Maya and Mary! Dear sister

 "Maya, 

I know you're away for the moment, living your best life and your white Christmas. I couldn't be happier than I am today. You. Happy. Smiling. Lighter. You needed that getaway. You needed that moment frozen in time, with just you and him and peace.  I can't believe that there is a "him". You, who always pushed people away because you were scared, yes you!  you let someone inside. You let him in your heart and I know that it's powerful. I know that it's genuine and I know that he feels the same way for you. This makes me happy, in ways I can't really express. 

I'm not going to bother you while you're away. You gave me your time the day before your trip. We shared a meal. We laughed. We lived in the moment. I lived in the moment and for the first time in a very long time, I felt alive. 

I was looking at you during our meal and I tried and tried so hard to tell you how I felt but words failed me. I just smiled at you, laughed at our terrible jokes, and enjoyed your warmth but I couldn't tell you. I didn't want to sour the moment. I didn't want to ruin the mood. Or maybe, I was a bit of a coward and couldn't tell you how I felt. 

This is weird. In a way, it is weird because you know me. You know me more than anyone else. I had lost everyone and everything before we met. I have been on my own for so long because fear crippled me. I was afraid for my life. I was afraid for the lives of people close to me, so it was best for me to keep to myself. Yet, I met you, and we bonded, and quickly enough all I wanted was to take care of you. 

I remember seeing you bruised and battered. I remember the long nights spent patching you up and listening to you. I was pleased to listen. I was happy to help. I was happy to protect you when needed. Gosh. I loved you from the moment I realized that we shared the same sense of humor. You were like me, bruised by life yet surviving, passionate and intense yet scared. I was scared to live. I was scared of life. I was so convinced that I didn't deserve to be happy and shouldn't allow myself to love again. Yet, I found you. My best friend. My sister. 

You know what you did for me? You took care of me. You wanted to know me. You saw me and I let out a big sigh of relief, one I didn't realize I was holding back after all these years. You made me peel the layers off of my heart and you made me feel comfortable with myself. You never judged me. you never mocked me. You protected me. I have never been able to see myself as someone who could be protected, or who deserved softness, and yet, you came and showed me I was wrong. 

You care for me. You love me. You mean everything to me because thanks to you, I got a newfound love for life. You make me want to have a future and you make me want to see you become happier. I wanted to tell you everything that night, to let you know that you were family to me. I wanted to let you know that I would do anything and I mean, anything, to protect you. I didn't want things to get sour, so I kept it to myself, but I would tell you someday. until then, I will show you. Until then, please enjoy your time out of town. Enjoy yourself."