Doya 21 guns

DOYA: 21 guns

Inspired by the song: 21 guns. I really wanted a moment to show how each other help the other in moments of crisis. This time focused on Dean. (because the Thomas case, is really him giving HER support.) This text is also a follow up to an old one where Oya nearly died because she was attacked by a god. (Pluto)

XXXX

« Dean... » -He didn't listen to her, as soon as he crossed the door of their motel room, Dean went to the bathroom and locked himself there.-

A couple of months ago, Oya did encounter the god Pluto during a solo case. As he discovered her true identity, he lashed out at the hunter, leaving her for dead as he exited the scene. As a matter of fact, it was a miracle if she had survived the attack. From Dean getting her last call, to Castiel saving her very life with his healing powers to Pluto himself, being at his weakest due to the death of his last worshipper and Chuck's cruel intervention. Dean freaked out when he heard her blood-filled throaty voice because he knew that sound. It was the sound of death, the sound of someone who was about to die. All of a sudden, he just realized that with a blink of an eye, Chuck could snuff the life of his soulmate. With just a snap of his fingers, Chuck could take back what he had earned, his happy ending. It didn't sit well with the hunter and for the sake of the case he was working with Sam and for Oya's speedy and full recovery, he had buried his emotions deep down.

He pretended to be fine, but for a long time, when he looked at Oya, all he saw was the potential loss. All he saw that Chuck's malice and habit of giving love and taking it back from him. All he saw was what he could lose if Oya died. She could, she probably would, all because of him. The heavyweight he used to carry on his shoulders, that very weight she shared with him because he let her, was now back onto his shoulder on full force. He felt guilty for taking her into a path that could ultimately ruin her. He felt guilty, for endangering her life because Chuck considered Sam and him as the protagonists of his twisted favorite tale. He was scared and doubled-down on pretending he was fine, while simultaneously being extremely aggressive during hunts. However, things took a turn for the worst when they encountered Pluto during their hunt. Oya couldn't help but freeze on spot at his sight. She explained to Dean who was on their way to the motel room and that lit the fuse in his brain.

She should have told him, the very moment she saw the god. He knew deep down that it was wrong to lash out at her, knowing that the god actually nearly killed her and she probably was traumatized. He knew it, and yet, he still said it. They argued in the car, with her trying to explain why she couldn't do anything about it and why he couldn't have done anything if he went headfirst into battle. He would have died, plain and simple and she would have been the one left behind, to survive in a world where Dean would never be. It crushed her heart and while she didn't cry, her eyes were wet from unshed tears. He was being stubborn, hell-bent on killing the one threat that nearly took her life and was not listening. So she cried out his name as he locked himself int the bathroom.

« Dean! »

He turned the tap on and started to wash his bloody hands. They had just finished working on a case and successfully saved people and killed a nest of vampires. It was supposed to be an easy case, it wasn't supposed to be them running into Pluto and yet they did. Dean looked at his reflection on the mirror, and he could see himself being scared to death and calling Castiel for help. He remembered being unable to sleep, being reckless in the case he was working on, holding his head between his hands while Sam was trying to calm him down and give him support. He remembered the fear that crept into his heart, the « never again » scream he couldn't let out of his chest and the tears he cried, once he heard Castiel's report on her health. The smug smile of Pluto irritated the hunter who wanted to rip it off of his face. He wanted to go around and destroy him, stab him, turn him into dust but he knew that without a plan he would have ended up dead. Oya was right and he just realized she was holding back from crying. He ended up hurting her.

Her sad face and the pain he saw made him snarl out of disgust with himself. Why was he like this? Why was he destroying everything he touched? He didn't hear her get closer to the door, nor was he able to think straight. The pent-up anger, guilt, fear, and self-loath was so much that he punched the mirror, breaking it in the process. Oya jumped, scared by the noise, and called his name through a sob. « Dean ! » but he couldn't hear her. He started to break things in the bathroom with his fists, with his feet, motivated by his own anguish-laced screams and « sonofabitch ! » howled in the small room. With his own actions, he was taking the risk to push her away like he always did. After all the horrible things he said to her, it would be a wonder if she'd stay with him. It would be a wonder if she didn't see him for the monster he was. The more he thought of it, the more violent the storm in the bathroom became, pushing him further and further into his own darkness. Oya, who was crying the tears she had refused to cry earlier, kicked the door open as he was standing still. His hands covered with the blood from his cuts. He had thrown his jacket during his outburst and was heavily breathing, looking at the mess he'd just made.

« Hey, Dickhead.. » -Oya attempted to catch his attention, which worked and had Dean turn around to look at her. He saw how devastated she was and she saw how distraught he was. She knew he didn't mean his words, and she understood he was motivated by the fear of losing her. The ebony hunter knew Dean knew he was in the wrong and wouldn't try to kill himself because he wanted to blindly give in to his rage. He didn't even wipe his own tears off of his face but held her gaze as she didn't hold back her own tears. « Are you done? » -She finally said, unsure about her next move.-

« ….. » He looked down and this was Oya's cue to come closer to him. Shame was overwhelming the blonde hunter who didn't know where to go from there. It had been a while since his emotions got the best of him. Oya chewed at her bottom lip and walked closer to him, finally only standing a few inches away from him.

«What you said back in the car... » -She started with, but he shook his head.

« No no... I was a cunt. I shouldn't have said.. » -but she cut him short and slowly grabbed his left wrist and pulled his arm up so she could have a better look at his injuries.

« What you said back in the car... hurt me deep in my fucking soul, Dean. » -She sighed in relief, he wasn't cut deeply, but rather had multiple cuts which could explain the bleeding.- « To have you think I could spend one fucking day without you... to have you dive headfirst towards danger...to have you dismiss my fear of that god.. » She furrowed her brows.

« Oya, I said I was a cun-- » -She cut him short again-

« What the hell, asshole? What the fucking hell? We're talking about A god of Death! » She lashed out, rightfully so. « I didn't even know it was a god of Death until my cover blew up and he mangled me so badly that I nearly died. And you think I would have let you go there and die like a fucking asshole? » She pushed him once, making him take two steps back. « You think I could let you die? Dean, fucking look at me! Look at me! » She cried out, forcing the hunter to set his green eyes on her.

« I would never, ever, let you do this alone. I am your partner, I'm your ride and die! I'm supposed to do things with you... even freaking out. » She said, wiping her tears off of her face. « I know you're freaked out. I know it...That's why I'm not gonna be mad, you hear me? I am not mad and none of this would make me leave. » She said, pointing at the mess in the bathroom. « You're carrying a lot of crap on your shoulders and once again, you're trying to carry it alone. »

Oya grabbed a towel and dampened it with the tap-water. She then grabbed his wrist and started to dab the towel on the wounds.

« I can't lose you, O. I can't. I have taken all the shit that can possibly exist and at this point, you being in my life saved me. You saved me... » He said cupping her cheek with his other bloody hand. « I lost my damn mind when that god nearly killed you. I never got to think about it, express that pain..talk to you about it because I didn't want to remind you what happened. I nearly lost you. »

« And you wanted me to lose you? How is that fair? » She groaned, shaking her head before she leaned into his touch. « How is that fair for me to live in a world where you are not? I can't survive you.. don't make me... » She looked up, at his beautiful but sad face. He kept crying a tear or two, holding onto her face as hard as he could. « Don't shut me out of your heart, Dean... Please, don't. » Oya's voice broke and she silently cried a few more tears. Dean hated to see his girl cry, especially when it was his fault. He wrapped his free arm around her shoulder, releasing her cheek so he could pull her into a tight hug.

« I don't know what to do. » -He admitted- «I know I want to fuck this son of a bitch up and we'll do it together... but right now, I don't know what to do to make you feel better. I don't know how to take care of you right now...not when I'm the one who makes you feel like this, »

« Just stay... just stay with me. » She whispered before she wrapped her other arm around his waist. « Just talk with me..... let's deal with that...we'll hunt Pluto when we're ready... » She said, before she pulled away from him, so she could look at his beautiful face again and smile at him.

«Okay...Okay... » He said before he pressed his lips to hers in a searing kiss. He needed to feel her, to feel her warmth, and taste the salt of her tears. He needed to anchor himself back to reality so he wouldn't be in his head. He needed to feel her love for him shine through and see the light that entered his heart. She stayed and she loved him. She stayed and she wanted to fix things. She stayed.

She loved him.

-TBC-