SoA: I am ready to kick him out of my life!

It took me years to recover from the pain he inflicted on me. It took me years to recover and become myself again. He thought he had destroyed me. He thought he had hurt me to the point that there was nothing left behind but he was wrong. So wrong!  I finally found a place I can call home and a friend I can call family. I finally found peace in my life, and joy to the point that I forgot about his very existence. 

I found my place in Charming, with Maya and I would be damned if I had to leave again and hit the road. I would be damned if I had to look past my shoulders because I am worried about him. I am ready, I think, to kick him out of my life forever. 

Trivia headcanon: what I love about them

Tom:  "Tom's drive is something I truly admire. Once he sets his eyes on something, he is relentless. He would not stop until he saw his vision realized. He loves his family and it is something I don't compromise with. I love that about him. I love that he wants the best for his loved ones and would do his best to protect them or to give them the life they want. I admire his intelligence as well. He is so clever, above the rest of us all and sometimes it's intimidating. I fear I'm not clever enough for him or maybe moving way too slow for a mind like his but he never made me feel daft or ridiculous. He never made me feel inadequate. I love how passionate he is about horses and his freedom... He's a wanderer and while it's not something that suits me perfectly, I do envy his ability to lust after freedom and to leave whenever he feels like it for however long he sees fit. He's one of the strongest men I know and the only one I can trust blindly. Well.. it does help that I want to become his wife and have his babies! someday...Because I know he will give his children what he didn't have while growing up..... to the best of his abilities."

Homelander: "Homelander... John...regardless of who he is with me has always been honest with me. He never lied and has always shown me who he really was. I love that about him. I love that he is always attentive to whatever I need and however I feel. he's always made sure I was happy and had all my needs met. I have to say, he is adorable. I think that it's a part of him that even he doesn't know exists. He's adorable with me, fine with mundane things, and content with spending time with me doing whatever we want to be doing. I feel safe with him -I know that plenty of people don't but I don't care-. He's fun, we have great fun together and he makes me chuckle or laugh while others fail to do so. he is entertaining and I love that we get to discover things together, things he was never taught to enjoy the way others do. I love it the most when he sneaks behind me and wraps his arms around my frame to kiss my neck. He's so cute. And when he's relaxed and happy, we have the deepest conversations. I know he wasn't loved properly when he was younger but I am glad that we can heal our younger selves together. I... Love that he can open up to me and be vulnerable and true to me. Not a lot of people can speak so freely about what plagues their minds but he does. He trusts me. He cares for me... He..maybe he loves me too. All I know is that I love him and I want him to be happy... So happy!"

Klaus: "Klaus' wits are so fast. he has the best comebacks! They do hurt sometimes and they crush me when he directs his venom at me. Yet, when I can witness him talk his mind off, it's quite a delight! He is clever, cultured, and honestly very entertaining to me. I enjoy spending time with him and could spend every single night for the next couple of centuries (or all of eternity if I am allowed to live that long) with him. he is passionate, sensual, a man with a drive that goes beyond anything else. He is a family man too. No matter what he thinks or says, he cares for his family and this has drawn me to him. Did I mention that I love his artistic streak? because he is such an artist and it's pleasant to watch him paint, relaxing even for me. Klaus is... How to put it gently? I love that Klaus doesn't let people dog-walk him. I love that he makes sure that people respect him and I love that he asserts himself this strongly. I love that he is able to lower his defenses for me and show me a more vulnerable side of himself. He's loveable. He's so loveable... I wish he knew just how much I love him. I wish he knew he wasn't unredeemable. Not in my eyes."

Dean:  "You have to know that I am obsessed with my husband. He's charming, he's funny! He's so caring! You wouldn't believe just how beautiful his soul is. He is selfless and he's so fun! I love it when he makes jokes with me. I love when he taunts me or when he messes with my mind sometimes. I love when we get to laugh together and when he carries me all over the bunker.  He feels safe, he is safe for me! He is kind and you should see him with kids! he's the best man around. I love how loyal he is and how dedicated to his job he is. I mean, he's a world savior and has saved it more times than I can count! you can't tell that the man isn't trying to save lives! he is a freaking hero in my eyes and he would always be. I think that one of the things that truly makes me swoon is that despite the horrors he's experienced, he still kept his humanity. He still kept his gorgeous soul and I will do my best to make sure that he knows just how much loveable he is! he deserves the world and I love him with everything I hold dear."

Pride: "It's a bit complicated to talk about such perfection. If I speak, I will crumble. I want to keep my decorum."

Jaime:  "Jaime is a man of his word. He has a strong sense of honor. I love that he's family-oriented and I love that he cares for people more than he wants to admit. If he didn't, he wouldn't have saved the people of King's Landing. If he didn't... he wouldn't have tried to snap me out of my sacrificial lamb funk... He wouldn't have cared for me the way he did. Jaime is a kind man, sure, he can be dramatic and sometimes make my heart jump against my ribcage but that doesn't take away from him. He is clever, a man of knowledge who teaches me a lot about a world I don't know a lot about. he guides me, he is patient and he is so loving that I sometimes wonder if I deserve to be loved like this by him. He's so kind... Ah... And delicate with me. I love that he's a passionate man. When he looks at me with his intense green gaze. When he talks to me and serenades me all night? When he loves me, it's never in half. He goes all in.  He's honest as well and never lied to me not even once. I..oh...I love him so much, I feel like crying right now."

Annie:  "Annie is one of the bravest people I've ever known. She went through a lot of shit, I can tell. I can feel it. Despite it all, she's not jaded with life. She is still trying to see the light in everything in Life and her soul is beautiful because of it. Annie inspires me to strive for the best and be the best version of myself. She inspires me to be less of a coward and try and help people more. I mean, far more than just giving money to non-profit organizations. She saw right through my bullshit and brought me the comfort I didn't know I needed. She's easy to talk to. She's a company I love. I trust her, I trust her opinion on a lot of things. I hope I'm not screwing this friendship up because God, I would hate to lose her."

Maya: "Maya is one tough motherfucker! She is badass as hell and I admire that about her! She always stands back up after she was knocked down. She never gives up and she's so protective as well. She's the first person to ever make me feel safe after years of running away from my abusive ex. She made me feel like I was in good hands you know? That I could trust her and wouldn't be betrayed. She's a beacon of hope, for me that is... Because I can see her grow as a person, move on from the terrible life she had before, and be happy. She's proof that we can be happy, even when we don't feel like we deserve it. I hope she now believes she deserves to be loved because she does. She's selfless and caring. She has such a big heart. Don't tell her that I call her "Disney princess" because of her love for animals and how easily they love her. Who wouldn't love her? I definitely do. I love her smile, it's so warm and so charming... it's so sweet and so... adorable. She's my sister and I hope that regardless of what life has in store for us, she knows that until the end of my life, she was my favorite person in the whole world. "

Kyra: "Lady Kyra is a beautiful and brave woman. I know that her strength was born out of trauma and the circumstances of her upbringing but by the gods, is she strong! She has more power and more strength in her pinky than any of the lords she has to deal with at Casterly Roc. Kyra would have made a fine queen if she had the opportunity and she makes a fine head of the Noble houses affiliated to the Lannister Family. She would lead them much better than any of the men before her.  She is clever, so clever...I sometimes wonder how she doesn't find me daft next to her. I also love the way she tells stories because she tells them so well. She makes my mind travel to places I have never been before and she has such a lovely sense of humour. She's my friend...no... She's my sister and I hope that we will remain friends... I mean, we would become sisters before the gods but I do hope, I do hope that our relationship would only blossom and not sour."

SOA: With my best friend

Maya was safe and from the moment Mary realized that her sister was no longer in danger, she felt relieved. She didn't sleep that night, instead, she grabbed her phone and went through the pictures she had taken with Maya. She missed their nights out, their moments together.. she missed being able to drop by and sleep at her friend's or to have Maya come over. It took her a while to adjust to living in Charming without her sister. They had their favorite spots, they had so many memories that everywhere in this godforsaken town reminded her of her friend. Every corner of Charming reminded her of Maya's absence. It took a while for those feelings to stop hurting Mary, to stop making her feel bad for missing Maya because it felt as if she was not happy with her friend's new life. It couldn't be further from the truth. Mary was proud of Maya. It was proof that no matter how shitty your life was, there was still light at the end of the tunnel. Maya was proof that it was possible to turn your life around and start anew. It was proof that Mary could be happy... too. 

Maya had always expressed her desire to leave Charming, to have a different life than the one she was forced into. She wouldn't have to deal with gang shit. She wouldn't have to be a gangster princess anymore. No more connections to SAMCRO, no more connections to the people who were no longer there. She left the painful memories in this town and elevated herself to something better. Mary admired that. She admired Maya's resilience and strength and she felt so much joy to see her best friend finally having the life she deserved. Maya adopted cats, and she didn't want to be responsible for someone else's life. She thought she couldn't possibly have someone willing to share their life with her. Not only did a cat choose her, but two did. Not only did animals choose her, but human beings did too.  Nakota surely changed Maya's life trajectory and their love was beautiful to witness. Maya blossomed in this relationship. She learned to trust people. She learned to open up and found unconditional love with Nakota.  Mary, once she was sure that he had Maya's best interest in mind, relaxed around Nakota. He was a fun guy. He was kind, maybe a tad obsessed with her best friend but who wouldn't be? He treated Maya like she deserved and Mary trusted him to care for her. She trusted him to protect her the best he could and she trusted him, to give Maya the space and encouragement she needed to pursue her dreams. 

Three years later and this is exactly what he did. Maya left Charming. She had her own house, shared with pets and her now husband. She was focused on having her own business now and was finally doing something she wanted. It filled Mary's heart with joy and pride. She looked at a sleeping Anubis and a soft smile crept on her lips. Perhaps now was the right moment to focus on herself too? Perhaps now was the moment to put her needs first? Oscar was dead, so she wouldn't be hurt anymore. What did she want? What did she think she deserve? Mary believed that this was the life she deserved. A life with just a pet, her little house and her job. A life with little to no surprises but at least a safe life. Did she long for companionship? She convinced herself that it was for the best if Anubis was her only companion. She could have all the snuggles, all the kisses in the world and at least the certainty that she would never be hurt.  Besides, who would even look at her twice? No, she would save herself from the pain of a heartbreak. Maya was able to move forward and for this, Mary was grateful. Maya was able to build a life for herself and for this, Mary was hopeful. Perhaps she too could do that. Perhaps her life would stop being in shambles. Until then, she would visit Maya and Nakota with her dog Anubis and she would savor each and every moment spent in their company. 

-TBC-

SOA: Please come back

Radio silence....Mary looked at her phone, her fingers ready to tap on the keyboard to write a text to Maya. She pinched her lips together and put the phone against her chest. No... Not now. She couldn't write to Maya at the time. What if she didn't make it? What if she couldn't text her back because she was dead? She clenched her jaw and shook her head. No! Maya couldn't be dead! She couldn't be losing yet another family member. She couldn't cry, not now.. not until she was sure about what was happening. When Nakota texted her to tell her that Maya wasn't home because their cats had not been fed for a while, her heart sank. Maya was not negligent. She wouldn't have left their cats unattended. She wouldn't have stood Nakota up and certainly wouldn't have remained silent. They picked her outfit for the concert together, with Maya on a FaceTime conversation with her best friend. Mary remembered her girl waltzing around the room, trying on outfits she presented to her friend for her honest opinion. They picked the outfit together! They said "I love you" before Maya promised to text her when she arrived at the concert and to tell her about Nakota's reaction to seeing her. She honored the first part of her promise and then radio silence. 

Radio silence.... Perhaps she had forgotten? Mary tried not to make a big deal out of it at first because Maya was cautious and could protect herself well. So she simply worked. She tattooed her clients, took care of her dog Anubis, and enjoyed her solitude. All was well, right? Except it wasn't. Nakota texted her and her world crumbled. Anxiety took over as Mary was thinking about the worst. Anxiety took over because she knew that something had happened to her best friend. Maya had managed to escape SAMCRO. She wasn't a gangster princess anymore and she put this part of her life behind her.  She started a new life with Nakota, away from the turmoil and danger the life of a gang member could bring. So why? How? What happened to her between the moment she went to the concert and her disappearance? Mary held back a sob at the memory of her older brother Cody who fell victim to another gang. She had flashbacks of his body lying on the concrete,  riddled with bullets and soaked with his own blood. He played such a dangerous game and died because of it. Maya was out of that life, she couldn't meet the same fate, now could she? 

Radio silence... Soon after Nakota's text, he called her and they started to talk about what to do. Mary was ready to do anything in her power to find her sister. She needed to do something in order to keep her sanity because if she didn't, then she would have curmbled on the floor. Maya couldn't be hurt. She couldn't be hurt! She shouldn't be! After all she's been through, Mary wanted her best friend to finally enjoy a good life. She was her biggest support when Nakota entered her life, and she was the biggest supporter of them moving out of Charming. She needed to leave that cursed town to finally  start anew. She needed to leave to build her family, to make the life she wanted for herself a reality. Mary understood it and while the first couple months away from her friend were difficult, she got used to it. Maya was happy and it was all that mattered to Mary.  All was well... All was well until she received Nakota's text.  He told her what he knew, as he knew it. Maya had been abducted by her ex. Nakota had to go to her location and face that bastard. He was the one who held Maya's fate in his hands and that left Mary a nervous wreck, back at Charming. 

"I'm so useless... I can't help you from where I am. I don't even know if you're okay. What if Nakota dies? What if you... What if... It can't happen. It can't be. You can't be...oh Maya! Maya... If you die I would join you." She said, choking on her tongue as she bit back a sob. She couldn't imagine a world where her best friend wasn't alive. What could she do? How much more could she take?

Maya... She saved Mary's life. Plain and simple. When they met Mary was about to give up on everything. She was still an active alcoholic, nursing her broken heart with booze, crying herself to sleep at night. Her brother was dead, her parents were long gone and she was running away from an abusive ex who beat her self-esteem and drive down to a pulp.  Her shop was routinely vandalized and she didn't make a lot of money. Why did she keep on trying? When she met Maya, she took it upon herself to help the woman and stitch her up. It seemed like nothing but it was the first step towards a better life. Sobriety. Friendship. A future... A purpose. Maya became her sister, someone Mary would fiercely protect. Someone Mary would always support in whatever she wanted to do. Family...Mary couldn't lose her family again. She had to hear from Maya, maybe it was stupid, but she had to. She took a deep breath and started to type a text. 

"Hey, My favourite. I don't know in what fucked up state you're in but you better text me back and tell me that you're okay. I don't know what to do with myself and I've already ran out of theories about how you'll be back home.  I'm.. I love you. Please come home."

And she hit sent. 

And she still felt awful.

SoA: Wedding speeches - Bridesmaid style

Mary was standing by Nakota and Maya's sides during their wedding. She managed to contain herself fairly well during the whole ceremony but as soon as they kissed, tears started to roll on her cheeks. She couldn't help herself and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.  Nakota came into their lives like a surprise, such a surprise that Maya didn't tell her she was dating him until several months into the relationship. Mary was confused at first but upon seeing Maya's smiles whenever she mentioned him, her eagerness to join him, and how comfortable she felt by his side, she felt comfortable with the idea of him. 

Meeting Nakota however, opened Mary's eyes. They quickly became friends and as they spent time together, Mary became fond of him. She could relate to his past, to some of his traumas, to some of his mentality and he made her laugh, he made her feel safe and she came to think of him as family. He was like the brother Cody never was. Someone who cared for the people he loved and someone willing to work towards getting better. Here he was, standing tall and proud while holding his wife. As tears kept rolling down her cheeks, Mary shifted her gaze from Nakota to Maya. 

Maya's growth was phenomenal. To watch as she sets herself free from the shackles of Charming and finds a new purpose for her life. She saw a future for herself, a future where she would be happy and where she would be something else than the princess of the Sons of Anarchy. She was now her own person. She had grieved for her family and had made peace with her past. She managed to move forward and was now her own person, in control of her own destiny. For someone who thought she could never be able to be happy, meeting Nakota changed everything. Meeting Nakota destroyed the walls she built to protect herself just so they could build a new home together, with strong foundations and Mary witnessed everything. So, as the newlyweds kissed each other, Mary was only left crying tears of joy because her sister, her beloved sister was finally happy. "And it's just the beginning..."

Soa: We carry our pain.

(SoA)

We carry our pain on our skin. Scars remind us that we lived. 

We carry our pain in our hearts. Wounds take a longer time to heal.

We carry our pain in our souls. And our chest tightens.

And our throat is dryer

and our eyes can't cry any more tears

so we die a little every night when we go to sleep. 

Yet we're reborn the following day. 

And we keep going. 

And we keep on moving. 

And we are still living. 

That is our strength.

SoA: Headcanon: Self-esteem

 Mary self-esteem had been eaten away by the abusive relationship she had with her ex-fiance Oscar. She used to be extremely confident and excited about her future. She would have been an astronaut. She would have helped take care of her mother with dementia and would have given her the best. She would have done so many things, maybe even become a mother to a decent man, if Oscar had been true to her. But he wasn't. He chipped at her self-esteem and isolated her from her friends in order to manipulate the woman better. 

When she met Maya, Mary was a mess but she was trying to stay sober. her light was dimmed but she seemed to be pretty content with the life she was leading. Upon meeting (at a supermarket), she just witnessed Maya stand her ground against a bigger and more aggressive man who was hitting on her. Impressed and curious,  Mary walked to her and told her she thought she was cool.  That was the first brick of their friendship. Fast forward a couple years and Mary now considers Maya like her sister. Maya is the only woman who knows her. She knows her fear, she knows her hopes and dreams. She is able to embrace Mary as she is, as her authentic self, and that boosted Mary's self-esteem. 

Maya's happiness is Mary's main concern. She wants her friend to be happy. She wants her friend to be safe. She wants her friend to finally have the life she dreams of, a life out of Charming, violence, and death. She wants Maya to have a chance to live a normal life, (as normal as can be), without pain, without all the nebulous connections of doom the club is plagued with. She wishes Maya could face her past and heal from those wounds (old and new) in order to start a healthier life with her soulmate Nakota. Mary's extremely happy that Nak is in Maya's life because she can see her friend light up when she's talking about him (although he also has his own bag of issues and problems to carry over his shoulder). Together, they feel real love, they want to support each other and Mary feels good knowing her friend is in honest and genuine hands. 

Mary's self-esteem improved with the friendship she has with Maya. She's a woman who now can imagine a future for herself, a quiet life at Charming where she can keep on doing her work. She feels even better knowing her friend will protect her from her awful ex, Oscar, and that Maya wants her happiness. Mary could give anything, including her own life, for Maya because she doesn't imagine a life without her friend and because she wants to give her a chance to live a better life. A life Mary, at least, was able to know before she met Oscar. 

SOA profile (revamp)

Mary Colson (SoA)

►𝐁𝐀𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐒

Faceclaim: 

other FC: 

𝐍𝐚𝐦𝐞: Mary Colson

𝐍𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞(𝐬): Mar, Ma. (Nakota and Maya)

𝐀𝐠𝐞: 30 years old

𝐒𝐞𝐱𝐮𝐚𝐥 𝐎𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧: Heterosexual

𝐎𝐜𝐜𝐮𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧:

- Tattoo artist / Tattoo parlor owner.

𝐍𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲: American

𝐒𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐞𝐬: Human

►𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃

𝐇𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐨𝐰𝐧: Boston

𝐄𝐝𝐮𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧: She owns a master's degree in spatial science, and she also owns a tattoo license. 

𝐑𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐬: Charming, California

►𝐏𝐇𝐘𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐋

𝐄𝐲𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐫: Hazel

𝐇𝐚𝐢𝐫 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐫: Black but she sometimes dyes it Pink or Orange.

𝐇𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭: 165 cm

𝐖𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭: 70 kg

𝐓𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐨𝐨𝐬, 𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐤𝐬, 𝐬𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐬, 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬, 𝐞𝐭𝐜: She has a phoenix tattoo on her calf and a heart tattoo on her forefinger.

►𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐒

𝐌𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫: Shannon Colson (deceased)

𝐅𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫:  Jeremiah Colson (deceased) 

Brother: Cody Colson (deceased) was a member of a Charming gang. He helped Mary hide in Charming and the two reconciled before he was killed during a shoot-out with the Sons.

►𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐏𝐒

𝐄𝐱-𝐒𝐢𝐠𝐧𝐢𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫(𝐬):

- Oscar Mendez (He is a psychopath and an abuser, who is trying to force her back with him or would kill her if she rejects him) 

𝐂𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐬𝐢𝐠𝐧𝐢𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫:

No one.

►𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘

Mary is a vibrant and confident woman who overcame a lot of adversity in order to make a life for herself. She is kind, loving, and mischievous.  Mary is very funny, she loves to be silly and to make jokes with her friends. Mary's resilient, given the living hell she endured, her life, and her desire to do better for herself. She's made a life for herself, opened her shop, made friends, and found a family. While she is nurturing and gives her attention and affection to others, willingly offering her shoulders to rest on, she hides her pain and hides it well. She used to drown her sorrow with alcohol but the death of her brother was the trigger to her path of recovery and a healthier life. Mary doesn't like to talk about herself, she doesn't want to open up about her issues because she thinks they are too much to deal with. 

►𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐄𝐎𝐔𝐒

𝐁𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭: She is a survivor of domestic violence and a recovering alcoholic. She has suffered so much at the hands of her former fiancé, Oscar, that she sustains a slight limp due to him throwing her off of the stairs. She's been running away from him ever since, going from one town to another in hopes of finding a safe haven where he would not find her. 

SoA: My best friend

My best friend is going to leave. 

I have yet to adjust to the news.

I want her to be happy, to elope to a better life. A life that she deserves to have.  I want her to move on, and leave behind the life she used to have. I want her to see that there is something else than tragedy, pain and despair. I want her to grow, to keep being loved, to build a better life for herself. 

And I will try to do the same for myself.

Mary (soa Headcanons)

 Mary (S.o.A) Headcanons: Marriage. 

Mary was engaged before. She used to believe in fairy tales and happy endings but Oscar ruined it for her. He traumatised her so much that the young woman decided that Love wasn't for her and she would never put herself in harm's way ever again. 

 She is so used to drive from one city to another to escape from him,  and change her life overnight that she doesn't really think about love.  If you were to ask Mary if she wants to get married these days, she would tell you no. She would tell you that she's not in the dating pool and is fine by herself. 

However, her romantic heart is not gone. She is a big fan of weddings and is already planning Maya's. -well, not really planning the real deal but daydreaming about it-. She wishes to become her Maiden of honor and would do anything in her power to make this day Maya's perfect day. 

xxxx

 Mary (soa) Heartbreak

Mary joined the ink business as a way to reinvent herself. Her dreams had been shattered by her ex fiancé from the moment he threw her off the stairs. She wasn't there when her mother died and to this day, she still doesn't  forgive herself.  Through her job, she feels as if she was painting Hope, love or joy on the skin of her clients and believes that it removes a little bit of her heartbreak the more she does it. 

Mary holds back a lot. It takes a very close person to notice that she's been hurt. She doesn't speak much about herself, or her past because if she did, if she ever tried to, she would break down in tears and would become a mess. She'd rather keep her pain to herself, as to not become a bother to others.  It's probably best not to ask her how she truly feels, unless you're ready to hear the truth about her.  

Maya and Mary! Dear sister

 "Maya, 

I know you're away for the moment, living your best life and your white Christmas. I couldn't be happier than I am today. You. Happy. Smiling. Lighter. You needed that getaway. You needed that moment frozen in time, with just you and him and peace.  I can't believe that there is a "him". You, who always pushed people away because you were scared, yes you!  you let someone inside. You let him in your heart and I know that it's powerful. I know that it's genuine and I know that he feels the same way for you. This makes me happy, in ways I can't really express. 

I'm not going to bother you while you're away. You gave me your time the day before your trip. We shared a meal. We laughed. We lived in the moment. I lived in the moment and for the first time in a very long time, I felt alive. 

I was looking at you during our meal and I tried and tried so hard to tell you how I felt but words failed me. I just smiled at you, laughed at our terrible jokes, and enjoyed your warmth but I couldn't tell you. I didn't want to sour the moment. I didn't want to ruin the mood. Or maybe, I was a bit of a coward and couldn't tell you how I felt. 

This is weird. In a way, it is weird because you know me. You know me more than anyone else. I had lost everyone and everything before we met. I have been on my own for so long because fear crippled me. I was afraid for my life. I was afraid for the lives of people close to me, so it was best for me to keep to myself. Yet, I met you, and we bonded, and quickly enough all I wanted was to take care of you. 

I remember seeing you bruised and battered. I remember the long nights spent patching you up and listening to you. I was pleased to listen. I was happy to help. I was happy to protect you when needed. Gosh. I loved you from the moment I realized that we shared the same sense of humor. You were like me, bruised by life yet surviving, passionate and intense yet scared. I was scared to live. I was scared of life. I was so convinced that I didn't deserve to be happy and shouldn't allow myself to love again. Yet, I found you. My best friend. My sister. 

You know what you did for me? You took care of me. You wanted to know me. You saw me and I let out a big sigh of relief, one I didn't realize I was holding back after all these years. You made me peel the layers off of my heart and you made me feel comfortable with myself. You never judged me. you never mocked me. You protected me. I have never been able to see myself as someone who could be protected, or who deserved softness, and yet, you came and showed me I was wrong. 

You care for me. You love me. You mean everything to me because thanks to you, I got a newfound love for life. You make me want to have a future and you make me want to see you become happier. I wanted to tell you everything that night, to let you know that you were family to me. I wanted to let you know that I would do anything and I mean, anything, to protect you. I didn't want things to get sour, so I kept it to myself, but I would tell you someday. until then, I will show you. Until then, please enjoy your time out of town. Enjoy yourself."

Short short, Christmas edition

"We don't celebrate Christmas. How could we when it brings us back to painful memories? How could we when it reminds us of what we've lost over the years? Those are deep wounds that cannot be closed, a pain that cannot be soothed, a hole that keeps on being dug. I don't remember the sound of my parent's voices. I still can recall my brother's, but it's becoming more and more distant. I still remember their faces, but it's becoming more and more blurry.  So we don't celebrate. Instead, we work together. We love each other, we fuck each other, we save people and we hunt monsters. That's what we want, that's what we need.  geez! I love it. I'm happy."

xxx

Bäahal didn't like winter. It wasn't just the cold that she couldn't stand. It wasn't just the fact she had to wear layers and layers of fabric in order to keep herself warm. It was the fact everything was white. Everything was cold. Everything was dead. It reminded her of her mother whose skin was so white that it almost looked like snow (due to her albinism). It reminded of her what she had lost. Of the gentleness of her mother and the warmth she always gave her daughter. It reminded her of the sacrifices Sunni did, in order to protect her child from danger. Her mother took all the risks for Bäahal, and the weather played a role in bringing the young woman the morns. Bäahal didn't like winter. She didn't like the grief she felt because she couldn't tell her mother just how far she's come. She couldn't tell her mother how happier she was, and that frustration, coupled with the fact she was missing her mother was unbearable. 

xxx

(Mary TVD): 

"Samain? I always manage to honor the holiday despite not being able to connect to my fellow witches or my ancestors. I still do it, on my own, in a way to keep my sanity. I am a witch. I have not betrayed my faith, my coven, or my sisters but still... I feel empty. I feel lonely. I feel....frustrated. There were days when honoring my heritage was welcomed. It was comforting. I felt like myself again. I didn't need to have sisters by my side to complete the rituals, I learned how to do it by myself. There were days, however, when it felt pathetic and disgusting and it made me angry. It made me so angry that I couldn't complete it. I just...It's just.....Ah! Samain....I always manage to honor it. but I'm tired as shit to be celebrating alone."

xxxx

(Soa)

"I don't really celebrate Christmas. what's the point in reminding myself that I have no family left? What's the point in reminding myself that I could so easily slip up into my old drinking habits? It's miserable, it's shitty. it's so grim that I'd rather not celebrate the holidays. Yeah... or maybe... Maybe I could just work, make some cookies or something... pretend I care just so I could eat something nice. eh.... still sounds pathetic. I'd rather not celebrate the holidays at all. so Guess who's gonna work instead? this girl!"

xxx

(PB)

"Christmas? It was one of Mary's favorite days. She could care for her loved ones, especially children. She always made sure that the children of the Grace Shelby Institute were well-treated, cared for, and spoiled for the holidays to come. She remembered her own time at the orphanage when the cruel nurses would make sure that she didn't get any present under their watch. Mary witnessed them repurpose her gifts and claim them for the Orphanage or, even worse, take them off of her hands to give them to other children.  That left a deep scar in her heart and the woman swore she would always make sure that the children under her care would never have to go through such cruel treatment. 

Aside from the orphans, Mary was even more excited to share it with the family. She always got involved in preparing for the holidays; She would assist Frances in the kitchen, she would tend to the kids, she would help Ada, care for Charlie, and support (with some success and some failure) Arthur in his attempt not to get shitfaced...She would feel at home. Mary was looking forward to celebrating the holidays with those she loved as her family. She was looking forward to seeing one particular person with a smile on his face. This would be a Christmas present, to see Tommy smile. To watch him enjoy the presence of those he loved, to have him stop and breathe... live... and love."

soa: my Home

(Soa)

"I found myself, in the least likely place to find it. I found myself when I made friends. I found myself when I settled and decided that from now on, Charming was my home. I found myself when I stopped running away from my emotions. I had to go through pain.  When people asked me while I used to drink myself to sleep. How could I tell them that it was a way for me to numb my pain? 

When I was drunk, I wasn't suffering anymore. I didn't remember the pain Oscar caused me. The sting of his punches. the bruises on my arms, and my legs that I had to hide. The blood on my scalp from his nails grazing my skin. I couldn't remember his tears after he had hurt me, or his cracking voice as he tried to apologize to me. He didn't mean his words. He just wanted to keep me under his control. 

When I was drunk. I didn't have to relive my trauma. Suddenly, he wasn't hurting me anymore. Suddenly, I wasn't crying in a puddle of my blood anymore. Suddenly, I forgot the sound of his voice or the features of his face. I didn't remember how he smelled, or why it was my fault. When I was drunk....when I was drunk... But I am not drunk anymore. I am free. I found myself again. I found myself again.....and I'll be damned if I got lost again."

COPG: Summer love.

(Elpis) "Let me play your requiem. Give me a minute or two to look deep into your soul and see your true self. Let me play your requiem and celebrate the life you are about to leave behind. I admit, I have a soft spot for those who are willing to do anything to appease my soul. I admit, I like them even more if they help me get closer to my goal. My goal tonight? Chaos. Beautiful chaos that would entice my soulmate and myself. Chaos that would demonstrate my strength and the level of control I have over my powers. So yes, mortal, let me play your requiem tonight. let me celebrate the end of your existence on this astral plane for it serves a higher purpose."

SoA: Another Sunday

SoA: Another Sunday

Darling-Teller household, 3 pm, one sunny Sunday :

Winston was noisy that afternoon. He heard the familiar sound of a bike parking before the house. The familiar sound of the inker's voice echoed made him even happier. He wasn't the tallest dog but he surely knew how to welcome those he cared for. As soon as the long shapely legs of the tattoo artist opened the door, the little dog barked at her. He rubbed against her smooth calves and followed her as she strutted to the kitchen. She waved at the guys, nodding quietly at them before she headed towards the fridge. She went to the fridge and picked a bottle of water from it before she grabbed a glass. A slight cough caught her attention and it made her turn her head to the left. Asma expected Half-Sack since he liked to joke around or Juice even but no... it wasn't them. instead, she gasped in surprise as Jessica leaned against the front door and crossed her arms.

« The leather-look suits you, Azzi. » She said with a grin before she walked towards her friend. The pink head chuckled and opened her arms. Winston barked happily and ran around the ladies' legs.

« Come closer. » -She said while she gently pulled Jessica into a tight hug.- « I've missed this. »

« You know you don't have to ask. » -Jessica reminded her before she leaned against the counter. Her blue eyes firmly set upon Asma, who was indeed rocking a leather biker girl look. Her hair was cut short, she was wearing leather pants and a white crop top and black boots were on her feet.- « You never have to when it comes to family. »

« I know... It's kinda difficult to come around, you're busy.. there's Jon... » She stopped for a minute, her eyes closed but she smiled. « The sexy Jon Wick who's spending time here with us. » She grinned and yanked her head back. « I love your new look though. »

« Why, thank you. » Jessica grinned and gently put her hand on Asma's shoulder. « Jon is a good friend, an old friend and someone you—wait a minute. » She blinked several times and looked at the young woman who was holding a little box in her hand. It was a gift, something small. « Is this for me? »

« Do I see someone else here? » Asma said with a chuckle. « I did it myself actually. » She said while she gently pushed the box into Jessica's hands. « Now was the perfect time to give it to you. «  Jessica tucked some hair behind her ear and grabbed the box. It was light, so she was wondering what it actually was. She shook it but it didn't make much noise, which meant it was secured. A light frown crept on her forehead and she pulled the ribbon off. Inside there was a painting Asma did of Jessica and her. The likeness was accurate and the fact they both were hugging each other brought a smile to Jessica's sugary lips.

« It's beautiful! Thank you so much, Azzi. » She said, as she wrapped her arms around her shoulders and pulled her into a tight hug. « I... haven't seen you in ages actually... now that you make me think of it... » She bit her bottom lip and bit her thumb harder. Asma nodded and shrugged.

Yes, they haven't spent enough time together. Aside from the parties thrown when Jax returned from Prison and the Sundays spent with the whole family, she didn't have the opportunity to spend a moment with her sister and she was missing her. She had been for months now. The pink head wasn't upset anymore, despite feeling curious about that Jon and anxious about his presence here. She knew he was here for a reason because Jessica asked for it but she wasn't sure of why exactly he was there and what type of job he really was there for. Asma wanted to ask questions, she wanted to have answers, but she knew none of them would answer her... instead, she took comfort in knowing that both JJ had returned home, she had come to terms with her anger towards the situation. She felt powerless and not knowing where her sister had been hit the inker harder than she expected. She still felt it deep in her heart, like a cut in her heart that never went away but the joy of seeing her sister trumped any stress or issues she could have had. A soft smile graced Asma's features and she nodded quietly.

« It's okay. We have all the time in the world. I came to spend Sunday with you. I was wondering if you could spare me an hour? »

« Absolutely. What do you want to do? »

« I have sex stories to tell you. I am not seeing Tig that much, but the few times we did it are worth being told. » She said in a chuckle before she grabbed the bottle of water and fetched Jessica a glass. « Sit your ass down and let's catch up for real, sis. » She offered the glass, the beautiful brunette eyed, still with a frown. It didn't last long since she was relieved to see Asma in such a good mood. It had been a while and they would be catching up. Today seemed perfect so she said in a sweet tone.

« Okay. »

S.O.A: rejection

S.o.A: Rejection :

A/N: Trying my hand at Elias x Asma relationship, my tragic lovers. Both are damaged in their own way and both are fatally attracted to one another but when their relationship is taking a different turn, both have to make a choice. Asma made hers and confronted him with her feelings but he chose a different path. They care a lot about one another and maybe at some point both would want the same thing and even have it, but it's not going to last.

Xxx  

His large hand grabbed her neck and his thumb stroked her soft cheek. His face was stern and tensed for he knew he would have to take a tough decision. Life was throwing lemons at him, once more. He was on a revenge trip but meeting Asma almost jeopardized it. She was damaged yes, he cared for her yes, but he couldn't give up on his goal for her pretty eyes. Those hazel eyes were giving him a worried look, one that was almost anticipating his upcoming words. She fell for him, he knew that. The way she spoke to him, the way she flirted with him and even her attempts at sobering up gave it away. After a couple of months spent in Charming, Asma finally gathered some courage and decided to tell him how she felt about him. « I think I'm falling for you. » It was thrown at him like a brick and the only response Elias could come up with was holding her neck and stroking her cheek.

Did he want to give into her feelings ? Give it a try? His blue eyes were gleaming with intensity as he was thinking of a decent reply. A solid minute passed and Asma realized that he might not share her feelings at all. After all, he'd just told her that he was a widow and lost a child to a gruesome murder. What did she expect? How foolish was that? He could feel her tense against him, he could see hope leave those pretty eyes as she was now expecting him to reject her. Elias remained silent, only a little more as he was still processing the situation in his mind. He liked her yes. He liked her but he wasn't in love with her. How could he? For about a year his heart was bleeding out because he lost the love of his life and his child. How could he open his heart again? How could he love again? And Asma... Asma was a lovely girl, but a damaged one. He didn't know everything but he was aware of an Oscar that kept haunting her dreams. He could see on her body, despite her tattoos, the harm that was done to her and yes he wanted to protect her. He wanted her to be safe, he needed her to be alright, stop drinking so much eventually and just enjoy her life. But he wasn't the best suited for that. He was way too dark for her and at best they would consume each other and destroy each other.

« You are so silent. » Asma finally told him. Her hazel eyes slowly getting filled with unshed tears. It made his heart sink for he knew she understood.

« I know. » He started with, his voice more guttural than usual. « I'm sorry about that. »

« I see » she sighed and tried to give him a smile but it failed. « Let's just say what you have to say. »

« You can't say that. I'm not the stranger who walked his bike into the town looking for a quick fixin' and you're not the girl who painted over racial slurs on her front door. » It made her chuckle.

« What are we then? » She put her hand on his chest and felt how tensed he actually was.

« I don't know... friends to say the very least. » He said, looking at her with an apologetic face.

« Friends.... » She repeated it, more to herself than to him. « I don't know if I want to be your friend Elias. » She said with a broken voice. « It's not...I don't know if I can do that. » She whispered before a shiver went down her spine and she slowly pulled away from him.

« Asma. We're adults. We can make it work. » She kept her fake smile on her lips, which disturbed him more than he thought it would. Why wasn't she screaming? Why wasn't she kicking a chair or something? He hated it when she swallowed her feelings and pretended to be fine, mostly because he could see she wasn't. « Talk to me, babe. »

« What is there for me to say? I am the one hanging on a reply from you. I said I thought I was falling for you and you just stayed there, stroking my cheek and staring at me. You want to be an adult? Then say NO to my face! Say No and get it done. Say NO! » She was shaking and shook her head at her own small outburst. Her smile vanished and she was just left there staring at him with her hands on her waist.

« ….......................... » She figured it out. Well, she was smart, she would have. Elias stroked the back of his neck and then looked away but she taunted him.

« What is taking you so long Elias? I saw you beat the crap out of a man in a bar fight! You didn't think twice before you hit him so why are you taking so long to hit me too? »

« I don't want to hurt you! Do you think this is easy for me? I don't want to come off as an asshole! I don't want you to think that I fucked you because I could and I don't give a crap! I give a damn crap about you! I care. »

« You don't. » She sneered. « If you did, you'd tell me you don't feel the same way. You'd tell me you don't want more than what we have. That you'd be around for shit and giggles and occasionally fuck me. That you can't get past your wife and child deaths, that you are still in love with her or that maybe I'm not your type and you can't fall in love with a girl like me! ANYTHING !!! you can tell me ANYTHING! I can take a blow. I can take many in case you didn't know! So go ahead! Give me your best shot! »

«Asma? What the fuck are you doing? »

« Saving ourselves some troubles.Don't leave me hanging. I need to hear it from you. » She said, scratching her arm and stomping on the floor. « Don't leave me hanging, just get it done. »

« You're looking for reasons to drink again. » He came up with it, mostly because he couldn't bring himself to be the reason for her drinking habit. He could see how hard she was trying to keep some composure and he realized that he hated to see her like this but she had a point.

« No. Not this time. I need to understand why you don't feel the same for me. Why you're able to make love to me as if I was the most important person on Earth one day, and reject my feelings the other day. I want to understand why you don't want to be with me. I need you to help me I need... I need... I fucking need you to answer to me so do it already! » She said looking away.

Each of her words hurt Elias but he couldn't just know why. He was well aware that by acting the way he did, he was jeopardizing a possible future for him, a reason to move on. He was turning his back on her and on happiness and maybe a part of him was mourning the future he would never have. He owed her a reply but he couldn't talk about his revenge, nor the SONS. He couldn't involve her in his crap and she made some solid points. He was still in love with his dead wife and couldn't let go of them. He just couldn't.

«Fine. Fine. Look, princess, I can't be with you. Not now, not later. I can never be with you because I will always be in love with my dead wife. She was the love of my life, she will always be. I care about you, I care very much about you and I want you to be safe and happy but you and I.. it's not a winning team. » He said with a convincing tone. It didn't require too many efforts since it actually wasn't a lie except that he could have been falling for her if he allowed himself to. He would have made a move on her if he wasn't looking for revenge. He would have given them a shot. But he didn't.

« Thank you. » Asma replied as she quietly took a deep breath. « Now that everything is settled, there's no need for us to mention it again. You don't love me, I do love you, I shall just deal with it. Now that's what I call being clear. Now we can go on our merry ways. » She turned on her heels. « You're still welcome if you want a tat or something. You're still welcome if you want to have a drink with me. It's not like I'd stop talking to you just because you don't want me. » Her voice was shaking and her throat was strangled so he knew she was about to run away.

« Sure thing. We'd do that. You're still welcome here. » He said quickly so she could leave and she did. She walked downstairs and exited his house so fast that he saw her silhouette from the window. His guts were upset and he took a moment to sit on the bed and contemplate what had just happened and what lied in the future for him. He chose revenge and he was going to complete his mission but he knew he hurt her and the mere thought was also hurting him.

Asma ran, she quickly went back to her home and closed the door behind her. She started to sob and slowly slide to the ground where she held her head between her hands. Being rejected by Elias hut her more than she believed it would. Tears were rolling down her cheeks for she was unable to stop them.It hurt but she expected it to happen anyway. He lost a wife. He lost a child. How was she going to compete against it? He cared for her, she knew that. If he didn't, he wouldn't try to temper her drinking habit, he wouldn't even make love to her, he wouldn't be so sweet and fun and pleasant with her. He wouldn't be like that. He cared. He cared.....

But why did it hurt that much then ?

Why ?

Stupid heart.