GoT: How to talk about trauma?

The princess had never been able to speak about the horrors she endured before meeting her sister. How could she find the words to express her distress? how could she put into words the pain she endured? the tears she refused to cry but that drowned her heart in silence? how could she speak on the immense shame and boiling anger she felt upon looking at the branding scar on her shoulder?  

Her former master branded her as if she was cattle.. or a precious jewel as he liked to say. He wanted his clients to know who she belonged to and that they could enjoy her wonders but couldn't take her with them because she only belonged to him. It wasn't just letters, no no... for Bäahal he designed a specific and unique design. it had to have his sigil and his initials. It had to be beautiful almost like a tattoo of the utmost refinement.  It had to be so deeply etched on her skin that she couldn't fully remove it. It worked since it was still visible, no matter how hard she plunged the knife on her shoulder. It didn't matter. 

Bäahal wasn't able to tell exactly what happened from the moment her mother and she were kidnapped and brought back to slavery. Life from that moment to her liberation had been nothing but a nightmare lived wide awake. It had been nothing but self-loathing, disgust, and a desire to get revenge once she would be free. Still... Bäahal would never be able to explain what happened to Jaime her friends, or her family in detail. And deep down, it meant that she would never fully be able to heal... how to?  How to

Doya: I have to thank him for it.

They want to put you in a box. You have to look a certain way, have certain skills, and behave a certain way just so they can give you some attention. But even as you strip yourself naked to please them, you end up being further alienated when you're not straight-up used. 

In another life, long before I met the Winchester, my former fiancé had his life figured out. He wanted me to be a certain way because he had plans and the moment I stopped conforming to his wishes, he threw me out of his life as if I meant nothing. For years I saw that man claim he loved me, claim I was everything he's ever needed. For years, I watched him plan his life, and tell me about his desires but never truly wanted to know mine. I was in love, I simply erased what I wanted because I thought I wanted what he wanted. 

I didn't choose to lose the ability to bear a child. A mission did. A potion did. Helping save the life of an innocent child did. Ultimately, I would still drink that potion to save that child. I would still do it and it never changed who I was... except for him.  I wasn't picture-perfect anymore so he threw me away. It took me a while to recover from this. I used to believe that I failed him. I used to believe that it was somehow my fault but after a while, I realized that it wasn't my fault.  I am not a doll. I am me. 

And if he didn't want me, then it was his loss.

I met someone who wanted me. 

And I have to thank him for it! 

Doya: shorts

Oya's second favorite item is her phone. She goes nowhere without it and she makes sure to take pictures she sends Team Free Will (different content for different people. Dean's get the hottest of the hotness including old weapons, Sam mostly gets animal pics and hunting feats and Castiel has everything food-related)

xxx

This is Oya's work of art! She absolutely loves to look at Dean's back the morning after and remember what led to this. She's quite the wildcat when she wants to be. Dean doesn't complain though.

Klasma Headcanons: Desire // touch // Biting

Desire // Touch :

Klaus and Nëela can't take their hands off of each other. 

Both of them have their reasons for seeking the other. Both of them try to deny how much they care for the other and how much they crave the other.  Because of her curse, Nëela is straight-forward. She always tells him how she feels about him. She always tells him when she wants him and he's not used to it. He's not used to having someone who wants him like that and who's bold enough to tell him. 

From the moment she realized that she had feelings for him, Nëela decided that she didn't want to let anyone else touch her. She didn't want to become anyone else's companion.  She seeks his contact constantly and has found him to be the happiest when they are holding each other. 

xxx

Biting: 

It is a kink. Definitely something that she loves when he does to her. She loves it when he bites her neck, whether it is to drink blood or to just bite her. It is also a love language. It is a way for her to give something to him, to show him that she trusts him, to show him that she gives in to him. It is a testament to her love for him and Klaus relishes in it too. 

xxx

"Would we travel the world together? Would we visit the world and enjoy its beauty? I am eager to do so. I am eager to see the world through your eyes and witness its changes. I want to travel the world with you, Klaus. I want to experience it with you. To be free for the first time really and explore the world not as someone who has to hide from it, but as someone who belongs there. I am excited to become your companion and I hope, oh I hope that you will enjoy my company all the same." 

GoT: Hold me

Hold me tightly against your frame. 

Let me feel your warmth as you sneak your arms around my waist and pull me into a hug. 

Hold me tightly against your frame.

Let me hear your heartbeats as I lean my head against your chest. It soothes me. It makes me feel happy because I can feel that you're real. You're here... You're here with me.

Hold me tightly against your frame. 

Let me feel your kisses on my neck, let me hear your whispers in my ear, let me feel you love me. You said I deserved to be loved. You said I deserved to be cared for.. let me feel it, My love. Let me feel it.  

Let me feel you. 

Doya: I pray

I am not exactly religious. I am very aware of Heaven and Hell (hard not to when you fight angels and demons). Still... I was raised as such and believed in Chuck until the Asanbosam slaughtered everyone. I lost my faith that night. What was the point in everything we did? What was the point in trying to live? I had lost my will to live back then,  I wanted to die a hero's death. I wanted to disappear once I had fulfilled my duty. What a bullshit way of thinking. What a bullshit way of living... I met you and everything changed. 

Suddenly, well, I had a family again. I had people who would have my back. I had people who cared for me. I had people who would want my company and I wasn't alone anymore. Suddenly... I was loved. Suddenly... I had a future ahead of me. Suddenly... I could find myself again. Oh, and I didn't want to give up on it. I didn't want to leave it all behind. I refused to die. I refused to leave my new family behind, alone... lost without me. I refused to leave them because.. ah... Because I couldn't imagine a life without them. I don't care if it's heaven or hell. I want to be with them, always. I wanted to be with them so... I prayed. I pray... I will always pray for our peace to be maintained and protected. I will always pray so we can live a long and fulfilling life together. 

I pray... 

Me...

The non-religious hunter. 

What a time to be alive isn't it?

COPG: Beating the drums of war

COPG: Beating the drums of war

// Ishtar wanted to talk, so I let him talk. 

xxxxx

Gaea's brown eyes set upon her son. Ishtar was still wearing his favourite skin suit and as usual, was impeccably dressed in a blue suit with a black tie. His hair was tied in a loose ponytail and some loose strands were whipping his face as the cold sea wind was blowing hard. She noticed how tense her son was and there was a reason for it: Elpis and her Sin were still a problem/ They couldn't locate Elpis and Gaea had noticed that she had lost a lot of control over nature and humans. That informed her that her daughter actually became more powerful.  Should she be afraid about losing her power or should she fight it? Gaea was still the Goddess of Life, the one who brought life to this planet, how could she lose power over her daughter? Gaea pinched her lips together and crossed her arms above her chest.

"What are we doing here, Son? Aren't we supposed to be preparing for the upcoming war?"

"Who says we are not? I brought you here because I wanted to see something." -He then turned around to look at his mother. Gaea crossed her arms a little tighter against her chest- "You've felt it too didn't you? Elpis' power is growing, She is challenging you isn't she?"

"And what about it? Do you think I am afraid of my own daughter?" -She shrugged and tried to sound like she didn't care about it but he could see the fear in her eyes. He could see her shake at the mention of Elpis becoming powerful enough to challenge her own mother and become the New-All mother.-

"You should!" -He growled at her and turned around to face her- "You should be worried about her!" -He pointed his forefinger at his mother- "You were aware of her growth and you didn't tell us!" -He accused her- " You felt you were losing control of your powers but you kept it to yourself."

"And what about it, Son? This is only my concern!"

"We are going to war against her, I'd like to have all the information I need to ensure our victory. When you withdraw information from us, this is when we lose!"

He was not comfortable at all, the once-powerful  New All-father had no control whatsoever of the situation and it was starting to make him lose his composure. Ishtar was still upset because he wasn't able to kill his sister as planned. At the last minute, he wasn't able to complete his gesture and cursed her instead, taking the risk of having her come back. It happened exactly like this, she came back to haunt him. She came back to hurt him. She came back to punish him. He couldn't do anything but try to prepare himself for the upcoming war. Something had changed, he couldn't tell what it was, but the fact his sister was showcasing tremendous power had shaken him to his core. 

He was perfectly aware that she was True Balance, the love child of his parents: God of Chaos and destruction and Goddess of Life.  She had always been kept in the dark concerning her powers, but it seemed that it had been in vain given how powerful she was becoming. They have been unable to locate her because of the Sin's magic and this allowed her to experiment with her powers and tap into them in ways she had never done before. He was scared because he realized that she had a chance to win the war. A chance... not a fluke.. but an actual chance. 

Gaea didn't say anything. Instead, she simply looked at her older son with an impassible face. In truth, she was terrified to witness her son feel fear. Ishtar was the strongest and the most powerful of the Primeval Gods. If he was terrified then how could they win the war? how could they face an angry Elpis at full power and fully realized? how could they win the war? She didn't show it, but her fingers dug deeper into her skin and the rictus on her face turned into a twitchy grin. Still, in front of her son, she decided to keep her composure and pretend that everything was fine, because everything was, right? Everything had to be. 

-TBC-