love hurts

Love hurts

A/N I honestly felt nostalgic, thinking about a very long time partner and ex of mine, with whom I mastered the art of complicated love stories, whammy scenes, beautiful feel-good moments and terribly terrible moments that affected me in RL. He had a beautiful way with words and although things went really sour and it's all in the past, I still fondly read our threads. The tribute below is a summary of our last story, from the POV of the Human!Asma I used to RP with him. You don't have to read or mind. I've just been very emotional these past few days and needed a way to get it out of my system, bring some closure to the RP side of this relationship:)

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Love hurts.

Smoking never was a habit she liked to display. It was bad for her throat and she knew that if she kept doing so, she wouldn't be able to sing anymore. It was bad for her lungs, made her cough more than usual, made her even feel nauseous. She didn't enjoy it, yet she kept doing it because it was the only way she found to relieve herself from the stress of life. Her hazel eyes gazed into the distance as she looked at the man who was responsible for the stress. Rick Blaine. She still remembered the past 4 years of her life. She was looking for a club that would allow her to sing regardless of her skin color or the fact she didn't have a manager. They argued when they first met. He tried to throw her out, she held her own against him, they argued some more and then they had sex. The memory made her blush and she exhaled the smoke in a slightly embarrassed chuckle. They had sex, the very first time they met. It never happened before to either of them and the look in his eyes after they were done, the utter confusion that crossed his mind at this moment was something she could not forget and would never. He allowed her to sing, which she did beautifully and dutifully for the next following months. They became odd friends, teasing one another, talking smack and being vulgar any chance they got. It became a game for the two of them and soon she found herself to become more and more territorial with the man.

He was very famous in the area, a real chick magnet but always she noticed, he rejected them all. Always he put some distance between the women and him and it prompted her to ask his best man, Sammy, about the reason of such demeanor. It turned out he had a crush, a woman who wrecked his heart and left him when he thought they would leave together. She broke his heart and he never healed. What could she say to that? It broke hers too. She understood, somehow, how Rick felt since she was in another kind of trouble. Asma was « married », still. She fled from an unhappy marriage with a violent man who tried to exploit her skills to gain money. He was her manager and a former childhood friend who turned ugly the minute she said « yes ». Rick didn't know, but he ended up knowing much later when the pair became a couple. She felt her lips tremble as she remembered how they became an item. After a while turning around each other, one drunken night, she confessed her feelings for him. Cursed him for making her fall in love with him. Cried because she knew he couldn't be attracted to someone like her. But he was. He proved her wrong with the most passionate kiss they ever shared. He was craving for her, jealous of the attention she got from other men, nervous that she'd accept to go with any of them. He was curious about her, attracted like a moth to a flame to this woman who was impossible! She was really different from women of this time. Way ahead of the game. Clever, funny, vulgar, carefree and careless that could define her. Temperamental, childish at times and very proud could do too. But she was honest, and sincere and genuinely in love with him and the vulnerability she displayed on that day had him confess his own feelings for her too. And voilà, they became an item just like that.

And he learned the truth months later and he left her because he felt betrayed all over again. It was Ilsa all over again. She was married and left Rick after she made a fool of himself. He hated Asma for having done the same, disregarded completely the circumstances and the genuine love she felt for him and led her husband, Carl, to take her back. She felt it like a betrayal but resigned herself. She let fate took over. And both of them witnessed her downfall. She kept working at the bar because she was too popular not too. But he saw the bruises, he saw her disturbingly fast weight loss, he saw her become the living embodiment of unhappy and it hurt him. He realized he was a fool and hoped it wasn't too late for the two of them to be together again. One night, after yet another abuse from her husband at the bar, Rick had him thrown out of it and took Asma under his wing. He would shelter her just the time she would file a divorce complaint. She let him do as he pleased, having given up on everything except singing. She wasn't the master of her destiny anymore. Scared, worried, upset..both of them didn't know how to handle things and rediscover themselves. But it worked! Time helped! Divorce was filed and police took Carl away from her. Rick was nervous because of the police but was relieved they never identified him. He knew why! He was an armed smuggler during the war and fled away from justice. He hid in his bar, in this town, with these people and was afraid someone knew his real name, his past and denounced him. That also was the reason he kept it quiet with the ladies. Asma didn't know. He hid it from her.

They lived happily once again. Their love restored, their faith in one another as strong as the first time they were together. The bar was thriving, always full of happy customers. They both were at this stage in their lives where it was certain they needed one another. They wanted to take the big leap of faith and they did. He proposed. She said yes! She thought, « Maybe this is it! We're happy! I'm having my happy ending ! » but she didn't know better. One morning, he simply left with a note stating «I love you Asma. Always have and always will..I'm sorry. » Police found him, he had to escape from it. So he left. Asma was devastated. She didn't know what to do. She went to Sammy who explained to her the truth of Rick Blaine but tried to convince her that he genuinely fell in love with her and wanted to build a life with her. Really ? If he really did feel that way why didn't he tell her the truth? Months went by, then a year, then another. Asma was letting herself die, a little bit every day. She didn't understand how a man like him, a man she so fiercely loved and for whom she was willing to live an illegal life, just went away without her. Abandoned was the word and vulnerable was the other. She was convinced by Patty, her best friend, to meet other gentlemen. Not fully convinced, she did and met one of them. Francis. He was a good guy, a plain but good person who fell in love with her. He took care of her, gave her everything she needed, was rich enough to have her live a full life under his care. So after a few months, he proposed. She said yes. What else could she do?

And on her wedding day, the worst and best happened. Rick came back. He learned what happened when he was away, ran to the church, searched for her and found her in her beautiful wedding gown, walking in a circle as she was anxious about her wedding. She liked Francis, he was a good man. But her heart.. oh her heart was still broken and aching for Rick. When she saw him, she dropped her bouquet. She stared at him as if she saw a ghost and shook her head, ready to cry. He first tried to congratulate her for the wedding, told her she looked beautiful and didn't change much since they met if it wasn't for the slim figure she had now. He started to compliment Francis but it sounded phony. He sounded angry. He was angry. At himself for having left without her and found her nearly married to a plain schmuck she didn't even love. He could tell in her eyes, that she was in love with him still and just waited for him to convince her he still wanted her. Which he did. One big speech was enough to sway her in his favor and both left the church, running for their lives, feeling alive again. Euphoria left quickly as he took her to his old place and laid her on the bed. She was wearing a wedding gown that was meant to be taken out by another man and it hit him hard. He took her away from a possible boring but loving life with a man who would take care of her. He took her away from it. And he didn't even know what she felt for him anymore.

Doubt, anxiety.. worries. All the happiness of finding one another turned into guilt and shame and tears. She realized he doubted her love for him and was so upset she started to scream and fight him. How dare he doubt her when she willingly LEFT her WEDDING to a GOOD MAN to be with him? Him who hurt her more than anyone else did. HIM ? Who showed her what true love was and left her like some dirt on his shoe? He asked about her love for him? « You've changed so much... I don't know if the woman I left is the woman in front of me anymore. » Way to go Rick! Way to go! Asma was hysterical. She cried and yelled and walked in a circle around the room again before she wondered why she always ended up making the wrong choices and love the wrong men. He saw how distraught she was and felt ashamed he put her in such a position. How selfish that was of him to complain when this woman took the biggest decision of her life, for him. As he crouched in front of her, he grabbed her hands and promised her everything. He promised she would get married, to him! He promised she would be happy, with him. He promised he would never leave her behind and tell her the whole truth, his whole past. His present. And his future with her. He promised she would never cry and he even promised they would have a family because he wanted to have children with her, regardless of what people would think and say because they were different. He told her that he didn't care about the world but only cared about her. So it calmed her down. She joked about messing her face up with chocolate, which was what she always did after they had sex. And they made love on that day. All day long until the moon rose high in the sky and lightened their room.

Today she has engaged to him again and nervously looked at the man who was giving orders to his employees about the renovation of his club. She stared at him, still smoking her cig as she was wondering what was the bond that linked the two of them. If Fate brought him to her and made it happen. She was afraid he leave again, without her and didn't know how she would react if they were to have a child. She wasn't good with kids, she wasn't good as a mother. She didn't want to talk to him about not wanting a child. What if he left after that? What if he met Ilsa again and the bitch swayed him again? Never before Asma was this nervous, but she took the habit to smoke in the two years spent away from him and couldn't stop smoking, even if he was against her doing it. They would butt head often because of that. She didn't want to lose him. Maybe she was dependent on him and him on her but she felt that the love she had for this man, was immense, knew no bounds.. she knew he felt the same because he told her so but here she was, being afraid all of this was just a dream and she would wake up in a world of nightmare without him...

Love hurts. It really does.