soa: where are you?

(SoA)

"I went to see Jax a couple days ago. He seemed to be doing alright. Maybe a little more worried than usual. Maybe a little darker than usual. I can't exactly tell. I am not with him 24/7 but you are. Oh, I should be calling you right now, I should be talking with you about the whole trip to prison and the fact I hate this place and wish to never have to come back there. Oh, I should be calling you right now and talk about how stressful this must be for you. I should e telling you all the shit I have done, trying to help and how lucky I was to get out alive. Oh, I should be calling you... but where are you?

You disappeared, again, as usual, if we think about it. You disappeared and because I'm kept out of the loop, I have no goddamn idea of where. Sure, Mayhem started when Jax was sent to prison. People died, chaos ensured, My brain quickly realized it was you but I kept my mouth shut...I could handle that shit because at least you came back home when the deed was done. At least I could talk with you, I could stop by your house, bring the kids cookies, have a chat with you and see how you were doing. Now? Now I can't do shit because you're not around. Where the fuck are you?

Do you remember the night we talked and you told me you went back to business? Do you remember how worried you were that I was mad at you for keeping it from me? Well, no shit Sherlock, now I'm mad! Now I'm pissed at you... Now I'm worried sick about you because I haven't heard from you. The boys? They're lips-glued and wouldn't say a damn word to me, especially Ope, no matter how much I bribed him with food. He just wouldn't tell me shit, like he didn't tell me shit when you went....missing. As usual, I'm hitting a wall and I'm left powerless and clueless and all I can do is watch as you...I am mad Jess...I am mad at you, do you know that?

Not because you're probably going on a rampage. I know you, remember? I can't be mad at you for trying to save your man. Hell, I would have done the same... hell! I did the same, just a lot more stupidly than you could ever do that. It's not my world after all. It's not... I'm not angry, I'm terrified. I'm terrified because you could be dead and my guts have a really bad feeling so I know you're not safe but I can't do shit about it. Nobody but you can do it. So I'm just left with Hope and faith in you. I'm just left with the unshakable faith in you that I have.

The Hope that you will come back to me in one piece and we will talk again. And we will laugh again...and you'll be at my wedding. Cause if you die...who's gonna carry the veil? If you die, who's gonna carry the rings? Who the fuck is gonna dab the tissue so my makeup isn't ruined when I say I do? Can't you see? I'm missing my sister! Where is she, uh? Where are you?"