GoT: A changed woman

GoT: A changed woman

A/N: Just tackling a little bit Bäahal, after the Night King's war and after Jaime left. 

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The fresh wind of Winterfell whipped the princess' face, welcoming her with its cold embrace as she finally found a moment for herself. Isolated from the court, away from her sister and her consort, she was free to think as she pleased. The war had just begun, the real one where men would fight against men in a battle that would define their future. Who would win between the lions and the dragons? Who would win between the mad queen and the queen who would change it all? Bäahal wanted to believe that, if Daenerys And Cersei were stripped down to their essence, it would become clear that Cersei would have nothing to give. She never did. Cersei was a leech, a vampire that would suck the life out of anyone she would meet. She was overwhelming and no matter how hard Lord Tyrion was trying to deny it, she had shaped his entire life. Her words, her attitude, the hatred she felt towards him made the hand of Daenerys who he was today. His desire to be loved by his sister was so strong that his love -yes, he did love Cersei despite everything- transcended her hatred. Was Cersei able to make people love the monster she was? Did people willingly sacrificed their humanity in order to get closer to the sun? Cersei was the sun, the one where her entire family and her swath of followers would burn their wings because they were too close. Daenerys was like the moon, kind, gentle, attractive and fair. You wouldn't burn because of her but you would spend your entire life chasing after her. She was beautiful, extremely so, but more than that she was truly revered, admired and praised because of her qualities. She was benevolent, caring and loving just like the Moon actually was...People wouldn't die because of her, but they would try to reach her level. Destructive? Maybe so. Inspiring ?.. Definitely. She inspired people and Bäahal felt inspired.

It became obvious over the weeks that Bäahal hated Cersei. Of course, comparing her to the burning sun was hard and maybe it was jealousy speaking through her hard judgment. After all, it was true that Jaime Lannister's presence impacted the princess so much so that she was daydreaming of meeting him again, under different circumstances. He made her change her mind about his family and forced her to reconsider her biases. She was biased, terribly so. Lady Kyra and Jaime ultimately were prisoners of their fate, victims of their blood and Martyrs of love. Love defined and drove them. Love consumed both. Lady Kyra was forced to endure loss after loss because of her father and lord Jaime was a fool in love with a tyrant. The idea alone was enough to make the princess sick. She understood his choice and respected that Lord Jaime returned to his one true love. He knew there was a huge chance he would die on the battlefield, but he wanted to die defending the love of his life. He wanted to die where he belonged, with her and she understood that sentiment. She understood...but she didn't accept this. Victims.... heroes... the line was blurred and sadness overwhelmed the princess.  Maybe she felt more towards the knight that she wanted to accept and the idea of it alone terrified the Targaryen who tried her best to shrug it off. It couldn't be more than what it was already. It couldn't be more than respect for an old fool who served his people and saved them from a tyrant. It was dangerous to navigate through this troubled water... dangerous indeed.

War had already begun and the princess was traumatized by what she saw and had to do. The wrights were one of a kind. Death incarnate that refused to keep the quiet stream of its existence. Death was cold and surrounding everything and the darkness forced her to a corner where she had to unearth a side of her she never thought existed. Survival took another level on that day, she was a cornered animal and she had never felt so alive.  So hurt... so confused. That was the word! She was confused with how she was supposed to feel. They were days before the big battle, days after Lord Jaime left the caste and all she could think of was how much she felt his absence. The hallways were empty and yet, every corner of this castle reminded her of him. She sometimes visited his guest room, only to remember the conversations they had there, the wine they shared, the tears she cried for him. She would sit on his bed, remembered him as he was before he left the castle and touch the fresh sheets put there by servants that no longer carried his scent. He was gone and she was missing him, that was the truth she was trying to avoid. Lord Varys found her, he had noticed her silence since her return from the battlefield. He was concerned about her, especially since she had made a lot of progress in communicating with others. As soon as she heard his footsteps, the princess stiffened but didn't say anything. 

"Princess..." -He started with-

"Lord Varys... I didn't expect you to come to find me on such a windy day. I was fine..."

"You needed company." -His tone was assertive. Of course, she did.-

"I am fine."  -She quickly said, still looking ahead of her-

"That's not how it looks to me." -he retorted, his eyes wide open as he was expecting her to make a move towards him.-

"I /am/ fine." She replied dryly before her purple hues finally stared at the man. "Speak of your true Intentions lord Varys. I am not in the mood for your games today." She warned him before her eyes averted from his face to the sky. 

"War has changed you." -He tried out, his eyes peering at her-

"How so?" -she pursed her lips. He was right.-

"You are more withdrawn... distant dare I say... And yet conflicted. Have you talked to your sister about the war against Cersei?" 

"What about it?" She glanced at him, uncomfortable with how easily he guessed right.

"Jaime Lannister is on your mind, princess. You fear to encounter him on the battlefield. It is obvious how much you care for him."

"I do /not/ fear any encounter with Jaime  Lannister. I do not /fear/ seeing his face again, let alone stab him with my sword should I get the opportunity. We already talked about it. Should we meet, we would give the other an honorable death." 

"Yes,  you did talk about it. You are resolved as well but do you want to do it?" 

"My desires have no weight in this war. What I want doesn't matter. What needs to be done will be done." Her voice trembled and she fought hard to keep her voice from breaking. "We are nothing but instruments in my sister's will. She will sit on the throne."

"What about you?" -he had closed the distance between them but Bäahal remained stiff.-

"I will figure it out later...." was the only honest answer she could give before she left the rooftop and escaped from Lore Varys inquisitive look. 

The princess knew he was right. Deep down she didn't want to kill Lord Jaime and was anxious about meeting him on the battlefield. Deep Down she was full of sorrow because she knew he would die somehow. If miraculously the knight wasn't killed on the battlefield, he would die when Cersei would. She would lose the Jaime she once knew and it was inevitable. Unfortunately, Lord Varys was right about war changing her. Her emotions were buried for she realized they were a liability. And while her heart was weeping for her future loss and the frustration of such a waste of talent and life, her body was closed off, her face didn't show anything, she succeeded in following Jaime's last piece of advice and protect her heart. 

But at what cost? 

-TBC-