SOA: You made me cry

SoA! : You made me cry.

// <3 <3 somehow found myself thinking of you. <3 love you 

:)

The carnival was a success, truly it was. Everyone was enjoying each other, everyone was living their life as if nothing had just happened. Nothing happened?... nothing happened? That was a pure line of bullshit. Everything happened! Not so long ago, Jessica had been missing. Nobody knew where she went, nobody knew if she was alive. Everyone tried to keep it together, pretend everything was alright. Opie lied to Asma's face several times, sometimes he even added a smirk just so she would calm herself down. She understood why they did it, but her guts were telling her otherwise. Her eyes were telling her otherwise. Jax was.

For weeks she watched the King of Samcro decompose himself. He was driven mad with anguish and fear for his wife. Was she even alive? would she come back unharmed? Last time she had gone away was when a sick fuck kidnapped her. He still remembered the days spent at the hospital, walking in a circle, praying she would wake up, hoping he wouldn't have to tell his sons that their mom, this new woman they had welcomed into their young lives was dead. Asma vividly remembered those days, for she forced herself to go to the ether-smelling, dreadful place the hospital was. Akin to another dimension, she felt time goes slowly, excruciating minutes spent in vain, each of these filled with hope and fear of seeing a doctor or a nurse come and bring bad news. She still remembered how livid and unhinged Jax was back then. How he was when Jessica was missing.

And here he was, pretending that nothing had happened. Here he was, pretending he wasn't affected by his wife's disappearance and suddenly come back. Did it matter? it had to matter at some point. Asma knew it couldn't just go away because they ate candy and rode cartwheels. but fuck it was needed. Today, of all days, was a well deserved nice day and they had earned their joy, their smiles, their happy sighs and kisses. Asma's stomach was still tight, heavy as if she had a brick inside of it. Each and every time she saw the King walk past her and Alex, she remembered how he felt when Jessica was outside. He was nothing but a shell of a man. She could still hear his footsteps as he walked in a circle, the sound of his fists hitting the walls, the sound of his screams after he heard from Brad or got a brief call from Jessica. She remembered his face, pale as the moon, his eyes injected with blood, his fists red from the punches he gave earlier. She remembered her own fears.

Her relationship with the king was a nice one. When Jessica was around and he wasn't worried, Jax was charming. He was teasing Asma and Tig, he was really fun to be around. Because Tig opposed filling-in Asma about the club's activity, and Jax wouldn't anyway, Jax never truly explained what he was doing, they kept it civil, light-hearted, innocent almost. The only moment things became a little heavier was when Asma wrongfully texted him instead of Jessica, a year or so ago when she drank on the anniversary of her sobriety. it brought them closer, they truly became friends on that night so she always expected things to go a certain way. At least, with Jax. But when Jessica went missing, he wasn't pleasant at all. He tried his best to keep his tone even, to tone down his anger and his fear but he couldn't. He was transparent and she read him loud and clear. she knew something was up which made his refusal to talk about Jessica's case even worse.

He made Asma cry. That's what Jax did. He was the very first reason she picked up something was wrong. Jessica not texting back happened, she knew that, but to have Jax this worried about his wife told everything Asma needed to know without Jax saying a word. And because he remained silent, she was upset with him. How could he do that to her? how could he leave her in the dark? how could he make her cry like that? She wanted to be mad, and she somehow was. She somehow wanted Jax and her to sit and talk about what happened but decided against it. If anything, Jax was blindsided here. If anything, Jessica had to do the explaining. If anything, she should... oh fuck.. no..let it rest, Asma, let it go. She rubbed her belly, as anguish overwhelmed her guts but was distracted when Tig wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pressed his lips to hers. Now wasn't the time to be angry. now wasn't the time to be upset. now was just the time to rejoice and celebrate.

Now...