ago and never will be. Klaus spelled it for her, she was a tool and nothing more. She was hidden and to be used only when needed. Not a lover and even less a friend. She took that hard. Felt unworthy, felt disposable and unwanted. Even the only person who shared her company didn’t consider her as worthy enough to be mentioned. 

Asma felt and her shop suffered from it. She felt and kept to her heart. She felt and cried herself to sleep or lost herself in alcohol. She was a witch, she has feelings and since she also was cursed with immortality, she was to feel until her last breath, at the mercy of whoever would kill her since Time wouldn’t do it. How pathetic! 

Chronicles of the Primeval gods: Life of Elpis: How far will we go?

Chronicles of the Primeval gods: Life of Elpis: How far will we go?

A/N: I miss these two beans. just thinking of you N. <3 

xxx

Elpis was adjusting her outfit, making sure that the dress made her look as if she was covered in stars picked up from the sky. It was supposed to be a night of debauchery, where the Sin and the Goddess would enjoy the gorgeous and decadent activities humans so adore. It was supposed to be a good night out. Pride had agreed to leave with her, mingle with humans he so dispised with the promise that somehow, they would both be causing mayhem and chaos around them. Yet, something was bothering the goddess and she didn't know what. There were open wounds that had not been healed just yet. The deaths of the siblings she loved the most had not been avenged. Her betrayal at the hands of the one she trusted the most had not been avenged. She felt empty. While she had no qualms about destroying her pantheon, part of her was still distraught over the fact that her life as she knew it, was gone forever. 

She would be the last standing Primeval god. The last of her kind after the slaughter. There would be nothing left of those who brought Life and from who the other pantheons originated. There would be nothing left, not even a footnote about the importance of their existence. Nothing...but dust. They had it coming after all, they wouldn't have been able to survive the Sins growing appetite. They wouldn't have been able to survive Pride. How ironic it would be for them to perish by the hand of the very creature they all dispised. How fitting this ending would be for the New All-Father and the Goddess of Knowledge, his puppet master? The idea of their defeat, of the golden blood she would bathe in was enough to titillate the goddess' interest but not enough to quell the uneasy feeling that was growing inside her. What would come after? 

She didn't doubt her King, never! she couldn't doubt Pride for he showed that he cared for her. She didn't doubt his loyalty and honesty and doubted even less his dedication to her. She was his Light after all. She was his beloved just as he was hers. No, what she dreaded so much was feeling empty once her vengeance would come to fruition. What if the destruction of her pantheon didn't bring her peace? what if she was torn apart? what if she was upset? what if.... oh what if she ended up being lost? Elpis had a plan, she had a devouring ambition and she wanted to achieve her goals but after spending 2000 years stuck in her desire for revenge, she was worried of what would come after. What if she lost her purpose? what if she couldn't move forward? It was a weakness that made her legs shiver and the goddess had to put her hands on the wall to stay standing. Emptiness was the threat dangling over her head and that was making her queasy. The fear of not knowing what to do next was overwhelming. 

But just before she started to spiral, the goddess was gently touched by the Sin behind her. Pride had just appeared, wearing a beautiful tuxedo that complimented his shape. He was observing her getting ready, relishing in the sight before him when he picked up her worries. He had to calm her down and help her feel better, and so he came closer and wrapped his arms around her waist. He pulled her into a hug and leaned his chin on top of her pink locks. She sighed happily and wrapped her arms over his. She would be alright because he would be there with her. She would be alright because they knew where they wanted to go. Emperors of the Universe had a nice ring to it and they would take that title with force if necessary. 

-TBC-

JB (modern) : Silly dreams

 JB modern: "Silly dreams"

A/N: I love and miss those beans. <3

xxxx

The heiress surprised herself with a wish she had not anticipated. A wish for a date outside the secret lair. Could she be blamed for wishing for a romantic dinner or for walking hand in hand with Jaime on the beach. Couple stuff... Legitimate couple stuff.  She blushed at the realization of her own deep desires. She fell in love with him -plain and simple-. She fell in love with the man he was, not the billionaire bachelor, or the son of Tywin the business shark. No. She fell in love with the man, the one very few people knew about or wanted to know. She fell in love with his wits, with his kindness, his warmth and his bold personality. She fell in love with the passionate love-making they had, the delicious meals he cooked them and the moments of silence spent looking at each other without saying a word. She wanted more and was berating herself for it. It was too soon, too risky. Her relationship with her own family wasn't good enough for her to risk ruining it all for petty desires. Jaime trusted her, and if anything, he hated when other men were trying to get in her pants -rightfully so-. She hated when women were trying to seduce him as well, but neither of them could stand up and claim the other publicly. None of them could openly assume the relationship and for good reasons. 

So, why was her mind torturing her with those wonderful mental pictures? Why was she torn apart by the simple idea of attending public events with her partner? Holding hands, laughing and talking to each other and leaning her head against his shoulder. It was a sweet dream, after all, because she knew that it was impossible for two of the most famous bachelors of Westeros to be seen together without causing a ruckus. She twirled her silver locks and leaned her head against the chair. His smile was infectious and she couldn't help herself but smile to herself. All her worries left her mind and she sighed. She could handle it, She could handle being hidden because it was the right thing to do. She could endure the solitude caused by being the only one knowing she was with Jaime...Was she with him? They never talked about it, they never mentioned it... they never even said they cared about each other just yet. They just spent time together and argued over Bronn's raunchy tirade. He offered her a christmas present and.. and... and she realized she was in love with him...But they never said it to each other. So how could she be sure that he felt the same thing for her? 

Jaime showed, he didn't tell. Jaime was a man of his word, a man who expressed himself through his actions. He cared for her, she could tell that much. He wanted to be around her, he wanted her and he surely... he surely was planning something for their future together? The purple eyed heiress sighed and moistened her lips. what if it didn't happen? what if they didn't have a future together? what if they were nothing?.... It made her groan and she put both hands on her face. It would be alright. It would be alright because Jaime was a man of his word. He was honest and genuine and if they were in tune with each other, then he felt the same thing for her...She had to believe. She had to believe.They were walking a hard path but they would make their own story and would be happy. She had to believe in him. She had to trust herself and she had to believe in them. 

-TBC-

DOYA - Worries out of the window

"Worries out the window"

Oya was laying on the bed, eyes focused on the ceiling of their crappy motel room. She was wondering, bemused, if they would ever get tired of the low-standard rooms they always rented when they were working cases. She was used to it, to the smell, the lack of furniture, the bare minimum provided and the ice machines they would have to go to when they needed to freshen their drinks. Those places held memories, good or bad. Those places meant something. Oya  let her hands run over her taut belly, before she let them loose through her black locks. Dean was sitting on the chair near the wall. He was focused on the newspapers he snatched at grocery store and was reading through the news about the case they were working on. Oya rolled her eyes and turned around, so she could have a better look at the hunter. A smile crept on her lips as she thought he looked good when he was focused and she started to tap her fingers on the mattress, making a noise that was sure to distract Dean from the newspapers. 

Dean turned the chair around, so he was now facing her. His face was still serious, focused, and that made his jawline tighter than usual. As a matter of fact, he was studying the hunter. She seemed relaxed, happier but he couldn't shake off the idea that she had been very upset at the presence of Rowena in their team born in an effort to defeat Pluto. He understood Oya's distrust of the Witch. He understood her disappointment in her and he understood why she would feel uneasy around the redhead. However, he couldn't do otherwise. They needed her to sever the link between Pluto and his worshippers so he could be weakened. They needed her and although it didn't please him as much as Oya wanted to believe, Dean knew that they couldn't do without Rowena. He was prepared for her to double-cross them and had quietly asked Castiel to keep an eye on her whenever he could. He also counted on her bad relationship with Crowley to actually keep her in check, but who knew what would happen? Definitely not a mortal. Definitely not Dean. 

Oya seemed relaxed. She seemed happier but he noticed the glimpse of doubt crossing her face. She had no doubts regarding their hunt. They were both glorious hunters. What she was uncertain about, was her ability to defeat the God. She was almost killed by him and she didn't know if their efforts would bear fruits or if they would all end up dead. Perhaps she was thinking that they didn't have enough time and who was he to blame her for this? His gaze ran over her soft curves and the creamy chocolate shade of her skin to finally rest upon her beautiful face. She was still tapping her fingers on the mattress, playing a melody that irritated both sets of ears until she stopped and slapped the mattress with her hand. She decided to throw her worries out of the window for tonight and instead enjoy the moment she was sharing with Dean. Not that he complained. He just made a mental note to ask her later, when they were done fooling around. He made a mental note but his resolve dissolved upon seeing her standing up and walking towards him, his shirt on for only cloth, her massive black curly hair as her jewel and her intense hazel gaze set upon him.

Worries could wait but Life couldn't. 

The night was still young... O still young...

-TBC-

TVD - Endlessly (ANGST)

TVD - Witchy hour- Endlessly

1962 - United States-

Asma was shaking from head to toe. Her white dress was soaked with blood, her hair was discheveled, soiled with brain and other bodily fluids. Her arms and hands were now covered with blood. Her breathing was laboured and her eyes unfocused and filled with tears. At some point, she looked down at her feet and noticed the bodies of two men. It only took a minute, and both were wearing masks when they broke into her shop, but she'd recognized them from their voices. These had been regular clients of her, people she came to care about. Both were single men but they had a family member they were taking care of and sought Asma's help for healing potions. She was crying ugly tears, as drool and snot joined the salty tears that were streaming down on her face. 

"You might never find love. Not from Men. Not from Werewolves. Not from Vampires and never from witches!" The cold words of her supreme as she cursed her, echoed through her mind.  Why did she think that she could find peace in a world that rejected the supernatural? Mankind was known for rejecting what it didn't understand. Those who were smiling at you were able to turn on you with a snap of a finger and that was what these two did. They turned on her. "Monster!" they shouted, "Witch" they screamed and the fear and disgust she saw in their eyes as they broke in and started to spread gasoline all over her items was enough for her to see what they had in their hearts. 

She tried to reason with them. She tried to deny being a witch but they didn't listen to her. How could they when they were blinded by rage? They hit her, couple of slaps here and couple of insults there. She could bear with this violence. That was nothing to be afraid of. They spit at her. Less easy to bear with. Anger within her was already arising. They called her names. "A witch." That was true. "A deceiver." That wasn't true! "A monster." This one hurt and her own anger slowly kicked in.  She could have dealt with a couple insults and a little bit of violence. She knew Mankind. She witnessed the worst it had to offer. 

She could have dealt with their anger and frustration. She could have dealt with their fear. What she couldn't deal with was their desire to destroy everything she had and everything she was. What she couldn't deal with was their desire to take everything from her, including her life. As soon as one of them tried to tear her dress and succeeded in tearing the bottom of her dress, she stopped trying to hold back. She was disappointed in them, in their ability to go from being kind and caring to being complete assholes. She was disappointed in the betrayal and the pain she felt by holding back her anger was too unbearable for her to keep it in. 

So she let it out. 

And now that she was standing in front of the bodies of the men she once cared about, reality kicked in. She was cursed and despite the many centuries spent on Earth, trying to help others, she would never fit in. She would never be loved. She would never be understood and most of all, they would always want her to be dead. They called her a deceiver, a betrayer, a liar but they betrayed her! they lied to her! they deceived her! and now because of their reckless attack on her, they were dead. Her shop was destroyed and her life was in shambles once again. Her heart was broken and the tears brought no relief at all.  With her magic she lit a fire that quickly spread over her shop thanks to the gasoline they poured everywhere. And a shaking, heartbroken and wounded woman left the place and let it turn to dust. 

Today - Mystic Falls- United States of America. 

Asma leaned against the counter of her shop. There was no one at this time of the day, which was actually welcome for the woman. She massaged her temples and removed her sunglasses for a while. Pinching the bridge of her nose in order to gather her thoughts, Asma bent a little and grabbed a bottle of wine and a glass so she could fix herself a drink. It had been a rough couple of days ever since she chose to meet with Klaus. Her life had been boring, yeah, boringly lonely for centuries and the first thing she did when she decided to follow Elijah's advice? it was to find Klaus so she could help him. She wanted to let her anger go. She wanted to forgive him and move forward. She needed to. Help Klaus? He wouldn't even want to help himself. He rejected her offer, of course, and they bickered upon meeting for the first time. Typical of them. 

Typical? In a way. Their second meeting was also a small rollercoaster. He actually held back his basic instincts, and acted as the bigger man when she totally lost control of herself and destroyed some elements of her shop. She was rusty after all, unable to keep and maintain normal conversations... or so she thought. she was able to do all of that, but she was craving contacts, affection.. attention. All of which Klaus gave her after she came to him and told him that she wanted to spend more time with him. She never went that fast before, she never even tried to get close to anyone before but with Klaus... They were kindred spirits weren't they? both were cursed, both were alone, both were in pain. in eternal torment. 

So why the long face? why was it so difficult? why was she tired? Perhaps, the revelations he made about Elijah were enough for her to lose the tiny bit of faith she held onto. Perhaps knowing she was nothing but a pawn to Elijah's plans was enough to break what little joy she might have. Elijah was...could have been a friend but he wasn't even that for her. she wasn't even a person for him. She was but a tool...and that hurt. that hurt really deeply. Her curse was perhaps unbreakable. She was meant to be alone and that seemed to be the path her eternal life was about to take. Hunted down by witches, werewolves, vampires and humans. No shelter possible, no comfort in sight.. nothing but chaos. nothing but pain. Nothing but the desire to end it all... she could have, centuries ago but something kept her alive for that long and that was the desire to live. Deep down. Deep deep down, she wanted to live. 

Was it worth the pain? Was /HE/ worth the pain? She had no idea. 

got (regular): SuitorS

GoT: Suitors

A/N: that is one of the worst time she ever had. Right after Highgarden and before the siege. 

xxxxx

"Jaime.... I wish the gods would allow us to be together. I hope.. I hope the gods would understand how pure our feelings for each other are. I know we both made promises to our families and to ourselves. I know we chose to follow the decision of my beloved sister and the only thing we could do is pray and hope and be genuine. I wish... I wish we wouldn't have to go through this ordeal, you and I. Haven't we suffered enough? Haven't we lost enough? You lost your children and the woman you gave your heart to. You lost your reputation, you lost the love of the people.. you lost your hand and I could go on and on. I lost so much...Fate took everything from me. It took my mother, my freedom, my dignity, my body and my pride. It took everything but my heart and my dreams. 

The gods must know that you saved me. They must know that our love made us stronger. We survived the odds and we became better versions of ourselves. I became braver, stronger and determined. Can you believe the strength loving you gave me? The gods ought to see the man you became, the man you always were. Yes, you made mistakes! Yes, you have blood on your hands!  But you always were motivated by Love. You were always motivated by the desire to help and protect your family and those you love. How can they not see it, Jaime? How could they punish us for what we feel for each other? Is Love a crime? Is it? 

I will plead with the gods. I told you that I would. I will plead with the gods to let us love each other. Oh, I have tried. I have tried to move on when I returned from Highgarden. I have tried to let someone else take me away. I just wanted to be be useful. I guess I was seeing myself as a tool rather than a person. I let Daenerys introduce me to several suitors. That was the worst, Jaime. The gods know. They saw me cry myself to sleep at night. They heard my despair, they heard my cries and they comforted me with the idea that at least you were better. At least you were alive. At least you were back home but in truth, you've never left my heart. 

You never did and you never will. oh Jaime... would the gods be so cruel and force us apart? Do you think I would try to see other people? Do you think I would suffer again? I know I wouldn't. You don't understand the profound disgust I felt after I spent the day with one of them. You don't understand the loneliness that tore my heart apart when I was alone in my bedroom. Those men could have been you. those words would have been yours...but they weren't you. they weren't you....they never will be. "

GoT (modern): Baby Blues

Silver locks fell onto her chest and lap. Bäahal was sitting on the plane that was taking her to New-York. Her eyes were scanning the pages of the magazine she was reading, searching for the new gossips about her and her family. Bäahal chewed at her bottom lip, moistening her plump lips as she read some juicy news about the hottest bachelors and bachelorettes of the world. She curbed a brow, as she saw the names of some heirs she knew mixed in with celebrities. It made her giggle a little bit upon reading the name of Kyra Lannister, because it had been a while since she last saw her. Kyra Lannister was such a beautiful woman. She was genuine and kind, reserved but not calculating. She treated her well during her charity and while they took separate ways and life took them apart, the woman wanted to see her again. 

Her purple hues kept scanning the pages and she then found out a double-page feature on Jaime Lannister. Her heart started to beat faster and she  couldn't help but bit her bottom lip harder, almost sinking her teeth into her flesh. They chose a good picture, Jaime was standing up, his bike next to his frame. He was wearing a large brown coat with a three piece brown suit and a white shirt. At his feet were leather shoes that completed the gentleman look he was going for. The article was focused on his family and how and why Jaime had been voted the sexiest man of the year for the 4th consecutive time. Well, they were right, Jaime was sexy. He was handsome and so much more. Her eyes closed for a minute and she leaned into her seat. 

When was the last time she saw him? Oh... several weeks ago, before he went on a business trip. As usual she paid him a visit and the two of them spent the night together, talking, drinking, fucking and laughing. As usual, she craved his company and would have stayed longer if she could. As usual, she felt comfortable and at home. Jaime...Jaime... Oh how she missed him. Her violet hues slowly started to fill themselves up with fresh unshed tears. She was missing Jaime and that was a feeling she hated above everything else. How come a person she'd met just a couple months ago was now someone she wanted to be with every day? How come she was feeling as if her heart was being torn apart? How come she felt incomplete? Well.. she had the answer already, she was in love with the heir. She was in love with Jaime. 

The stewardess stared at Bäahal and enjoyed the article. She couldn't help but read over the shoulder of the silver haired woman who didn't notice her just yet. "He's handsome isn't he? He's so dreamy!" She said, betraying her position and forcing Bäahal to look up to the young woman. She furrowed her brows, feeling overprotective about Jaime but quickly shook her head and nodded. He sure was handsome. He sure was sexy, but Jaime was so much more than just a good body and a beautiful brain. Bäahal realized that most people didn't really pay attention to him and didn't really care about his heart. They only saw what was on the surface and that bothered the silver head who hated the fact Jaime was either known as a reckless hot head, or cunning businessman, or a sexy man. 

"Yes.. yes he is." She simply said, stroking the face of the man with the back of her forefinger. "I bet that he's more than just a pretty face." She whispered to herself.

"Do you know him, Miss Targaryen?" -She felt blood rush to her cheeks and shook her head as quickly as possible.- "Oh, I see. Well... If we were in another world, perhaps you could have been with him. I think you look good together."

"You do like to play with fire, don't you? I'd rather keep my head than tempt Fate. I leave seducing Mister Lannister to you." She grinned and  closed the magazine for a while. As a matter of fact, she hated this conversation. She hated pretending. She hated hiding and in moments like these, when solitude was overwhelming, she hated being far away from him. She was missing her Golden Lion and it showed that day. Upset, Bäahal leaned her head against the plane window and looked past it in the hopes it would help her mind escape the present tourment. Perhaps it would work, perhaps it wouldn't. Either way, she was missing him and that was a fact.

-TBC-

Chronicles of the primeval gods: Life and Death of Ishtar: Purpose

 Chronicles of the primeval gods: Life and Death of Ishtar: Purpose

A/N: what can I say? when an animal is cornered, he fears. That's where he becomes dangerous.

xxxxxx

He could see her silhouette from afar. Figment of his imagination that tormented the primeval god of war, Elpis never left his side. No matter where he stood, she was always nearby. The weight of his guilt, the self-loathing he felt for the actions Ayasha forced upon him. The god of war didn't regret killing his father. It was something he was quite proud of after all and he desired the throne for himself after a while. He was even competing against his other brother, Leviathan, for the crown. What was eating him up alive was the betrayal upon Elpis. He could never get rid of his unspoken desire nor the guilt wrapped around his actions. She trusted him and he crushed her heart into pieces. He cursed her into a solitary life, erased her from the memories of mankind and weakened her. Perhaps the worst thing he ever did to her was to take her apart from her beloved. How could she forgive him? How could she give him a second chance after what he did? How could he get rid of the emotions he felt for her? 

Yet, It wasn't what drove him on Earth that day. He needed to leave the Primeval gods realm in order to find peace among those who didn't rest. He had to gorge himself out of the worship humans gave him and their unquenchable thirst for war and conflicts. He came to find some peace of mind, a reassurance of his power and the odds he had at beating Pride. The hallucination he had of his sister was always followed with a shadow. The only thing he knew about the Sin was his purple hues and since he had no idea of what he looked like, all he could imagine was a human shape made of smoke with purple eyes. He hated Pride. He hated him with all his heart. He hated him not just because he was an abomination made by the Greek god of Death. No! He didn't even hate him because he was a weapon designed to subjugate and defeat gods. He hated him because he took Elpis away from him. He stole her heart! he stole her love! he made it so that nothing was left for him. 

He hated him for that, perhaps even more than he hated him for the death of Leviathan. A sin was able to kill another god. It was impossible to fathom for the god of war. How could that be? Yes, of course, getting rid of the greek pantheon was supposedly easy. why wouldn't it be? The sins were designed by one of these gods and they were meant to be weapons. He never considered them to be threats because he assumed they wouldn't be able to evolve or be better than the Primeval gods. He imagined they would be limited and that crushing them would be a piece of cake. How mistaken he had been! They had been reckless and because of that, Leviathan was dead. The death of his brother brought a new string of concerns for the New All-Father. They had the power to destroy Primeval gods! They were able to bring the end of the Primeval Gods pantheon. What happened when gods died? where did they go? Gaea never told her children what would become of them but he suspected that Oblivion was the destination. 

Did he want to die? 

Did he want to disappear? 

Of course not! 

But what could he do about it? what could he do? Ishtar let his black eyes stare at the oblivious humans who were enjoying their puny lives. They were talking, drinking coffee and buzzing around in a desperate search for the meaning of their existence. Humans lived short lives and for the god who was immortal, it seemed like a blink of an eye. It was insignificant. They were insignificant! Yet, they spent their whole lives, looking for the meaning of it. For a purpose. That was a luxury the Primeval gods never needed. They were born with a purpose. Ishtar was. He was the God of War and now he was the All-Father! His purpose was to rule everything! to decide for everything and to bring forth new lives and new beginnings or end them with a flick of his finger. His purpose was....what was it? Ishtar couldn't help but feel as if everything had lost meaning. He could have enjoyed being the god of war for the entirety of his existence and yet, yet he chased after something bigger, something better. He could have been his own person and yet he became a puppet. He could have...He could have... 

But he didn't and he lost everything. 

So what was left for him to do?  

Destroy the Sin, overcome his growing fear of Death and face him. Yes...Face him. 

-TBC-

Doya: Late Night Dream

A/N: Well, been thinkingg of these two beans. Of course, I also had to include Sarah and Joshua Thomas :p just because. It is about Doya though, in a way. 

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[Oya? Is it too late to write to you?] 

Sarah texted her. the noise from her phone forced Oya to wake up from her light slumber. She rolled her eyes, groaned and rolled on her side. Her heavy coily black locks fell on her face and chest but she waved them off of her face with the back of her hand. The hunter rubbed her eyes and grabbed her phone. Sarah? this late? She never did unless it was an emergency or something was wrong with her. Oya furrowed her brows , her heart began to race in her ribcage as worries started to grow, and replied. 

[No, it's not. What's up?] -She could feel Dean shifting on his bed but he was still asleep.-

It had been quite a while since they last talked. The last time they saw each other, it was at the hospital where Joshua was on the brink of death. Oya and Dean answered her call and began to investigate the case. Josh recovered despite being bound on a wheelchair How long had it been since Oya spoke to either of them? She knew Joshua was still recovering from the attack at his sister's home. She knew that he was doing alright, all things considered but she had not written at all. 

Could she be blamed for her silence? Right after the encounter with the Daeva, Oya met with Pluto. She survived on dumb luck and the near-death experience shocked her enough to make her forget about anyone who wasn't Team Free Will. She realized now, that it had been way too long and she wasn't keeping her promise to the Thomases.  Her azel eyes stared at her screen, wishing for the reply to not be an emergency. 

[I wanted to talk, check on you a little bit. ] -Oya put the phone on her chest, her eyes searching through the darkness of the bedroom. She pulled her phone up and typed back as fast as she could-

[Just checking on me? Really? Sarah... Are you alright? Is it a late night conversation like the one at the motel?] -She was worried, and a worried Oya was always talking fast. Sarah paused. for a minute or two before she sent another message.-

[Actually... I am fine. I haven't heard from you in a very long time, so I started to worry. Joshua told me he heard your voice on Radio Hunter, so that's how I knew you were still alive.]

[I am sorry. I should have texted you more often. I just got very busy.] -She was hoping that her excuses would work on Sarah, but the blonde woman was far more clever than that. Oya nipped her bottom lip and started to tap her right index against the phone screen.-

[Busy? Let me guess... Chasing after the pagan god Pluto? It's all over the news, so don't try and lie to me. There's a worlwide search for him and I know you'd try find him before anyone else does.] 

Oya's heart almost stopped beating upon reading the first sentence. She sighed of relief once she realized that Sarah had no clues about what happened between the god and her. Oya ended up sitting at the edge of the bed and  put her phone on her lap. What could she tell her? The truth? Well, that seemed to be the most reasonable action to take. Telling the truth, letting her in on the secret that plagued her for months. Oya didn't want to come back to this painful memory, of her nearly dying. She didn't want to feel hopeless like she did back there. It took her way too long for her to mentally recover from the incident and realize that she didn't want to die too soon. Being forced to face her own mortality was an eye-opening experience, one that shed a bright light upon herself. Oya was human after all...

Her lips trembled and she ran her shaky fingers through her hair, massaging her scalp. She glanced at Dean who was sleeping still. He looked so peaceful from where she stood. he seemed at peace with everything. Oya knew, she knew that deep down he was already beating himself for what happened to her. How could she let him  carry the weight of the world on his shoulders on his own? He was carrying it, alone, in order to protect those he loved. Dean was a martyr of his own making and she knew that no matter his promises, this would be something he wouldn't be able to stop doing. He was the type of person to strike a deal with the devil if that meant saving his loved ones. He was the one... He was the ONE. Her lips trembled even more and she could feel tears form at the corner of her eyes.

[I am looking for Pluto and gathering intel on him. I'm not working alone, don't worry. We're a whole team on that case. Sarah...I'm fine. We're in the middle of the night, so what happened?] -Minutes went by, with Oya glancing from time to time to her right. She needed to see Dean, and watching him peacefully breathe during his sleep, somehow brought her some peace too. It was soothing.-

[I had a dream. I just woke up and went to the kitchen to drink some water. It was a nightmare rather than a dream.]

[I knew it! What was that nightmare about? Is Josh okay?]

[He is fine. Actually, I am the one falling apart. He bounced back O. He bounced back and now he's working from the comfort of his home. I thought he would miss working on cases but he's fine building a life with his fiancé and helping hunters through the radio. I dreamed about your death. It happened a few months ago but today I made the same nightmare. A creature had killed you and I attended your funeral. I was scared, you know? scared because if you die...]

Oya could feel a pang in her heart. She had never really thought of the impact her death could have on others. For so long she thought of herself as an important member of society. someone who was saving people but was replaceable. It didn't matter if she or someone else did the job as long as the job was done. Yet, twice, she thought of herself as more than just a hunter. With Fabrice, she had dreamed of having her own family, kids included. She had seen herself as a wife and a mother but her dreams turned to dust very quickly and she was left feeling empty and distraught. Dean changed everything. the family he made with Sam and Castiel also changed everything. Oya felt again.. Oya was human again..Oya was loving again. 

Her encounter with Pluto helped her realize that she didn't want to die and wanted instead, to keep living with her family. She wanted more time with Dean, Sam and Castiel.. oh yes, more time with them but especially with Dean. She loved him more than she could even admit. She had the life she had always wanted with him. A life where she could save lives, kick ass and travel around the country. A life that meant something. A life with more than just pain and despair. She refused to let go of things so fast and this realization made her near-death experience all the more painful. She was afraid to die now, she, the Daredevil, didn't want to die so soon.  A sob escaped her lips and she wiped away the tears that had rolled on her cheeks.

[I am alive. I guess you are worried now that you know there is a pagan god on the loose. I promise you, I will do everything in my power to stay alive. I promised I would see the twins grow and I will do my best to keep this promise.]

[You can't make promises you won't keep, O. It's impossible to know when your time is coming. It's impossible to know. Dad didn't. Mom didn't and I certainly can't.  Monsters are scary and while I teach my family to acknowledge the existence of the supernatural and to prepare....I don't know what tomorrow is made of. I feel safe when you're here, O. Without you, I would definitely lose my mind.]

[I won't die, Sarah. I don't want to die, you know? The world is big yet it is getting smaller and smaller.  I am still with you. Still there for you. Remember, Josh needed help, you needed my help and I came, didn't I? Your dream...your dream was about me giving up on my old aloof persona. Your dream is about me finding my happiness and wanting to fight for it. I am busy saving the world but I will make sure to stay alive, okay?] 

Tears fell on her screen, forcing Oya to wipe away her tears and pull her legs up. as her feet rested on the mattress, she wrapped her arms around her knees. Sarah was worried beacuse things were changing around her. Her brother was now disabled yet he probably was the happiest he's ever been since he settled down and found a new and less risky way to help hunters. Oya was still living her best life, even moreso now that she was at peace with herself and comfortable in her relationships. She found her place, her family and somehow was living the life she had always wanted. 

Sarah struggled a lot ever since her father died. She was questionning her decision to live a mundane life and have a family she kept away from the supernatural. She was questionning her ability to keep her family safe. she was questionning her relationships -including the one with Oya-. Her father's death and the recent traumatic attack against her brother fragilized her more than she wanted to admit. Things changed and she didn't adjust to them. She didn't adjust to her brother becoming disabled nor did she adjust to Oya living her life away from her.

[Okay.] -Silence, then a couple minutes later- [O? Do you think I did the right thing by having a family of my own?]

[You did the right thing for yourself. Your kids are wonderful and your husband loves you. You will be able to protect them alright. Your dad knew it. Josh knows it. I know it. You just have to believe it.]

Silence settled in for a while, allowing Oya to glance once more towards Dean who was now shifting on the bed a little more, indicating that he was about to wake up in a matte rof minutes. Oya sighed, even having a good sleep felt like luxury. Dean had a decent sleep in the last couple of weeks but it still felt too far in between periods of agitated and restless nights. Her phone vibrated again, indicating that she received another text. 

[Thanks for the pep talk, O. Text me more so I don't fear you're dead or something. love you.]

[Love you too.] -She texted back before she put her phone on the bed nightstand. She gave a sheepish smile before she rolled on her side. Dean was even more agitated, which indicated that he was about to wake up, so she  gently laid next to him and cupped his cheek with her warm hand. A gentle stroke accompanied his awakening and he greeted her with a grin. She smiled at him and planted a kiss on his nose.  "Good morning Dickhead."

"Good morning, Bitch." -he smiled and pressed a kiss to her lips, gently wrapping his powerful arm around her waist. "You're up very early, what woke you up?"

"Just a little Late Night Dream....involving you." She smiled again and gently rubbed her nose to his. "I'd like to stay a little longer in bed. Shall we?"

"We shall.." 

-TBC-

Asma (witch): Prayer to Hecate.

I know Death. It became a companion. I have lost so much over the centuries, from my family to my coven, that I have refused to open up again. What was the point? what was the point if I ended up suffering?  It was all bullshit, it was all a lie. it was just easier to pretend that I didn't care. It was easier to pretend I didn't want it and I honestly tried to bury my emotions deep inside. 

I failed, that is a given. I failed spectacularly when Elijah made my heart fluster. I realized over time that it was just my loneliness acting up. I couldn't handle being on my own, living like a recluse. I couldn't put some distance between my emotions and myself. I had no one to talk to, I got no one to touch me. I had no one to... I had no one. 

Oh Hecate, the Goddess was merciful. She protected me all those centuries and answered my prayers. I wasn't alone. I wasn't  anymore when she sent Klaus to me.  Could it be? could it be that  I would no longer suffer from my curse? could it be, that I would feel less pain if he let me get close to him? am I right? Doing this, trusting him? Am I doing it right? I know he could break my heart and I know I could lose everything.. the only thing I ever have left: My heart. 

But I want to try. I want to try. 

O Hecate, Mother saint of Witches, 

My goddess, please answer my prayer, 

Protect our hearts.

Elpis and Pride: Communion

Communion. 

That is what exists between these  two souls. A perfect balance of Yin and Yang. A perfect harmony. She was Light, Hope, she was on her path to become the new All-Mother.  She was Light and she was darkness at the same time. Pride simply helped her get in touch with that side of her. He was pure darkness, the Sin of All Sins and despair. He was the adored one, the revered one.. the perfection made flesh. And he had a tiny bit of Light inside. They were perfect together, perhaps even moreso than the greek gods Persephone and Hades. They were the Alpha and the Omega. They  were the beginning and the end. they were beautiful. 

Elpis realized that she had found something greater than her own pantheon. She broke free, became her own person and was able to finally tap into the power that was hers. Elpis loved it, to get closer  to the power she was denied in her younger years. to be treated as if she was the most fragile thing in the universe.  She wasn't fragile. she wasn't naive anymore. She grew into a powerful goddess, probably the most powerful existing goddess.  Her power, her hunger, her desire and love for the sin matched Superbia's. She was perhaps, the only being in the universe to match his ambition, and to love him with such intensity. 

She was, and so much more. He was, and so much more. He was eternal. He was powerful and he had found his match in the whole universe. A love that transcended  2000 years spent apart from one another. A love that would last eternity. it was a symphony.... they were in Harmony. 

JB (modern): Carefree (short)

 She was young, perhaps a little bit reckless, definitely naive but fundamentally sincere. She was a troublemaker, and sometimes joked about Fate having a heavy hand at this since she was the Sin of her father. 

She tried to stay good, to stay true and to bring the family together instead of dividing it furthermore like her father did. Bäahal wasn't Aerys II. She wasn't a man who couldn't bring himself to doing the right thing. She didn't let passion go to her head and get the best of her. 

But there were days when it was heavier. there were days where she couldn't handle the loneliness, or the lack of warmth. She grew tired of being surrounded with the empty shells the heirs and heiress she had to "connect with". she wanted true friendship, true love and a true family. She found a friend, in Kyra. she found love, in Jaime and her relationship with her family were slowly starting to change for the better... perhaps for the best. She was hoping. 

Until then, she decided to be carefree and would  act accordingly. 

JB: (regular): Free

 Free. 

I was finally free. I guess I wasn't used to feeling this way until Daenerys came and set Mereen free from the old masters. All my life I have been dreaming of this freedom my mother sought for most of her life. I guess I never understood quite truly what true freedom was about. 

I had troubles adjusting to this new life. To the idea that I was the maker of my own decision and I was the one who shaped my own destiny. I had troubles, adjusting. I was silly, thinking that an honourable death was the only way I could honour my mother's sacrifices. I was naive... so naive. I didn't know what I truly wanted nor what freedom truly tasted like until I realized how I felt for you. 

You... you changed everything, Jaime. You gave me a reason to stay alive and not sacrifice it to serve my sister. Loyalty had never been questioned, and I would always remain loyal to Daenerys.. but this time.. oh this time... I had something I could pursue for myself: Happiness. I was happy when I was with you. I was myself, when I was with you and I certainly imagined the future when I was by your sides. So it was easy. to be free, I had to be with you. 

we still don't have the permission to embrace our feelings and it upsets me. But I will patiently wait for the closest to me, to see you the way I do. to see past your mistakes and the blood on your hands. to see the person you became and the one you have always been. I will fight for you. I will fight for us.. Always and forever. 

DOYA SHORT: In the early hours

 "In the early hours of the morning, when there is nothing but the soft sunrays and the calm of our bedroom, I love to stay longer in bed. 

I can look at you. I can watch your chest heave up and down and your eyes twitch slowly as you emerge from your slumber. I watch your peaceful face, and I let my fingers massage your scalp. 

This is my apple pie life. This is my moment of peace, the saving grace of our daily crappy life. I get to share a peaceful moment with you every morning and I don't want to change a single thing for a morning with you. 

In the early hours of the morning, when there is nothing but the soft rhythm of your breathing, I can feel at ease. I know I am safe here, with you. I know I am happy here.. I have never thought I could find my happy place, somewhere where I could be myself. 

I know I am safe, because I am with you."