The right to be sad

 Another conversation from another day: The right to be sad

We were wondering last time if in today's society (read French one) if we were in this age and day still able to take our time to be sad or mourn. I argued that we are constantly pressured into dealing as quickly as possible with our sadness. Especially on social media. Most of the time we're met with « it's an attention-seeker » or « it's showmanship' » or « this person is selfish or whiny ». Especially when we express more than once and for an extended period of time our disappointment, or heartbreak over something that really has a huge impact on our lives. I'm not talking about minor inconveniences or short-lived embarrassment here. It's a whole other story. If not directly urged to quickly 'get over it ', it's the constant peer pressure of 'happiness ' that is making it difficult for people to actually be more vocal about the pain they are going through. It feels as if it was mandatory for us to constantly put a smile on our faces because at best 'we're ruining the mood' and at worst 'we should be shunned from society because we kill the joy buzz.'. 

It is a bit extreme and I went there on purpose when we discussed it because unfortunately, while not this brutal, I found myself in these situations or witnessed them happen to others. Not only in front of me (physically) but also through interactions on social media. Are we that intolerant to others' suffering? How is it that when someone suffering from chronic pain (fibromyalgia for example) or chronic illness (like Depression/Anxiety, Schizophrenia, and most Mental illnesses) it becomes difficult to talk about how it affects your life daily, or when you have ups phases and down phases because people do not know how to react to it and would rather have you shut up about it or ignore it altogether? This has happened, this would happen and this is happening as we speak. Of course, it discourages people from coming forward and be open about how they feel, but it's not the only reason, -peer pressure-. You also have, and I return to my first argument here- social pressure about constantly be happy and smiling and quickly getting over things. It's tied to success. The faster you can get back on your feet, the more successful you are, the more in control you are, and of course you are a model to those you can't get themselves together. If you spend most of your time creating this perfect image on your social media of always being happy and in control of course it'll impact on your way to deal with your emotional issues too. You would want to fit the image you created because everywhere you look at it, this is how people present themselves. 

Of course, that argument was countered by another one brought to me by my friend. There are more and more spaces, online and in real life allowing people to actually express themselves. Safe spaces where people who suffer from the same affliction could find some peace and helpful advice. I am not against those safe bubbles of course not, I am glad they are there. My friend also pointed out that more and more people are open-minded, families especially and this is right. I cannot say with exact certitude that yes, more families are open to discussion and help more of their own regarding their issues than before and I don't want to look at it with a hope-tainted lense but it seems to me that at least they are more vocal about being supportive and we have more examples of families being supportive which is a fantastic point. I have the need to however nuance a little bit this point by saying that as much as there is this « always feel good. » there is also this «appears to be the most supportive person » in a way to show who's the best « ally ». Fortunately, those people who act as if they cared are very quickly outed because you can't fake for years without betraying yourself. That is a very tiny nuance that doesn't take away from the fact more people are genuinely more welcoming and understanding. 

I personally find it very fascinating that these two tendencies co-exist. One could argue that they are actually feeding each other. We cannot be open about our issues to people in our lives so we find safe spaces where we could express ourselves with people who would understand because they go through the same issue we are. I don't quite know what to do with this information, it wasn't necessarily a social commentary but just part of a lengthy conversation with someone I really love that gave me a lasted impression.