" I guess I live to see another day now.
For the short period of my life when uncertainty won over any shred of reasoning I had in my mind, I was confused. I was overwhelmed. I was slowly losing grip on reality. Everything was darkness, everything could stop tomorrow and I spent nights being afraid to even close my eyes because I wasn't sure I would be awake the next morning.
With this came questions and a hard look at my life. What would people say about me if I died during the night? what print would I leave here, did my life even matter? Does it today? My life became the zero-sum of all of my mistakes, all of my sunken dreams, all of the things I couldn't accomplish nor dared dream. I became nothing and my harsh mind was judging me irrelevant, already dead.... a living dead person with no future and ridiculous dreams.
It would be lying to say that I pulled through and managed to see something different. It would be lying to say I am still not afraid of losing everything and everyone I have ever loved or realize that they have stopped loving me for reasons unknown to me. It would be lying to say that I am not feeling like a prisoner of my own mind.
but like I said earlier on, I guess I live to see another day.
Hope still found a way, Life does too. Even at the lowest point in my life, I still kept some wonders, some devouring desire to live my life to the fullest. I still found the energy to put one foot after the other and move forward. I can't be limited to the erroneous thoughts that plague my mind, nor to the scalding feeling of failure that embraced it. Hope is still there, reminding me by little touches that I do have people who care, that I do care about them, that my life isn't over -far from it- and that I could still redefine what's true, what's real and what's about to come and make me feel fulfilled.
My life isn't over, it had just begun.
My love isn't over, I have plenty to give to those who want it.
I have plenty to get for those who want to give it to me.
I have dreams and ideals and I will achieve my goals.
Starting with waking up tomorrow again
starting with living the moment
starting with dreaming bigger than I allowed myself to until now.
I feel that blood pumping through my veins and I am still breathing, so yes, there is still a tomorrow, isn't it?
We still have one.
You still have one.
And no matter the unknown, we'd go through with it.
like we always do.
Together.
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