S.O.A: rejection

S.o.A: Rejection :

A/N: Trying my hand at Elias x Asma relationship, my tragic lovers. Both are damaged in their own way and both are fatally attracted to one another but when their relationship is taking a different turn, both have to make a choice. Asma made hers and confronted him with her feelings but he chose a different path. They care a lot about one another and maybe at some point both would want the same thing and even have it, but it's not going to last.

Xxx  

His large hand grabbed her neck and his thumb stroked her soft cheek. His face was stern and tensed for he knew he would have to take a tough decision. Life was throwing lemons at him, once more. He was on a revenge trip but meeting Asma almost jeopardized it. She was damaged yes, he cared for her yes, but he couldn't give up on his goal for her pretty eyes. Those hazel eyes were giving him a worried look, one that was almost anticipating his upcoming words. She fell for him, he knew that. The way she spoke to him, the way she flirted with him and even her attempts at sobering up gave it away. After a couple of months spent in Charming, Asma finally gathered some courage and decided to tell him how she felt about him. « I think I'm falling for you. » It was thrown at him like a brick and the only response Elias could come up with was holding her neck and stroking her cheek.

Did he want to give into her feelings ? Give it a try? His blue eyes were gleaming with intensity as he was thinking of a decent reply. A solid minute passed and Asma realized that he might not share her feelings at all. After all, he'd just told her that he was a widow and lost a child to a gruesome murder. What did she expect? How foolish was that? He could feel her tense against him, he could see hope leave those pretty eyes as she was now expecting him to reject her. Elias remained silent, only a little more as he was still processing the situation in his mind. He liked her yes. He liked her but he wasn't in love with her. How could he? For about a year his heart was bleeding out because he lost the love of his life and his child. How could he open his heart again? How could he love again? And Asma... Asma was a lovely girl, but a damaged one. He didn't know everything but he was aware of an Oscar that kept haunting her dreams. He could see on her body, despite her tattoos, the harm that was done to her and yes he wanted to protect her. He wanted her to be safe, he needed her to be alright, stop drinking so much eventually and just enjoy her life. But he wasn't the best suited for that. He was way too dark for her and at best they would consume each other and destroy each other.

« You are so silent. » Asma finally told him. Her hazel eyes slowly getting filled with unshed tears. It made his heart sink for he knew she understood.

« I know. » He started with, his voice more guttural than usual. « I'm sorry about that. »

« I see » she sighed and tried to give him a smile but it failed. « Let's just say what you have to say. »

« You can't say that. I'm not the stranger who walked his bike into the town looking for a quick fixin' and you're not the girl who painted over racial slurs on her front door. » It made her chuckle.

« What are we then? » She put her hand on his chest and felt how tensed he actually was.

« I don't know... friends to say the very least. » He said, looking at her with an apologetic face.

« Friends.... » She repeated it, more to herself than to him. « I don't know if I want to be your friend Elias. » She said with a broken voice. « It's not...I don't know if I can do that. » She whispered before a shiver went down her spine and she slowly pulled away from him.

« Asma. We're adults. We can make it work. » She kept her fake smile on her lips, which disturbed him more than he thought it would. Why wasn't she screaming? Why wasn't she kicking a chair or something? He hated it when she swallowed her feelings and pretended to be fine, mostly because he could see she wasn't. « Talk to me, babe. »

« What is there for me to say? I am the one hanging on a reply from you. I said I thought I was falling for you and you just stayed there, stroking my cheek and staring at me. You want to be an adult? Then say NO to my face! Say No and get it done. Say NO! » She was shaking and shook her head at her own small outburst. Her smile vanished and she was just left there staring at him with her hands on her waist.

« ….......................... » She figured it out. Well, she was smart, she would have. Elias stroked the back of his neck and then looked away but she taunted him.

« What is taking you so long Elias? I saw you beat the crap out of a man in a bar fight! You didn't think twice before you hit him so why are you taking so long to hit me too? »

« I don't want to hurt you! Do you think this is easy for me? I don't want to come off as an asshole! I don't want you to think that I fucked you because I could and I don't give a crap! I give a damn crap about you! I care. »

« You don't. » She sneered. « If you did, you'd tell me you don't feel the same way. You'd tell me you don't want more than what we have. That you'd be around for shit and giggles and occasionally fuck me. That you can't get past your wife and child deaths, that you are still in love with her or that maybe I'm not your type and you can't fall in love with a girl like me! ANYTHING !!! you can tell me ANYTHING! I can take a blow. I can take many in case you didn't know! So go ahead! Give me your best shot! »

«Asma? What the fuck are you doing? »

« Saving ourselves some troubles.Don't leave me hanging. I need to hear it from you. » She said, scratching her arm and stomping on the floor. « Don't leave me hanging, just get it done. »

« You're looking for reasons to drink again. » He came up with it, mostly because he couldn't bring himself to be the reason for her drinking habit. He could see how hard she was trying to keep some composure and he realized that he hated to see her like this but she had a point.

« No. Not this time. I need to understand why you don't feel the same for me. Why you're able to make love to me as if I was the most important person on Earth one day, and reject my feelings the other day. I want to understand why you don't want to be with me. I need you to help me I need... I need... I fucking need you to answer to me so do it already! » She said looking away.

Each of her words hurt Elias but he couldn't just know why. He was well aware that by acting the way he did, he was jeopardizing a possible future for him, a reason to move on. He was turning his back on her and on happiness and maybe a part of him was mourning the future he would never have. He owed her a reply but he couldn't talk about his revenge, nor the SONS. He couldn't involve her in his crap and she made some solid points. He was still in love with his dead wife and couldn't let go of them. He just couldn't.

«Fine. Fine. Look, princess, I can't be with you. Not now, not later. I can never be with you because I will always be in love with my dead wife. She was the love of my life, she will always be. I care about you, I care very much about you and I want you to be safe and happy but you and I.. it's not a winning team. » He said with a convincing tone. It didn't require too many efforts since it actually wasn't a lie except that he could have been falling for her if he allowed himself to. He would have made a move on her if he wasn't looking for revenge. He would have given them a shot. But he didn't.

« Thank you. » Asma replied as she quietly took a deep breath. « Now that everything is settled, there's no need for us to mention it again. You don't love me, I do love you, I shall just deal with it. Now that's what I call being clear. Now we can go on our merry ways. » She turned on her heels. « You're still welcome if you want a tat or something. You're still welcome if you want to have a drink with me. It's not like I'd stop talking to you just because you don't want me. » Her voice was shaking and her throat was strangled so he knew she was about to run away.

« Sure thing. We'd do that. You're still welcome here. » He said quickly so she could leave and she did. She walked downstairs and exited his house so fast that he saw her silhouette from the window. His guts were upset and he took a moment to sit on the bed and contemplate what had just happened and what lied in the future for him. He chose revenge and he was going to complete his mission but he knew he hurt her and the mere thought was also hurting him.

Asma ran, she quickly went back to her home and closed the door behind her. She started to sob and slowly slide to the ground where she held her head between her hands. Being rejected by Elias hut her more than she believed it would. Tears were rolling down her cheeks for she was unable to stop them.It hurt but she expected it to happen anyway. He lost a wife. He lost a child. How was she going to compete against it? He cared for her, she knew that. If he didn't, he wouldn't try to temper her drinking habit, he wouldn't even make love to her, he wouldn't be so sweet and fun and pleasant with her. He wouldn't be like that. He cared. He cared.....

But why did it hurt that much then ?

Why ?

Stupid heart.