GoT: You are not here to serve me.

A/ N: So, Lou, This is just a blurb that came from our last conversation. <3 I don't know why but I decided you would be in your feels since I was in mine eheh I am very fond of the bond they share and this is a very important moment for both of them.

xxx xxx

« I have finally found you, Bäahal. »

Daenerys' soft voice reached Bäahal's voice as she stood in front of Rhaegal and Drogon. Once Tyrion announced that the queen accepted a meeting with her council, everything was set in motion. Bäahal was nowhere to be found and Daenerys decided to look after her. Her first guess was to look at the stairs that led to the beach for Bäahal enjoyed the view and would often stay there and watch the sea and the flying dragons from afar. The queen didn't find her so she walked further down. If she wasn't at the stairs, then maybe she was at the beach. It didn't take long for the sovereign to finally found her sibling.

Bäahal was sitting on the sand, her arms were wrapped around her knees she pulled up to her chest. The ocean was soothing her heart and ease her mind. Tomorrow they would sail to King's Landing. They would confront the usurper of the throne and bring her a proof of what Jon Snow had warned them about. Bäahal needed some time to think for herself, far from Jon Snow and Daenerys. Far from Missandei and Grey Worm. Far from ser Tyrion and ser Varys. She needed to breathe and the ocean was providing her some fresh and pure air. The dragons flying above her were, in a way, comforting as well. As soon as she heard the sound of footsteps, she became tense and curled her fingers into fists in case Ser Tyrion would want to fight her again.

« You did, your grace. » -She said, nodding her head respectfully.-

Tyrion and Bäahal didn't have the best relationship at all. She still couldn't forgive the fact he outed her to her sister. He claimed that he did it out of loyalty to his queen so she would know and trust the people she surrounded herself with. His words fell on deaf ears. Bäahal believed he did it because he wanted her out of Daenerys' life. He saw her as a potential inconvenience. A threat to the throne since she was one of the few surviving Targaryens and the only one of royal blood. He didn't trust her, hence why he outed her. Things didn't get better between the two of them as she grew closer to the queen. He saw her as either a zealous protector or a hyena in disguise who would give ill-advice to the queen. Of course, Tyrion claimed it wasn't true and in reality, it wasn't, but Bäahal was paranoid enough to believe her own words. She had been traumatized by Life and couldn't see her interaction with men as genuine as they were, except maybe, with Jon Snow.

« Why have you left the war room? » Daenerys asked softly before she sat by the sand.

« Ser Tyrion doesn't trust me. He doesn't approve of my presence at the meeting with Cersei. » -She whispered, her purple eyes briefly looked into Daenerys'.-

« He means well, but he also knows I will not follow his advice. I need you by my side. »

« I don't think you do, but I am not complaining that you think so. » She said with a soft smile. «I told you that I would lend you my blade if need be. I will always serve your best interest. »

Daenerys tilted her head to the side as she looked at her sister. She was aware of the conflict within Bäahal and wanted to help her. How could she do that without angering her sister? Bäahal was still difficult to understand for the mother of dragons and both knew it would require more time together for them to fully get used to actually having a sibling. The Queen shook her head.

« You are not here to serve me. »

« Then what I am here for? What use could you have of me if I do not serve you? »

Words naturally came out of her lips and it had Daenerys furrow her brows. It wasn't the first time her sister spoke like this but it always broke her heart to hear those words. The princess still did not see herself as more than a tool and it showed in her words and attitude. Daenerys knew Bäahal wanted to go to King's Landing in order to protect her, just like she was willing to sacrifice her life in the fight against the Wights but there again, she posed as a bodyguard and not a sister.

« You are my sister, Bäahal. I do not need you to serve me. » -She outstretched her pale hand and covered her sister's ebony one.- « Look at me...Please. »

The ebony princess looked up at Daenerys, her purple eyes glowing brightly as tears started to form in her eyes. She didn't feel comfortable when she was being thrown into the light. It wasn't a place she was used to but she was willing to try. Her heart was in turmoil because she didn't know what she was supposed to be in this day and age. Now that she finally was free, she didn't know who she wanted to be. Her fingers clenched a fistful of wet sand and she took a deep breath. Daenerys moved her hand so she could cup her cheek, going slowly so she wouldn't startle her sister. At first, Bäahal became tense, but she relaxed as she realized what the queen wanted to do. She allowed her to touch her cheek and leaned into her touch. Daenerys smiled and stroked the soft ebony skin with her thumb.

« You are still lost... »

« Indeed... » She put her hand over Daenerys' and half-closed her eyes. « All my life I have dreamed of freedom and now that I am free, I do not know what to do with it. »

« It could be anything you want, Bäahal. Anything. »

« It's easy for you to say, Dany. You had a purpose. You wanted to throne. You fought for it. I have never wanted anything more than just being able to wake up a free woman. But the truth is... I feel empty. »

« You are scared. Freedom is scary. Change is scary. All I wanted to do was to die with Khal Drogo. I willingly went to the Pyre and allowed myself to be burned. That was the easy part: me, dying. I couldn't see past that moment. I had it all figured out until I came out of the fire and realized I didn't die. I had to change. I did but there were days and nights where I wished I was dead on that day. » She smiled at her and released her cheek. « You will get used to this change in your life. You will get used to being treated as a person and not a tool. You will get used to having me as a sister and what it entails. » Daenerys words seemed to echo through the princess' mind. They resonated with her because she knew they were true. Her sister did go through tremendous loss and pain and always found a way to move forward. Her strength was the first thing Bäahal noticed and was attracted to. Her compassion was the second thing. Dany words finally made Bäahal cry.

« What does it entail? » -The princess asked.-

« It entails for me to care about you. That means I want you to be in my life until one of us dies. It means I want you to be happy. I need you to be. »

« Happy ?...How do you define happiness, Dany? »

« A long time ago, I pictured happiness as a life with Khal Drogo and our son. I was imagining us conquering Westeros and ruling together. I lost it. I lost my child and my husband. I lost them. » She whispered and looked at the horizon. « But I have my sons with me, I have a dream within my grasp. I have... » She turned and looked at Bäahal with eyes filled with unshed tears. « I have you now. »

« You have me. » Bäahal repeated before she looked away from her sister. « Jon Snow asked me a while ago, what it was that I truly desired. »

« Jon Snow ?... » Daenerys was intrigued. She knew the two of them had been on speaking terms and that her sister had been his advocate ever since he arrived but she never truly knew what the princess felt for him or what their relationship actually was. They seemed to get along pretty well, maybe because they both found a common ground. « What did you say? »

« Serving you was what I desired. I wanted to help you achieve your dream. I wanted to see you sit on the iron throne. He told me that it wasn't what he meant when he asked the question and I snapped. Deep down I knew he was right. Besides wanting to be free, I never had the chance to think of what I wanted to do, have or be. »

« He saw the truth in your eyes. He saw you wanted more than freedom.  He is very kind.»Daenerys held onto her hand and gently brought her fingers to her lips for a gentle kiss. It had Bäahal tense up and look into her queen's eyes.

« He's like no other man. He's honest, genuine, and caring. He's like no other man...I am glad you saw too. »

« Yes. » Dany smiled at her. « You saw him for who he was. »

« It's my special ability, your grac...Dany. I can see the truth in any man. Men are ugly, violent and bloodthirsty. The men I met and those I crossed path with. The men my fellow slaves met, the ones who killed them or tortured them. The men I heard stories of... my father... our father. » She said looking at the horizon. « I had to learn how to find the truth and in Jon's eyes, there is nothing but the truth. I'm drawn to him, sister and I do not know what it is that I feel. »

« I will help you figure it out. I think I know a thing or two. » She said with a soft chuckle. As she noticed Bäahal relaxing, she quickly added. « You are my sister. The only thing close to a sibling was a brother who thought he owned me. He used me to serve his own interest and I know I do not want to do that to you. I will learn how to be a good sister by your side if you allow me to be. »

« You don't need my permission, your gr-- Dany. You don't need it. »

She said as she pulled her into a hug. It wasn't the first time they shared one, but it was the first time Bäahal actually held her this hard. Tomorrow might be another day, they would have to sail to King's Landing and seal their fates. Tomorrow, they might not be able to return safely home. Tomorrow, they might be dead.

-TBC-

Asma x Pride: A painter in her workshop

A/ N: Because Asma had been silent for a while now.

Xxxxx

She was sitting in the middle of her workshop, among her paintings of Pride. Those sketches and finished pieces all represented the Sin and sometimes, she was with him. It told the story from her point of view. From the moment she started to dream of him to the moment they met and he saved her from Ayasha's minions. He took her from safe houses to safe houses, always changing location after several months so they wouldn't be found by the primeval gods. She was supposed to be safe as long as she didn't leave the place but she did. One day, tired of being on her own and while Pride was dealing with the Underworld business, she escaped.

It felt reinvigorating at first, because she disobeyed and because she could finally interact with other human beings. She lied to herself about not being in danger while she was! She met one of his brothers who influenced her mind to the point of nearly driving her to suicide. Asma would have done it right here and there if it wasn't for her feelings for Pride. Yes, how original! A human fell in love with the King of the seven sins. It was bound to happen in a way or another and she knew he couldn't return her feelings. He wasn't wired for it, he couldn't feel it and even if he could, he wouldn't choose her because he already had better than her: Elpis. Her paintings reflected on that, on the impossible love triangle between her, the Sin and a powerful entity.

It reflected on how Pride cared about her, to the point of looking for a way to save both of them rather than just kill the vessel. He cared for Asma and it showed when Pride decided he would wipe her memory to allow her to live a normal life. She wouldn't remember him, but she would benefit from their time spent together. How merciful of him! At first, Asma rejected it, thinking that she should remember their time together. He was her greatest love after all, how could she forget him? But she understood why he was doing it. Remembering Pride would not make her happy. Instead, she would miss him, she would live with « what if scenarios » in her head. She would dream of the day he would reunite with her, knowing full well that he would never. It was merciful of him.

Sitting around the paintings was comforting for the mortal who couldn't stop but think of her beloved Sin. Where was he? Was he safe? Would he return to her? She didn't have the answers to her questions and knew she would not have them until he came back. There was one last painting she decided to make, maybe a foolish gesture of a woman in love who wanted to be remembered. She painted them together. Him holding her by the waist and wearing one of his beloved grey suits and a spiked black crown on his head. She was wearing a white sleeveless satin dress, with a golden crown on top of her head. She had been working on this piece with the intent to offer it to him before he would wipe her memory out but for some reason wasn't able to complete it until now.

As a matter of fact, Asma was distracted by the upcoming fight against Leviathan. Pride promised her that he wouldn't die but what if he did? She couldn't stay forever at the safe house, there would be a moment she would have to leave and without Pride to protect her, she would die, plain and simple. Ayasha was hell-bent on killing her and for what Asma understood, it was in order to prevent other gods to realize they were manipulated. So, either she would start a new life with no memory of Pride or she would die. The future seemed bleak from where she stood and the choice wasn't even hers to make. 

Chronicles of Lux and Tenebrae: The End Realm part 1. Conversation with the King.

A/N: A small glimpse into Death's realm. Lux is still very shocked by what she had witnessed.

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Lux was still shocked by Tenebrae's power demonstration and she realized that for the first time since they met, that she was actually scared of him. What she saw back there was a horror show which raised more questions than gave answers. She witnessed Tenebrae open a portal, watched as he swallowed those enemies and saw his gleeful shark smile that crept on his lips. The prince was powerful and there was a small chance he didn't know how truly powerful he was. As she was lost in her thoughts, the princess almost screamed when she felt the large hand of Death squeezing her shoulder. She looked up to see a completely different version of him. As soon as they entered the End Realm, his face wasn't a skull anymore. He was a beautiful man, with sharp features. He had high cheekbones and a square chin. He has a dimple on his chin that only accentuated how strong his jaw was. His nose was straight and thin, his eyes were jet black like his son's. The King had massive silver hair that whipped the small of his back. He was wearing a black tunic with silver arabesques drawn on his collar and chest, complete with a pair of black trousers and black leather shoes. He had his gold and black crown on top of his head. Once they arrived, the princess noticed they were in the throne room.

« Welcome to the End Realm, Lux. » He said with a soft voice.

« Thank you, my King. »

She whispered, looking around her. Lux didn't feel familiar with the place, she was certain to never have been there when she still had her full memory. She would have remembered, at least, how it made her feel. The room was empty, with just a very huge Throne of spikes made of glass. There were purple curtains that dressed the throne and the walls. There was no actual light in the kingdom, so some green fire lit the room and the streets of the End Realm. The princess clenched her fingers onto her chest and exhaled so loudly that it startled her. Death quietly sat on his throne and leaned his elbows on his lap. She turned on her heels to face the king and held onto the fabric of her dress tighter.

« What do you know about the End Realm? » He asked, his piercing black eyes stared at her. She tucked some hair behind her ear and answered in a weak voice.

« It is where the souls of the dead go once they pass away. »

« Yes, but not only. I know you understand the concept of balance. Your mother deals with the living. She is the Light that shines upon this world. She breathes existence into human bodies. You and your brothers also influence greatly the existence of mankind, from the moment they are born to the moment I take them away. Then they become my people »

« I know of that, your grace. » She said, her silver eyes flashed briefly some light before she lowered her head.

« I know. What you don't know is that I am not just ruling over them. The End realm is divided into three parts. You have Elysium, where my castle is. Only the noblest of souls can live with me. They benefit from pleasures they could find on Earth, eternal life by my side as a reward for their good life. The second part of my kingdom is where the sinners are sent. Those who are beyond redemption or committed such heinous crimes that there is no forgiveness, go there. I design their punishment and they are tormented for the rest of eternity. »

« It is like Hell, then. » She said, tilting her head to the side and allowing some black strands to tickle her nose. Death chuckled darkly.

« Worse than Hell. Those souls wish they joined the void instead. » He entangled his fingers together. « The third part is where Tenebrae put his castle. It is also where he had been raised when he was an infant so my enemies couldn't get their hands on my son. » He narrowed his gaze, sending a shiver down Lux' spine. « This is where the demons and monsters live. Some of them pledged allegiance to me but others didn't. It is a hostile place to live but the only place where monsters can be contained. »

« Why are you telling me all of this? » She said, looking up at the King who smirked at her. He offered his hand to her so she could grab it. Lux looked at it defiantly and shook her head. « I won't come close until I know why you took me here, what Tenebrae is doing and when I will reunite with him. »

« Fierce. You're still fierce. » He said, his hand returning on his lap. « Fine. I will indulge your request. » He leaned into his seat and crossed his arms over his chest. « I suspect your mother was attacked by old acquaintances of mine. I need to visit the Vanishing Point before I can confirm. »

« The Vanishing point? You know where it is? »Lux's eyes grew wide. She remembered the words of the Keeper of Secrets. Death nodded quickly. « Who do you think attacked my mother? »

« I can't tell you right now. I will once I'm sure it is them. »

« You know them. You know them and you're trying to protect them? » She blinked but Death scoffed.

« I am not protecting them, child. If they are indeed our enemies, we would need a better strategy than the one Tenebrae has in mind. »

« What do you know about his plan ? Why are we here? » She asked again before Death stood up and pushed his forefinger against his lips. It made her swallow a lump.

« Your safety comes to mind when I think of you. Tenebrae might believe I do not love him, but he would be sorely mistaken if he thinks I don't care about him. To answer your previous question, Tenebrae is guiding the souls of the newly departed to the End Realm. He would have to judge their souls and decide whether or not they should reside in Elysium or what you call Hell. » He then walked towards the princess and put both hands on her shoulders. « You have witnessed what he is capable of. I take the look on your face that you have never seen him like this before. »

« I don't know, my king. I don't have my memories back. I do not feel familiar with this. What is he exactly? How can he do what he did back on Earth? »

« I do not know myself. The harpies told me that it happened when he was just a young boy and it never occurred ever since. He could be a portal to the void. He could be the embodiment of the void. I do not know. »

« I see. »

Death didn't know what his son actually was? Instead of putting Lux at ease, it worried her. She looked up to his face as he bent slightly forward and chewed at her bottom lip. Death was still one of the most feared entities of the whole universe. He was timeless, eternal and she realized that he also couldn't be killed, so maybe invincible too. He was the one who decided whether or not you deserved to be punished or rewarded for the good life you led. He was the one who had absolute control of an infinite realm, including managing the presence of monsters and demons. He was tremendously powerful, beautiful and cold. A shiver went down her spine but she refused to let him see she was afraid of him. Instead, the princess furrowed her brows in an attempt at looking meaner which softened the king's facial expression. She looked just like her mother, a softer and smaller version of Life. He couldn't help but cup her cheek, causing a small sparkle between the two of them. She shut her eyes at his touch and lift her eyebrows.

« You are very tired my child, perhaps, you should get some rest. Tenebrae will find you when he's done. Sleep » He said, snapping his finger.

She must have blacked out because the princess found herself on a bed in a room she didn't know. The bed was luscious, made out of a large piece of ebony tree. There was a vanity made of glass, with a chair. She found herself wearing a black dress with emerald sequins sewn into her chest piece. She gasped as the front door opened and a worn out Tenebrae entered. The prince stopped and furrowed his white eyebrows at his beloved who looked down at her legs, still covered by the heavy sheets. The prince chuckled and snapped his fingers to wear matching garbs. A green and black tunic with a pair of black pants. He sat on the bed, near her and cupped her cheek.

« You're beautiful. »

« Stop it. » She sighed but couldn't stop smiling as she enjoyed the compliment.

« I'm serious. You're beautiful. » She chuckled and pressed her lips against his cheek.

« Well... That is the nicest thing you've said to me since we met. » She smiled and leaned on her back again. Tenebrae laid on his side and ran his hand through her black locks. 

« I'm not always that bad. » She shrugged and looked at the rich ceiling. « Were you scared of me, back there, on Earth? »

« What are you talking about? » She felt uncomfortable and bit her bottom lip. He lifted a brow, which made her roll her eyes. « Alright, I didn't understand what was happening. I didn't know if I would live or die or what you were doing. You didn't respond to me, I call you. I said your name over and over again and you didn't look at me. » He held onto her hand and with the other one, he cupped her cheek.

« I will never hurt you. Lux. Never. »She looked at him, her silver eyes shifted from left to right. « I walked the Earth searching for you, I started my crusade to avenge you if you were in fact, dead. I only see you. » He stroked her cheek but she shook her head and rolled on her side, disengaging from his embrace.

« I don't know, Tenebrae. I am....scared. I don't remember anything, no matter how hard I try and from what I have understood, we have to wait for Mother knows what. » She was frustrated of not remembering him, so frustrated that she started to cry. The prince put his hand on her shoulder and leaned his face against her back.

« I am aware of what it entails. You, not remembering me. I understand that it means I have to accept you might not feel the same for me. I understand that I might just have lost you. » His voice was strangled with emotion.

« Do you accept it? Do you accept me not being in love with you? » She asked in a broken voice. « Do you accept me not remembering you?? »

« We might die. But at least, I would have the honour to die by your sides. » He said, holding onto her. Shoulder tighter. « My love for you is real and eternal. I promised you that it would be, regardless of whether or not you can remember me. I would love you for all eternity, beloved. »

« I am.... so sorry. »

She sighed and turned around so she could look into Tenebrae's eyes. He was crying silent tears, the ones he had tried to hold back ever since he learned she had died. She wrapped her arm around his chest and pulled him into a tight hug, allowing his hand to push her by the small of her back and keep her closer to him. They remained in that embrace without saying a word, until Lux fell asleep again. For once, safe in his father's realm, Tenebrae finally fell asleep too. He would need that energy.

-TBC-

SoA: love

(SoA!Asma)

"I like routine. I like it when there is no surprise. You could say that I don't like surprises. I don't like not knowing what happens. I don't like being told "we have to talk".  Because it always sucks, it's always bad, it's always sad.

And yet.... things changed. From Jessica who stormed into my life to Alex who basically lives with me: it had always happened because things didn't stick to the plan. Surprised happened, the routine was broken. And I think grateful they did.

So very grateful."

SoA : Dear Mama

//Because it had been a while and it's a quite personal tragedy.  Jessica, the friends she made at her club, Alex.. all are her family and she would need them now that her last blood-relative is gone. it's bittersweet.  

xxx

Where were you when this happened? It was the question of the millennium. Asma had heard it for most of her life. Where were you when the Berlin Wall fell ? Where were you when the two tours collapsed? Where were you when Diana died? Where were you when you heard this new? Where was she when Oscar died? She was in the basement of Jessica's house for her protection. She didn't witness the fight but she heard the screams and grunts and groans and painful moans as her sister fought against her abuser upstairs. Where was she when her father died? She was by his side and watched him take his last breath. Where was she when her mother died? She was at work. It was a day like the others. Funny how a day filled with routine, the kind you would forget because it was the same as the day before, became impossible to forget when a tragedy happened.

She could remember the metallic and menthol taste of Tig when she kissed the skin of his shoulder. A taste she got used to it, to the point of not paying attention anymore up until that day. She could remember what people around her wore at the shooting practice. Usually, she would take one look at her surroundings before focusing on shooting her targets. Yet, on that very day, she could remember the color of the dress that blonde woman on her left was wearing or the color of the chewing-gums that old man on her right, pulled out of his jacket. She could remember how hot she felt in her parlor and what she was thinking of before she got the phone call. Funny how one could think of something as trivial as vacations with their significant other before a phone call destroyed their whole world. She was thinking of going to fucking New-Mexico... and was musing about what she could get Alex to wear once they would get there.

She was in pure bliss, a newfound happiness that made her dare think of her future. She was thinking of how good it felt to be loved and gushed over Tig when she got that phone call. Was this life? One minute you were in pure bliss and the other you fell into a pit of darkness? Was it fair? No, it wasn't. She could remember that after the nurse told her that her mother passed away, she didn't hear anything else. She hung up the phone and sat at her office desk. It was to be expected, she knew a day like this would come. She prepared herself but Asma realized that you could never be ready. You could never be ready to learn that your loved ones were gone for good. She sat still, barely moving a muscle for an hour, incapable of calling or texting anyone. She was alone in that room, alone in her heart, alone in her life. At least, that's how it felt during that excruciating hour, where she couldn't even cry.

After her father died, Asma cleaned the house. She refused to do anything but clean the damn house. After her brother died, she was a confirmed alcoholic and drowned herself in Jack Daniels before she curled into a ball of shame and slept in her own puddle of tears and vomit. After Oscar died, she was a recovering alcoholic, so she didn't drink. She cleaned her office so much that she irritated the skin of her hands. After her mother died, Asma sat there for an hour before finally she grabbed a piece of paper and started to write a letter to her mother. She poured her soul into her words, telling stories that had yet to happen with Tig -such as how she was seeing them with eternally entangled lives- and telling stories that had already happened -she opened up about Oscar, the abuse and suffering, the first step to salvation with Elias Tobbins and finally, the fact she found an actual family in Jessica, SAMCRO and now Tig-. She thanked her mother, for the years of peace and love she gave her, for the life and the fight and even the loss. She thanked her mother and promised to meet her soon. She then put the letter in her drawer and closed it back. That letter wasn't for her mother, she realized. It was for her, for when she would have doubts and would be afraid, for when she would be lonely and would need comfort. For when life was grim.

She then took her phone and texted Jessica.

#Mom died.#

#Do you want to come home? I will make your favorite cake and hot cocoa. We'll watch movies and I'll give you a hug. #

#I'm coming home.# She said.

There was no question asked, no hesitation either. Like she mentioned in her letter, Home was where her family was. Her mother might have passed away, she still had a home because Jessica and her family were there, Alex was building a life with her and she herself was still alive. They were her home and she knew that her mother would rest in peace, knowing her daughter wasn't alone.

-TBC-

COPG: Acceptance

(Elpis)

She anticipated the moment her beloved would set her free. As the dreaded fight against Leviathan was closer, the seal became weaker and allowed the goddess to speak to her host without having to go through dreams anymore. Elpis was impatient now, the guilt she ever felt about her host had vanished now that Pride figured a way to preserve her life. Her memory would be wiped and it would be as if she had never met the sin. With that knowledge in mind and the reluctant acceptance of the host, Elpis could now dream of a better tomorrow.

For millennia she was locked away, forgotten by everyone while her memory was intact. She remembered gods as they were, she remembered Pride as he was. She was aware that he despite having his memory of her returned, he could not possibly feel the same way anymore. He had lived his life as if they had never met, he was a worse version of the Sin, one that never mellowed due to her influence, one that went so far into darkness that he might have been lost to her. She was aware of their bond being non-existent, to some extent.

Anger clouded her judgment for now. Her thirst for revenge and her desire to decimate her enemies got the best of the goddess. The seed he planted in her when they met took its time to mature and was on the verge of blossoming. She was wrath about to fall upon the primeval gods.

But she was light, still. She was Hope, still. She was his Yin and she was determined to remind him of this, even if that meant she had to start it all over again. She was his and he was hers and she would be damned if she didn't try to remind him. Once she was freed from her prison...

It only was a matter of time now.

Doya : Under pressure (Nightmare)

A/ N: Because we all need a daily dose of sadness and morbid and because I haven't written Oya having nightmares for a long while, here you are.

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«Oya? Come over, I have pancakes for you! »

It started like a normal dream. Dream!Dean's voice would echo through the walls as he would call Oya's name to join him for breakfast. She would wake up with his shirt on, like usual, and would walk towards the kitchen. It would be a bright Sunday, always a Sunday. On her way to the kitchen, she would meet Dream!Sam walking away with a pancake in his mouth, ready to go to the archives for some research. She would finally meet with Dream!Dean who would be wearing one of her corny ugly aprons she brought from her trip out of states. The apron was never the same -she bought a lot of them-, which never had her suspect she was in a dream. Dream!Dean would put the plate of freshly made pancakes in front of her for her to eat, with a smile. He would wrap his hand around her neck and pull her into a kiss. This was a routine, one of those she already had in real life. Dean would always make her breakfast -mostly because Oya was a disaster in the kitchen and he did like making breakfast- before they went to work.

It started like a normal dream. Oya would ramble about her last solo case and how much she kicked ass. She would talk about her body still recovering from her last fight but how excited she was to go work with him.Usually, Dream!Dean would just sit down in front of her and would smile as she would ramble. Usually, he would do something sweet, something that would make her melt inside and swoon over Dean. It always changed from dream to dream but it always was something she couldn't resist in real life. Like his smile, for example, his chuckle or his corny jokes. Oya liked every little thing about Dean, from the way he was looking at her, with his intense green eyes when they were working together and he was thinking of a strategy. Or the way he was fighting the monsters they were hunting. There was a nice combination of strength and skills she admired and if she wasn't busy fighting her own monsters, she would watch him all day. Oya liked when Dean was showing he cared for her with little gestures such as wearing her pendant, or her aprons because he knew it would make her smile. Usually, it would be sweet, if it was a dream.

But it wasn't. As soon as Oya took her plate and pushed it towards her, she lifted her head and noticed Dream!Dean had vanished. Her heart skipped a beat as fear started to creep into her mind. The colors faded, turning the world into several shades of grey. Oya covered her mouth, as she began to realize that something was wrong. She called for Dean but he didn't answer. She pushed her plate of pancakes and started to search the kitchen for him but didn't find him. Oya fingers started to clench and unclench like they always did when she was starting to panic. She went to the archives room but there was no Dream!Sam there. Her eyes started to blink uncontrollably. She left the room and ran towards the war room. Her legs seemed to be heavier than usual so it took forever before she finally arrived at the war room.

«Sam? Dean? » -She called, her voice breaking each time she said their name- « Sam ?... Dean ??.. » She called again, her eyes scanning the room as she walked further into it. She saw Dream!Dean's shoes at the end of the table and tried to sprint to him but couldn't. It just felt like gravity was stronger the closer she was to him. « Dean ???.. Dean.. please... Please... »

If there was a fear Oya had, aside from being rejected by the Winchesters, was for them to die. She feared that because they came to know her, she would end up killing them the way her loved ones died. It was this irrational fear of losing someone you cared about that crippled her and would have done just about anything to protect them. It was the irrational fear of witnessing their deaths by the hand of an enemy of hers that churned at her guts and kept her awake at night. A world without the Winchesters wasn't a world she wanted to live in. -even if she would eventually still keep doing their job- They became more than just friends with her, they became family. The concept might have been blurry for some people, it was crystal clear for Oya. She would move mountains if that could bring back her family, she would sign a pact with Lucifer if that could free Sam from his guilt and trauma. She would do anything to keep the brothers alive so they could still live in a world where one another are still together. She was willing to lose her very life if that meant saving these two. Saving Dean.

Being rejected was one thing, she could live with that. It would alienate her from the very idea of allowing people in her heart but she could live with that. At least they would still be alive. Most of her dreams were about being thrown out of the circle and pushed away by Sam, Dean, and Castiel because she wasn't worthy of their attention, and care... and love. Most of these ended up with Oya waking up screaming and kicking but always Dean was here. He would hold her in his arms, calm her fears with his voice. Always, she would wake up to him and he would make her fears vanish with his mere presence. But when Dean wasn't home, when the bed was empty, then came the nightmares about their deaths. As she suspected, it was Dean's bloody body. Oya screamed at the sight of his beaten-up face. She knelt next to him and grabbed his head by the neck.

« No no no no no nonono... Dean... Dean, please. Please... » She sat on her heels and started to rock his body, screaming and looking around for help. She tried to call for help but her lips refused to say anything but the same words, over and over again. Her chest was soiled with his blood, her fingers soaked in his crimson essence. She leaned her cheek against his and started to sob. He couldn't be dead. He couldn't be dead! « Dean.. please, don't leave me alone. Don't leave me... » She said, once she was able to catch her breath. Oya screamed again as she realized that Dream!Dean's body was disappearing. She panicked and started to yell. « Don't leave me! Don't... Don't leave me! Fuck! Dean! Please !! Pl-Please! » She tried everything, held onto his clothes, held onto his face, but his body vanished. She held onto him as much as she could but he still vanished, which meant her efforts were useless... Her life was useless, everyone would end up dying. Oya recoiled in horror at the empty space in front of her, the pool of blood still on the floor. She pulled her legs up, against her chest and started to rock her body in order to calm herself. It wasn't real, Dean wasn't dead. Sam didn't disappear. Castiel wasn't out of reach. It wasn't real. It wasn't real. It wasn't r---

She woke up alone, in a scream that echoed through the walls of Dean's room. She held onto the sheets of the bed and looked down at her sweaty belly and legs. She touched her face and looked at her fingers to make sure she had a nightmare. Oya was shaking from head to toe, her jaw was clenched, her eyes were wet and filled with unshed tears. As soon as she was certain it was just a bad dream, Oya exhaled and dropped her shoulders. She looked down at her hands again and started to chuckle, from relief. It lasted only a minute because she ended up crying again. It felt too real. For a minute, she thought Dean was actually dead and her world was torn upside down and as she woke up, his absence became even worse to handle. He wasn't there, she was alone. She was alone...

...And shaken to the core.

Doya : sugary dreams

Dean was the silent type. He would never tell Oya that he kept the magical pendant she sculpted for him around his neck and never took it off but he wouldn't hide it either. Sometimes when they were working cases together, she would get a glimpse of the artifact glowing brightly and it would make her stop for a second, to acknowledge that Dean did keep her present around his neck.

and always it made her swoon and bit her bottom lip. Dean knew how important this meant to Oya and to see that it was for him too, meant everything for Oya. But they were the silent type so she would not point that out. They knew and it was more than enough.

Chronicles of Primeval gods : (Ishtar x Ayasha): He lost the war

A/ N: It's been a while and before Leviathan gets his ass kicked by Pride, this is taking place. Ayasha was able to take advantage of a situation Leviathan caused and strengthened her control over Ishtar but again, there was one obstacle, one thing that kept her from assuming complete domination over her sibling: Elpis.

XXXX

Ishtar made love like he went to war.

He wasn't gentle for he didn't know what gentle meant. He entered the room of his beloved sister angry because Leviathan's words induced doubt in his mind. He knew his brother wanted the throne, he wanted the title but if anything, he wasn't a liar. Leviathan prided himself in never telling a lie but Ishtar had troubles trusting him. Leviathan wanted to rule, it was a secret to no one, however, him claiming that Ayasha was manipulating him drove Ishtar over the edge. He entered her room looking for answers, but instead, he had more questions in mind. Ayasha couldn't possibly manipulate him, she had nothing to gain from it and she claimed her love for him. Ishtar was many things, but he wasn't a fool. Ayasha advised him the best she could, endured his aggressivity and went as far as forgiving him for accusing her of betrayal. She allowed him to claim her body and he did so like he would conquer a land. He marked her with his skin, his sweat and saliva. He made sure she would remember him for weeks, if not because of the bruises he left on her, she would because he tried to be gentle with her. He tried but he failed. Anger took over him, anger that took the shape of the one and only love of his life: Elpis.

She tormented him, even in such an intimate moment. It was no secret that Ishtar coveted his sister from the moment she matured. How many nights had he dreamed about the softness of her skin, the sweet cries of passion she would let escape from her lips as he would pound inside of her? How many nights did he have to use his servants in order to empty his body from the tension he had by standing near her on the battlefield? How many nights did he have to use his servants in order to clear his mind from the memory of Elpis after it was revealed that she fell in love and gave herself to a sin? Isthar wanted to be the one she chose because it made sense to him. He was the god of war, she was the goddess of Hope. They completed each other, she was the soft side of his rough one. She was the sun while he was the night. How could she dare fall in love with something that wasn't even a god? Or human? It was nothing, but a mock-up of life, it was nothing but a basket of lies and deceit. It was nothing but a disgrace and she gave herself to him like you'd give pearls to swine. So he stabbed her to punish Elpis. He stabbed her to teach her a lesson. He stabbed her because if he couldn't have her, then nobody would.

Yet, while he should have given his attention to Ayasha, his mind focused on Elpis. It refused to let her go. He saw her each and every time he thrust inside the goddess of knowledge. He imagined it was her voice he heard, her pink locks he touched, and her golden irises that were staring at him whenever he stared at Ayasha's greens. He should have given his attention to Ayasha but instead, his mind was filled with thoughts that shouldn't belong here. Bitterness took over as he grabbed Ayasha's neck, squeezing strong enough to go past the playful game and into a dangerous behavior instead. He wanted her to choke. He would have strangled Elpis if he could, rather than stab her in the heart. He would have strangled her while she would beg for her life but it didn't happen like that. He stabbed and watched her realized the truth behind his action. He caused her to hate him and vow to avenge herself once she would be free. The disdain in her eyes, the disappointment, and the hatred broke his heart and he sobbed.  He sobbed and sought comfort in the eyes of Ayasha who could not believe what was just happening. He said her sister's name while they were having sex, his mind was still focused on her sister despite her best attempt at manipulating him. She was furious but couldn't let it transpire so she closed her eyes. 

He lost his mood and withdrew from her. She laid on her back, eyes staring at the ceiling in hopes he wouldn't try to look at her at this instant. She was boiling inside. Anger threatened to take over her soft features so she rolled on her side and stood up instead, baring her back at the all-father so he wouldn't see her features changed by anger. Ayasha clenched her fists and gritted her teeth. She had tried and would try again to be successful in taking away Ishtar's feelings for Elpis. Those same feelings had him curse their sister instead of killing her. His own feelings were the reason Ayasha's plans were delayed and each and every move she wanted to make had to be calculated. Elpis was the reason she couldn't achieve her goal. the blonde goddess walked towards her vanity, where she actually was sitting at before Ishtar broke into her room. She was still sweating from the unfinished romp, her blond locks stuck to her face and neck while her green eyes were burning with anger. He was making love to her and he said "Elpis." He was giving into her and he broke into tears while thinking of "Elpis." Her ego was hurt more than anything else and if it wasn't Ishtar but a simple lover, she would have killed him out of spite. It was no secret that Ayasha hated Elpis. Since this little rat was born, everything had changed. She went from favourite to the unloved child in a second because Elpis was more powerful, more capable and of course destined to become a legend among the gods. She went from being a potential powerful goddess to second-best because "Hope" made an appearance. Hope existed. Hope ridiculed her in front of her siblings when she fell in love with their very enemy: the sins. 

"Ayasha.." Ishtar sounded apologetic, but Ayasha refused to look at him. "I'm sorry. I don't know what happened." He knew she knew, but it was too much and too early for him to accept the truth.

"You said her name....while you were making love to /me/. You said her name." She faked her tears. If anything, Ayasha only felt rage but he had to buy the lie she fed him earlier about her having feelings for him. 

"I didn't mean to. It slept out of my lips." He sat at the edge of the bed and ran his hand through his scalp and face. "I was with you, the whole time."

"No! you weren't! You were with her! I'm sure you imagined you were fucking her instead of me!" She spat at him, her tone was harsh to match her words. He cleared his throat. "I just spilled my guts in front of you, I claimed my love for you and you say her name? How much do you actually care for me? How much?" She said, faking her tears and shaking. She broke the handle of her brush because uttering those words fueled her anger. "I feel humiliated."

"I know. I will make up to you, I promise. I was upset... I am upset. I need Pride and Elpis to be killed soon. I am not sure Leviathan could end the sin and our sister."

"He's cocky, but he could." She said, wiping away her tears. "I trust him." She didn't. She received the visit of a black butterfly, which meant that someone she knew would die. She wasn't close to Elpis anymore and Pride was powerful and resourceful. He would find a way to defeat the god but it would still serve Ayasha's ambition. She felt Ishtar move closer to her, his perfect naked sweaty body stood behind her. He put his large hands on her shoulders and started to massage them. 

"I will make amends for my ways. I won't be distracted again with Elpis."

"I don't believe you. You are still obsessed with her and whatever I do, you will still think of her."

"How can I stop then?" He asked as he turned her chair and crouched in front of her. her naked pale chest heaved up and down as she looked at Ishtar. His eyes were genuine, he truly wanted to get rid of Elpis and he truly trusted Ayasha. She celebrated internally, sighing in relief that her comedy actually worked and he wasn't suspicious of her like he was when he entered the room. 

"You have to kill her yourself. If unfortunately, Elpis survives, you will have to kill her yourself. Can I count on you?" She asked as he cupped her cheek with his large hand.

"For you? I will." He pressed his lips against hers and leaned his head against his chest in silent submission. 

Ishtar made love like he went to war. He always came back victorious but he had no clue that he had lost this time. 

-TBC-

Elpis and Pride: my top 3

(Elpis x Pride)

So, Lou, since you've asked. Here are my current favorite 3 characters of this storyline with my dear Pride: 2 are antagonists and 1 is my main character :p

Ishtar: Primeval God of War. New All-Father. He stabbed Elpis and forced her into an eternal cycle of reincarnation in human vessels. He's arrogant cocky, short-tempered and extremely powerful. He's at his peak strength when he's on a battlefield. His guilt is his downfall. He used to covet Elpis and has mixed feelings about her. He also believes Ayasha is in love with him and doesn't realize she's manipulating him.

Ayasha: Primeval goddess of Knowledge, the Chessmaster. She's the real mastermind behind Elpis' curse. Her hubris is her downfall. (and we can even consider that the blind rage she feels towards Elpis could be used against her). She has ambition and wants to be the only goddess worshipped around the world. She manipulates people, is a sadist with a taste for blood.

Elpis: Primeval goddess of Hope/ Despair, the adored one. She is one of the two main characters (the second being Pride). She fell in love with a Sin (one of the 7 creations of Hades in his scheme to overthrow Zeus) and it was the beginning of her troubles. Love allowed Asma to survive millennia of isolation and helped her weaken her seal. Love can also be seen as her downfall for it would lead her to terrible decisions and mistakes in the name of her feelings for the sin. She's seeking revenge and it's going to be glorious! 

SoA: Blondie Birthday present

Asma couldn't keep her excitement for herself. Today was the president's birthday. While she was completely out of the loop regarding the true activities of SAMCRO -by her own request-, she still knew a little bit of the hierarchy and how to address Jax. Well, she called him Jax, or Blondie but only President when shit went down or she freaked out. For her, he was Jax, Jessica's husband, more than meets-the-eye gangster boss. He was good to her and maybe on that very day when he entered her parlor to order a tattoo for Jessica and himself, something connected between the two of them. She liked to think of it like that. He was the one responsible for the hurricane Jessica was in her life by requesting a tattoo for Jessica.

Today was Blondie's birthday and Asma was eager to give him in person the gifts she found him. She took the opportunity of a flea market, taking place a few weeks before Jax' birthday and decided to look for the most vintage present she could find. It took a while, a massive argument with one of the sellers there who didn't like the way her hair was dyed -you know those old hags who have an opinion about anything and anyone- and of course a near-fight breaking between the son of that old hag and Asma was all it took for a gentleman to notice her. He stopped the fight, invited her to his booth and told her stories about his son who used to be in the gangs while she took a look at his items. He sounded proud of his boy, to the point that he once he noticed that Asma wasn't bothered by his rambling, he showed her his most treasured box: His son's rings. He didn't put all of them because he wanted to keep those his son treasured the most with him, but the collection was beautiful.

There it was. A beautiful couple of rings, Asma absolutely fell in love with. The first one was a small ring with a beautiful lady Aries sculpted on the front. When Asma asked, the man said it belonged to his son's wife, Darlene, who gave it back when she decided to move from Charming after his son's death. It was a ring that could please Jessica so Asma chose it. The second one also had horns but the face that carried them was a vampire skull, which made the pink haired tattoo artist smirk. It would fit Blondie like a glove since he was somehow a vampire. He had good looks, he was mesmerizing and people were drawn to him like virgins to Draculas. He was draining too, emotionally speaking and you had to be strong in order to handle the King. He was made of the same stuff legends were and it was draining. There was no other word to describe it. You had to be strong, like Jessica and Lady Aries was. You had to have what it took to handle Jax, to provide for him, to care for him. You had to have what it took to survive by his side. The ring pleased Asma who chose it too. When it was time to pay, he said he knew she was the new inker of the block and instead of money, he wanted a tattoo. When asked what the old man wanted, he said he wanted his son inked on his chest, near his heart. He was in too much pain to have the last picture of his boy inked on his skin but now that time went by and he heard of Asma's skills, he wanted to honor his boy. She agreed and came back home.

She found a nice box and a nice red bow to wrap it around and headed to Jax place -like she always did when she visited Jessica or when she took turns watching after the kids-. She cleared her throat and put the present and card on the counter, near the fridge. -most likely, the place he'd check first when he would come home, to fetch himself a beer or something-. On the card it said :

« For Blondie's special day I decided to give him a double present. There is one for him and one for my queen because that's how I met the two of you. Together. Your special day is hers and her special day is yours, forever entangled. I can only wish you'd come back home in one piece, alive and happy. I can only wish you'd live long enough to see your kids grow into adults, live extraordinary lives like the extraordinary people they are and will be. I wish you get to be happy cause that's what you deserve. Enough sappy shit, Happy Birthday, blondie!

PS: This means, you'll always get double presents, in case I wasn't clear !! Ah!

With Love,

Asma. »

Chronicles of Lux and Tenebrae: Clash on the Big Bridge.

A/ N: Death finally found the kids, Tenebrae still had not snapped out of his trance. Lux still doesn't have her memories back. What the hell is going on?

Xxxxxxx

The threat was contained by Tenebrae still was unresponsive. Lux's voice reached out to him but he wasn't listening. It was unsettling for the amnesiac goddess who needed her savior to return to his usual self. He was standing in the middle of a street filled with dead human bodies, deaths he caused because he unleashed some of his power into the human realm. He was standing, his eyes turned into black pools, his hair longer than usual, his human clothes turned into his black and blue armor from the End Realm. He even had a crown made of blue light above his head, flashing brightly and blinding surviving humans. It was at this exact moment that Death arrived, a little too late to prevent his son from going berserk and endangering human lives. Lux was still shaking from head to toe from her recent ordeal. She almost died, her weakened body and soul would have been swallowed whole by the super-demon and Life's efforts to keep her daughter alive would have been in vain. It scared her, the realization that she could have met her end with just a snap of a pair of fingers. Yet, Having Death standing next to her was even more terrifying. He wasn't wearing a fancy human face, he didn't have his long white hair and pale skin. His face was a skull, his outfit was a heavy black armor with a black hooded cape that covered the top of his skull. At his feet was a black shadow, that, for the one who would look at it, seemed like a portal to the End Realm.

Lux could see the souls of the damned, float into the shadow of Death. She felt cold, almost as if a ghost was breathing on her neck. He kept his hand on her shoulder, holding onto it gently as if he'd known her. Of course, he did! If Tenebrae was her former lover, then Death knew about her. He seemed to want to appease her soul but she couldn't feel better. In fact, he made it worse. He looked at Tenebrae who was still enjoying the meal he just had and cleared his throat. Lux could feel her teeth smack uncontrollably. She clenched her fists around her dress and covered her mouth with the warm palm of her hand. She had just escaped from a certain death by the hand of a super-demon, no big deal, why did she have to deal with Death now? How could she snap Tenebrae out of his daydream? Her silver eyes were wide open, staring at the entity she still felt familiar with. She was wondering how things were between the two of them prior to her memory loss. Did Death like her? Did he hate her? Was he protective of his son? She had no idea and frankly, it did matter to her because she didn't know if he would want to hurt her now that he acknowledged her presence.

«Tenebrae! » He called, his voice echoed through the whole neighborhood. It sent a shockwave around them, shocking the young goddess who took a few steps back to hide behind Tenebrae's stallion turned the car.

« Father... » The Prince turned on his heels, standing straight as if to show he wasn't intimidated by his own father. « You have a strange concept of time. The battle is over, /I/ handled it. »

« Look around you. Do you consider that you have done a good job? Those lives weren't meant to die this soon...and certainly not by your hand. » He said, dismissing his son's victory over the super-demon.

« Did you come all this way to criticize the way I protect Lux? » Tenebrae snarled at his father, brandishing his sword at him in hubris. Any other person would have been dead by now but Tenebrae was his son and Death felt merciful.

« You took innocent lives you shouldn't have. It is your duty to at least lead them to the End Realm. I will take Lux and take her to our kingdom. »

His voice wasn't an invitation for debate and Tenebrae's still riding his hubris attacked his father with an energy blast. Lux watched in horror as the prince attacked Death. The blast hit the King who didn't flinch at the attack. As a matter of fact, it didn't even hurt him, which had the goddess open her eyes wide in surprise. She felt it, the electricity that hit her like a wave and Lux knew at this instant that had she not been a goddess, she would have died from such an impact. The energy alone was enough to make Lux bend the knee and hide her face. Death's silence was unsettling. The fact he wasn't even bothered by his son's attack made Tenebrae blink out of surprise but attacked him again. Same means, same results. Death wasn't impressed and stood still.

« Are you done, child? »

« I'm not done with you Father! I'm not! We wouldn't have been in this mess if you haven't taken me away from Lux in the first place! » He said, running towards his father with his sword in both hands. He tried to swing it to Death but the King grabbed the blade and held onto it effortlessly.

« I didn't anticipate this attack, I know but you of all people should know that there are rules that aren't meant to be broken. You and Lux should never be together... »

« According to who? » Tenebrae yelled. « Who is deciding for my life? Who dares...? » -He was cut short by his father-

« Time. » It made both Lux and Tenebrae freeze. The prince's sword disappeared and Death took that opportunity to push his son away. Tenebrae's appearance reverted back to what it was before. Gone were his armor and his crown. Gone was the incredible pressure Lux and the humans were feeling when Tenebrae released his power. «Life and I are not your enemies. We were doing what we believed was right at the time. Today, I am not so sure that it was a good idea. »

« What makes you think...Wait! How did you find me? Are you aware we were looking for the... »

« Keeper of Secrets? I knew you were looking for them. I hope you were able to ask your question. » Tenebrae curled his fingers into fists. Lux had never seen him like this, in plain day. It was a mixture of anger and fear. He couldn't even look his own father in the eye. She watched as he clenched his fists tighter and looked away from his father.

« I wonder why you didn't stop us this time. » -He sounded bitter and wrapped his arms around his chest.-

« I don't have to explain myself. You, however, have to guide the souls of those you killed. »

« Lux was in danger, father. I had no choice. »

« Yes, you did. You know damn well that we can't show our true nature in the human plane. »

« I know father... I will get to it. » He sighed and looked at Lux. « If you are taking her to the End realm, then I shall see her there. » He paused and looked at Lux. He tried to be reassuring but she could tell he was nervous. He didn't know what his father had in mind but he had no other choice but to do as he was told. « Lux. You will be alright. Do you trust me? » She nodded. « You can trust my father. He is a man of his word. I'll see you around. » He said, snapping his finger and disappearing in a blue smoke, taking his stallion with him too.

The goddess looked at the huge deity who was standing a few feet away from her. She watched as he cleared the place from any supernatural trace left by his son. The bits and pieces of demons turned into dust that was then absorbed by his shadow. Lux looked at her hands and bit her bottom lip. She had no idea of what was going to happen and clearly didn't trust him. She just had gotten used to Tenebrae and now she had to spend time with his father. What was happening?

-TBC-

A hunter's life

//All the usual disclaimers :)

"A hunter's life is a lonely life, Oya."

Sarah's voice kept saying this sentence, over and over again in Oya's head. She was applying some cold meat on her bruised face while staring at her own reflection in the mirror. Sarah's voice repeated Oya's mantra as if it was her own and god that was irritating. That was irritating Oya because it was true regardless of the side of the World. She used to look at her past with colour-tinted glass, parading around spouting how much better life was in Cameroon because hunters were acknowledged and sought after. the society was aware of the supernatural because it was in their culture. Legends, Myths and older religions were still prevalent to the point that it was an honour to be a hunter and a necessity. Hunters were tools, however, and while they could have families, they couldn't escape their duty. They couldn't become something else, they were stuck in this life. So she stopped gloating about how much better life was outside of America because it ended up being untrue.

The hunter's life was a lonely one. It was a life of sacrifice and pain, a life of Dilemma. Oya was familiar with it, with violence and pain. With tears that she couldn't cry anymore and those, she couldn't contain. She stared at her bruised face in the mirror and inspected every bit of it. She looked at the swollen lips and left eye, she looked at the cuts on her cheeks, chin and the larger stitched wound on top of her forehead. Oya looked down to her body, only covered by a sports bra and a pair of grey boxers. She stared at her gunshot and stabbing scars, the deep traces of the Asanbosam claws that covered both forearms, the bruises on her sides mind-absently feather touched her belly, where the most intimate scar of them all was due to a potion she drank to save a life. It was a shitty life, for whoever would look at it. She couldn't have the white picket fences life Sarah was having. Sarah opted out of the hunter's life a long time ago so she could have a family. Oya couldn't.

All of those she loved died. It felt like the universe had said so. Her family was decimated by a demon and yet Oya felt guilty for something she had no control over. She felt guilty because her brother -who became the vessel of the demon- argued with her the day before he disappeared because he wanted to prove himself. If he had not left, maybe he wouldn't have died. If he had not left, then maybe, their mother would still be alive. Oya made her peace with those events, but the absence of her family became painfully obvious as time went by. Two years went by since then but Oya felt like they were dead yesterday. It became more and more difficult as she was seeking guidance for the choices she was making and those she wanted to make. Like Sam and Dean.Oya chose to live with them since they found her at this vampire nest and rescued her. She chose to spend time with them, share her life with theirs, allow them in her heart. But they were in danger with her; Oya was convinced. She worried they might die because of her and that was one of the reasons she always had packed bags in her closet. Bags she unpacked after a while because she started to catch feelings for...

A hunter's life is a lonely life. That was true. There was no room for romance, no time for love. Oya tried that only to have it bite her in the ass. Her beloved fiancé abandoned her when she became infertile. The minute he realized he couldn't father children he became distant with her. Witnessing the death of her love was excruciatingly painful for Oya, having to fight him after he got possessed was even worse but all those traumas were bound to happen when your line of work was to deal with supernatural creatures. Fabrice died and along with him, Oya's desire to love and be loved. Or so she thought. It all was shattered when she met them. When she met him. Deep down she was aware of how he made her feel, the gentle blush, the silly smile, the genuine laugh. But there couldn't be a "us", there couldn't be a "them"...Because Oya knew, the minute it would be, then everything would be over. He would die or maybe she would die and the story would rinse and repeat itself.

A hunter's life is a lonely life. She could tell. The brothers both have been through a lot and even after she learned some of it, Oya wasn't aware of the worst. They didn't tell her everything but Oya didn't need to know. She knew pain when she saw it and she did see the pain in both brothers eyes. Sam and Dean knew what "loss" meant. They had lost everything too, family, lovers, and even life. They were themselves souls with a greater purpose than Oya could ever imagine. They were special, she knew it. Forged by Death, strengthened by Pain and sharing a bond she refused to break. Sam knew, she told him already that she would put her life in line to ensure both of them kept each other. She could sacrifice her life in the snap of a finger if that meant preserving the brothers. She was willing to die for them... She put the warmer meat on the sink and curled her fingers into fists. What could she expect from her life if not more pain and misery? She found joy in her job, in hunting actual powerful supernatural beings and defeat them. She found a purpose in this life and defined herself as a tool in service of mankind because it was easier to think of oneself as one rather than a being capable of emotion. What good could it do anyway? What good could it do to dream of something a little better than what she had? What good could it do to want more from this shitty life? What good could it do to want him?

To love him?

To need him?