Queen of my heart

"Queen of my heart,

You are amazingly dependable, reliable and you fill my life with unspeakable joy.

This is why I love you with undying love."

Hope was. Hope was the little comfort in the heart of any sentient being that clung most when Life was dire.

Hope was a source of strength, the very one that made soldiers stand back up and run towards a certain death so they could protect those they cared about or the one that made a mother risk it all to feed her children.

Hope was a source of inspiration. For those who invented, trailblazed and endured a thousand tortures in order to shape a better world.

Hope was the desire to achieve a goal, free of morals, free of societal norms. Hope was what motivated people to pursue their dreams or stay away from their vices. Hope was a motivation.

Elpis was many things. She was Power. She was Passion. She was Dedication and Sacrifice. She was the World.

And the World was her.

Or more accurately, the World was HERS.

GoT (Modern): Unscripted

 GoT (Modern): Unscripted

A/N: One too many scandals. One too many drinks. One asshole is getting broken ribs. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0RyInjfgNc4

xxxxx

"What are you doing?" -Bäahal's drunken voice barely escaped her lips-

He was overpowering her, his hands were holding onto her waist as tight as he could, forcing the young woman to look up to his face. She was drunk, not enough to lose track of time or pass out, but enough for her to be slower and exhausted. His features were blurred, but she could tell it was a man. He was tall, fair-skinned, with a squared jaw. She tried to look at his face but she couldn't see him clearly. Instead, she felt his lust. His eyes were intensely staring at her, enjoying the sight before him. Bäahal was scantily clad in a very fitting grey dress that exposed her perfect figure. Her hair, formerly in a loose bun was now looking messy, as she was struggling against the stranger. It escalated very quickly, way too fast for her liking. 

"I am trying to have a good time. Come on, Bäahal! Don't tell me you don't want to have fun." -He replied, his voice coarse and his breath heavy.-

His piercing blue eyes had studied her unique features with surgical accuracy. He noticed Bäahal from the moment she arrived at the party. She was the main attraction of the party given the way her skin glowed under the neon lights or the way her silver hair captured light. He noticed the way her hips were swaying in tune with the music and the smile she had on her lips as she was dancing. She seemed to be out of time, lost in her thoughts and absolutely enjoying herself. She excited him and awoke the beast within him. He had to have her. 

Bäahal was the most sought-after bachelorette. Everyone knew about her infamous breakup with the dornish heir. Everybody knew how devastated and distant she had been since then. No other suitors made themselves known since her break-up and Bäahal quickly became a "target". The 8th wonder of the world with her sister Daenerys. The daughter of one of the richest men on the planet, rivaled only by Tywin Lannister and his empire. A woman who was so magnetic that she turned heads wherever she went. Single, available, ripe for the taking. 

"I don't want to have fun. Let me go asshole!"' -She groaned. Bäahal believed that with just a very stern voice and an intense gaze she would have made him stop, but he didn't want to stop.-

"Come on, Bäahal. Don't be afraid. I just want to have a good time with you." -His breath stanked. It was tainted with alcohol. His grip was tighter on her waist and his boy was pressed against hers, suffocating her in the process. "I heard you were easy. That given the proper amount of drink, you would be wild."

Her eyes grew wide as anger slowly rushed through her veins. She was easy? What made them believe that she was easy? Was it the fact she loved dancing and didn't care if the whole world saw her dance? Was it the fact she was attracting many and was single? How dare he tell such awful things about her? How could he even think she was easy? She blurted words, unsure of what she actually said since her headache intensified. She was still struggling against him, pushing him away -still nicely so- so she could breathe some fresh air. Where did these rumors come from? She'd never heard of these and if they were true, Daenerys would have stormed into her bedroom for a "sisters chat". She didn't. He was just full of shit and trying to justify his disgusting actions. Blurred face grinned and tried to kiss her but she dodged his face and turned her head to the side. 

"Get the fuck off me, Loser!" -She growled and pushed him harder. Bäahal managed to surprise him enough for her to be able to breathe.-

"I saw the news! you went to Highgarden with Daenerys for "negotiations" didn't you? Everybody knows Bronn wants to fuck you! You can't tell me that your sister didn't give your pussy for a patch of dirt?!! " -He couldn't finish his sentence. Bäahal eyes were now filled with anger. So she slapped him hard.-

"Shut the fuck up! You don't know what you're talking about!" -She screamed and hit his chest with her knee. That was enough to make him bend forward and to have her slap his face as hard as she could. She hoped he would fall, but he didn't. Instead, it enraged him and he retaliated with a slap that made her hit the wall and but a vein.-

"Shut up bitch! How dare you slap me? You think you can strut around dressed like that and not get what's coming?" -He started to blurt out, pissed off by the heiress. He grabbed her wrist and spun her around so he could see her face. his other hand ran over her leg and tried to pull her panties down but she headbutted his face, cracking his nose in the process and making him bleed. "You worthless whore!" He screamed in agony, causing enough commotion for people to come and see what was going on. 

Bäahal had her eyes wide open and looked like a Fury who shouldn't be trifled with. She hated being violent, and hated, even more, being assaulted. His slap triggered her flight or fight response and for once, Bäahal's body was cooperative. She was probably too drunk to realize the full extent of what had almost happened but for a brief moment, she regained some clarity and recognized the guy. He was a random heir from the Iron Isles. He was even more of a nobody, less than the now destitute heir Theon Greyjoy. He was nothing. She didn't remember his name but couldn't forget his face. He was one of Elias's friends. He had always tried to have his way with her but she had always rejected him. This guy, whatshisface, was a drunk violent asshole. He was just saying whatever would get the reaction he wanted from others. Bäahal realized that he just wanted to take advantage of her and she tried to calm down but her heart was racing through her ribcage. She couldn't help but think of Jaime, of what he told her a while ago about the repercussions of her visiting Bronn. She could still see the face he made and the fact he was upset. 

Usually, people left her alone. She was the ugly duckling of the whole Targaryen family. They didn't care about her, nor did they want to. But, Bäahal was also a gorgeous woman whose beauty attracted all kinds of men. She had the respectful ones, the predators, and the assholes and this man was no exception. He was intoxicated and she was intoxicated and that was enough for her to find herself in a situation like this. Did she want to keep living this life? Did she want to still be a socialite? She was hyperventilating still, her nerves were set ablaze and her mind was filled with thoughts that kept trampling one another. Her body was shaking and the rush of adrenaline was keeping her acutely attentive. This place wasn't safe anymore for her, so she had to leave. When the host of the party, Eleonor Bigsby tried to apologize to her and check on Bäahal, the heiress snapped at her and asked why she didn't vet her guest list before she let this notoriously bad person in.

The answer was easy to find. This asshole was extremely rich and his parents were influential. Of course, he would be invited over to parties. Of course, he would be a complete douche. Of course, he thought he could "score" Bäahal that night. The lonely Targaryen. The sanest of the trio left to rule the empire. The half-breed of the pack. She was an easy target -or so he thought- and he was disappointed and shocked to discover that she had more spunk than she let on. It shook her up to her core but angered the silver heiress even more. Was there some truth in what he had said? could it be that Bronn said something to other people? Did he lust after her openly like he did with Jaime? who else believed that she ended up sleeping with the man so her sister could own pieces of his land?  On top of it all, how could she look so miserable that a low-life like that guy thought he could take advantage of her? she fumbled while looking at her phone but managed to get it and managed to text Jaime. "Come pick me up, please.. " and she proceeded to give him the address. 

Next to the building where the party took place, Bäahal found a public garden where she could find a bench to sit on. She did and sat there, allowing the fresh air to blow upon her and help her get sober. She already knew that this would somehow end up in tabloids and was already bracing herself for her sister's reaction. Was it her fault if she had been assaulted? of course not! was it her fault if she broke the nose of her assailant? hell yes! Was it her fault if she was nosebleeding too? No. It wasn't! she was still bleeding and that forced her to fumble in her bag in search of a handkerchief she could use. The sting of the slap was still being felt and her eyes slowly cried the tears that had pooled there. She reacted. she hurt him back... somehow, she protected herself from Viserys -and the slap he gave her a couple weeks ago-. Somehow, she allowed her own anger to take over... somehow the tears were her relief, or perhaps she was thinking about her Dad since the anniversary of his death was a couple days ahead of her. All at once, everything was hitting her, all at once.

What else could she do, if not just sob quietly on her bench?? what else could she do, if not just rub her arms in order to soothe herself. Damned be tomorrow! all that mattered to her was that Jaime found her and took her home. To their place. 

-TBC-

Doya: - One Heart

 Doya: - One heart

A/N: They also have good moments, eh eh :) 

xxxxxx

Oya had trouble sleeping that night. She had been shifting on the bed for quite a while now and decided to stop trying and stay awake. Something had been bothering her and she wasn't able to put her finger on it. Could that be the holidays? Could that be the festive commercials that got to her head? She thought she had made peace with the loss of her family and the holidays. She thought she was ready to move forward and accept that she would not remember everything about her family. That one hurt the most, After all these years she couldn't remember their voices. She barely remembered their faces but she still had memories. They would have forgiven her, she knew because she briefly saw them when she was dying from Pluto's attack. She briefly saw open arms, big smiles, and peace. Oya wanted to believe that it was real and not some sort of illusion or dream. She saw her family and they were proud of her. 

Besides, it didn't really matter if they were happy or sad, she was still missing them. They were gone and the holidays opened those wounds back up.  She rolled on her side so she could have a better look at Dean who was peacefully sleeping next to her. The sight of him made her smile and she gently rubbed his cheek with her thumb. It elicited a groan from the hunter who wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled Oya closer. Even deep into his sleep, Dean always found a way to stay close to the ebony hunter. He quickly grew used to having her in his bed and was now able to notice when she was shifting in the bed or when she was gone or simply not there. He realized that he didn't want to work solo cases anymore. He didn't like when Oya was gone for too long or when he didn't know what was going on. They shared one heart.

Pluto did nothing but force Dean to actually think about his feelings for Oya. She nearly died that day. He could still remember the guzzling sound of her throat when she gave him her last call. She still managed to think about him and wish to say goodbye. She still managed to reach out to him while she was dying. She still managed to love him even though she was scared. Pluto only revealed the obvious, Dean was in love with Oya and refused to lose her. He loved her presence in his life, working cases together, making breakfast for her, and sleeping in the same bed. He loved watching her sleep and knew her enough to quietly roll over and comfort her when a nightmare kicked in. They shared one heart.

He loved when he cared for him with her little attentions -be it a hand in his hair, or the ugly aprons she always brought him back from her solo cases-. He loved when she reached out for him during her sleep. She would roll on her side and wrap her arms around his waist so she could pull him towards her. She felt at peace by his side. Who did that? maybe Sammy. Maybe Lisa... but never the way Oya did it. Dean felt understood, seen... alive when she was around and he quickly realized that he was less and less himself when anything happened to her. They shared one heart. 

Oya felt it that morning. She took one look at Dean and her fears disappeared. she kept stroking his cheek and moved closer to his frame. She cupped his cheek and pressed her lips to his nose and then his cheek. She smiled through the kisses and leaned her forehead against the crook of his neck. Dean saved her. From the moment they met, he had always been with her, encouraging her and protecting her. He had been with her through thick and thin. The scars in her arms we a testimony of Dean's care for her. He understood her pain, he knew she was going on a suicide mission and he stopped her from dying needlessly. They understood each other, they knew their pain and they could comfort each other. They shared one heart. 

How lucky were they? Oya wondered. How lucky were they to have found each other in the midst of chaos? She didn't know and that was keeping her from sleeping. Her mind had been overworking trying to figure out why she was feeling so unsettled and couldn't rest. It was probably just the holidays and the memories of times that weren't anymore. It probably was the need to reunite with her family and the celebration of the lives that were lost. it probably was her fear of losing the love of her life that kept her awake at night.  Or maybe, that was the joy of being loved and having found a new family to love and protect that prevented her from sleeping. She had no clues, but the soft smile of Dean who was slowly waking up brought her peace. He was the answer to a question she had no idea of. Their lives were entwined for now and forever until death did them apart.

-TBC-

GoT (regular): Flashforward

 GoT (regular): Flashforward

A/N: The morning after. The celebration. The acceptance of their union. I'm a little excited about this so, of course, I wrote a scene that has not happened just yet and might happen very differently when written. 

XXXX

The silver princess brisk-walked towards the dining room. She couldn't contain the excitement in her heart since she heard the good news. She almost tripped on her way and stopped walking to catch her breath. Her eyes were filled with unshed tears and the princess had trouble holding back her smile. Why would she not be smiling when the most important person to her was visiting? Jon Targaryen himself went to Bäahal's bedroom in order to announce the news, something he personally wanted to do. She did notice his smile but didn't think much of it as Jon always had a smile lately.  As Bäahal had caught her breath and stopped panting, the silver princess resumed walking towards the dining room. She could feel her heartbeat increase and couldn't hear anything else but her heartbeats. It had been a while, a few months with very little information about the guest's whereabouts. What were they up to? Were they safe? Were they hurt? She had stopped thinking on her way to the dining room and now that she was at the door, the silver-haired woman was trying to calm down. It wasn't an easy task, as a matter of fact, she wasn't able to do it. Flashes of the conversation she had with Brienne of Tarth decided to interrupt her concentration. 

Brienne had always cared for Jaime. You should have been blind or maybe deaf to not have known the secret passion the blonde knight felt for her fellow knight. Bäahal noticed how protective of Jaime, Brienne had been. At first, Bäahal couldn't understand why Brienne was testing her, but after a while, she understood that the same passion for Jaime rushed through Brienne's veins. Fate had been cruel to her for she traded one love for another but the knight was resourceful and found pride and joy in the friendship she struck with the silver princess. Bäahal's genuine affection for the knight won Brienne over and the two women were able to overcome their initial distrust of the other to build a strong friendship. Jaime chose Bäahal, there was no mystery here. He was a happier man and Bäahal managed to bring him back to himself, something Brienne had never been able to do.

"Be still my heart. It's not the first time... It's not going to be the last." -She held onto her chest, pulling onto the fabric of her dress as she wanted to regain her composure.-

 After a while, the princess finally pushed the door open and froze at the sight before her. Sitting at the dinner table there was Jaime. He had just returned from a trip to the Iron Isles and was enjoying the copious meal that was fixed for him by the royal kitchen. His emerald gaze set upon the princess and a large smile crept on his lips. She looked even more gorgeous and bright than she did when he left her. She looked lovely in a black fitted dress that exposed her arms and shoulders. Her hair looked like clouds around her shoulders and back and her delicate features made her look like a vision. Jaime was wearing nothing but a large crimson shirt and a pair of brown pants. He was shaved and his hair was longer than he usually wore it. The princess didn't mind for he was the most beautiful man on the planet for her.  Bäahal gasped and couldn't contain her excitement upon seeing the return of her beloved. She rushed to his sides and threw her arms around his shoulders. Her giggles were only interrupted by the many kisses she pressed onto his forehead and Jaime's own chuckles. He quickly pulled his chair away so Bäahal could sit on his lap and wrapped his strong arms around her waist, keeping her close to his chest. A few kisses on his temple and she leaned her forehead to his. 

"I have missed you, my dear Golden Lion." -She said, as her amethyst eyes set upon her sister.-

Daenerys was in the room with Jaime. Bäahal didn't notice her at first, too engrossed that she was with the presence of her beloved. Her sister had a genuinely happy look on her face. It took her a while to accept that the love between her sister and Jaime was genuine and that the Golden Lion was a different man today. Back at the end of the Last War, Dany was blinded by rage and distrust of the very family that caused her husband and herself so much pain. Lady Kyra did her best to mend the relationships, proving that she was a different brand of "Lannisters" and could be trusted. She did a wonderful job convincing through hard work, the queen of the seven kingdoms of her allegiance and loyalty to the crown. She even succeeded in making most of the people change their minds about the family. Cersei paid for the crimes of her family. The children she shared with Jaime paid for the crimes of their sibling Joeffrey, and their family as a whole. Jaime had his fair share of loss too and Tyrion proved that he could be trusted. He was wise, he was understanding and he certainly had his wit and quips to save the day. All of them worked tirelessly to convince Daenerys that Jaime deserved a second chance. 

"I have missed you too, my princess. I am back to you, safe and sound as you could see." -Jaime replied-

Daenerys had her eyes set upon the couple and felt her heart warm up to the kindness and genuine affection she witnessed before her. She was grateful for Jon's wisdom and the time he dedicated to making her see her eye to eye with her sister. Perhaps the most convincing was Bäahal. She had stubbornly defended her love for the knight and pleaded her case for months. Dany could at least give her her temerity and intensity.  Jaime was indeed a changed man. A man who saw a future with her sister, a man who risked it all to rescue Bäahal when he wasn't even sure she was alive. Jaime fought with them against the Night King. He went alone, against his sister's wishes, and risked his life for Mankind. Daenerys couldn't forget about it. She couldn't forget the shell of a man he used to be after the last war and the death of Cersei. Jaime as he used to be was gone with Cersei so killing him would not have added anything.  It would have been petty revenge and it would have broken her sister. Daenerys purple hues set upon her sister. 

"I have prayed for such a day. I am glad you came back to me, Jaime. I would have been very upset with you if you had not." -She sighed in relief and gently rubbed her nose against Jaime's.-

Bäahal was way too engrossed by the presence of the Golden Lion to notice the quiet exit of her sister. Daenerys chose to leave the room to the lovebirds. Her presence didn't make any sense now that she took the time to speak with Jaime. Instead, she wanted to let her sister enjoy the return of the knight in the privacy of the dining room. It took a while, months, perhaps a year or so -Daenerys lost count- before the queen opened up to Jaime. It took a while for her venom to leave her heart and for her eyes to finally see Jaime with the same gentle gaze her sister set upon him. Jaime lost everything to save those he loved. He sacrificed his reputation when he killed their father -and once the little girl in Dany accepted that her father was a mad man, she found the strength within herself to forgive the Knight- He sacrificed his family to the devouring ambition of his father, the madness of his son and the ruthlessness of his twin sister. He lost a hand due to his own arrogance and almost lost himself upon losing the lives of all of those he cared for. Besides, today was supposed to be an important day and the moment ought to be theirs. So she disappeared as quietly as she entered the dining room, with her sister oblivious to her presence there.

"Your prayers were answered, Bäahal. I returned safely." -He pressed a kiss to her forehead and cupped her cheek with his valid hand.- 

"Jaime.." -She leaned into his touch and slowly turned her head so she could press a kiss to his palm.- "Jon came to tell me you were back. Daenerys has been smiling for a week until today.. what is really happening?" -She asked in a soft voice, afraid to ruin the moment with her question. She was good at reading others and would have absolutely guessed right. There was something in the air, something she couldn't decipher just yet. They were celebrating something, all of them but Bäahal was the only one who wasn't aware of what. 

"Don't panic, Bäahal. Please. Just look at me." -He whispered to her ear, pressing a soft kiss to her cheek before he leaned his forehead against hers.- "It is happening. They are warming up to me."

"Thank the gods!" She exclaimed, her right hand slowly crept up to his face and slid into his blonde mane. "Thank the gods...I have noticed the lack of anger or hatred lately. Could it be that they are finally seeing you the way I do?"

"Maybe they do, maybe they don't. We'll never be certain." -He paused for a few seconds- " What I am certain of, however, is that I am more than happy since the moment the queen blessed our union. To be able to hold you in public like I do now is priceless. To be able to see you and kiss you.." -He pressed his lips to hers in a soft and gentle kiss. She closed her eyes and kissed him back before her other arm gently wrapped around his waist and kept him close to her frame.-

"I am happy they started to change their minds and accept you," Bäahal whispered in his ear before she leaned her head against the crook of his neck. Jaime smiled at her and lowered his head to look at her. "I am happy they finally saw the man I love. We endured it all. We endured so much, Jaime. We deserve our happy ending!" She whispered, rubbing her nose against his neck. Jaime shifted her weight on his lap and grunted his approval. 

"We can't have it all, Bäahal, you know it. You still chose me despite everything. You still chose me instead of the world and for this I am grateful. Could you please stand up?"

"Sure.." -The silver princess stood up and gently ran her hand over the silky fabric of her dress. Her amethyst eyes stared at the older man, focused, curious even as she was trying to guess what he wanted to do next. Her mind was working faster, reminding her of Daenery's unusual grin on her face, the smile Jon couldn't hide from her when he told Bäahal about Jaime and the surprising absence of people in this corner of the castle. "Jaime?... What's going on?" -He stood up as well, towering the young woman who was now looking up to his face and emerald eyes.- "Jaime..." He stumbled but caught himself back. "Are you okay?"

"I am. I am... Bäahal, don't worry about me. I am fine. However, I would like you to listen to me carefully, would you?" -She nodded frantically and then started to fidget with the fabric of her dress.- "Alright. It won't be long, I promise you." -He paused for a few seconds- "I think you have noticed there is almost no soul in this corner of the castle." -She nodded- "We wanted it to be privatized today. I didn't want those words to be heard by anyone but you."

"You're scaring me..." -She whispered, already expecting the worst to come from Jaime's mouth. He wasn't the type of person to beat around the bush, so she knew that he would have already been distant if he wanted to speak he would. Jaime closed the distance between the two of them. - "Jaime...Please, speak your truth."

"I'm getting there...." -He smiled at her and intensely stared into her purple hues. "I wanted you to know that you made a new man out of me, Bäahal. I used to think that I was the person Cersei knew and molded into. I used to think that with her death there was nothing left of me and I was nothing more than the shell of the man. You brought light into my life, and you brought joy as well. You also are a pain in my ass. I have to say, you're the most stubborn person I have ever known but you are stubborn for all the good reasons. You are caring, kind, and despite the horrors you've witnessed, you are still able to see the beauty in the world.  to see the beauty in me. You are...Bäahal, I fell in love with you and I know that I will have to fight each and every day to earn my place at your sides. I am but a simple knight in front of you, my princess. I am, but a simple man in front of you, my beloved. And my heart is yours. And if you want, oh by the gods, I would take care of your heart too. I swear before the gods to cherish you, treasure you, and protect you from now on and until death does us apart."

"Jaime... what are you saying?" -She couldn't believe her ears, but she knew, oh she knew that Jaime wanted to take an oath to the world and before the gods. Her eyes grew wide and she dropped her arms in shock. Jaime smiled at her and gently knelt in front of the princess. He held onto her hand and looked at her face. Jaime swallowed a lump, knowing that it was about to be the most difficult thing he'd ever done. He was ready. It was about time to make her an honest woman, wasn't it?  

-TBC-

Witchy Hour - KlAsma-: The devil within

 Witchy Hour - KlAsma-: The devil within

A/N: Another element of her past. interwoven with her present. 

XXXX

"Why do you awfully sound like you want a life with him?" -The voice of her coven supreme echoed through her ears. Gentle, kind... motherly.-

The first time she ever said something like this was more than 800 years ago. Asma was still green when it came to love. She was interested in a young human man who was oblivious of her true nature. The Supreme felt compelled to manage the young witch's expectation about love. The older witch was certain that the romance would end tragically and wanted to warn the young woman of the consequences of her choices. At the time, Asma was young and reckless. She was overwhelmed by her feelings and needed to express her love to the young man. In an ideal world, this would have ended well. Just as she heard the witches of the coven tell the tales and as she read it in the books, they were supposed to live happily ever after. She expected it. She wished for it and she eagerly answered the question. She wanted a life with the young man because she was in love with him. She wanted a lovely life, a decent one akin to some of the elders. She wanted a white picket fence, the kids, the loving and caring husband who would protect them from harm. She wanted to be loved and he seemed to be enjoying her company and sharing her desire. 

"It's because I do."  -Her voice was determined. She was confident in her choice.-

Her answer was naive. Untainted. Meant to be violated by the brutality of Life. The truth hurt even more than what she had been warned about. The human didn't just betray her trust. He was scared of her true nature. A witch? How could a man fall in love with a witch? He feared her power and bought the lies of legends and rumors. He spewed hateful words at her "Monster." "Abomination" "satan's spawn", each one of them cutting deeper into her heart. She tried to convince him that she wasn't a monster and tried to keep him with her but the man pushed her away. She felt used, especially since he so eagerly stole her innocence and broke her heart. He didn't just leave. No. He brought in witch hunters to kill her, forcing her hand. Shattered, the young woman was forced to use magic to wipe the memories from the minds of the pitchfork-carrying men who came witch-hunting. A powerful spell she didn't master and which ended up killing the witch-hunters and left her crying as she stood before the lifeless bodies laying on the ground. It taught her a lesson that night. A lesson about the necessity to protect one's heart.  She should have known better but she never did.  She never learned. A few years later, she fell in love with another human man and the two of them started to date. She envisioned a life for herself, imagined that maybe she would finally be happy with someone who wanted to marry her and have children with her. She wished but wishes never came true. wishes never came true. And the same fate happened again. The relationship ended in blood and death because no human could ever love a witch, no matter how kind she was. 

"Why do you awfully sound like you want a life with him?" -Now that was a voice in her head, a distant memory of the supreme who once acted as a surrogate mother to Asma. This time, the voice was harsh, cold, judgemental-

The voice had been silent since she was cursed, only to return when she realized she was falling for Elijah. All those centuries spent disappointed with humans, threatened by werewolves, and hunted down by witches had made her pretty lonely. Elijah was the only soul who stayed in her life. He was the only one she trusted and the only one who showed "real" concern for her. He carefully crafted his relationship with her and succeeded in making his presence important to the witch. He became her ally, her friend, the object of her affection and desire, and her sole companion. Falling in love, after all, was nothing but the consequence of a plan well-crafted. Asma recalled the joy she felt when she heard the familiar footsteps in her shop. She knew Elijah was there and her cloudy sky turned blue once again. She recalled herself swooning at the sight of his smiles, at the sound of his elegant voice and the intensity of his black gaze. She recalled his touch, warmer than she expected but oh so brief. The only one he allowed was for a hand on her shoulder or the small of her back. The only closeness he allowed, was the warm breath of his mouth against the delicate skin of her neck. But it was empty.. oh so empty. 

"It's because I do." -She repeated, convinced that it was what she really wanted.-

There was nothing in this relationship. Nothing that could blossom into something serious. Elijah didn't love her. He never did and never would. She realized soon enough that she was nothing but a tool for Elijah. He came to see her only when he needed to take something from her. He worried about her well-being because he wanted her to still be strong and alive. His "concern" was not for her sake but only for his and his family. And he kept talking about his love interests. Hailey here, Katherine there...how could she be stupid enough to believe he would care about her?  Coming to this realization, after she developed feelings for him felt like a foot on her neck or a kick in her face. It broke her heart to realize that she would never have her feelings reciprocated. Her curse worked perfectly, didn't it? She was to be unloved. She was to be alone. She was to always look past her shoulder because she would be hunted down by everyone. A lonely life, a shitty life was promised to her. How foolish she had been, thinking that perhaps someone like Elijah could be interested in her. What did she have to offer to him if not her magic?  So she kept things to herself, not even letting Elijah know about how she felt. There was no need for her to be humiliated on top of being heartbroken, so she didn't say anything. She let it roll. She let it die. She moved forward, or so she thought. 

"Why do you awfully sound like you want a life with him?" -The voice returned taunting her this time-

It happened suddenly, almost comically. Her path crossed the hybrid's centuries after he had slaughtered her family. By then, Asma had already changed her mind regarding Klaus. She had wanted to kill him at first, seeking revenge for her family and perhaps also making him pay for Elijah's involvement in her life. After all, Elijah wanted to protect his family -and especially Klaus- and if he came to her, it was to either find his brother or save his siblings. Nothing more, nothing less. She had wanted to make him pay for her pain and suffering, blaming him for her awful life and the pain she felt on a daily basis due to her curse. After a while, however, she realized that hatred would lead her nowhere. She understood that because of his curse, Klaus didn't even have any control of himself. Her family slaughtered was probably the consequence of whatever he went through at the time and the beast within made him do very questionable things over the millennia. Hating on him would do no good, and would not bring her family back. Killing him would taint her soul. She had always killed to protect herself and each and every death had been painful for her. She lived with the memories, sometimes even had nightmares about the lives she took. Why would she add blood on her hands? what good would it give her? 

"It's because I do." -She had not said it yet, but her heart was already whispering those words.- 

Klaus knew her. He knew her pain. He knew her heart. She understood him. She knew his heart. She knew his pain. They were two kindred spirits who found each other by Fate. Klaus triggered something inside her, a desire to live, a desire to move forward with her life. Klaus reminded her of her heart, forced her to dust it off and acknowledge it. Klaus.. she was attracted to him, like a moth to a flame and it had probably something to do with the fact that she understood him and wanted to show him the truth of his being. Yes, Klaus was troublesome. Yes, Klaus was dangerous. Yes, Klaus was bitter and angry but who wouldn't be in his shoes? He was cursed. He lost everything (save for his family) and he was overwhelmed with the urges of his nature. Klaus had given up on himself -she knew it because she did give up on herself- but she believed in him. She believed in their chemistry. she believed in their hearts. Her emotions were difficult to decipher for the witch. it was too early anyway for her to properly know what was going on but she was guided by her heart and her heart had chosen Klaus and the path of Light. She was going ahead of more troubles -and perhaps death- but was it really a path she had not known before? No... of course not. She wanted a life with Klaus and she would have it, regardless of what she would have to sacrifice for it to become true. 

-TBC-

Chronicles of the Primeval gods: Life and Death of Ayasha: Mortality

 Chronicles of the Primeval gods: Life and Death of Ayasha: Mortality

A/N: She spoke to me, I have missed her. 

xxxxx

Ayasha was frantically pacing around in the hotel room she had rented for the night. The goddess of Knowledge couldn't stay in the primeval gods' realm. She had to come down on Earth and lead a few more investigations in order to find a way to kill the sins permanently. She was hoping for Pride to still be entangled in a war with his own siblings, but learned, to her dismay that the war was over and the sins were vanquished saved for Lust -Pride's strongest and most loyal ally-. The blonde locks were falling onto her back, disheveled, disgracious, exposing her anguish. What could she do? The goddess bit her thumb and paced faster in the room. Her green orbs flashed a brief light and she tugged at her blonde locks. How could she get away from this situation? it became clear that she had to rethink her plan otherwise, it would backfire on her.  What could she do? where could she start? 

The goddess realized that her dreams were shattered. Could she really achieve her goals and become the queen of the universe? How could she rule when her enemies were thriving in the darkness? How could she thrive when her own brother was now aware of her manipulations? Ishtar might have been easy to manipulate, -especially his guilt-, he was dangerous when he was angry. And by Khaos, he was angry. He realized that he had been manipulated into cursing his beloved sister. He was manipulated into causing a rift between primeval gods. He lost most of his siblings and there was nothing he could do to bring them back. To top things off, his beloved mother hated his guts and that was something he had the most trouble with. 

Ayasha was taunted by the disappointed look on her mother's face. Gaea openly disowned her two murderous children. She refused to acknowledge Ishtar and Ayasha as worthy of her time, let alone her love. When the goddess of knowledge first found her mother, Gaea had some harsh words for her daughter, mocking her desire for control, mocking her jealousy towards Elpis, and mocking her lack of anticipation. She was shortsighted, blinded by her rage and her ambition, and wasn't really able to see just how destructive and powerful Elpis was. Was her mother right? was she really shortsighted? What if there was something that was missing? For a goddess whose power was to know everything, she was unable to know the whereabouts of her sister or correctly assess her powers.

It was driving Ayasha wild. And she started to scratch her head even harder. How low had she fallen? Just a moment ago she was in control of everything. Just a moment ago, she was in control. She had a plan, she had knowledge. Elpis was nothing but a memory stuck at the back of her head. Ishtar was a pawn she manipulated at will. Sins were killing each other in a war that would have seen no survivor or so she hoped. What turned the tide? what did she not account for? Her eyes were searching through the darkness of her room but she still wasn't able to find the answers she was looking for. Then it clicked and she almost let out a primal scream. 

She underestimated the bond Pride and Elpis shared. She believed that he wouldn't care for her sister.  Sins were supposed to be selfish creatures, unable to bond with someone else by themselves. Pride was the best of the best, he was supposed to be the worst creature to ever exist so she didn't expect him to actually try and set her sister free. She should have seen it coming, or at least, try to anticipate it. She didn't and now because of her recklessness, Elpis was free and even more powerful than before. She felt it, briefly so, but she felt the surge of power. As she paced around, the blonde goddess ran her hand over her belly and then stopped walking. 

She could die. The cruel reality of this statement hit her hard and she put her hand over her soft lips to muffle another scream threatening to come out of her lips. Ayasha could feel it in her bones, fear... she was terrified of the reality of her demise. How could an eternal being envision their death? How could they accept everything to be over when they were supposed to exist until the end of time? It seemed so easy when she manipulated Ishtar into killing their father. Khaos simply stopped existing and Ayasha felt nothing of it. She had no remorse when Elpis was the one to be stabbed by their brother. She felt nothing for the loss of her siblings or the death of Khrön at her hands, but she felt sorry for her. 

She was sorry for her and was cursing her own mortality. 

-TBC-

2021 - How to define that year?

How could I define my 2021? 

Let's start with the traditional Santa Thong (c) Lelia. she created the concept and the illustrations and I love her for this! these pin-ups always bring a smile to my face. Always. 

I don't know. To be honest, I don't really know. I guess I would say that I lived. It was a complicated year but I experienced life. I experienced the good, the bad, and the ugly like everybody else did. It was rough on the edge if I am being honest here. It started so badly I thought I wouldn't make I got sick and it became so serious they thought about everything under the sun BUT the actual disease. Ah!  It forced me to reconsider my life and the choices I made. I realized that I still had regrets and I couldn't just go with regrets in my heart. I still believe so. Life is so short, so precious, we have to live it to the fullest and enjoy every moment we can have. It wasn't the first time I experienced something so dire, but it was a nice reminder of the fierce fire inside my heart. So, Life went on. 

This end of the year is absolutely weird and awful. Awful because people close to me really got their short end of the stick. I would lie if I said this doesn't affect me, it does, very much so. I lost a friend who was dear to me this year. Her death is still a shock to me, I'm still unable to speak to her in the past tense. She had been knowing me for a decade now and was one of the first people who helped me on my path to recovery. I was able to enjoy life again, to talk about my mental health, to hope thanks to her love and care, and openness... I loved Colleen (or better known as Ceej or Raven pumpkin as I called her). She was taken so young and her death, coupled with my terrible experience at the beginning of the year encouraged me to enjoy my life as much as possible...and face my challenges head-on so I don't keep any regret in my heart. 

I know other people who share the same disease, one being the closest to my heart (and out of respect for his wishes, I won't name him in public).  this one devastated me upon learning. I was knocked out and then forced to stand back up because support was needed and I couldn't break down. This end of the year is spectacularly awful, stressful and yet we find solace in the sweet moments of joy together. I said a while ago, it's the little things that matter. it's the joy and love and care. All the rest is just a bonus.

I wanted to make a better year than the disastrous 2019-2020 and in some ways, it happened. I succeeded. Family and Friends gave me the support I needed and I was humbled to be able to give them back. My bonds got stronger, my desire to live bigger and I still have my dreams forcing me to keep going. I almost finished the book (the draft of it). I really hope that next year would be the year I edit it and end up publishing (in early 2023). I have my own business now and I have made progress regarding my mental and physical health. I count my blessings, really. 

So, I cried, I laughed, I got angry this year. I dreamed, I destroyed and I built this year. I guess as I was saying earlier, I just lived. It was a complicated year, filled with small successes and bigger ones. Filled with failure, anxiety, depression, and struggle. Filled with Hope and Joy and a desire to see tomorrow. All in all, I got lucky. I am lucky and I also work hard. I am lucky for the people who love me, those who support me, those who never left my side. I am lucky for their love and I try to make sure I am still worthy of it and especially work on self-love. This year, I think I tolerated myself way more than the previous ones. I didn't try to hurt myself, I didn't try to off myself. This time I just was. 

And I guess that in all this turmoil and Joy, this is my real victory here. 

Goodbye 2021, you weirdo! Goodbye and welcome to 2022!

I am excited about the year to come and I honestly can't wait to talk more about the book. 

Be well, be safe! Be careful. <3 

Thank you for loving me, You know I love you very much so. 

Witchy hour - feelings

 She was a hurricane in hiding. Always having to check her emotions so she wouldn’t have power slips and put others in danger. The witch had emotions, lots of them and when she felt something she felt it deeply. Eternity sometimes did it. Immortals pretended they didn’t feel anything while in reality they were overloaded with them. They pretended they didn’t care and perhaps to some extent they didn’t. Perhaps what was trivial meant even less for them and perhaps they grew used to death and to murder but they felt. They felt a lot of things. 

Asma forbade herself to feel anything for others yet she failed. She failed because one or maybe more people would crack her walls and she would welcome them. She grew attached to some over the centuries, tending to their very needs or helping them with their issues and internal turmoils. She wailed in distress when they betrayed her or tried to hurt her upon finding the truth -her truth-. She took hard their deaths even when age claimed them and it was time to go. She took even harder the budding romantic feelings she felt for Elijah and he never reciprocated. 

Rejection. She’d known it for most of her life and sometimes even wondered if it had to do with her curse or if she’d experience it regardless. 

Heartbreak. Her curse was not the reason Elijah didn’t look at her. She simply wasn’t enough for him. She wasn’t Hayley, or Katherine. She wasn’t the great women he met so long ago and never will be. Klaus spelled it for her, she was a tool and nothing more. She was hidden and to be used only when needed. Not a lover and even less a friend. She took that hard. Felt unworthy, felt disposable and unwanted. Even the only person who shared her company didn’t consider her as worthy enough to be mentioned. 

Asma felt and her shop suffered from it. She felt and kept to her heart. She felt and cried herself to sleep or lost herself in alcohol. She was a witch, she has feelings and since she also was cursed with immortality, she was to feel until her last breath, at the mercy of whoever would kill her since Time wouldn’t do it. How pathetic! 

Chronicles of the Primeval gods: Life of Elpis: How far will we go?

Chronicles of the Primeval gods: Life of Elpis: How far will we go?

A/N: I miss these two beans. just thinking of you N. <3 

xxx

Elpis was adjusting her outfit, making sure that the dress made her look as if she was covered in stars picked up from the sky. It was supposed to be a night of debauchery, where the Sin and the Goddess would enjoy the gorgeous and decadent activities humans so adore. It was supposed to be a good night out. Pride had agreed to leave with her, mingle with humans he so dispised with the promise that somehow, they would both be causing mayhem and chaos around them. Yet, something was bothering the goddess and she didn't know what. There were open wounds that had not been healed just yet. The deaths of the siblings she loved the most had not been avenged. Her betrayal at the hands of the one she trusted the most had not been avenged. She felt empty. While she had no qualms about destroying her pantheon, part of her was still distraught over the fact that her life as she knew it, was gone forever. 

She would be the last standing Primeval god. The last of her kind after the slaughter. There would be nothing left of those who brought Life and from who the other pantheons originated. There would be nothing left, not even a footnote about the importance of their existence. Nothing...but dust. They had it coming after all, they wouldn't have been able to survive the Sins growing appetite. They wouldn't have been able to survive Pride. How ironic it would be for them to perish by the hand of the very creature they all dispised. How fitting this ending would be for the New All-Father and the Goddess of Knowledge, his puppet master? The idea of their defeat, of the golden blood she would bathe in was enough to titillate the goddess' interest but not enough to quell the uneasy feeling that was growing inside her. What would come after? 

She didn't doubt her King, never! she couldn't doubt Pride for he showed that he cared for her. She didn't doubt his loyalty and honesty and doubted even less his dedication to her. She was his Light after all. She was his beloved just as he was hers. No, what she dreaded so much was feeling empty once her vengeance would come to fruition. What if the destruction of her pantheon didn't bring her peace? what if she was torn apart? what if she was upset? what if.... oh what if she ended up being lost? Elpis had a plan, she had a devouring ambition and she wanted to achieve her goals but after spending 2000 years stuck in her desire for revenge, she was worried of what would come after. What if she lost her purpose? what if she couldn't move forward? It was a weakness that made her legs shiver and the goddess had to put her hands on the wall to stay standing. Emptiness was the threat dangling over her head and that was making her queasy. The fear of not knowing what to do next was overwhelming. 

But just before she started to spiral, the goddess was gently touched by the Sin behind her. Pride had just appeared, wearing a beautiful tuxedo that complimented his shape. He was observing her getting ready, relishing in the sight before him when he picked up her worries. He had to calm her down and help her feel better, and so he came closer and wrapped his arms around her waist. He pulled her into a hug and leaned his chin on top of her pink locks. She sighed happily and wrapped her arms over his. She would be alright because he would be there with her. She would be alright because they knew where they wanted to go. Emperors of the Universe had a nice ring to it and they would take that title with force if necessary. 

-TBC-

JB (modern) : Silly dreams

 JB modern: "Silly dreams"

A/N: I love and miss those beans. <3

xxxx

The heiress surprised herself with a wish she had not anticipated. A wish for a date outside the secret lair. Could she be blamed for wishing for a romantic dinner or for walking hand in hand with Jaime on the beach. Couple stuff... Legitimate couple stuff.  She blushed at the realization of her own deep desires. She fell in love with him -plain and simple-. She fell in love with the man he was, not the billionaire bachelor, or the son of Tywin the business shark. No. She fell in love with the man, the one very few people knew about or wanted to know. She fell in love with his wits, with his kindness, his warmth and his bold personality. She fell in love with the passionate love-making they had, the delicious meals he cooked them and the moments of silence spent looking at each other without saying a word. She wanted more and was berating herself for it. It was too soon, too risky. Her relationship with her own family wasn't good enough for her to risk ruining it all for petty desires. Jaime trusted her, and if anything, he hated when other men were trying to get in her pants -rightfully so-. She hated when women were trying to seduce him as well, but neither of them could stand up and claim the other publicly. None of them could openly assume the relationship and for good reasons. 

So, why was her mind torturing her with those wonderful mental pictures? Why was she torn apart by the simple idea of attending public events with her partner? Holding hands, laughing and talking to each other and leaning her head against his shoulder. It was a sweet dream, after all, because she knew that it was impossible for two of the most famous bachelors of Westeros to be seen together without causing a ruckus. She twirled her silver locks and leaned her head against the chair. His smile was infectious and she couldn't help herself but smile to herself. All her worries left her mind and she sighed. She could handle it, She could handle being hidden because it was the right thing to do. She could endure the solitude caused by being the only one knowing she was with Jaime...Was she with him? They never talked about it, they never mentioned it... they never even said they cared about each other just yet. They just spent time together and argued over Bronn's raunchy tirade. He offered her a christmas present and.. and... and she realized she was in love with him...But they never said it to each other. So how could she be sure that he felt the same thing for her? 

Jaime showed, he didn't tell. Jaime was a man of his word, a man who expressed himself through his actions. He cared for her, she could tell that much. He wanted to be around her, he wanted her and he surely... he surely was planning something for their future together? The purple eyed heiress sighed and moistened her lips. what if it didn't happen? what if they didn't have a future together? what if they were nothing?.... It made her groan and she put both hands on her face. It would be alright. It would be alright because Jaime was a man of his word. He was honest and genuine and if they were in tune with each other, then he felt the same thing for her...She had to believe. She had to believe.They were walking a hard path but they would make their own story and would be happy. She had to believe in him. She had to trust herself and she had to believe in them. 

-TBC-

DOYA - Worries out of the window

"Worries out the window"

Oya was laying on the bed, eyes focused on the ceiling of their crappy motel room. She was wondering, bemused, if they would ever get tired of the low-standard rooms they always rented when they were working cases. She was used to it, to the smell, the lack of furniture, the bare minimum provided and the ice machines they would have to go to when they needed to freshen their drinks. Those places held memories, good or bad. Those places meant something. Oya  let her hands run over her taut belly, before she let them loose through her black locks. Dean was sitting on the chair near the wall. He was focused on the newspapers he snatched at grocery store and was reading through the news about the case they were working on. Oya rolled her eyes and turned around, so she could have a better look at the hunter. A smile crept on her lips as she thought he looked good when he was focused and she started to tap her fingers on the mattress, making a noise that was sure to distract Dean from the newspapers. 

Dean turned the chair around, so he was now facing her. His face was still serious, focused, and that made his jawline tighter than usual. As a matter of fact, he was studying the hunter. She seemed relaxed, happier but he couldn't shake off the idea that she had been very upset at the presence of Rowena in their team born in an effort to defeat Pluto. He understood Oya's distrust of the Witch. He understood her disappointment in her and he understood why she would feel uneasy around the redhead. However, he couldn't do otherwise. They needed her to sever the link between Pluto and his worshippers so he could be weakened. They needed her and although it didn't please him as much as Oya wanted to believe, Dean knew that they couldn't do without Rowena. He was prepared for her to double-cross them and had quietly asked Castiel to keep an eye on her whenever he could. He also counted on her bad relationship with Crowley to actually keep her in check, but who knew what would happen? Definitely not a mortal. Definitely not Dean. 

Oya seemed relaxed. She seemed happier but he noticed the glimpse of doubt crossing her face. She had no doubts regarding their hunt. They were both glorious hunters. What she was uncertain about, was her ability to defeat the God. She was almost killed by him and she didn't know if their efforts would bear fruits or if they would all end up dead. Perhaps she was thinking that they didn't have enough time and who was he to blame her for this? His gaze ran over her soft curves and the creamy chocolate shade of her skin to finally rest upon her beautiful face. She was still tapping her fingers on the mattress, playing a melody that irritated both sets of ears until she stopped and slapped the mattress with her hand. She decided to throw her worries out of the window for tonight and instead enjoy the moment she was sharing with Dean. Not that he complained. He just made a mental note to ask her later, when they were done fooling around. He made a mental note but his resolve dissolved upon seeing her standing up and walking towards him, his shirt on for only cloth, her massive black curly hair as her jewel and her intense hazel gaze set upon him.

Worries could wait but Life couldn't. 

The night was still young... O still young...

-TBC-

TVD - Endlessly (ANGST)

TVD - Witchy hour- Endlessly

1962 - United States-

Asma was shaking from head to toe. Her white dress was soaked with blood, her hair was discheveled, soiled with brain and other bodily fluids. Her arms and hands were now covered with blood. Her breathing was laboured and her eyes unfocused and filled with tears. At some point, she looked down at her feet and noticed the bodies of two men. It only took a minute, and both were wearing masks when they broke into her shop, but she'd recognized them from their voices. These had been regular clients of her, people she came to care about. Both were single men but they had a family member they were taking care of and sought Asma's help for healing potions. She was crying ugly tears, as drool and snot joined the salty tears that were streaming down on her face. 

"You might never find love. Not from Men. Not from Werewolves. Not from Vampires and never from witches!" The cold words of her supreme as she cursed her, echoed through her mind.  Why did she think that she could find peace in a world that rejected the supernatural? Mankind was known for rejecting what it didn't understand. Those who were smiling at you were able to turn on you with a snap of a finger and that was what these two did. They turned on her. "Monster!" they shouted, "Witch" they screamed and the fear and disgust she saw in their eyes as they broke in and started to spread gasoline all over her items was enough for her to see what they had in their hearts. 

She tried to reason with them. She tried to deny being a witch but they didn't listen to her. How could they when they were blinded by rage? They hit her, couple of slaps here and couple of insults there. She could bear with this violence. That was nothing to be afraid of. They spit at her. Less easy to bear with. Anger within her was already arising. They called her names. "A witch." That was true. "A deceiver." That wasn't true! "A monster." This one hurt and her own anger slowly kicked in.  She could have dealt with a couple insults and a little bit of violence. She knew Mankind. She witnessed the worst it had to offer. 

She could have dealt with their anger and frustration. She could have dealt with their fear. What she couldn't deal with was their desire to destroy everything she had and everything she was. What she couldn't deal with was their desire to take everything from her, including her life. As soon as one of them tried to tear her dress and succeeded in tearing the bottom of her dress, she stopped trying to hold back. She was disappointed in them, in their ability to go from being kind and caring to being complete assholes. She was disappointed in the betrayal and the pain she felt by holding back her anger was too unbearable for her to keep it in. 

So she let it out. 

And now that she was standing in front of the bodies of the men she once cared about, reality kicked in. She was cursed and despite the many centuries spent on Earth, trying to help others, she would never fit in. She would never be loved. She would never be understood and most of all, they would always want her to be dead. They called her a deceiver, a betrayer, a liar but they betrayed her! they lied to her! they deceived her! and now because of their reckless attack on her, they were dead. Her shop was destroyed and her life was in shambles once again. Her heart was broken and the tears brought no relief at all.  With her magic she lit a fire that quickly spread over her shop thanks to the gasoline they poured everywhere. And a shaking, heartbroken and wounded woman left the place and let it turn to dust. 

Today - Mystic Falls- United States of America. 

Asma leaned against the counter of her shop. There was no one at this time of the day, which was actually welcome for the woman. She massaged her temples and removed her sunglasses for a while. Pinching the bridge of her nose in order to gather her thoughts, Asma bent a little and grabbed a bottle of wine and a glass so she could fix herself a drink. It had been a rough couple of days ever since she chose to meet with Klaus. Her life had been boring, yeah, boringly lonely for centuries and the first thing she did when she decided to follow Elijah's advice? it was to find Klaus so she could help him. She wanted to let her anger go. She wanted to forgive him and move forward. She needed to. Help Klaus? He wouldn't even want to help himself. He rejected her offer, of course, and they bickered upon meeting for the first time. Typical of them. 

Typical? In a way. Their second meeting was also a small rollercoaster. He actually held back his basic instincts, and acted as the bigger man when she totally lost control of herself and destroyed some elements of her shop. She was rusty after all, unable to keep and maintain normal conversations... or so she thought. she was able to do all of that, but she was craving contacts, affection.. attention. All of which Klaus gave her after she came to him and told him that she wanted to spend more time with him. She never went that fast before, she never even tried to get close to anyone before but with Klaus... They were kindred spirits weren't they? both were cursed, both were alone, both were in pain. in eternal torment. 

So why the long face? why was it so difficult? why was she tired? Perhaps, the revelations he made about Elijah were enough for her to lose the tiny bit of faith she held onto. Perhaps knowing she was nothing but a pawn to Elijah's plans was enough to break what little joy she might have. Elijah was...could have been a friend but he wasn't even that for her. she wasn't even a person for him. She was but a tool...and that hurt. that hurt really deeply. Her curse was perhaps unbreakable. She was meant to be alone and that seemed to be the path her eternal life was about to take. Hunted down by witches, werewolves, vampires and humans. No shelter possible, no comfort in sight.. nothing but chaos. nothing but pain. Nothing but the desire to end it all... she could have, centuries ago but something kept her alive for that long and that was the desire to live. Deep down. Deep deep down, she wanted to live. 

Was it worth the pain? Was /HE/ worth the pain? She had no idea. 

got (regular): SuitorS

GoT: Suitors

A/N: that is one of the worst time she ever had. Right after Highgarden and before the siege. 

xxxxx

"Jaime.... I wish the gods would allow us to be together. I hope.. I hope the gods would understand how pure our feelings for each other are. I know we both made promises to our families and to ourselves. I know we chose to follow the decision of my beloved sister and the only thing we could do is pray and hope and be genuine. I wish... I wish we wouldn't have to go through this ordeal, you and I. Haven't we suffered enough? Haven't we lost enough? You lost your children and the woman you gave your heart to. You lost your reputation, you lost the love of the people.. you lost your hand and I could go on and on. I lost so much...Fate took everything from me. It took my mother, my freedom, my dignity, my body and my pride. It took everything but my heart and my dreams. 

The gods must know that you saved me. They must know that our love made us stronger. We survived the odds and we became better versions of ourselves. I became braver, stronger and determined. Can you believe the strength loving you gave me? The gods ought to see the man you became, the man you always were. Yes, you made mistakes! Yes, you have blood on your hands!  But you always were motivated by Love. You were always motivated by the desire to help and protect your family and those you love. How can they not see it, Jaime? How could they punish us for what we feel for each other? Is Love a crime? Is it? 

I will plead with the gods. I told you that I would. I will plead with the gods to let us love each other. Oh, I have tried. I have tried to move on when I returned from Highgarden. I have tried to let someone else take me away. I just wanted to be be useful. I guess I was seeing myself as a tool rather than a person. I let Daenerys introduce me to several suitors. That was the worst, Jaime. The gods know. They saw me cry myself to sleep at night. They heard my despair, they heard my cries and they comforted me with the idea that at least you were better. At least you were alive. At least you were back home but in truth, you've never left my heart. 

You never did and you never will. oh Jaime... would the gods be so cruel and force us apart? Do you think I would try to see other people? Do you think I would suffer again? I know I wouldn't. You don't understand the profound disgust I felt after I spent the day with one of them. You don't understand the loneliness that tore my heart apart when I was alone in my bedroom. Those men could have been you. those words would have been yours...but they weren't you. they weren't you....they never will be. "

GoT (modern): Baby Blues

Silver locks fell onto her chest and lap. Bäahal was sitting on the plane that was taking her to New-York. Her eyes were scanning the pages of the magazine she was reading, searching for the new gossips about her and her family. Bäahal chewed at her bottom lip, moistening her plump lips as she read some juicy news about the hottest bachelors and bachelorettes of the world. She curbed a brow, as she saw the names of some heirs she knew mixed in with celebrities. It made her giggle a little bit upon reading the name of Kyra Lannister, because it had been a while since she last saw her. Kyra Lannister was such a beautiful woman. She was genuine and kind, reserved but not calculating. She treated her well during her charity and while they took separate ways and life took them apart, the woman wanted to see her again. 

Her purple hues kept scanning the pages and she then found out a double-page feature on Jaime Lannister. Her heart started to beat faster and she  couldn't help but bit her bottom lip harder, almost sinking her teeth into her flesh. They chose a good picture, Jaime was standing up, his bike next to his frame. He was wearing a large brown coat with a three piece brown suit and a white shirt. At his feet were leather shoes that completed the gentleman look he was going for. The article was focused on his family and how and why Jaime had been voted the sexiest man of the year for the 4th consecutive time. Well, they were right, Jaime was sexy. He was handsome and so much more. Her eyes closed for a minute and she leaned into her seat. 

When was the last time she saw him? Oh... several weeks ago, before he went on a business trip. As usual she paid him a visit and the two of them spent the night together, talking, drinking, fucking and laughing. As usual, she craved his company and would have stayed longer if she could. As usual, she felt comfortable and at home. Jaime...Jaime... Oh how she missed him. Her violet hues slowly started to fill themselves up with fresh unshed tears. She was missing Jaime and that was a feeling she hated above everything else. How come a person she'd met just a couple months ago was now someone she wanted to be with every day? How come she was feeling as if her heart was being torn apart? How come she felt incomplete? Well.. she had the answer already, she was in love with the heir. She was in love with Jaime. 

The stewardess stared at Bäahal and enjoyed the article. She couldn't help but read over the shoulder of the silver haired woman who didn't notice her just yet. "He's handsome isn't he? He's so dreamy!" She said, betraying her position and forcing Bäahal to look up to the young woman. She furrowed her brows, feeling overprotective about Jaime but quickly shook her head and nodded. He sure was handsome. He sure was sexy, but Jaime was so much more than just a good body and a beautiful brain. Bäahal realized that most people didn't really pay attention to him and didn't really care about his heart. They only saw what was on the surface and that bothered the silver head who hated the fact Jaime was either known as a reckless hot head, or cunning businessman, or a sexy man. 

"Yes.. yes he is." She simply said, stroking the face of the man with the back of her forefinger. "I bet that he's more than just a pretty face." She whispered to herself.

"Do you know him, Miss Targaryen?" -She felt blood rush to her cheeks and shook her head as quickly as possible.- "Oh, I see. Well... If we were in another world, perhaps you could have been with him. I think you look good together."

"You do like to play with fire, don't you? I'd rather keep my head than tempt Fate. I leave seducing Mister Lannister to you." She grinned and  closed the magazine for a while. As a matter of fact, she hated this conversation. She hated pretending. She hated hiding and in moments like these, when solitude was overwhelming, she hated being far away from him. She was missing her Golden Lion and it showed that day. Upset, Bäahal leaned her head against the plane window and looked past it in the hopes it would help her mind escape the present tourment. Perhaps it would work, perhaps it wouldn't. Either way, she was missing him and that was a fact.

-TBC-

Chronicles of the primeval gods: Life and Death of Ishtar: Purpose

 Chronicles of the primeval gods: Life and Death of Ishtar: Purpose

A/N: what can I say? when an animal is cornered, he fears. That's where he becomes dangerous.

xxxxxx

He could see her silhouette from afar. Figment of his imagination that tormented the primeval god of war, Elpis never left his side. No matter where he stood, she was always nearby. The weight of his guilt, the self-loathing he felt for the actions Ayasha forced upon him. The god of war didn't regret killing his father. It was something he was quite proud of after all and he desired the throne for himself after a while. He was even competing against his other brother, Leviathan, for the crown. What was eating him up alive was the betrayal upon Elpis. He could never get rid of his unspoken desire nor the guilt wrapped around his actions. She trusted him and he crushed her heart into pieces. He cursed her into a solitary life, erased her from the memories of mankind and weakened her. Perhaps the worst thing he ever did to her was to take her apart from her beloved. How could she forgive him? How could she give him a second chance after what he did? How could he get rid of the emotions he felt for her? 

Yet, It wasn't what drove him on Earth that day. He needed to leave the Primeval gods realm in order to find peace among those who didn't rest. He had to gorge himself out of the worship humans gave him and their unquenchable thirst for war and conflicts. He came to find some peace of mind, a reassurance of his power and the odds he had at beating Pride. The hallucination he had of his sister was always followed with a shadow. The only thing he knew about the Sin was his purple hues and since he had no idea of what he looked like, all he could imagine was a human shape made of smoke with purple eyes. He hated Pride. He hated him with all his heart. He hated him not just because he was an abomination made by the Greek god of Death. No! He didn't even hate him because he was a weapon designed to subjugate and defeat gods. He hated him because he took Elpis away from him. He stole her heart! he stole her love! he made it so that nothing was left for him. 

He hated him for that, perhaps even more than he hated him for the death of Leviathan. A sin was able to kill another god. It was impossible to fathom for the god of war. How could that be? Yes, of course, getting rid of the greek pantheon was supposedly easy. why wouldn't it be? The sins were designed by one of these gods and they were meant to be weapons. He never considered them to be threats because he assumed they wouldn't be able to evolve or be better than the Primeval gods. He imagined they would be limited and that crushing them would be a piece of cake. How mistaken he had been! They had been reckless and because of that, Leviathan was dead. The death of his brother brought a new string of concerns for the New All-Father. They had the power to destroy Primeval gods! They were able to bring the end of the Primeval Gods pantheon. What happened when gods died? where did they go? Gaea never told her children what would become of them but he suspected that Oblivion was the destination. 

Did he want to die? 

Did he want to disappear? 

Of course not! 

But what could he do about it? what could he do? Ishtar let his black eyes stare at the oblivious humans who were enjoying their puny lives. They were talking, drinking coffee and buzzing around in a desperate search for the meaning of their existence. Humans lived short lives and for the god who was immortal, it seemed like a blink of an eye. It was insignificant. They were insignificant! Yet, they spent their whole lives, looking for the meaning of it. For a purpose. That was a luxury the Primeval gods never needed. They were born with a purpose. Ishtar was. He was the God of War and now he was the All-Father! His purpose was to rule everything! to decide for everything and to bring forth new lives and new beginnings or end them with a flick of his finger. His purpose was....what was it? Ishtar couldn't help but feel as if everything had lost meaning. He could have enjoyed being the god of war for the entirety of his existence and yet, yet he chased after something bigger, something better. He could have been his own person and yet he became a puppet. He could have...He could have... 

But he didn't and he lost everything. 

So what was left for him to do?  

Destroy the Sin, overcome his growing fear of Death and face him. Yes...Face him. 

-TBC-

Doya: Late Night Dream

A/N: Well, been thinkingg of these two beans. Of course, I also had to include Sarah and Joshua Thomas :p just because. It is about Doya though, in a way. 

xxxxxxxxx

 

[Oya? Is it too late to write to you?] 

Sarah texted her. the noise from her phone forced Oya to wake up from her light slumber. She rolled her eyes, groaned and rolled on her side. Her heavy coily black locks fell on her face and chest but she waved them off of her face with the back of her hand. The hunter rubbed her eyes and grabbed her phone. Sarah? this late? She never did unless it was an emergency or something was wrong with her. Oya furrowed her brows , her heart began to race in her ribcage as worries started to grow, and replied. 

[No, it's not. What's up?] -She could feel Dean shifting on his bed but he was still asleep.-

It had been quite a while since they last talked. The last time they saw each other, it was at the hospital where Joshua was on the brink of death. Oya and Dean answered her call and began to investigate the case. Josh recovered despite being bound on a wheelchair How long had it been since Oya spoke to either of them? She knew Joshua was still recovering from the attack at his sister's home. She knew that he was doing alright, all things considered but she had not written at all. 

Could she be blamed for her silence? Right after the encounter with the Daeva, Oya met with Pluto. She survived on dumb luck and the near-death experience shocked her enough to make her forget about anyone who wasn't Team Free Will. She realized now, that it had been way too long and she wasn't keeping her promise to the Thomases.  Her azel eyes stared at her screen, wishing for the reply to not be an emergency. 

[I wanted to talk, check on you a little bit. ] -Oya put the phone on her chest, her eyes searching through the darkness of the bedroom. She pulled her phone up and typed back as fast as she could-

[Just checking on me? Really? Sarah... Are you alright? Is it a late night conversation like the one at the motel?] -She was worried, and a worried Oya was always talking fast. Sarah paused. for a minute or two before she sent another message.-

[Actually... I am fine. I haven't heard from you in a very long time, so I started to worry. Joshua told me he heard your voice on Radio Hunter, so that's how I knew you were still alive.]

[I am sorry. I should have texted you more often. I just got very busy.] -She was hoping that her excuses would work on Sarah, but the blonde woman was far more clever than that. Oya nipped her bottom lip and started to tap her right index against the phone screen.-

[Busy? Let me guess... Chasing after the pagan god Pluto? It's all over the news, so don't try and lie to me. There's a worlwide search for him and I know you'd try find him before anyone else does.] 

Oya's heart almost stopped beating upon reading the first sentence. She sighed of relief once she realized that Sarah had no clues about what happened between the god and her. Oya ended up sitting at the edge of the bed and  put her phone on her lap. What could she tell her? The truth? Well, that seemed to be the most reasonable action to take. Telling the truth, letting her in on the secret that plagued her for months. Oya didn't want to come back to this painful memory, of her nearly dying. She didn't want to feel hopeless like she did back there. It took her way too long for her to mentally recover from the incident and realize that she didn't want to die too soon. Being forced to face her own mortality was an eye-opening experience, one that shed a bright light upon herself. Oya was human after all...

Her lips trembled and she ran her shaky fingers through her hair, massaging her scalp. She glanced at Dean who was sleeping still. He looked so peaceful from where she stood. he seemed at peace with everything. Oya knew, she knew that deep down he was already beating himself for what happened to her. How could she let him  carry the weight of the world on his shoulders on his own? He was carrying it, alone, in order to protect those he loved. Dean was a martyr of his own making and she knew that no matter his promises, this would be something he wouldn't be able to stop doing. He was the type of person to strike a deal with the devil if that meant saving his loved ones. He was the one... He was the ONE. Her lips trembled even more and she could feel tears form at the corner of her eyes.

[I am looking for Pluto and gathering intel on him. I'm not working alone, don't worry. We're a whole team on that case. Sarah...I'm fine. We're in the middle of the night, so what happened?] -Minutes went by, with Oya glancing from time to time to her right. She needed to see Dean, and watching him peacefully breathe during his sleep, somehow brought her some peace too. It was soothing.-

[I had a dream. I just woke up and went to the kitchen to drink some water. It was a nightmare rather than a dream.]

[I knew it! What was that nightmare about? Is Josh okay?]

[He is fine. Actually, I am the one falling apart. He bounced back O. He bounced back and now he's working from the comfort of his home. I thought he would miss working on cases but he's fine building a life with his fiancé and helping hunters through the radio. I dreamed about your death. It happened a few months ago but today I made the same nightmare. A creature had killed you and I attended your funeral. I was scared, you know? scared because if you die...]

Oya could feel a pang in her heart. She had never really thought of the impact her death could have on others. For so long she thought of herself as an important member of society. someone who was saving people but was replaceable. It didn't matter if she or someone else did the job as long as the job was done. Yet, twice, she thought of herself as more than just a hunter. With Fabrice, she had dreamed of having her own family, kids included. She had seen herself as a wife and a mother but her dreams turned to dust very quickly and she was left feeling empty and distraught. Dean changed everything. the family he made with Sam and Castiel also changed everything. Oya felt again.. Oya was human again..Oya was loving again. 

Her encounter with Pluto helped her realize that she didn't want to die and wanted instead, to keep living with her family. She wanted more time with Dean, Sam and Castiel.. oh yes, more time with them but especially with Dean. She loved him more than she could even admit. She had the life she had always wanted with him. A life where she could save lives, kick ass and travel around the country. A life that meant something. A life with more than just pain and despair. She refused to let go of things so fast and this realization made her near-death experience all the more painful. She was afraid to die now, she, the Daredevil, didn't want to die so soon.  A sob escaped her lips and she wiped away the tears that had rolled on her cheeks.

[I am alive. I guess you are worried now that you know there is a pagan god on the loose. I promise you, I will do everything in my power to stay alive. I promised I would see the twins grow and I will do my best to keep this promise.]

[You can't make promises you won't keep, O. It's impossible to know when your time is coming. It's impossible to know. Dad didn't. Mom didn't and I certainly can't.  Monsters are scary and while I teach my family to acknowledge the existence of the supernatural and to prepare....I don't know what tomorrow is made of. I feel safe when you're here, O. Without you, I would definitely lose my mind.]

[I won't die, Sarah. I don't want to die, you know? The world is big yet it is getting smaller and smaller.  I am still with you. Still there for you. Remember, Josh needed help, you needed my help and I came, didn't I? Your dream...your dream was about me giving up on my old aloof persona. Your dream is about me finding my happiness and wanting to fight for it. I am busy saving the world but I will make sure to stay alive, okay?] 

Tears fell on her screen, forcing Oya to wipe away her tears and pull her legs up. as her feet rested on the mattress, she wrapped her arms around her knees. Sarah was worried beacuse things were changing around her. Her brother was now disabled yet he probably was the happiest he's ever been since he settled down and found a new and less risky way to help hunters. Oya was still living her best life, even moreso now that she was at peace with herself and comfortable in her relationships. She found her place, her family and somehow was living the life she had always wanted. 

Sarah struggled a lot ever since her father died. She was questionning her decision to live a mundane life and have a family she kept away from the supernatural. She was questionning her ability to keep her family safe. she was questionning her relationships -including the one with Oya-. Her father's death and the recent traumatic attack against her brother fragilized her more than she wanted to admit. Things changed and she didn't adjust to them. She didn't adjust to her brother becoming disabled nor did she adjust to Oya living her life away from her.

[Okay.] -Silence, then a couple minutes later- [O? Do you think I did the right thing by having a family of my own?]

[You did the right thing for yourself. Your kids are wonderful and your husband loves you. You will be able to protect them alright. Your dad knew it. Josh knows it. I know it. You just have to believe it.]

Silence settled in for a while, allowing Oya to glance once more towards Dean who was now shifting on the bed a little more, indicating that he was about to wake up in a matte rof minutes. Oya sighed, even having a good sleep felt like luxury. Dean had a decent sleep in the last couple of weeks but it still felt too far in between periods of agitated and restless nights. Her phone vibrated again, indicating that she received another text. 

[Thanks for the pep talk, O. Text me more so I don't fear you're dead or something. love you.]

[Love you too.] -She texted back before she put her phone on the bed nightstand. She gave a sheepish smile before she rolled on her side. Dean was even more agitated, which indicated that he was about to wake up, so she  gently laid next to him and cupped his cheek with her warm hand. A gentle stroke accompanied his awakening and he greeted her with a grin. She smiled at him and planted a kiss on his nose.  "Good morning Dickhead."

"Good morning, Bitch." -he smiled and pressed a kiss to her lips, gently wrapping his powerful arm around her waist. "You're up very early, what woke you up?"

"Just a little Late Night Dream....involving you." She smiled again and gently rubbed her nose to his. "I'd like to stay a little longer in bed. Shall we?"

"We shall.." 

-TBC-