« Grace.»
Her heart sank at the mention of her late friend's name on Tommy's lips. She ran upstairs as soon as she heard the noise of a breaking lamp and found him twitching on the bed, clearly having a nightmare. She sat next to him, alarmed by the sound of his moans, and put her hand on his forehead. He stopped moving but his body was still tense. Biting her bottom lip, the nurse tucked some brown locks behind her ear and gently stroked the gangster's cheek. She started to sing and it seemed to work. Tommy's body relaxed against hers and he leaned once more into his pillow. Her large grey cardigan fell on her arm and some brown locks teased her nose, but Mary wasn't bothered by it. Instead, she moved her hand to h his heart.
« Grace... »
This time his voice cracked a little. It was a voice filled with love and gratitude, it was a voice filled with regret and pain. Grace changed Tommy's life whether he wanted to admit it or not. She showed him that he could be so much more than the walking disaster he believed he was. She healed some of his wounds and broke some of his heart but all and all, she made him feel alive and worthy of being loved. She put him back together and Mary was well aware of that. She was there...she witnessed their blossoming love and tumultuous relationship. She witnessed her death and the aftermath. She lost her friend.
« I know...I know you're missing her. » -Her voice cracked too..-
Mary had been there. A friend of the family before she started to grow feelings for Tommy. After all the horrors she had to survive prior to finding shelter in the Peaky Blinders, opening up to new people was not easy for her but she tried so hard to come out of her shell. She managed to bond with the Shelbys. She managed to become family.
« I know you'd rather be with her than with me right now. » She added, her hand moving from his heart to the hand she held. « But I need you here with me...For a little longer. » She confessed, her tired eyes slowly filling themselves with unshed tears. A widow herself, Mary understood the weight such a bond could have on one’s soul. She would have traded place with Grace for Tommy’s sake, thinking that he would have been happier with his wife instead of her. She cursed her heart for falling for him because she knew that no matter what she did, he couldn’t move on. He wouldn’t move on. It was Grace. She was the love of his life and the mother of his child. What was Mary? Eh? What was she?
« Mary? » His voice tore down the silence and she instantly released his hand and stood up.
« You were having a nightmare. I came to help. »
« A nightmare? » He was still a little bit numb.
« About Grace. I just came here to calm you down. I.... sang to you. »
« Are you. Are you alright? » He asked as he sat on the bed. Mary nodded and ran her fingers over her face as quickly as possible to wipe out potential tears.
« I am. I'm just tired. »
She wouldn't tell him how she felt. It might have been at the tip of her tongue it would never be the right moment to confess something like that. She was in love plain and simple but he wasn't and he was in love with his wife. For Mary it was obvious And she couldn't and wouldn't disrespect Grace in any way. She couldn't compete with her ghost for the affection of a man who didn't share these feelings for her. What could Mary do? For her, to tell Tommy would mean she would lose him and their relationship. She thought that He wouldn't want to hurt her but was aware that his mere presence would do just that. He needed her. She knew it. He cared for her. She could tell… but telling him she was in love with him? Oh…She couldn't afford to lose Tommy, so she held her mouth shut and barely smiled at him.
He wasn't an idiot, he saw she was upset, he noticed the fresh unshed tears and he could see her chest heave up and down. Mary wasn't happy at all. She had the same face she made whenever someone was violent toward her. He never understood how she was so fierce when it came to him or any of the girls being insulted by a complete stranger but could never defend herself when it happened to her? Did she believe all the crap these people said about her? The sight in front of him didn't please the man who stood up. He was wearing nothing but a pair of grey flannel shorts which made her take a few steps back and hit the wall.
« Mary, I smell lies when there are some and you're lying to me. Something is bothering you. » Her eyes shifted from left to right as she looked at his intense blue eyes. He moved his hands to hold onto her shoulders, ensuring she wouldn't escape him.
« Alright... You got me. I was worried something might happen to you. Ever since I learned you had seizures I worry about you.» It wasn't a lie but it wasn't the truth either. She chose to say another truth so he would be deceived. It worked.
« I'm alright, Mary. I'm alright. »
« You’re not. You have seizures!.. » She tried to push his hands off of her. « You didn’t tell me! How could you not trust me with that information? » He remained stoic, unable or unwilling to answer her. He had known for a while that he had seizures and he kept it from her. She blinked and tried to leave but he kept her between his arms. « You trust me with your son’s life but you don’t want to tell me about these! How am I supposed to look after you if you hide from me? »
There was no way in hell she would lose him to petty feelings such as love. It broke her heart to lie, even more, to hide the fact she was in love with him but she held onto their friendship and onto him.
« You Are not here to care for me, Mary. I didn’t ask you to. My health, my fucking problem. » He said, irritated
« So… I am here to care for your son and that’s it. I understand. If I am not here to care for you, then it’s only appropriate that I return
To my room. And you’re right… it’s too crowded here, there has to be some room for Grace. » It achieved to ruin her heart and she did her best not to sob, and failed. He knew she didn't tell him the truth earlier. She didn't sound okay. The mention of Grace made his blood boil but also confused Tommy who blinked and hit the walls with both palms.
« What is going on with you? »
He asked, furrowing his brows as his eyes became even more intense. It sent a shiver down her spine and she looked away. She couldn't say anything, so she went with another truth. It might break her heart, she wanted Tommy to be happier. She still believed in him.
« I need to tend to Charlie. He was worried about his dad and I checked on you already. I should go. » she tried to leave and he pushed himself away for a minute, allowing her to leave the room. There was no point in keeping her trapped with him. She was hurting and he knew it had something to do with him whispering Grace in his sleep. He knew she was heartbroken but couldn’t… he couldn’t…. Do anything but watch her leave.
-TBC-
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