Doya: practice makes perfect

Practice makes perfect.

Oya practiced a lot her hunting skills. She was excellent in tracking but even better at killing. It might have been caused by the creatures she had to face in her home country which required more physical fights, more brutality or it had to do with the genuine pleasure she had when fighting. Oya was a war machine, a pint-sized lethal weapon which sole purpose was to destroy her enemies. It touched every aspect of her life, formatted her mind to the point that "normal" didn't apply to her. A "normal" life like the one Sarah Thomas wanted her to live. A white-picket-fences family life that was beyond and outside of what Oya could ever dream about.

Practice makes perfect but Oya was terrible at dealing with her emotions. Unlike Dean who would drink himself to death or Sam who would end up hooked on demon's blood or fall into the hands of a witch, Oya would look for a fight, any fight, even the unfair ones. She would start fights at bars just so she could feel bones crack and see blood being spilled. She would start fights just so she could be hit, take blows, punish herself for existing. It was her way to cope with her guilt, her way to deal with feeling improper and unwanted. She was savage and destructive.

She was damaged. Everyone knew that.

Practice makes perfect but Oya was terrible at handling pain. the emotional pain that is. She would not be able to express what hurt her and would deny when presented with evidence. She would hold back tears until she couldn't, she would ignore calls, refuse to talk because it's better than rip the band-aid and suffer. She refused to suffer or even trust. Why would she when it all would lead to disappointment and pain?

Practice makes perfect but Oya sucked at concealing her feelings. Her heart was free and her heart was beating. She knew deep down and didn't fight the current, as a matter of fact, she just let things be the way they were. She had something good, some people good for her, someone good for her in her life and there was no way in hell she would waste that on feelings she couldn't control. They established boundaries with Dean. they didn't talk about them but it was easy to notice how far they could go. It was easy, simple, no strings attached kind of a relationship and she didn't want more than what they have. She simply didn't want it to stop. A little bit of affection, a little bit of warmth on cold days.. a little bit of feeling like she belonged. That was what they gave her and what he gave her and even though she was trying her best to contain that emotion. Oya couldn't.

It would be 3 years soon. 3 years since she first stepped into the bunker and all Oya could do upon coming to realization was offering Dean a training session.

Because violence was the best way to express her affection.