Half-full glass

I have never felt the way I did in years. I felt empty, shellshocked and had the worst mental breakdown in a while (probably exacerbated by the suicide of my friend three days ago now). Anxiety so bad I couldn't breathe, let alone sleep. I lost Hope. straight away. Hope in Mankind I mean that was carefully initiated years ago but culminated today. Or so I thought.

While the half-empty glass is terrifying because so many people gave into their hatred, fear, bigotry and can't feed themselves anymore so they attack others. I genuinely am worried for some of my friends and wish them to remain safe and thrive in spite of the hard times. I can see people who are frustrated that racism, xenophobia, homophobia are being open and shameless now and do react with the same violence which isn't helping (but oh so tempting). Violence isn't the solution. standing by in silence isn't either.

The good news is that the glass is also half-full. There are tons of people who are wonderful decent human beings, people I know, people I don't. People who fight the good fight and try to include everyone so everyone could have a decent life and be happy. everyone could be respected, everyone could be taken care of if they need help (especially disabled and long-term diseased people and those suffering from mental illnesses -yes it's a disability but I do single it out because most often it's ignored-)

The hardest for me is to keep hope and faith because I lost it. It was so hard to struggle against the breakdown and be half-functioning again but I made it. I made it thanks to people who kept faith in the world and in people. I made it thanks to people who walked me through my meltdown and listened and kept me from hurting myself again. Thanks to people who spoke with wise words and restored Hope in my heart. I started to feel the sparkle of hope in my heart when a friend cheered me up today and gently reminded me of her artwork (below) and of the concept behind it. She reminded me that there is something I am doing that gives Hope to many. Something that gave /me/ Hope when I was wasting away and about to die. Asma that is. Goddess of Hope, main character of my book. One whose Journey involves becoming mature, finding hope and embody it and change the world she lives in into a better world than the one she wakes up to.

The concept made me smile today and cry a bit, because yes, Asma is mostly known for now as a Marvel OC, until my book comes out. She often has those trust exercises where she free falls to see if Steve would catch her. He always does. He never fails to catch her up. Because their bond is strong and he really loves and cares for her. it's an endurance test but he never fails. She knows and he does too.

That simple drawing truly helped me today and I hope it does help you too. I still feel hopeless today but I believe in good people. I believe good will prevail. I believe empathy isn't fully dead. So.. it would be better.

Hopefully, we would feel less bitter and worried as time goes by and we'd still be superheroes in time of need, calling out all the horrors we can witness, helping out those who need our help and protecting the weak and the vulnerable. I know many of you who are superheroes. I know many of you who are regular heroes. I know many of you who are full of love. Thank you for helping me see the half-full glass. Thank you for fueling my fire back.