Devotion

Devotion, exhaustion, Destruction.

She sucked the life out of me, begging, manipulating, crying, and forcing her way into my brain.

I couldn't think for myself, I had become a slave to her desires and decisions. I had become empty.

I didn't have the strength to fight her nor to find myself again. It became easier for me to give into her.

It became easier for me to let her walk me through the fire, tear my limbs apart, devour me. 

She devoured me, swallowed me whole, and threw me into an endless fall or dare I say, Limbos. 

Devotion, Exhaustion, Annihilation.

She considered us as commodities. I was nothing but a tool used to satisfy her ego.

I was nothing but a means for her to get what she wanted, what she truly desired.

She wanted to be free of us. She wanted to be free of me. She wanted a different life.

I swear I believe that if she could not have had me, she wouldn't have gotten pregnant.

If she could have given us for adoption, she would have done it. She wasn't meant for motherhood.

She wasn't meant for having a family because she was unable to give. She was unable to love. 

Devotion, Exhaustion, Transformation

She wanted to be the most important person in the whole world, she hated competition.

Yet, she still compared herself to others, even to her own children, even to me. 

She couldn't accept that we grew to become the people we wanted to be, with our dreams and desires.

She wanted dolls, puppets she could manipulate to do her bidding, not people! Not children.

She refused to change and refused to see what she did wrong and what she could change.

I transformed, we transformed and we set ourselves free from her, or at least we tried to do so.

We tried and we succeed but there would always be that part of us she could reach out to.

I guess that's how it is. How I hate it! 

She tried to swallow me whole. She tried to suffocate me with her overbearing ways and failed.

I told her that we break cycles and we no longer want to repeat what she did or has been through.

I told her that I would never be like her, and she said she would pray to never become like me.

I told her that I would never be HER! 

And I don't want to be. I don't want to be. I want to break free! 

And I will be!