« Don't make me say it » SPN

OHMYGODWHATHAVEYOUDONELOU?

All usual disclaimers! 

xxx

« What the hell was that ?? » He yelled at her, extremely pissed off and upset about her reckless behavior on the field.

She didn't say a word which was very unlikely given how loud-mouthed she was, but Oya wasn't in the mood for lectures. She didn't regret what she did and didn't see why she should apologize to him. Sam followed her to her bedroom in the bunker and she found her sitting on her bed and methodically dismantle her golden Desert Eagle. He wasn't on the field, he didn't know what happened except for Dean's half-assed explanation. Oya nearly sacrificed her life to save Dean, that was all he knew and while he didn't understand why Dean felt /this/ pissed off about it, he knew his brother enough to understand Dean didn't want to owe his life to anyone, except maybe Sam and Castiel. Sam knocked at her door but Oya ignored him. Since she didn't express her need to have him gone, the Winchester brother sat by the end of the bed and looked at her disassembling her gun.

« Oya? » She didn't reply to him, which prompted him to keep talking. « Oya. Please talk to me. » He could tell she was trying to cope with whatever happened there because she was focused on her gun and oblivious to the rest. Her hands were shaking and her face was tight and tensed. « Oya, I know you can hear me, if you don't want to do the talking, I'll do it anyway. » She didn't flinch and kept herself busy with her gun. « Oya, what happened on the field? »

« Your brother was an idiot! I had to save his ass. Now he's pissed off because he didn't want to owe me his life. I don't care if he owes me or not, he's alive. Point blank period. » She repeated, sounding more like a robot than her actual self, but at least she was talking. Sam swallowed a lump and scratched the back of his neck.

« You know Dean. Of course, he wouldn't want you to die for him. He wouldn't want anyone to die for him. »

« I didn't do it for myself. » She snapped at Sam while still disassembling her gun. « I did it for you.  You need him and he needs you. » She groaned while finishing her disassembling. « If he can't appreciate when someone cares about him, I don't give a flying fuck. He can go fuck himself! » She said, now visibly upset.

« It's not like this and you know it Oya. He likes you, I.. I like you too. He was concerned that's all. »

« Stop saying shit, Sam! You and I both know he only cares about you, which is very fine with me. I saved him for you okay? »

« You could have died. Do you think I'd be okay with it if you died? » He said, forcing her to look up to him with her chestnut eyes. She became stiff and looked at him with eyes wide open.

« You should be. » Each of her words was hammered at him, while her gaze still very angry was staring at the taller brother. Sam was perplexed because he couldn't figure out what the hell was going on and what they both were hiding from him or from themselves. Oya was stiff from head to toe and he could tell she didn't want to talk about it and kept growing walls around her. He never saw her so scared before, because yes, her eyes screamed fear and even if she was trying her best to hide it, Sam wasn't duped. He could tell.

« No. I shouldn't. Oya what happened there? » He asked again as he needed an answer.

« Dean was in danger. I didn't think. I just went for it. » She said.

It was the truth. Dean and she have been hunting an Ekko. An African spirit of the dead who could possess people. To get rid of it, the possessed must absolutely be true to themselves otherwise, the spirit would consume them. Of course, to destroy it before possession, it required either a specific incantation or pentagrams which obviously Dean didn't know. The Ekko possessed Dean and attacked Oya, injuring her in the process. Then ensued a fight between possessed!Dean and Oya who tried to recite her incantation while fighting the monster with little to no success. She was terrified of what the Ekko could do to Dean. They were mean spirits known to torture their hosts with their worst fears or the most traumatic event of their lives repeating itself over and over again. One of Dean's definitely was when he lost Sam to Lucifer. He felt so desperate and distraught when it happened that anything else in his book was a walk in a park. The spirit knew it and stirred guilt and anguish from this moment to keep its control over Dean.

For Oya, it was another story. She couldn't shake the memories of her fiancé being possessed by a demon and forcing her to kill him. She couldn't shake the trauma away and see Dean in the same position forced her to remember what she buried deep inside of her. It broke free from its mental prison and overwhelmed Oya who froze for a while. Her body fought the Ekko and possessed!Dean but her mind lost the battle already. Vivid memories of Fabrice being possessed and spewing hateful and gut-wrecking words at his beloved came back to her and the feeling of weakness and despair filled her. Yet she refused to leave Dean to suffer at the hands of a monster she could beat and succeed in beating him unconscious and finish the incantation to take the spirit away. The Ekko noticed her anger, despair, and guilt overwhelming her and decided to taunt her. The African hunter wanted Dean out of the picture and safe, so she didn't make a move towards the creature and instead let the spirit taunt her until Dean woke up. He did and saw Oya standing a few feet away from him and being at the receiving end of a degrading roast from the Ekko. He caught her attention, asked her to finish the bitch but she refused to make a move and instead asked him to leave. They argued and the Ekko tried to possess her. But due to the protective scarification ritual she endured when she was a little girl, it failed. Dean felt something was wrong, she wasn't fighting back, she wasn't even insulting the creature like she usually would but she kept begging him to leave the place and run away without her. He could tell she was hurt, the more the spirit tried to possess, the more it hurt her but she held on and begged Dean to leave her alone. The monster stopped trying to possess her and instead went after Dean but Oya found the strength to finish her incantation and use her blood to send the spirit back to the ethereal plane. She freaked out, it rarely happened to her ever since she joined the Winchesters but she freaked out.

« Oya! You know it's not the truth. Look at you, you're mechanical, almost like you're on autopilot. »

« I did save him. » 

« Yeah I know but it's not the whole truth. What are you not telling me? » He asked in a softer voice. His hand stopped hers from reassembling her gun so she would focus on him instead. She chewed at her bottom lip, eyes shifting from left to right before she finally stared at him. Her whole body was still stiff but he believed she was about to cry.

« I was scared.. he died okay? I was scared... I was upset because I didn't notice the Ekko before it possessed Dean. It's an African monster, it's my responsibility. I thought I had killed them all last time we met but I haven't.. and now look what happened. » She was fighting her own tears and shook her head to give herself some strength.

« It's not your fault. » He said, holding her hand in a more gentle manner. She shook her head.

« Yes, it is! It's how I lost Fabrice, I didn't want to lose another... » She blushed and then closed her eyes tight. Same blinked, it was the first time he ever heard this name and given how she shut down very fast, he realized that Fabrice might have been someone she cared about.

« Who was Fabrice? »

« My fiancé. He.. He was possessed by a demon years ago. We were engaged you know, I thought that given how many hunters there were, I didn't need to go on the field and-and ….and the worst happened. He..he was possessed by a demon and I couldn't for the life of me save him. I am sure you understand how shitty it is to have to kill someone you love and to hear them spew hateful words at you... I did it. I did it... I killed him. » She said still struggling hard not to cry but she couldn't help herself and wiped out the stream of tears rolling down her cheeks.

« ...I am sorry. I do know how it is to lose someone to a monster you're hunting. » He said with a tight sympathetic smile. He held her hand tighter and put his other hand on her shoulder. « Hold on, did you say you didn't want to let another... another Fabrice? Are you talking about... »

« Don't make me say it. » She said, brows furrowed as she realized she spoke too much. He shrugged and swallowed hard.

« I won't say anything. I mean, Oya, it's pretty obvious you have a crush on Dean. » He said, coughing a bit as he was a little uneased to talk about it.

« Don't make me say it Sam... » She pleaded, putting her other hand over his. Her heart jumped in her ribcage.

Truth be told, she never really considered her feelings towards Dean. She did know how much she was attached to Sam, but her feelings for Dean were unclear. She was attracted to him, his adorable face, his low-key sex-appeal, and his beautiful eyes. She enjoyed having sex with him, but more than the deed itself, it was the before and definitely the after. Dean had her stay with him in the same bed. Dean had her go get some breakfast for the both of them. Dean had her wish she could stay with him and Sam for a long while, maybe all her life until Death did them apart. It wasn't just sex, it was his whole being, his comforting presence, their banter and foul mouths. It was his voice in her ear saying her name. It was them sharing a beer while watching football, it was them killing monsters and saving lives. It was deeper than just a crush. It was deeper than that and she refused to see it.

Feelings complicated everything. Feelings for Dean was a road trip to hurtsville for him and her. She wasn't good with people and she was probably too damaged for both of them to sustain a healthy relationship. Oya was demanding, commanding, impatient, short-tempered, a bitch really. She was overprotective, fierce, loyal and caring too but it didn't mean she was the right shoe to Dean's foot. He himself was a serious case but she would be willing to accept him if she was sure he would accept her. There was the wild card nobody had any clue of. Dean might just not be into her. She was almost certain he wasn't, therefore, she didn't want to know. She didn't want to acknowledge it. She didn't want to say it. Sam realized that she had feelings for his brother, her face couldn't hide it anymore, at least not in front of him. Her genuine care and distress betrayed the woman as well and uncertainty which could be read all over her face.

« Say what? » He played dumb. « Oya, I need to understand. I need to make sure you're not going to do it again. »

« I can't promise that. If you are in danger and if he is in danger, I would always put myself in line. You have each other. You have each other so I wouldn't want to separate the two of you. » She said, using his last sentence to breach in and avoid talking about her feelings.

« Oya. » He furrowed his brows. « He's still very pissed off. He would remain angry at you for doing what you did. »

« I will survive. » She whispered, hands still shaking and lips still trembling. « I will survive his anger. Better this than him dead. »

« You said you lost Fabrice and you didn't want to lose another... » She stiffened again, why was he insisting?

« Don't make me say it, Sammie. Please don't. »

« Why? »

« If I say so, I wouldn't be able to ignore it. I would be forced to face it and deal with it. I do not want to do it. » She whispered, tears still rolling down her cheeks. « I know how it is, you know how it is....And we both know he's not.... he won't... I'm not... Let's not try this okay? » She felt blood rush into her veins, feeling exposed all of a sudden to Sam's sharp brain. Of course, he understood what she meant but didn't want to say. Of course, he wouldn't insist anymore now that he knew why she didn't want to talk about it. Instead, he offered her a comforting smile.

« It's okay. You don't have to say it. I care about you Oya. You keep saying that I have my brother and yes it's true, I do have him and he has me but I don't want you to think you're expandable. You're not. If you died or if you're hurt, I won't like it. He won't either. »

« You don't have to speak for him. I would happily give my life for you two. Of course, I'd rather not die bitches, so you better crank up your game! » She joked around, feeling relaxed after she heard what Sam told her. She was only a few minutes away to confess her feelings for Dean but fortunately, Sam gave her enough space not to freak out about it.

He didn't make her say it.