Anniversary : 12 years.
I know that for some people, I feel like a big talker, like someone who's just bragging here and there about a story and a character I've been writing for a decade now. I understand why they would think of me like this. I don't mind. I know my story, I know how difficult it is to write when you're crippled with severe anxiety, depression, and when you're navigating through traumas. It's not an easy journey, this book is literally my sweat, tears, self-doubt, and self-loathing working against me. The goal for me is to finish it. I want to finish it, at least put it out there and tell her story.
In the video, I'm talking about what Asma meant to me for it had been a question asked by the people who follow my work for years. Semi-pro or professional friends I know, people who also are amateurs like me, people who simply like art. It was a couple years ago and I had just started to convince myself that I had enough material to write my story. I was terrified, even then (you can clearly see in the video) because I wasn't sure my story could be readable. The themes I'm trying to talk about, the way it could be conveyed through dialogues or narration. I wasn't sure people would be willing to read me and it stopped me more times than I want to admit. I've been asked to go public, to add social media accounts, but my social anxiety prevents me from even considering it for now. A friend set up an internet page on her own website to showcase the work she did for my character and that's about it... again, for now. I take it slow.
But I'm taking certain steps. I'm moving forward. Someone asked me why in 12 years I wasn't able to put my book out. I guess it takes time. With the struggles I am facing right now, I think achieving « 100 pages » is miraculous. It's encouraging. I love Asma, I love what she brought to me. I love the Hope she kept giving me and those around me. She literally did save my life, in ways I would gladly talk about sometimes later when I feel ready. She's a project that keeps me going, and to this day, I am still very happy to have positive feedbacks on her, on what she did to other people too.
12 years is a lot of time spent on a character and a world. I have art I've showcased over the years on my FB page and Deviantart page. Some from me, some from others. I have her book I'm writing and reached page 100, I even started a very small poem collection I'm selling on the side, for those who are interested. It wasn't a BOOM, but it was something. (Thank you to those who bought those booklets). I am set to finish the book and work on communicating about it more in the next two years. I'm doing something. Maybe for some of you, it'll be in vain, or not enough because I'm still secretive about it -I really want to wait until I'm sure I'm done drafting it before I talk about it- but truly, I'm in no rush, my primary goal is just to finish my baby, make sure she's ready to go to the world. She's my legacy, after all, the one thing I want to leave behind and leave well. So no matter how long it takes, it'll be finished because I'm fully committed now and I am full of Hope too. That's the power of Asma Jensen, the beacon of hope.
So, darling, Happy 12th anniversary, thank you so much for having been such a wonderful supportive companion over the years and allowing me to work on you. Let me please, keep going so I can present you to this world. Proud to have achieved something. Happy anniversary, beloved.
-May-
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