Asma's house, 04:00 am, Sunday morning.
"Jessica.
I'm calling you in the middle of the night because I can't sleep and I can't crash to your place. Tig's sleeping next to me and... With all that's been happening recently, I thought... I need to talk. I don't think I can actually speak my mind if we were face to face or talk about it again because I'm not ready, but I'll try okay? Words are crashing in my mind,...It's just... (pauses)
I-I-I've been thinking of my life, you know? of when it turned upside down for the better. Of when I started to feel like I could be saved. It.. it started when we met at my parlor. When you came for your tattoo. When I watched you with Jax, being alive, being in love, being real... being human. You were..you showed me something good. It wasn't the string of crow eaters and assholes who always fill my joint. It was something better, something I never thought I'd see.. it was...(pauses and sniffles)
Meeting you... I don't know how to say that Jess... Meeting you was.. it changed my life, man, it really did. I didn't know it yet but now I see it crystal clear! I told you already, that I love you like my sister because you are family to me. You're always putting others before you, always fight for the safety and happiness of others. You always give your all, and you don't care whether or not you get hurt. Even when you're disappointed, you keep giving to others. You're generous Jess.. and loving and strong and I love this about you. I love you. We went through so much shit together that we are now... family. yeah. We're family. And because we are. I am..terrified at the idea of losing you. It can't happen. I can't. I fucking can't! so you better fucking be careful. Because if you're gone. I will never be able to get up and go on with my life. You hear me? You hear me? Yeah?... Fuck... (pauses and sniffles harder)
I can't sleep. I can't because I said a week or so ago to Tig that I was in love with him. Out of the fucking blue. And I didn't tell you but at Christmas, he offered me a tattoo request. He wants my name on his skin. He wants me to ink him. it's a big step...it's a big step. I think it's too early. I wonder if he truly loves me. he said he does but I kinda forced the words out of his mouth. I don't want to screw that up. He's the first good man I ever had...Am I doing right by him? Is he happy with me? I am freaking out, I know I am. I'm freaking out and I don't know.. I don't know.." (heavy sighs)
But you know? I love you. I love you right? I just wanted you to know that you are.. the best thing to ever happen to me. Do you know that? (is crying over the phone) Do you know that? I don't think you do. Am I saying this enough? Am I showing my love enough? I want to give back all you're giving me, I want to take care of you like you did take care of me. I want you to know that you don't always need to give but you can also take. I want to give back..so much..I think I'm just tired. Maybe, if you have time, can you stop by my place?
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