you don't deserve it

You don't deserve an unhealthy relationship. You don't deserve to have someone who gets off by breaking you apart! You don't deserve that shit!

You don't deserve years of traumatism, years of building yourself back up, years of wondering if you're enough for someone. You don't deserve that shit!

You don't deserve to be unable to trust anyone or always envision the worst when you meet people. You don't deserve to stop mid-sentence because you're convinced something you're about to say is shitty or annoying or don't deserve to be heard! You don't deserve that shit!

You don't deserve to shield yourself from the world because you're sure that they'd be better off without you. You don't deserve to question every single new relationship you have because you're not sure you can make/keep healthy relationships!! YOU DO NOT DESERVE THAT SHIT!

You don't deserve to be bitter and pessimistic because "well, with the luck I have, I'll ever find someone who would want to kill me or someone who'll walk away because of who I am"! You don't deserve to have PTSD and panic attacks because someone gets close to you and you didn't notice, or when someone is nice to you and interested in a romantic way, or when something happens and reminds you of how you were abused. especially when it's a song! YOU DO NOT DESERVE THAT SHIT!

People always talk about abuse as if it was a joke or if the one who got into the relationship "should" have stepped up or left. You never got into one, how DARE you victim blame. The victim is already blaming themselves once they got out of it (which they shouldn't. because abuse is not an easy thing. most of the time they would play on your insecurities, and work their way to isolate you and keep you in that I give you crumbles of "love" so you owe me because nobody would ever love you, especially not like I do).

I can speak for myself but I'd rather not tear open a wound that hadn't stopped bleeding but I will speak for those who can't. You do not deserve any of that shit. regardless of the relationship, you are in (family, friends, romantic) you DO NOT DESERVE THAT SHIT. it's not on you, it's not on you and I really wish I could let you know how much you matter and how much you're important too.