//musing around. THinking of you đ
"And Did you find what you were looking for?"
BĂ€ahal eyes grew wide and she bit her bottom lip. Did she? Many years ago she left king's landing in search for a new purpose and her true self and still, after all those years she didn't know the answer. Her hair grew longer, her skin had new scars but her eyes were still sad. They lost their spark from the day she lost Viserion and she never found the spark again. She thought that leaving the king's Landing would help her in the long term. After all, she would know... she would find out who she really was and would be able to come back to Daenerys with a better sense of self. She would be a better sister. She would be.... the question that came out of Jaime's lips was sarcastic. He was mocking her and her desperate attempt at trying to be someone.... something.
Could she be? Her purple eyes set upon the blonde knight and she sighed deeply as he kept a faint grin on his lips. He was drunk and bitter and she knew where it came from. The knight didn't get to die with his lover and because he wasn't there when Cersei died and couldn't die on the battlefield, he resented the world. He resented Daenerys and he resented the Targaryens even more, BĂ€ahal included. His green eyes were intensely staring at her, waiting for a crack on her face, anything to suggest she was miserable. She ought to be, at the very least. Her fingers got stuck in her silver locks as she furrows her brows.
"I refuse to listen to a drunk man."
"And why am I drunk, uh? Why the hell am I? If not because of you!"
"Bullshit! You were the one who left and told me that you knew the risks but couldn't leave Cersei behind! You were the one who left! You LEFT me!" She spat at him but soon realized she said too much and opened her eyes even wider.
"I never was yours, to begin with." Jaime sneered. " but you wish I was, don't you? From the moment we met, you fell for me and hard at that." She shook her head and detangled her silver knot. "Don't lie to me, princess! You are a terrible liar!"
"I am not! I never wanted you to be mine. I wanted you to be a better and happier man!" It was true, she had always wanted the best for Jaime and told him that Cersei wasn't that for him. She tried to convince him that he was going down a dangerous path that could lead to the destruction of his soul. Did he listen to her? Of course, not.
"You Took the reason that made /me/ a happier man! You killed her!" He snapped at her and threw the glass of wine at her feet, staining her feet and pants.
"Lord Jaime..." he darkly chuckled and sat back on the chair. He never liked when she called him as such, he was no lord anymore. No knight... no nothing. The sliver of respect she gave him annoyed Jaime because she still saw him as a man while he saw himself as nothing but a shell of the man he used to be. "You are drunk... I'm not talking to you." She couldn't fall for his game, now could she? He was looking for a fight, he wanted to be mean and he picked on her because he knew she couldn't really fight back or maybe he was hoping she did. Deep down it was working. His words cut through her heart like a knife he threw at the princess and she was trying to ignore her feelings. But it didn't work out. Her eyes were filled with unshed tears and she looked away from him.
"Yet you are. You found me and decided to take me places. I didn't ask you. I didn't ask..." he stood back up and walked towards her. "For a love-struck puppy to find me and try and save me. You can't save me!"
"By the old gods and new ones I can't save you! I didn't come to rescue you like you are some kind of damsel in distress! I didn't come for that!" -half a lie. She did find him because she wanted to help him.-
"You are a terrible liar, princess BĂ€ahal. It was cute before but not anymore. You found me on a dump, you should have left me there."
"You are a knight. If you want to die, then die like one." She snapped at him. "You.... you have to die like Jaime Lannister and not some poor drunk found on the sideways." She sighed and looked up to his face.
"Why do you bother so much? Why do you fucking try hard? Is it because you hope for a taste of me?" He grinned and cupped her soft cheek with his calloused hand. "Or is it a sick game you want to play? One last joke before the end?" It rubbed her the wrong way.
"You know me better than that. I play no game. You will die an honorable death like we promised each other." She chewed at her bottom lip and leaned into his touch. "Cersei went like a true Lannister so you should at least give her the honor of dying like one." Her voice broke but she held his gaze. Jaime stopped and froze at her words, taken aback by her sharp answer and sincere tone. She truly was compassionate and this realization took away, at least for a moment, his anger.
"I see... how charitable of you."
"Maybe that's who I am.... charitable and people-driven." She pulled away from him and turned her back at him. "I didn't find what I was looking for. No answer about who I really am... when I am not from house Targaryen or when I am not a slave. I thought of leaving King's landing and helping people would help... but I never took a minute to sit and think about myself...."
"You are afraid of what you might find." His tone wasn't mocking anymore and she shrugged.
"I don't know myself..... but I know who I am when you are near..." she closed her eyes, allowing tears to fall on her cheeks. "So... I won't quit until you are back to yourself..." he chuckled and put his hand on the table next to him.
"Well.... if you are the one to kill me maybe I will stick around longer."
"This is cruel.." she moaned softly before she nodded "whatever it takes..." she turned around and extended her hand "I accept."
"Good." He shook her hand and returned to his seat. "Now what?"
"Now we sleep. Tomorrow we ride again."
-TBC-
"And Did you find what you were looking for?"
BĂ€ahal eyes grew wide and she bit her bottom lip. Did she? Many years ago she left king's landing in search for a new purpose and her true self and still, after all those years she didn't know the answer. Her hair grew longer, her skin had new scars but her eyes were still sad. They lost their spark from the day she lost Viserion and she never found the spark again. She thought that leaving the king's Landing would help her in the long term. After all, she would know... she would find out who she really was and would be able to come back to Daenerys with a better sense of self. She would be a better sister. She would be.... the question that came out of Jaime's lips was sarcastic. He was mocking her and her desperate attempt at trying to be someone.... something.
Could she be? Her purple eyes set upon the blonde knight and she sighed deeply as he kept a faint grin on his lips. He was drunk and bitter and she knew where it came from. The knight didn't get to die with his lover and because he wasn't there when Cersei died and couldn't die on the battlefield, he resented the world. He resented Daenerys and he resented the Targaryens even more, BĂ€ahal included. His green eyes were intensely staring at her, waiting for a crack on her face, anything to suggest she was miserable. She ought to be, at the very least. Her fingers got stuck in her silver locks as she furrows her brows.
"I refuse to listen to a drunk man."
"And why am I drunk, uh? Why the hell am I? If not because of you!"
"Bullshit! You were the one who left and told me that you knew the risks but couldn't leave Cersei behind! You were the one who left! You LEFT me!" She spat at him but soon realized she said too much and opened her eyes even wider.
"I never was yours, to begin with." Jaime sneered. " but you wish I was, don't you? From the moment we met, you fell for me and hard at that." She shook her head and detangled her silver knot. "Don't lie to me, princess! You are a terrible liar!"
"I am not! I never wanted you to be mine. I wanted you to be a better and happier man!" It was true, she had always wanted the best for Jaime and told him that Cersei wasn't that for him. She tried to convince him that he was going down a dangerous path that could lead to the destruction of his soul. Did he listen to her? Of course, not.
"You Took the reason that made /me/ a happier man! You killed her!" He snapped at her and threw the glass of wine at her feet, staining her feet and pants.
"Lord Jaime..." he darkly chuckled and sat back on the chair. He never liked when she called him as such, he was no lord anymore. No knight... no nothing. The sliver of respect she gave him annoyed Jaime because she still saw him as a man while he saw himself as nothing but a shell of the man he used to be. "You are drunk... I'm not talking to you." She couldn't fall for his game, now could she? He was looking for a fight, he wanted to be mean and he picked on her because he knew she couldn't really fight back or maybe he was hoping she did. Deep down it was working. His words cut through her heart like a knife he threw at the princess and she was trying to ignore her feelings. But it didn't work out. Her eyes were filled with unshed tears and she looked away from him.
"Yet you are. You found me and decided to take me places. I didn't ask you. I didn't ask..." he stood back up and walked towards her. "For a love-struck puppy to find me and try and save me. You can't save me!"
"By the old gods and new ones I can't save you! I didn't come to rescue you like you are some kind of damsel in distress! I didn't come for that!" -half a lie. She did find him because she wanted to help him.-
"You are a terrible liar, princess BĂ€ahal. It was cute before but not anymore. You found me on a dump, you should have left me there."
"You are a knight. If you want to die, then die like one." She snapped at him. "You.... you have to die like Jaime Lannister and not some poor drunk found on the sideways." She sighed and looked up to his face.
"Why do you bother so much? Why do you fucking try hard? Is it because you hope for a taste of me?" He grinned and cupped her soft cheek with his calloused hand. "Or is it a sick game you want to play? One last joke before the end?" It rubbed her the wrong way.
"You know me better than that. I play no game. You will die an honorable death like we promised each other." She chewed at her bottom lip and leaned into his touch. "Cersei went like a true Lannister so you should at least give her the honor of dying like one." Her voice broke but she held his gaze. Jaime stopped and froze at her words, taken aback by her sharp answer and sincere tone. She truly was compassionate and this realization took away, at least for a moment, his anger.
"I see... how charitable of you."
"Maybe that's who I am.... charitable and people-driven." She pulled away from him and turned her back at him. "I didn't find what I was looking for. No answer about who I really am... when I am not from house Targaryen or when I am not a slave. I thought of leaving King's landing and helping people would help... but I never took a minute to sit and think about myself...."
"You are afraid of what you might find." His tone wasn't mocking anymore and she shrugged.
"I don't know myself..... but I know who I am when you are near..." she closed her eyes, allowing tears to fall on her cheeks. "So... I won't quit until you are back to yourself..." he chuckled and put his hand on the table next to him.
"Well.... if you are the one to kill me maybe I will stick around longer."
"This is cruel.." she moaned softly before she nodded "whatever it takes..." she turned around and extended her hand "I accept."
"Good." He shook her hand and returned to his seat. "Now what?"
"Now we sleep. Tomorrow we ride again."
-TBC-
No comments:
Post a Comment