//ON THE SPOT LITTLE MOMENT.That's the messed up moment she said: "I am in love with you". One she might retcon when he comes back. Ah!
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Tig wasn't peculiarly happy when Asma told him she wanted to learn how to shoot. He didn't want her to get hurt because that girl sometimes could be very clumsy, but he understood the need to feel safe. He couldn't always be there to protect her since he wandered around with the club and he couldn't always call to make sure she was safe. A gun seemed reasonable. She was reasonable unless she was angry, but there had been less and fewer reasons for her to be so Tig agreed. It wouldn't have changed anything for Asma, who was now determined to learn how to shoot but having his support encouraged her to be even more responsible. Jessica gave her a fake gun to carry around just so she could get used to having such weight with her under any circumstances. Needless to say, the very first days were uncomfortable at best. Now that the holidays were over and Tig was back to business with the rest of SAMCRO, Asma was once again nervous about all of this.
She knew what they were and what they did for a living. She accepted the nature of their work and the dangers that came along with it. It did bother her at the beginning when she started to see Tig. He wouldn't always be home if they ever had a home, to begin with. He would sometimes come back injured or in a very bad mood and she would have to deal with it. She was aware of all of this but it didn't make it easier; When he told her that he would go back to working on that "car" he's been fixing with the boys, Asma took it very badly. She argued with him for a few days about how she didn't want him to go because her guts felt something would go horribly wrong and yet, she had to swallow her words because she knew already that he would never leave the club. He would never reject the life he was leading, not even for her. She didn't even know what she wanted aside from him being alive. Her heart was selfish, she was aware of that, but why wouldn't it be when finally, after years of misery she finally was happy?
As he prepared himself for the next mission, he found her walking in cycles in the bedroom. Her disheveled dyed pink hair fell onto her shoulders as she ran her hand through it. Tig observed for a while before he grabbed her arm, catching her attention and making her stop. Her hazel eyes looked up at his concerned face. He didn't want to leave her behind, but he had to go.His large hand cupped her cheek and stroked it while she sighed, defeated by her inner turmoil.
"I'll be back sooner than you think, Bella." His voice wanted to be reassuring and soft but it didn't work very well as she remained defeated and sad.
"I know you will.." Her voice had cracks as she was doing her best not to cry in front of him. "Just.. be careful, that's all I'm asking for." She let her hand rest on his chest and felt his other hand wrap around her waist. "Just come back to me."
"I will. I promise."
"It's a promise you can't make...Don't make it." She closed her eyes as he pressed his lips against hers. "Don't make it...Tig." She pouted as he pulled away. He felt the fake gun she had on her belt and patted her cheek with the hand that cupped it.
"Be a good girl, Asma and I will come back with a treat." He grinned, to make her grin and it worked a little bit.
"This time, come back with a real treat. A real gift! I don't want to care about you being the gift okay?" She poked his chest and pursed her lips into another pout.
"That's my girl. "
He kissed her lips again and pulled away from her as he prepared himself to leave the room. Her eyes grew wide as she hated the sight of him leaving her. The hazel orbs shifted from left to right before she moistened her lips and bit her bottom one. "Be careful Bella.." He waved his hand, ready to leave but she wanted to stop him. Her heart was racing inside of her ribcage, beating so fast that Asma felt she was about to have a heart attack. Him leaving put everything into perspective, especially how she felt about him. She remembered a question Jessica asked her not so long ago about the relationship. "Are you happy with Tig?" it seemed like a no-brainer for her and she responded almost nonchalantly but the truth was... she realized the real weight her words had. Of course, she was happy with Tig but that happiness felt strange.
It was a mix of pain and joy, of curiosity and fear, of apprehensions and relief. At this exact moment, she felt the pain of allowing him to leave her to face danger, the uncertainty of tomorrow and his survival. He played a dangerous game, one that didn't leave him unscathed and one that could also take him from her. She had just found happiness, why would Fate be cruel and take Tig from her? Thoughts were a mess in her mind, twirling over and over and over until only one thing came through. Her guts had her run towards him and wrap her arms around his waist. It was primal, poorly thought out but it was real. He stopped, eyes wide open as he didn't understand what was going on. The way she hugged him suggested she didn't want him to go, the way she was shaking informed him that she was affected by that..He patted her hands and tried to turn around but she wouldn't let him.
"Before you go...I just want you to know that I...I...." She swallowed hard and shut her eyes tighter. "I love you. I am..in love you... I love you and I want you to stay alive so I could say it again.." She shut her eyes tighter and pulled away from him slowly. "You have someone who longs for your return, so don't fuck shit up, Alex." And she pushed him forward, informing him that she had said her piece and he could leave now. He was dumbfounded by all of this, mostly because it was the first time she actually said how she truly felt. It wasn't the cutesy "I love you". No! It was the real deal. The real one and for the first time in his life, he just realized he had nothing to say because he wasn't ready.
"I won't fuck up."
Was all he could say before he walked away to an anxious Asma who watched him leave her sides. As he left, she hit the front door with her fist and growled as she thought it shouldn't have happened like this. She shouldn't have open her heart on a whim. She should have.. but was it a good way to express one's feelings? Was it?
-TBC-
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