Question: "What is the lie you don't want him to believe?"

“It’s…. Complicated. Right now I don’t know a lot about him to be able to dive deep into his mind. But I know…. I don’t want him to believe the lie that he’s a monster. It goes further than his kink for milk. This? It works with my power incontinence when I am scared or aroused. Drinking milk from a breast doesn’t make one a monster! Having emotions and big feelings as well. I can tell he grew up lonely. His private quarters are empty. Impersonal. He doesn’t even have family pictures. He’s all alone. Ryan is maybe the only family he ever had.  He’s alone. He’s been isolated. And because he has been alone, he doesn’t want to be left alone. He needs to be loved. I can tell. I felt the same after my parents died. I felt the same when they were alive…. He’s not a monster.  He’s not unlovable. Look at me, I fell in love with him. So it is a lie, isn’t it?  Uh…. Right now. I think that the lie I don’t want him to believe is that I don’t want him. I do! I fucking do. He’s my man. He’s my man! Of course, I want him. Not just for fucking me. It’s not just sex. It’s… more than sex. He’s not a monster.”

xxx

That he is a death-bringer. Michael believes that Tommy kills anyone who loves him or works with him.  He told me he was worried that Tommy might have me killed just because he attracts death. Tommy… believed it after Grace died. I heard him

With Polly. I saw him at home. He believed she died of a bullet meant for him. Maybe… maybe she was the target… that doesn’t mean that he attracts death and shouldn’t be close to people.  He takes his distance from me. And I am left afraid and lonely because I don’t know how to pull him back to me. I don’t know how to reach out to him and help him feel better.  I fear he believes it. I fear that’s why he’s not home that much…. I fear that’s why he doesn’t want to marry me. Maybe he doesn’t think about it. Maybe he’s afraid that if we do it, I will end up dead like all of his lovers. It

Is a lie! Tommy isn’t a death-bringer! He is the man I love and a man who brought me back to life!  He…. He…. I promised I wouldn’t cry. I am sorry I failed…”

xxx

Baahal (modern) 

“The lie? Well… the lie I can’t let him believe is that he’s too old for me. I am not a child! I am 25! I am an adult already! Somehow I might look a little young, and behave a little like a naive woman but never, oh never would I be a child! Or too young to be with him! It terrifies me that he listens to that crap because if he does he would leave me. And I would be alone again. I would see his sister who will remain my friend but… but…. Are you happy! I am sobbing now! I don’t want to imagine us apart!”

xxxx

Baahal: (regular)

“I fret that my beloved knight still believes that he doesn’t deserve a second chance at life. It goes beyond us. Beyond me. It is about him. Jaime showed his bravery and his desire to do better. He had tried to become a better person and I think that his efforts paid off. He became better! He is better.  He paid already for the crimes and bad actions he did and while some might have been for selfish purposes, most of them were done because of love. Jaime had paid the price and lost most of his family. His brother and sister are all them at is left for him and I can’t…. I can’t imagine allowing the idea that he should be dead to fester in his mind. He deserves a second chance. A chance to be happy. A chance to become a father and to be in a legitimate and blessed relationship. I will do my best to keep him from believing a lie.”

xxxx

“Klaus…. Thinks he’s a monster who can’t be loved and who will always end up alone. This is a lie. This is a fucking  lie. It’s complicated. Our curses forced us to be alone, to lash out, to push others out. His curse isolated him. It’s complicated…. Because he is the first of his kind and that makes you a lonely soul. But he’s not alone. He isn’t. I am here. I love him. I…. Am falling in love with him. And I understand better than anyone else what it is to be alone. I am alone… I have been until I met him. So I will try and make sure that he knows he’s not a monster that deserves to live a miserable life on his own.”

xxxx

“Pride doesn’t believe in lies. However, I make sure that he doesn’t convince himself that he has no soul. That he can’t feel anything. This is a lie I have heard so many times. So many moons ago. This is false. He feels. He loves. He is. Superbia isn’t a weapon. He isn’t a creature or a monster. He is a sentient being. I know he holds himself in high esteem but even he isn’t immune to self-doubt. So I will make sure to remind him of how grand and beautiful he is. Always.”

xxx

“I don’t want Dean to believe that he is not someone who can be loved. I refuse to let him believe the lie that he is damaged goods. He’s not. He’s fucking not. He is the most loving man I have ever known. He’s a devoted family man. A man who gives so much love, not with his words but with his actions. He is a man people want to be with or become like. He is the man who keeps my heart safe in his hands. He is a man I admire. He is a man I love. And it kills me to know he still doesn’t think he’s lovable. It breaks my heart for him. So all I can do is love him harder. On days he doesn’t love himself. I love him for the both of us.”

TB: SOLOS

 "I don't like when my baby is upset. I don't know, I feel a pang in my heart everytime I see his wet blue eyes and I see his jaw clench. I don't like the idea of something or someone who could hurt him. 

I do feel much better when he smiles. I love when he's happy and he looks at me with those bright blue eyes of his. He communicates so much with his body, I can easily read his face.  Ah! I love to give to my fans. I love to give to the people who care for me but I love to see him happy. I don't know how to say it, but I feel butterflies in my stomach every time I see that smile on his face! sue me! I love him!"

xxx

"I know my worth.  I know I'm beautiful and sexy. Gosh, I really know it! I'm an entertainer after all and  a megastar as my manager Dotty would say. I never doubted my sex-appeal, never doubted myself when it came to my physique and for my power of seduction. 

However, a body is nothing but a body or a tool. I used my beauty to help with my carreer (I am a great singer! don't underestimate me). I used it to build my fanbase. I use it to keep myself safe but that's about it. That's all there is to it. Oh, and pleasure, a lot of pleasure once I discovered how to get it. 

Nah, what's difficult however...what's difficult is the heart. My heart. I chose the worst people to date. I chose the worst people to love and I know I don't have the best radar when it comes to people and I invite pain and harm into my life, but this time...this time, I want to believe that I made the right choice. I found myself someone who cares for me. someone who does while no one did before. that's all that matters to me. "

Doya: headcanon: Sam Winchester

Headcanon: Sam Winchester

Sam and Oya managed to build a very strong relationship over the years. He still calls her "Gremlin" as her endearing nickname but it refers to her energy and the implacable determination she has.  He has always considered her as a sister, but it became even truer when she and Dean got together.

Sam trusts Oya with his life. She has always been willing to go above and beyond for him and almost lost her life for h im several times. She is also very concerned with his love life and sometimes gives Sam some pieces of advice. She's very invested in his love story with Eileen and through a lot of conversation, convinced Sam to give into the woman he wants.

He is very happy that she officially became family. He has always rooted for them both because he saw how happy Dean was with her and still is. He would never let any harm come her way and would fight anyone who would have a say about Dean's choice of partner. 

TVD: headcanon Death

Headcanon: Death

The witch knows death. She's been surrounded by it from birth.  She learned to treat Death as a friend and a teacher and became more efficient in the ways to protect herself and the ways to take the lives of others. 

Her curse only made Death even more of a companion for Nëela given the centuries spent studying it, perfecting her craft and surviving attacks. 

She isn't afraid of death but she hasn't expressed the will to be taken by her just yet, despite the curse. Since meeting with Klaus as an adult and experienced witch, Nëela is determined not to die, because he became one of the reasons she lives. (love, she's in love with him)

A vintage's touch: About love

“I know a man, he said he was the king of Birmingham. He said, he was a man with no limitations. I know that man. I saw what he did. I saw that sometimes he’s beside himself…. Or lost in his own head. I know that man….

He said that he can carry the weight of the world on his shoulders but he doesn’t realize that he can’t do it without the help of the little guys. He’s a giant, that man. He’s a giant in the universe carrying so much guilt and sadness… a man who lost the sense of what it is to feel warm. To feel loved. I want him

To know that he can always look down. He can always look down and see that he’s not alone. He doesn’t have to shrink himself because as soon as he realizes that he’s not alone, the world would catch up to him. I want him to know that I love him. I love him more than words can say and I will always make sure he knows he’s not alone. I know that man, Tommy. I know him because he’s you.  So please, look at me. Look at us, our family. Be in the moment with us. Because it’s real. Because it’s true. Because you have us, you almost have it all don’t you?”

xx

“Lay down, my love. Let me take a look at you. Let me watch your strong chest, wide, powerful… warm. Let me trace my fingers over your warm skin, flick the beads of sweat that had formed because I’m riding you like my black stallion. Let me take a moment to watch you. 

You’re like poetry, Tommy. A poetry that I try to understand by reading it with my fingers. Your skin is akin to paper, and my fingers write the rhymes on your skin, and decode the new ones that appear randomly so. You’re hard to read, but not impossible to decipher. Not for me.

Let me take a look at you, my love. At your chiseled face, your handsomeness… you are perfect for me, my gypsy king. Let my fingers run over your cheeks, up to the base of your head. Let me lose them in the luscious hair of yours. A bit of salt and pepper I came to love so much. Let me ride you, Tommy. Let me ride you like I would an indomitable beast. Let me show you my passion for you, my strength, my warmth.. can you feel it? How warm I feel around you? How warm I am because of you? Can you?

Let me kiss you. Let my lips recite poems to you. Let my lips whisper spells to your ears. Let my hot breath best the demons in your head. I am your best friend. Your partner. Your lover. Your ally against evil and the loneliness of your mind. Let me love you, Tommy. Let me eat you. Let me suck and fuck you. Let me devour you like the glutinous lover you know I am. Let me be yours. Now and forever…. Now and forever!”

On Tenet and Chris Nolan.

 (not trying to start a debate here.  If you didn't enjoy the movie, more power to you.) 

One thing I appreciate with Nolan's work is that it keeps you on your toes. It is a bit like a multilayered cake with different flavors and the more you dive into, the more surprised you are. Nolan has several recurring themes in his movies such as Time (by his own admission), but also his love for cinema, his dedication to his work, his fear of losing those he loves (to the art), the fear of becoming obsolete (or stuck in his art).  and the beauty of his movies is that you can always find something new. 

Tenet is a movie that seems very minimalist at first and when you watch it without thinking about it too much, it does seem like an original action movie with a very simple plot "a protag has to save the world from bad guys." But as soon as you know Nolan and his pet themes, you can start to see what it wants to convey. While discussing the movie a couple nights ago, it dawned to me that the movie could be understood through Nolan's lenses.

1) Nolan expresses his fear of being stuck (artistically speaking) and being unable to move forward and explore his art.  (the people from the future want to destroy the past. They don't want to move forward, by destroying the past, they suppress the future. it doesn't exist, progress isn't made. new ideas don't exist)

2) It is also a concern about the industry. We have been in a decade full of remakes, sequels, prequels and even soft retcons. Fortunately, we do have new and original projects that fare well in theaters and on streaming platforms but the tendency of nostalgia-baiting, franchise-milking that we see. (I won't deep-dive in it, but the whole 'people from the future walk backwards' is a hint)

3) He broke his usual way of telling stories  and while pushing the "concept" style of storytelling (I mean, the main character is called the protagonist), he went out of his comfort zone, which could be his way of saying he's reading to move forward in his art. He's ready to push the envelope (and we saw it in Oppenheimer! first a biopic and then he really filmed scenes he generally never does)

4) Nolan has always been afraid of losing his wife. They really love each other and she really is his everything (his words, not mine). He is always wary that his obsession for cinema (and his dedication to his craft) drives her away or that anything happens to her. Still, in his movies (the prestige, inception, heck even Batman, Tenet..) the wife is always one way or another hurt by her husband's work.  In Tenet, it's the refusal to move forward and explore, and the obsession with the past (past successes, fear of losing creativity, fear of losing mementum) that drove her apart from her husband.

5) Nolan fights himself in that movie. His desire to move forward in his craft is crippled by the fear of failure. The fear of losing inspiration. The fear of not finding his audience who will always remind him of his past triumphs and not follow him in his exploration.  but at the end of the movie, he fully embraces the unknown. He is ready to move forward. to explore. to let go of his fears. 

TLDR: yes, I'm that girl who is doing her best literature teacher impression.  Sorry, not really sorry. :p 

it's a leap of faith

 How does one do to deal with the uncertainty of Life? 

How does one do, to ask for help when needed? 

When the words crash against an invisible wall, 

When one wonders if their existence mean something to others.

Are connections real? Are the friends and companions sincere?

I guess it's a gamble. It's a leap of faith. 

I guess it's  a gamble and you could either win or lose.

Some connections break, sometimes off-screen, or chosen by you.

And you wonder if they knew how much you valued them.

And you wonder if they really cared for you, or told you fairytales!

Words, can we trust them? Isn't a person bond to their word?

In an ancient time maybe, words could just be spells.

Spells cast on you in order to placate your feelings, manipulate you.

And you give your heart and you watch it break.

Because those who claimed they loved you weren't being true.

I guess it's a gamble. It's also a leap of faith.

But there are nights when the heart breaks too hard. 

Where you can't really fight the intrusive thoughts.

You're convinced that they all hate you and laugh on your back.

You're convinced that the world would keep on turning, 

even without you.

Especially without you.

What is real? What is true? 

Why is fear strangling my heart? 

How can I be sure that "you" would not leave "me" behind?

Like all the others? Those before "you"? 

I guess it's a leap of faith. 

I guess it's a gamble. 

I guess it's a leap of faith.

The one I have for you. 

At the end of the day, all I know is that I love you. 

MARY 11.7

 There is love between us, a tenderness I never knew could exist for someone like me. There is love between us, a desire that consumes the two of us for days until finally, we are able to release ourselves from it. Tommy awoke something inside of me, a hunger I can't satisfy unless he is with me. A desire that burns between my legs and needs to have Tommy's feverish touch to finally stop aching. I ache for him. I ache for him when he spends so much time away from me. I ache for him when we can't be together and I am forced to share our bed with thin air. My fire burns, my fire begs for his touch. I crave Tommy. 

I never knew how much one could want me until I met Tommy. I never knew a man who would think I am beautiful. I never knew a man who would desire every curve of mine, every sound I make, the softness and roundness of my body. He aches for me. He craves me when he's away. I know it because of the way Tommy looks at me when he comes home. I can tell by the way his eyes are hooded with lust and the roughness of his hands as he tries to undress me. I can tell by the grunts and groans he lets out as he feels my flesh, as he makes me melt under his touch. I love him. I love him more than words can say and all I want is for him to feel loved and fulfilled. 

Elpis 11.7

"I fell in love with him more than 2000 years ago, upon seeing his eyes. I was in awe of how they changed colors. I loved that they went from blue to purple and with time, it helped me realize he was communicating with them. When we locked eyes, I knew back then that he was going to be my beloved and I was going to lace my life with his. He is perfect, of course, my Sin is perfect, but his eyes were what made me fall for him. 

Fast forward 2000 years after being cursed. I met a new version of Pride. I fell again for him as soon as we locked eyes. They are so intense. They command respect and you can’t tear your eyes off of him. His eyes are my favorite part of him. Of his already perfect being. but I love this new version of him even more because he loves me. He worships me. He sees me as I am. He made me feel like there is no other worthy of ruling by his side.  I love him. I am his. He is mine."

xxx

My beloved and I have a certain taste. We do not mind violence. We do not mind death. We do not mind driving humans crazy with our essence and watching the outcome. Pride is a conqueror, and I do enjoy listening to him tell me his tales of conquest, of war, of violence inflicted upon others. I have a taste for blood. I love when he comes on top of everything and everyone. I love it when he comes back to me and tells me stories you wouldn't tell a child at bedtime. Unlike a child, I do not cower in fear. I do not put my hands on my ears to avoid listening to him. Please, beloved, keep talking. Keep boasting, keep reminding me why I chose you. 

My beloved and I have a certain taste. We love messing around with humans and watching as they go into a frenzy and descend into a moment of debauchery, luxury, and death. It turns me on. It turns me on when he gives into my power-play fantasy. He lets me challenge him, provoke him, try and have him show me his worth and when he has enough, finally, tables turn and I let it happen. I love my king, my conqueror, my beloved. I love my king and the way he elevates our sensuality. 

Sara 11.7

The Deep: 

Sara hates him. She thinks he's a joke and a disgrace to the team. She was appalled to hear that he forced himself on Starlight and even more so about his "love" for the underwater fauna.  She bought his book in order to have something fun to read to herself. She has not met him just yet, but her issue with A-Train would catch the attention of the Deep who will try to hook himself to her in order to find redemption. She would always find him icky and would try to remain out of his reach. 

xxxx

Sara was infamous for her bad choice of partners. She should have learned a thing or two with her two previous ones, but she couldn't. As a matter of fact, her encounter with Homelander was pure dumb luck. She crossed paths with him and the moment he chose to see her again, she was starting to fall for him. Sara was cautious, she had been safe for a couple years since her breakup with Brett, but she couldn't stop herself. Homelander just crashed into her life and she let him in. 

Sara was well aware of his nature. He was unhinged, murderous, dangerous, and unstable. He was violent and selfish and the list of his flaws was outbalancing the list of his qualities. Sara knew, but life made her into a self-serving person. She always chose to bet on herself and to protect herself first and foremost. Homelander protected her. He cared for her. He was into Sara as well and that was all she needed. The world could be damned, she was his Bonnie and he was her Clyde. It was what it was. 

xxxx

"It took Homelander for Sara to rediscover herself. She was sensuality made flesh. She knew herself pretty well before she met the most powerful man on Earth, but Homelander took her to places she didn't know she could reach. Her mind broke free, and Sara became more than she was, larger than life. 

Homelander was her perfect partner, he was the Yin to her Yang, her complete opposite in a lot of things. They still found each other and the commonalities between the two of them. they still found each other and became addicted to the other, a true case of co-dependency. Sara was aware of it, she knew that she couldn't live her life without Homelander. She couldn't feel like herself when he wasn't around but she welcomed the risks. she welcomed what they were and who they were for each other."

Neela 11.07

I would advise you to stay away from my brother, Nëela. Klaus is bad news."

Elijah was not the biggest fan of this new relationship between Klaus and his witch. She was a powerful tool he had tried to keep hidden from the rest of his family. She was some sort of Ace he kept up in his sleeve and one who had served him well. When Klaus told him that he knew about Nëela and they had bonded, the Original almost lost his temper. He could only foresee the catastrophic results such pairing could bring. 

Klaus self-sabotaged. Klaus would make his witch upset, he would break her heart. If she was heartbroken, how could the witch help his family?  Besides, what if she turned on the Mikaelsons? what if? she was extremely powerful and Elijah, only helped them because she felt indebted to Elijah for saving her. Klaus, it was another story. Klaus killed her family during one of his rampages and didn't even remember it. She was cursed because of Elijah and should Klaus break her heart, nothing would guarantee she wouldn't want to get revenge. 

Nëela refused to follow the advice. Mainly because she finally found companionship and refused to let go of it. Of course, Elijah warned her that Klaus would only break her heart, which is a risk she was willing to take. She was in love and love had no bounds. 

xxxx

How could she go back to a life without  Klaus? The witch would never return to living as a recluse. She wouldn't accept being touch-deprived like she had been for centuries.  

How could she go back to being alone? to sleep on an empty bed? To wake up in cold sheets? rinse and repeat it? she couldn't. She wouldn't. She refused to live like this again. The problem was her hybrid. Klaus might not feel the same way, he might not want her, he might even try and push her away should he feel the same way.  

But she didn't concern herself with those questions, not now, not when she was finally enjoying having the sensual attention of a sensual creature."

Got: Bäahal shorter hair

Shorter hair, 

I've never really prided myself on having long silver hair but somehow, I've never really felt the need to dramatically cut them. I guess that what stops me from doing it is my mom. She loved my hair, she loved to brush it for hours before she put me to bed. when I brush it, it reminds me of Mom. I know it's not healthy to keep such long locks during summer but I can manage with high buns or ponytails. I miss my mother, I miss her every day. 

There are nights when I cry myself to sleep because I wish she was around. mom always knew what to say, she always gave the best advice... She always cared for me. I don't want much but to have arms wrapped around my frame and kisses on my forehead while telling me that everything is hard now but it will get better.  I miss my dad. I miss the way his eyes lit up when he looked at me because I reminded him of Mom. I miss the comforting hugs he gave me when I was upset. I miss my parents.

Dad would hate to see that I am dating the son of his enemy, but Mom would be happy for me. I just know it. I just wish she could meet Jaime and welcome him. ugh...  It's not for today, cutting my hair that is...

Doya: Sarah Thomas news

Sarah Thomas. Since her brother's attack, the mother of two resumed her activity as a hunter. She couldn't attend the wedding of Dean and Oya because they were on the other side of the country. However, she sent them gifts, a pair of knives made with blessed Damascus steel and engraved with their names. 

Sarah is hellbent on raising her children with an awareness of the supernatural and focuses on their upbringing while taking on local cases. She welcomed Dean, Sam, and Castiel as friends and close relatives of Oya and she can't wait to be able to see them again. She is extremely happy for her childhood friend because she knows Oya is in good hands and truly loved by her husband. 

Your beloved Oya

“It’s difficult to pick one thing I love about my husband but let’s try. I love his ass. No cap! I really do. It was the first thing I stared at when we met. They are strong, and firm, I love to grab them and knead them and just love up on them. I love watching him work, I love when he fights because his tight ass is just unf… I love holding onto it when he fucks me harder. It’s just… he has the nicest ass I have ever seen and I can’t stop looking at it.

I love the fact he loves me as I am. Flaws and all. I am a complicated person, it’s difficult to love me…. Or so I thought. He always makes me feel as if it was easy to love me. As if, it just happened naturally. I was convinced it was best for me to die once I killed the monster that killed my family but he made me stay. He made me feel worthy of being alive…. He makes every day worth living you know? Dean loves me in a way no one did before. He cares for me, he… cares for me.

I guess that I love when he lets me ride him. When he relinquished all power to me when we are together. I love to take the weight of being in charge off of his shoulders and take it upon myself to make us have a good time. I care for him. He lets me. He lets me decide how I want it, what I want, or where. He’s the goodest boy, the sweetest who does whatever his boss says. I love that he lets me scratch him to blood and mark him. He lets me bite him, and sink my nails into his skin. I love to be able to watch my work after. And I also think I love when he lets me tease him. When he begs for me to sit on his cock. When he’s finally letting go of all the stress and pressure. I love it.”

Your beloved Bäahal

 “ well… I think that it’s not a secret that I hopelessly love Jaime’s chest and arms. It might sound ridiculous but I have never enjoyed the touch of a man or the sensation of their chest against mine or on my face before Jaime. I never felt safe there. I never felt good. A man’s chest and arms were the last thing I wanted to touch or be close to until I met Jaime Lannister. I can’t get enough of his arms wrapped around me. I can’t wait to lean my head against his chest to hear his heartbeat. Jaime’s chest is my favorite place to be because I feel safe there. I feel that nothing can happen to me.

Ah! You know I feel for this man the moment I met him. I just did not know it at the time. Jaime is the reason I am still alive today. He is the reason I wanted to find my purpose and myself. Jaime is tender. He is loving. He champions me and supports anything I do unless it’s harmful to me. Jaime saw me before I even could and I think that it’s his ability to love and care that drew me In. It’s his ability to protect and his passion that made me fall in love with him. And now, after so many years, I am going to marry the love of my life. The one and only. 

As for sex… enjoying it with a man has been impossible until Jaime arrived. I can say that I love when he talks to me. He has a way with words that makes me feel wet. It makes me anticipate his touch. It makes me want to get fucked by him. He whispers to my ears, and he presses himself against me. He touched my breast! May! He did. And I almost fell. And when I could finally taste him? The purrs he let out? The grunts and groans? Music to my ear! He is expressive and while I do love his taste, it’s his ability to communicate his pleasure I love the most. It turns me on. Like crazy!”

Your beloved: Sara

 “Finally! I thought you’d never Ask!  Listen… Homelander is perfect. I have never seen a man this ideal in my whole life. Tall, broad, cut by the gods with a gorgeous ass and a fucking big dick! What could I ask for? Mmm… alright. I tell you because it’s you. But I am going feral when he smiles. He has vampire teeth. It’s both adorable, scary when he’s angry and sexy as fuck! Plus he’s older than me and I love to see the wrinkles on his face. He is a sexy older man and I honestly can’t resist it. 

I will…. I will talk about the sex part if you will. Cause the heart thing? It’s… complicated. 

So sexually? I love that he is not ashamed to explore with me. He’s rough when he wants to, slutty when he feels like it and always focused on making me get off. He can make love. I am sure he can. I would like to try someday and see what’s like to have him make love to me. I love when he drinks milk from me. It’s hot as fuck. I can literally do whatever I want because I know he wants my milk. And I love to watch him latch onto it like he’s starving. What do they feed him at Vaught? Whatever…. He makes my pussy wet in ways I never knew could exist. He made me squirt! He let me slap him, choke him, curse him, and complain about how big he is. I mean, I have that tight pussy that drives my only fans audience mad and my exes but still…. It’s meant for him. He’s so good at dirty talking when he’s stuffing me. He’s…. Perfect for me. I can’t really get enough of him. I miss him every day he’s not around okay? 

And that brings me to that question. Look…. I am into him. Definitely, he’s unofficially my boyfriend now. I mean do you honestly think I would just be fuck buddies with him? Nah. I care enough to want more. To want to go out on dates with him, so simple things that don’t need him to wear the cape. Have him all for me at times. When we can. I like him…. Because he sees me. He likes Sara. He’s not after my alter ego. He’s not threatened. He doesn’t belittle me or hurt me or abuse me. I am safe with him. I am protected by him.  It’s a first. No one looked out for Sara. My manager did, but only so Unnamed Girl could exist. John… does. He cares for me. I don’t want to be hurt and fall in love with someone who doesn’t want that. But I like him very much. Very much… and it’s not going to go anywhere anyway, it’s not like he’s going to make love to me right? Right???….. Right? Hey!”

Your beloved Nëela

“I think Klaus has the prettiest smile. He doesn’t know just how much weak in the knees I get when I look at his smile. I love that he gets to feel genuine joy. 

I love that he makes me feel seen. With him. I exist. He likes my company. He likes talking to me. He has… there is an intimacy between us that I adore.  I… fell for him, May. I just did. And it’s exciting and I know it’s going to be difficult but…. It is what it is.

Then there are his fangs. For me clearly the sexiest part of him. I love when he bites me. I love when he flashes his grin at me. I love when he drinks from me. I think it’s hot. I feel…. It’s incredibly erotic to me to have him feed on my blood. I also love when he makes sure I don’t escape him. That thing he does when I cum and he keeps on fucking me? It’s making me delirious. And when he lifts my legs so he can press me Into the mattress as we fuck? Phew…. I also think he had the most beautiful legs I have ever seen. So I look at him. When he doesn’t know I am looking.”

Your beloved: Elpis

 “His eyes. I don’t even have to think too hard. I was drawn to him first because our eyes locked. He has the most perfect blue eyes I have ever seen.  They are intense. They can turn purple so I know how he feels. They command respect and you can’t tear your eyes off of him. His eyes are my favorite part of him. Of his already perfect being. 

I think that I love when he worships me, but more importantly that he never belittled me. Pride treats me like I am worthy of ruling by his side. He saw my value. He saw my power. He saw that I only have his best interest at heart. He feels my love and he shares those feelings with me. For me. In his own way.  It is the best gift one could ever get. To be loved. To be cherished. To be worshipped. 

Well… his fingers. Pride knows how to use his hands on me. Whether it’s to make me dance or make me cum. I am very fond of his dominant side, the fact he can make me feel that he owns me in the bedroom. That I can indulge in some power play with him just so he can make his bratty and combative goddess submit.  His fingers, around my throat? I get wet. His fingers inside my pussy? I want more…. His fingers in my mouth? I just suck them.”

Your beloved: Mary

"It’s a tricky question you ask me. I love his smile. My Tommy hasn’t been smiling a lot since Grace died but he did sometimes. With me.  When Tommy looks at me and I can see a smile at the corner of his lips, I feel… it’s hard to describe but I am happy as if I’ve won the lottery. Seeing him happy makes me happy. But then there is also his blue eyes. They are intense. They communicate a lot. I could lose my mind staring at him for too long. But me man’s handsome. No wonder all the women in Birmingham want him. 

Ah! Well… Tommy is family to me. In more than one way. He welcomed me when I needed a place to stay at. He welcomed me to the Shelby family. He gave me a family… with them. He let me raise his son. He let me sleep in his bed. He doesn’t let me go. Tommy… acts as if he was me, man. His son told me I was his mom on earth… we’re a family. It’s… Tommy’s kindness and love for me mean the world to me.

As for the sex? Ah… when Tommy grabs my jaw when he fucks me and tells me I belong to him. I love to rile him up. I love to remind him that another cock could have what he has. He’s more passionate. He’s more… he’s rougher. But more importantly, he doesn’t want to let it happen. So I love him harder.”

GoT: Betrothed

 The princess dreamed about having a family of her own. It didn’t start until she met Jaime Lannister.  The Knight snapped her out of her funk and sacrificial lamb mentality. He helped her discover her true personality and helped her come out of her shell. It allowed her to dream bigger for herself. 

She wanted to marry the knight. She wanted to have his children and she often dreamed of it before Daenerys gave her blessings. Baahal wants to give Jaime the chance to become a father of legitimate children, a husband, and a fulfilled man.

Headcanon: Ryan and family

 Headcanon: Ryan, Homie, Family

Sara met Ryan and the two hit it off quite easily. She usually likes children and will always treat them well. With Ryan, they bonded over the fact she was a child in the system and struggled with her parents.

Ryan thinks she’s cool. She takes him to her concerts and she does her best to get to know him. She considers him the son of her man. (Yes. He is her man. Yes. He is her single-father boyfriend ) and one she loves dearly. 

Homelander and Sara are in a co-dependent relationship. They care for each other. They only care for each other (and Ryan) and they can’t be apart from each other for too long.  She considers them to be her family. Sara had never had a proper family so she’s trying her best to treat them good. The family she chose for herself and she would be damned if someone tried to hurt them. Obviously, she doesn’t have the power to do so, but she will do her best to do it.

Doya: Headcanon: Family

 It is just you and me. 

Our little family of two.

It is just us and them,

Castiel and Sam our brothers.

Our little family. 

I would not bear your children

But that ship has Long sailed.

Because I don’t need more.

I have everything I wanted!

A family of four. 

A family of you and me.

I love you, baby. 

It’s you and me,

For all eternity. 

Headcanon TVD: family

 Headcanon: klaus, family, children 

Neela lost her family twice. First it was by the hand of Klaus. She was  rescued by Elijah and that allowed her to be welcomed by her second family: her coven.  Elijah was responsible for the loss of her second family, upon learning she was helping an orignal, her suprême decided to curse  her with eternal life and torment. 

Elijah became a de facto family member. He was her only companion following her curse and she started to consider him as family up until she started to resent him for using her. Klaus… well, she fell in love with him. She fell in love and he will quickly become family to her. 

Neela had not thought about having a family of her own. She had wanted to have her own family, her children, her husband but when she was cursed, she gave up on the idea. 

Deep down, Neela would be enchanted to become a mother. She’s not actively looking for it because she wouldn’t want to watch her child grow and die. She wouldn’t want to watch the father of her child die. Mind you, if klaus ever become the father of her child, she knows it’s going to be even harder for that baby because both parents are hunted down and in danger.  Should she have a child from klaus, she would love it and him even more.

Headcanon Peaky blinders: Family

 Despite losing her first born, Paul, Mary had never given up on the idea of becoming a mother. The desire never left but did not become a serious afterthought before she fell in love with Tommy. 

Spending time and helping raise their son, Charlie, reconciled Mary with the idea of having her own children with Tommy.  Charlie had adopted her as his mom (the mother he has on Earth, while Grace, he calls Mother, is the one in Heaven). His genuine love for the woman helped her heal the wound left by the death of her own baby boy. 

She talks about Paul to Charlie whenever she had the chance, so much so that the kid sometimes does nice things for his brother in heaven, bringing Mary to the verge of tears.  When she learns about Duke, Mary would welcome the child in her family and would bond with the young man to the point of having him first calling her Mrs Shelby, then Mother, then mom and sometimes endearingly he would call her mother in Romani language= mamā) 

Would she love to carry her own children? Yes of course. She sometimes rubs her belly, imagining life growing inside. She doesn’t know how Tommy would react to having a child but she would keep it no matter what. They are a family, and everyone around them knows it and treats them as such but Mary and Tommy still have to open up about their feelings and make sure the other knows they are “it” for either of them.

A vintage's touch: "rekindling"

« Come on, Mary. Come back to our bedroom. »

He found her sleeping in her bedroom, several books about seizures lay on the mattress, and Mary, disheveled and exhausted had been sleeping on them. He knocked on her door, startling the young woman who woke up in a hurry, and blinked when she saw it was Tommy. 

“Tommy! I…. Needed somewhere quiet to read.” She cursed herself in her head, thinking that her reply was possibly hard to accept as the whole truth. “Besides you haven’t been home in a while. Why would it be a bother to have me sleep in my old room?” The truth was that since he called for Grace in a nightmare, Mary became worried her presence wasn’t wanted or needed. Clearly, Tom felt unhappy and she misread him and his intentions. 

“The room feels empty. That’s how I knew you have not been there in a while. It lacked your warmth.”  She sat on her bed, her back was resting on the headrest and she looked up at the Shelby. “It is your room as much as it is mine.”

“…….” She tucked some hair behind her ear and wrapped her arms around her legs as Tommy walked into her bedroom.  He noticed the books and read the title of one of them.  Had she been studying his seizures in order to help him? It could be. Mary was capable of that. Their eyes met and Mary defensively said “I’m a nurse, Tommy. I’ve got to keep up with medical science.” 

He could feel she was tippy-toeing around him and the Shelby didn’t like that she felt she couldn’t speak freely. He knew she had been worried. He knew she had been hurt by their last conversation. Still, she was trying to learn how to deal with his seizures instead of chastising him for not telling her earlier. However, the nurse had elected to sleep in her old room, a sign that she was not as fine as she said she was. 

“You don’t have to…” but she shook her head and held onto her legs tighter. “Why do I feel that you’ve been avoiding me, Mary?” 

“I’m not. I’m…” she sighed. “You and I both have lost a spouse. You and I… care for one another.” She chose her words carefully. “But you and I… are… not god’s favorite children.” She sighed and hid her face in her lap. “I can’t bring her back to you. I wish I could do it would soothe that pain for you.  if I could, I would have traded places with her so you would have had her back and I wouldn’t… I would have been… useful.” She managed to say, breaking his heart and breaking hers as she saw his jaw tighten.  Did she really think that he wanted her gone? Especially now? 

“Do you think that’s what I want from you? To be useful, Mary?”  He was at a loss for words and wiped his face with his large left palm. “I… do you think I took you to my bed because I wanted to use you? I—— miss Grace. That is true. I miss her. She was my wife, she was murdered and she is the mother of my child.  Of course, I would miss her. Of course, I did love her. I said her name when I was at my worst, and you heard it. But that doesn't mean. That never meant you..” he stopped talking. His jaw tightened even more and Mary shook her head. 

“ It is alright. We found each other when you most needed comfort. I. Brought it to you. I will always. Whatever I feel is irrelevant…” She shrugged and laid her legs flat on the mattress. The nurse tilted her head to the side and gave him a faint smile. 

“Don’t you dare say that?” He warned her. Mary shook her head, fighting tears. “Don’t you dare imply that I am using you! Don’t you dare say that I don’t feel for you? Mary!”

“What do you want me to say, then? What is it Tommy, that you want me to say? Because right now I am damn tired…. I don’t want to keep to myself anymore.” She wiped some fresh tears and leaned against the headrest of the bed. “It just happens that I am in love with you, desperately so. I wanted to become your wife. I wanted to have your child. I wanted…but I realized that I might not have any of it because you don’t feel the same way as I do. The only thing I request…the only thing I beg of you is to tell me that you don’t feel the same for me. That you don’t want this. I beg of you to reject me, Tommy….. so I could…. So I could move on. So I could try and find someone who does feel the same. So I could try and… »

« Stop talking. »  -he cut her short. His chest was heaving up and down at a fast pace.- «Stop talking… non-sense! Stop saying that I don’t feel the same! There is a war in my head, a war in my heart but it’s not because I don’t feel the same for you! It’s precisely because I do that…. I do! » He was breathing heavily and clenched his jaw tighter. His eyes were so intense that they reminded Mary of Sapphire. 

« Go on! Go on now! You claim you feel for me and that’s why there is a war in your heart. You are hurting and you don’t allow me to help you heal. You claim you love me—-» 

« I don’t claim it! Mary! I do love you! » He claimed and sat by her sides on the bed. « And it hurts…. It hurts because I am scared of losing you like I lost Grace. I am scared something happens to you and I am powerless to stop it. And I hurt you. I made you cry. I put you in danger and you stayed despite all of this. » he wiped her tears. « You went back to your room and you are still trying to help me. Mary. You are you. You are…. You are more than enough for me. You are more than I deserve because what good can I give you if not death and tears. » 

« We don’t choose who we fall in love with. Tommy, you give me more than you think. You care for me. You welcomed me into your family. You supported me and my desire to have a career as a nurse. You… let me raise your son… our son. I chose you. I chose you now and tomorrow. »

« You don’t understand Mary. I hurt anything I touch. I lose the people I care about. I am cursed. » 

She put her hands on his cheeks and stroked them with her thumbs. There was no way she would let him think that he was cursed, let alone that he was going to cause her death. She realized that there was a deep fear entrenched in his heart that started long before John and Grace died. Something that took hold of his heart and never left. 

« Thomas Michael Shelby! Don’t speak nonsense to me, eh? Cursed? Do you want to talk about curses? Do you want to talk about being hated by god? I am afraid, every time you walk past the door of our bedroom, that it is the last time I see you. But it is what it is.  We have to live our life. We have to…I want to have a life with you but I need to know if you want it too. Because if you don’t, then you will have to let me go, Tom. You will have to let me find someone who will want to have a life with me. I can still care for you even if my heart belongs to someone else. So please….. please! Tell me the truth. Tell me once. Are you mine? Am I yours? Are we doing this together? »

He looked at her, eyes shifting from left to right before he finally rested his forehead on hers. His hands grabbed her wrists and he stroked the back of her hands with his thumbs. 

« You are mine. And I am yours….no one else’s. So we’re doing this together. The best way we can. » 

« yes…love. Yes.” 

-TBC-

A vintage's touch: Ghost of the past

« Grace.»

Her heart sank at the mention of her late friend's name on  Tommy's lips. She ran upstairs as soon as she heard the noise of a breaking lamp and found him twitching on the bed, clearly having a nightmare. She sat next to him, alarmed by the sound of his moans, and put her hand on his forehead. He stopped moving but his body was still tense. Biting her bottom lip, the nurse tucked some brown locks behind her ear and gently stroked the gangster's cheek. She started to sing and it seemed to work. Tommy's body relaxed against hers and he leaned once more into his pillow. Her large grey cardigan fell on her arm and some brown locks teased her nose, but Mary wasn't bothered by it. Instead, she moved her hand to h his heart.

« Grace... »

This time his voice cracked a little. It was a voice filled with love and gratitude, it was a voice filled with regret and pain. Grace changed Tommy's life whether he wanted to admit it or not. She showed him that he could be so much more than the walking disaster he believed he was. She healed some of his wounds and broke some of his heart but all and all, she made him feel alive and worthy of being loved. She put him back together and Mary was well aware of that.  She was there...she witnessed their blossoming love and tumultuous relationship. She witnessed her death and the aftermath. She lost her friend. 

« I know...I know you're missing her. » -Her voice cracked too..-

Mary had been there. A friend of the family before she started to grow feelings for Tommy. After all the horrors she had to survive prior to finding shelter in the Peaky Blinders, opening up to new people was not easy for her but she tried so hard to come out of her shell. She managed to bond with the Shelbys. She managed to become family. 

« I know you'd rather be with her than with me right now. » She added, her hand moving from his heart to the hand she held. « But I need you here with me...For a little longer. » She confessed, her tired eyes slowly filling themselves with unshed tears. A widow herself, Mary understood the weight such a bond could have on one’s soul. She would have traded place with Grace for Tommy’s sake, thinking that he would have been happier with his wife instead of her. She cursed her heart for falling for him because she knew that no matter what she did, he couldn’t move on. He wouldn’t move on. It was Grace. She was the love of his life and the mother of his child. What was Mary? Eh? What was she? 

« Mary? » His voice tore down the silence and she instantly released his hand and stood up.

«  You were having a nightmare. I came to help. »

« A nightmare? » He was still a little bit numb.

« About Grace. I just came here to calm you down. I.... sang to you. »

« Are you. Are you alright? » He asked as he sat on the bed. Mary nodded and ran her fingers over her face as quickly as possible to wipe out potential tears.

« I am. I'm just tired. »

She wouldn't tell him how she felt. It might have been at the tip of her tongue it would never be the right moment to confess something like that. She was in love plain and simple but he wasn't and he was in love with his wife.  For Mary it was obvious And she couldn't and wouldn't disrespect Grace in any way. She couldn't compete with her ghost for the affection of a man who didn't share these feelings for her. What could Mary do?  For her, to tell Tommy would mean she would lose him and their relationship. She thought that He wouldn't want to hurt her but was aware that his mere presence would do just that. He needed her. She knew it. He cared for her. She could tell… but telling him she was in love with him? Oh…She couldn't afford to lose Tommy, so she held her mouth shut and barely smiled at him. 

He wasn't an idiot, he saw she was upset, he noticed the fresh unshed tears and he could see her chest heave up and down. Mary wasn't happy at all. She had the same face she made whenever someone was violent toward her. He never understood how she was so fierce when it came to him or any of the girls being insulted by a complete stranger but could never defend herself when it happened to her? Did she believe all the crap these people said about her? The sight in front of him didn't please the man who stood up. He was wearing nothing but a pair of grey flannel shorts which made her take a few steps back and hit the wall.

« Mary, I smell lies when there are some and you're lying to me. Something is bothering you. » Her eyes shifted from left to right as she looked at his intense blue eyes. He moved his hands to hold onto her shoulders, ensuring she wouldn't escape him.

« Alright... You got me. I was worried something might happen to you. Ever since I learned you had seizures I worry about you.» It wasn't a lie but it wasn't the truth either. She chose to say another truth so he would be deceived. It worked. 

« I'm alright, Mary. I'm alright. »

« You’re not. You have seizures!.. » She tried to push his hands off of her. « You didn’t tell me! How could you not trust me with that information? » He remained stoic, unable or unwilling to answer her. He had known for a while that he had seizures and he kept it from her. She blinked and tried to leave but he kept her between his arms. « You trust me with your son’s life but you don’t want to tell me about these! How am I supposed to look after you if you hide from me? »

There was no way in hell she would lose him to petty feelings such as love. It broke her heart to lie, even more, to hide the fact she was in love with him but she held onto their friendship and onto him.  

« You Are not here to care for me, Mary. I didn’t ask you to. My health, my fucking problem. » He said, irritated 

«  So… I am here to care for your son and that’s it.  I understand. If I am not here to care for you, then it’s only appropriate that I return

To my room. And you’re right… it’s too crowded here, there has to be some room for Grace. » It achieved to ruin her heart and she did her best not to sob, and failed. He knew she didn't tell him the truth earlier. She didn't sound okay. The mention of Grace made his blood boil but also confused Tommy who blinked and hit the walls with both palms.

« What is going on with you? » 

He asked, furrowing his brows as his eyes became even more intense. It sent a shiver down her spine and she looked away. She couldn't say anything, so she went with another truth. It might break her heart, she wanted Tommy to be happier. She still believed in him.

« I need to tend to Charlie. He was worried about his dad and I checked on you already. I should go. » she tried to leave and he pushed himself away for a minute, allowing her to leave the room. There was no point in keeping her trapped with him. She was hurting and he knew it had something to do with him whispering Grace in his sleep. He knew she was heartbroken but couldn’t… he couldn’t…. Do anything but watch her leave. 

-TBC-