got (regular): SuitorS

GoT: Suitors

A/N: that is one of the worst time she ever had. Right after Highgarden and before the siege. 

xxxxx

"Jaime.... I wish the gods would allow us to be together. I hope.. I hope the gods would understand how pure our feelings for each other are. I know we both made promises to our families and to ourselves. I know we chose to follow the decision of my beloved sister and the only thing we could do is pray and hope and be genuine. I wish... I wish we wouldn't have to go through this ordeal, you and I. Haven't we suffered enough? Haven't we lost enough? You lost your children and the woman you gave your heart to. You lost your reputation, you lost the love of the people.. you lost your hand and I could go on and on. I lost so much...Fate took everything from me. It took my mother, my freedom, my dignity, my body and my pride. It took everything but my heart and my dreams. 

The gods must know that you saved me. They must know that our love made us stronger. We survived the odds and we became better versions of ourselves. I became braver, stronger and determined. Can you believe the strength loving you gave me? The gods ought to see the man you became, the man you always were. Yes, you made mistakes! Yes, you have blood on your hands!  But you always were motivated by Love. You were always motivated by the desire to help and protect your family and those you love. How can they not see it, Jaime? How could they punish us for what we feel for each other? Is Love a crime? Is it? 

I will plead with the gods. I told you that I would. I will plead with the gods to let us love each other. Oh, I have tried. I have tried to move on when I returned from Highgarden. I have tried to let someone else take me away. I just wanted to be be useful. I guess I was seeing myself as a tool rather than a person. I let Daenerys introduce me to several suitors. That was the worst, Jaime. The gods know. They saw me cry myself to sleep at night. They heard my despair, they heard my cries and they comforted me with the idea that at least you were better. At least you were alive. At least you were back home but in truth, you've never left my heart. 

You never did and you never will. oh Jaime... would the gods be so cruel and force us apart? Do you think I would try to see other people? Do you think I would suffer again? I know I wouldn't. You don't understand the profound disgust I felt after I spent the day with one of them. You don't understand the loneliness that tore my heart apart when I was alone in my bedroom. Those men could have been you. those words would have been yours...but they weren't you. they weren't you....they never will be. "