soa: my Home

(Soa)

"I found myself, in the least likely place to find it. I found myself when I made friends. I found myself when I settled and decided that from now on, Charming was my home. I found myself when I stopped running away from my emotions. I had to go through pain.  When people asked me while I used to drink myself to sleep. How could I tell them that it was a way for me to numb my pain? 

When I was drunk, I wasn't suffering anymore. I didn't remember the pain Oscar caused me. The sting of his punches. the bruises on my arms, and my legs that I had to hide. The blood on my scalp from his nails grazing my skin. I couldn't remember his tears after he had hurt me, or his cracking voice as he tried to apologize to me. He didn't mean his words. He just wanted to keep me under his control. 

When I was drunk. I didn't have to relive my trauma. Suddenly, he wasn't hurting me anymore. Suddenly, I wasn't crying in a puddle of my blood anymore. Suddenly, I forgot the sound of his voice or the features of his face. I didn't remember how he smelled, or why it was my fault. When I was drunk....when I was drunk... But I am not drunk anymore. I am free. I found myself again. I found myself again.....and I'll be damned if I got lost again."