"I sometimes wish I didn't exist for I would not know the torments of loving you. I sometimes wish you could feel the intensity of that love too. It's never ending... but along with it comes the fear of failing those I love the most, including you, especially you.
I can't stomach to fail you when you most need me. I very often worry if I am enough or if this love is Worth your time and attention. I very often need to be reminded the simplest things... such as what you feel for me. Listen carefully... It's precisely because I am in love with your soul and theirs, with each one of your perfect "imperfect" beings that I am scared the way I am.
What if you wouldn't want to look at me and my scars the way you are doing today. I wouldn't bear it. this is why I tend not to show them to you and handle them on my own in fear of losing you. But you know me well.. you always see when something's wrong.
But I am serious. There are days when it's too much for me to handle, that love I have for you.. the one I have for them because you could walk away in just a blink of an eye and I would be alone. I can deal with being alone. I can deal with solitude. I just can't deal with loss.... I can't deal with losing you. I don't want to. I love you...Yet, I won't even be able to send you this text. See how much of a coward I could be? I'll let it hang there, save it on my phone and look at it when I feel the panic overwhelming me. I love you...I am in love with you. I just wish I was brave enough to say it out loud."
No comments:
Post a Comment