Heart bursts (angst, depression)

I wish I never spoke. I wish I never said those words.
I wish I never came to you when I didn't even know you.
Because if I had said nothing, if I hadn't spoken to you then maybe I wouldn't be hurting now

I wish I never spoke, I wish I never let you in
Because the moment I shared those feelings, I was doomed already
I let the doors open, invited you to motherfucking ruin me. If I hadn't, I wouldn't be crying now

I wish I never spoke, I wish I never acknowledged those feelings
For the only thing they are good for is hurting me, reminding me over and over again I was weak
Love is for the weak, love is for the fool, love simply might just not be for me

I keep giving myself excuses. Oh I didn't meet the right guy, oh it wasn't my fault
Maybe it wasn't , maybe I have a poor judgement when it comes to people
Maybe I am only going towards those I know would hurt me because I know how to sing that song

I keep trying to kill those feelings, make me feel nothing, become numb to all of it
I keep trying so hard to ignore everything, pretend it goes past me, that I don't care nor want it
But truth is, behind the mask, there is a very real need to be loved too, if others can why not me ?

It doesn't happen at will, it doesn't happen when you least think about it
It either happens or not, it is either good or bad, it is either bad with good or good with bad
but it's never just luck. I believe some people are meant to live those wonderful stories, others not

I wish I never spoke, I wish I never said those words
I wish I never let you in when I knew you shouldn't
Because I ended up hurting you, whether I wanted it or not. I ended up being the mean one,always

I wish I never spoke, I wish I never said those words
Because I took you in, hurt you with my words, hurt you with myself, poor wounded mind of mine
Because I warned you before 'I'm not to be loved. » and you didn't want to listen

I wish I never spoke
I wish I never was
For the greatest pain of all, is to hurt all you've ever loved.