How could I define my 2021?
Let's start with the traditional Santa Thong (c) Lelia. she created the concept and the illustrations and I love her for this! these pin-ups always bring a smile to my face. Always.
I don't know. To be honest, I don't really know. I guess I would say that I lived. It was a complicated year but I experienced life. I experienced the good, the bad, and the ugly like everybody else did. It was rough on the edge if I am being honest here. It started so badly I thought I wouldn't make I got sick and it became so serious they thought about everything under the sun BUT the actual disease. Ah! It forced me to reconsider my life and the choices I made. I realized that I still had regrets and I couldn't just go with regrets in my heart. I still believe so. Life is so short, so precious, we have to live it to the fullest and enjoy every moment we can have. It wasn't the first time I experienced something so dire, but it was a nice reminder of the fierce fire inside my heart. So, Life went on.
This end of the year is absolutely weird and awful. Awful because people close to me really got their short end of the stick. I would lie if I said this doesn't affect me, it does, very much so. I lost a friend who was dear to me this year. Her death is still a shock to me, I'm still unable to speak to her in the past tense. She had been knowing me for a decade now and was one of the first people who helped me on my path to recovery. I was able to enjoy life again, to talk about my mental health, to hope thanks to her love and care, and openness... I loved Colleen (or better known as Ceej or Raven pumpkin as I called her). She was taken so young and her death, coupled with my terrible experience at the beginning of the year encouraged me to enjoy my life as much as possible...and face my challenges head-on so I don't keep any regret in my heart.
I know other people who share the same disease, one being the closest to my heart (and out of respect for his wishes, I won't name him in public). this one devastated me upon learning. I was knocked out and then forced to stand back up because support was needed and I couldn't break down. This end of the year is spectacularly awful, stressful and yet we find solace in the sweet moments of joy together. I said a while ago, it's the little things that matter. it's the joy and love and care. All the rest is just a bonus.
I wanted to make a better year than the disastrous 2019-2020 and in some ways, it happened. I succeeded. Family and Friends gave me the support I needed and I was humbled to be able to give them back. My bonds got stronger, my desire to live bigger and I still have my dreams forcing me to keep going. I almost finished the book (the draft of it). I really hope that next year would be the year I edit it and end up publishing (in early 2023). I have my own business now and I have made progress regarding my mental and physical health. I count my blessings, really.
So, I cried, I laughed, I got angry this year. I dreamed, I destroyed and I built this year. I guess as I was saying earlier, I just lived. It was a complicated year, filled with small successes and bigger ones. Filled with failure, anxiety, depression, and struggle. Filled with Hope and Joy and a desire to see tomorrow. All in all, I got lucky. I am lucky and I also work hard. I am lucky for the people who love me, those who support me, those who never left my side. I am lucky for their love and I try to make sure I am still worthy of it and especially work on self-love. This year, I think I tolerated myself way more than the previous ones. I didn't try to hurt myself, I didn't try to off myself. This time I just was.
And I guess that in all this turmoil and Joy, this is my real victory here.
Goodbye 2021, you weirdo! Goodbye and welcome to 2022!
I am excited about the year to come and I honestly can't wait to talk more about the book.
Be well, be safe! Be careful. <3
Thank you for loving me, You know I love you very much so.
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