Chronicles of the primeval gods: Life and Death of Ishtar: His Light.

Chronicles of the primeval gods: Life and Death of Ishtar: His Light.

A/N: That filthy bastard spoke to me this morning, so I had to indulge him. I very much love his doubting heart, the simple jealousy he feels towards the Sin and his desire to both kill his sister and claim her. What a complicated twat.

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Ishtar walked the mortal realm. After such a long while spent at the Primeval God's realm, he needed to clear his mind. He was boiling with rage ever since Leviathan died. The very truth of his last words resonated with the New-All-Father who reacted in kind. Ayasha was manipulating him, wasn't she? While it all made sense and he had rejected her, accordingly, Ishtar still felt uneased about his decisions. Ayasha could be a very good liar, but for how long could she live in such a lie? He couldn't have been blinded by his own emotions not to see that Ayasha was trying to use him? Was he this gullible? He, who was War incarnate? War went beyond Death. It wasn't just about killing the enemies and winning. It wasn't just about the debauchery of slaughters that made War what it was. No. War was about anticipating, it was about planning and studying your enemies. It was about knowing your strengths and weakness and plan accordingly. It was about being smarter than your opponents and at the very least, be able to guess their next move. War, was exactly like playing chess. Ishtar might not know the rules of that human game, he might have never cared for it, but he knew how to lead a war and how to win it.

What his brother did, was trying to manipulate him one last time. Leviathan had a knack at getting into other people's heads and he surely succeeded one last time with his younger brother. Ishtar pushed away from the only true ally he ever had since he killed their father and the only one who was truly knowledgeable. She was smart, beautiful and cunning. Why did he push her away? She claimed to be in love with him from the very beginning and when they made love, he did feel she meant her words. Why would she moan his name with such passion if it wasn't the truth? Why would she keep seeking contact with him if she didn't love him? His mind was scrambled with doubt, so much so, he decided to go on Earth and forget his realm for a minute. His heart was restless, mostly because he knew that he had not come to terms with his love for Elpis. Each passing day was a torture for him because he could remember her clearly now. Her scent, the soft laugh she would let out when she saw him, the warmth of her body when she pressed it against him. He could remember the scent of her hair, or how tight she held onto him when she was scared, or how free she felt when she walked the battlefield and let her powers influence humans. She made his heartbeat louder, faster and stronger. She made him smile when he woke up because he knew he'd get to spend some time with her. She still did.

At the mere thought of his beloved sister, his heart was aching. Losing her to the Sin had to be the worst day he ever had. When she claimed she loved another, the light she shone upon him disappeared. Why did she cast her light onto someone else? Why did she want to belong to someone else? She was his... she was /HIS/ and he wouldn't have had it otherwise. He looked at his murderous hands, those very hands that betrayed his sister and stabbed her in her heart because of jealousy. He envied the Sin. He hated the Sin. He wanted to be him. He wanted to have what he lacked and what attracted Elpis. He wanted to be the one she looked at with loving eyes. He wanted to be the name she whispered when she lost herself to pleasure. He wanted to be the comforting strong arms she could cuddle to when she was scared and needed comfort. He could have been if he had not stabbed her with that knife. He knew that on that very day, it was anger and jealousy that drove his hand. It was the way she so adamantly loved someone else that made him jealous. It was the way she rejected him that hurt his ego, made him see red, made him stab her. She was his and yet she didn't want to be. Now, the New All-Father had ruined his chance to be with her one day. She could never forget the betrayal, the pain, the fact he destroyed her future with Pride and because she wouldn't, she could never love him.

It made his hands shake and his heart heavy. Ambition had never quite been what he had. Ishtar was perfectly fine with the life he led. Now that he went too far, he couldn't have the audacity to wish for things to go back to how they once were. He couldn't ask for time to reset and for him to have a second chance. His heart was yearning for a second chance, for the possibility to see Elpis again. Perhaps, he would learn to accept the fact she would never choose him and perhaps, if he did, he would still be able to be visited by her. He could have had it all...instead of nothing. As he looked past the window of his car, he realized that he felt alone. Always had. Always will... even with Ayasha by his side. Elpis' light was the only thing that helped him forget his loneliness. With her, he wasn't alone. With her there always was a soothing presence, a warmth he could no longer find and the realization had him cover his face with his left hand. He was alone....and perhaps that was the worst punishment he could ever have. But his soul was boiling and since anger was filling his cold lonely jealousy heart, then he could as well reconcile with Ayasha. They both were miserable, weren't they? Well, this time they would be miserable together.

He had to make amends for his old ways and make sure the goddess realized he wanted to apologize for the way he treated her. He would take care of it, later, when his guilt and sadness would be expurged from his system when nothing but anger and blood-lust filled his veins.. when nothing but shame and regret drove him to the next fight....to his Fate.

(TBC)