A/N: That conversation didn't want to leave my goddamn mind:)
xxx
Sunday morning, 6:30 am Asma's house.
Asma's chuckle echoed through the walls of the bedroom. Tig was on top of her, his strong hands wrapped around her thick leg as his waist bucked against hers. His baby blue eyes were staring at her body, focused on seeing her writhe with pleasure as he pounded into her wet petite core. Her hands were up above her head, holding the pillows as she bit her bottom lip and gently rocked underneath him. He grinned at her as she cupped his cheek and planted several kisses on his lips. She shut her eyes tight and wrapped her legs around his waist, encouraging him to keep going but his phone rang.
« Don't answer.. » Asma said, holding his cheek so he wouldn't look at his phone. « Please, don't... I'm close... » She said, but the phone kept ringing so Tig stopped and withdrew from her.
Chibs was the one calling because he wanted to talk about their current business, which of course made Asma roll her eyes and leave the bed. She was upset, mostly because it wasn't the first time that the two of them were interrupted by a phone call on a Sunday morning. Of course, that meant Tig would have to go and do whatever the club needed him to. She was... fine with it, she said she was, so of course, she was. What she wasn't fine with was the way she told him she was « in love with him ». It came out at the wrong time when she wasn't ready to say the words and since that moment, Asma had been thinking of it. Could they work as a couple? Could they be together and find a way to be happy? Wouldn't he be exhausted by her? By her lack of trust in herself? By her fears and insecurities? She had not truly looked back at her past, at the abuse at the hands of Oscar and how it broke her inside. She never even talked about his death and how she felt since she realized he was gone for good. She wanted to be committed but was afraid to do so and yet, she did confess her true feelings on a whim couple of weeks ago.
She watched as Tig walked in circles as he and Chibs talked about their current job. Asma was too lost into her thoughts to eventually listen to him, instead, she stood up, and walked towards her vanity where Tig's Christmas present was tucked at the corner of the mirror. On Christmas, aside from her own homemade kutte, he requested a tattoo from her. He wanted her to ink her name on his skin, which was one big step forward in their relationship. Both knew what a tattoo meant and how important such a gesture was but it felt like it was too soon for Asma. Why did he want to write his name on her skin, this soon? To have one's name on someone's skin was the highest form of commitment she encountered. It meant more than diamonds and gold, more than flowers and even more than a nice ceremony in front of the mayor. It was a commitment for life and beyond because even in Death the name would still be written on that skin until the body turned into ashes. She agreed to ink him, cried ugly in his arms and put the paper on the corner of her mirror to remind herself that this man was ready and willing to commit. But was he? She touched the paper with the tip of her fingers and sat on her vanity. Her smile was replaced by a worried frown as she crossed her arms on the table and sighed deeply.
He never said the words back, he never said them and it had been weeks. He didn't talk about the tattoo either, which made her believe that he simply wanted to impress her on Christmas. Tig hung up the phone, now aware of what the next move would be. Of course, a call like this killed his libido and Alex looked at his now limp dick that dangled between his legs. He sighed and looked around for Asma, only to find her sitting in front of her vanity. He furrowed his brows but before he could make up his mind, his body was already moving towards her. It always happened, he always felt the urge to make sure she was alright and comfort her, so he did and he put his hands on both her shoulders. She sighed and looked up to his face before she allowed her left hand to brush over his right one.
« I'm sorry about the call. »
« You don't need to apologize for that. It's the job... » She set her hazel eyes on him for a brief moment before she lowered her head and looked straight in the mirror. « Tig...I'm not mad....I'm not angry because of your relationship with the club. » She said, leaning her head against his chest.
« I figured that out. » He said, planting another kiss on top of her head. « What makes you angry then? »
« I'm not angry. I'm... » She chewed at her bottom lip and gently rolled on herself, turning around so she could face him. She looked up to him and crossed her arms over her ample chest. « I'm thinking of us...I don't quite know... » She stopped talking, unable to find the right words.
« Wait wait ... » He said, crouching in front of her so he would be at her level. « Are you upset because I didn't answer to what you said when I left? » He danced around it and she opened her eyes wide.
« N...No. Not. Not that. I'm upset because I said those words when I wasn't ready to say them. I said... »
« Did you mean your words? » He asked, confused. She always confused him but he realized that she was making progress one day and took several steps back. He should know better, of course, she would. He knew her story, half of it, the part she experienced at the hands of Oscar so it was natural for her to be afraid. She was the prisoner of some sick bastard for years who tried to control every aspect of her life, from what she wore to what she said. She had to endure physical violence from that man and to top it off, she never addressed any of those issues but he knew.
« What if I did? » She asked with a cracked voice, which forced her to put a hand over her plump lips.
« It's not a bad thing, Bella. It's not. » He said, his heart soaring as he heard her confession. He did hear it right when she said it. She was in love with him and the information sent him over the edge. The biker tried to sound as reassuring as he could. His large hand cupped her cheek he started to stroke.
«Yeah? » He nodded, which prompted her to smile to him. Tig put his other hand on her cheek and gave her a tight smile. «Yeah? » He nodded again. « Then... in that case.. I meant my words. I am in love with you.....and it scares me because...I don't know how you feel, how you truly feel or if we're ready for this. » She said, wrapping her hands on his arms. « I want it to work Tig... but..I've been disappointed so much by the men I fell in love with that I am afraid to fall in love again.. but it's too late, I'm already in love with you and... I don't know how to navigate those troubled waters. » She admitted, eyes closed as she couldn't handle his reaction. It made him scoff and then chuckle and then had him stand back up and lean against the vanity.
« Well.....We're on the same boat here Bella. » He said, taking the paper and looking at it fondly. He remembered how her face lit up on Christmas when she saw this present. He remembered how her eyes filled themselves with unshed tears as she realized what it actually meant, but did she actually realize that it was his way of saying he was in love with her too? « I don't know how to do that either. It's been way too fucking long since I let someone in...Too fucking long since I actually had to care for someone else than me. I don't know how to do this or if I'm the right guy for you or if I even... » He trailed off and ran his hand over his face. «... This... this thing we have going on? It makes me feel good. » He admitted. « It makes me feel... Whole. » He handed her the paper.
« This is stressing me out Tig. The tattoo thing... it's a huge commitment you know? It means you want me to be in your life for all eternity.. it means you, love. /me/ enough to have my name on your skin. It means...we're /that/ serious. Are we? Are we? Because I don't think you realize just how. » He had her spin around again, this time facing him again and the mirror of the vanity. Her eyes were still wide open and she shook her head. She ran her hand through her wet locks and looked up at his face. « Do you love me? » She finally asked her hazel eyes shifty eyeing with him.
« I /do/ want your name on my skin...I know what it means and I mean it. » He said, holding her hand. « I-I... » She asked the question and he was left speechless for a while. She looked at him intensely, already convinced that he didn't love her and didn't want to hurt her feelings by asking her a tattoo he could remove with some laser. He knew it was a slippery slope but goddamnit, he couldn't just say the words like that. Why didn't she see the fact he wanted to actually have her name on his skin be the declaration of love he couldn't utter? She tried to remove her hand and he noticed her tears. She quickly wiped her tears off of her face and pushed the chair away but as she stood up, ready to leave the room, he grabbed her wrist, making her freeze. « Fuck that shit, Bella. You know I do. You know I love you. » He said, pulling her into a tight hug. As she held him in her arms, Asma eyes grew wide and she looked at him intensely.
« You do? » Her voice was still cracking but he nodded. « Say it again! »
« I love you, I'm stupidly in love with you okay? So much so that I want your name on my skin. » He planted a kiss on her lips and rubbed her back. « You and me, I know it's messy right now but...We'll learn together. »
« We'll learn together. » She repeated and closed her eyes.
He kissed her forehead and then kept her in a strong embrace. She was still shivering because she did force the words out of his mouth, just like hers left her lips without giving her warning signs. She felt her heart soar at the confession but also realized that he was as scared of love as she was. Both were on the same boat, as Tig said. Both were worried because they didn't have much control over their feelings. She was determined to find the confidence in confronting her past to have a better future. She knew that learning how to shoot would indeed, make her feel stronger and would have her reflect on the trauma she so nicely pushed under the rug of her mind. She closed her eyes and decided to let go of her worries and ran her hands on his back. They would do it together. Always and...
Forever.
-TBC-
No comments:
Post a Comment