Doya: Bruises

 "Let me take a look at you, Dean, when you patch me up. You've mastered the stitches like no one I've ever known. They're always clean, and quick, but on top of that, they leave little to no scars.  It's a simple gesture of yours, you checking on me, making sure I don't have bigger injuries, and patching me up when I do. It's simple but it means the world to me. Through this, I see that you care. Through this, I also see that you're scared. Fair enough, I am scared too. I am scared a shit tone ever since we got together and I was made part of Team Free Will. I thought I would have a hard time watching you guys die on my watch. I had nightmares about seeing you die in front of me without being able to prevent it. How many times did we get close to this? I have lost count, but I know how hard it impacted me. Losing you. Surviving you. I couldn't deal with that shit. I realized that I also couldn't deal with dying and leaving you behind. How could I die and force you to survive me? 

You have been through so much loss over the years. You've been hurting. When we met you were on autopilot, only doing what you knew and losing yourself to your work. You had buried yourself deep inside your mind just so you wouldn't be hurt again. I came in like a wrecking ball, come to think of it. Unexpected, dangerous, and dramatically changing your lives. I could say the same about you. I was a mess. A suicidal mess at that. I wanted to find the monster that slaughtered my family and kill it and die with it because I felt guilty. I felt unloveable. I felt like a loser who would keep on losing. Spending time with you opened my eyes to the fact I was craving a family. I wanted to give all the love inside me to other people and I was tired of being on my own. I found that balance with you. I found that love in you. Needless to say that I appreciate not having to sleep in an empty bed. -you know that already-. Needless to say that I can let go and take charge of both our pleasure. Needless to say that I love seeing the stigmata of the night on your body, the proof that we were both alive and together the night before. 

You understand me. you understand my pain just like I understand yours. you soothe my heart, silence my demons just like I do with yours. I think that I got lucky when I ran into you, you know why? you've changed my life in your own way. from a lonely, stupid reckless soul, I became grounded, hopeful, determined, and into the moment. I came back to life. That's the magic you did on me. I am alive.  The Oya I thought would never come back, the cheerful loving, stubborn and playful Oya was thought to have died a long time ago. Yet with you, she's reborn. I am reborn and I am humbled you chose me. I am humbled that you trust me. I am humbled you love me, Dean. It's no small feat, especially when one can plainly see how much care you put into my care. I want to protect you, love, from any potential pain, coming our way. I want to protect your heart and let you see love as something that was beautiful to experience. Love is beautiful, loving you is even more beautiful."