Doya: Last christmas

Doya: Last Christmas

 // I love these two. I just wanted something for them. 

xxx

"Dean, 

This year had been one of the toughest we had to deal with. I can't believe that we almost lost each other. I realized that I did not want to leave you behind. I feared Death for the first time, not for myself but for the consequences it would have on you. You've lost so much already, Dean. You've lost so much that I didn't want you to lose anymore.  Joshua nearly died but I found strength in you. Your support helped me deal with the news and you even gave me the strength to investigate his case and get rid of the monster that mauled and crippled him. Not easy, I give you that. We reflected a lot on the things we lost over the years. I was scared and upset because I couldn't remember the faces and voices of my family. I felt that I was betraying them once again but you managed to comfort me. Sam reflected on how losing Charlie hurt you both, and how my obsession with finding and killing Pluto was driving you insane. I didn't make it easy on you, did I? You had to hear me cry for help, thinking I was about to die and I might as well have if Castiel had not found me. We had a rough year, Dean. We really did. 

But, we also had a good time. I love hunting with you. I love saving people and I fancy watching you work. It's always gratifying to see that our work matters. It's always such a big rush of adrenaline when we're together and we fight monsters. I love our job. I love that we have been given the tools to defeat evil and monsters and protect life. I love to spend time with you. I never get bored when we're together. I love snuggling against you. I love giving you my affection. I love singing songs, keeping you warm against me. I love taking care of you. Basically, I just love you. I love how comfortable we are when we're together. You cook breakfast for me, sometimes even dinner if we're at the bunker. I buy you pies when it's my turn to the grocery store, I buy you ugly aprons. We have our habits, and I love that. I love that we have a life together. Can you believe it, Dean? We have a life together. 

You told me once that we share one heart and while I agreed and understood somehow what you meant, I truly felt it recently. There is no "I" anymore. There is a "we". All of the decisions I make, I make them with us in mind. The future I imagine, it is ours. I cannot live without you, Dean. I can't, no matter how hard I try, I just can't live without you. That's all I want to remember at the end of the year. That you and I, we share one heart and I refuse to have it any other way. Our hearts have been broken so many times but we've always managed to stand back up and keep going. we've managed to build something together, something good, something true. we love each other and we are family. Team Free Will, and me. so yes, I count my blessings. I'm happy about the year we had together because it is ending as it has started: together."

-TBC-