SoA: miss my mother

 (SoA) I miss my mother. 

I'm not talking about the Soul Food she used to cook for the family, nor am I talking about her goodnight kisses. 

I'm not talking about the pride in her eyes when she saw me graduate, nor when she thought I was going to marry a decent man. 

I'm not talking about the strength and resilience she showed when my daddy died while fighting for our country overseas. She never cried in front of my brother and I. She worked even harder to ensure we had a bright future...

Well, it wasn't really bright, now was it? If she knew I got engaged to a lunatic, she would have slapped the shame out of my face. I guess I miss that about her. I miss that today the most. 

She wouldn't have let Oscar get away with hurting her little girl. I'm sure she would have killed him herself if she was alive today. S

he wouldn't have accepted that I feel guilty for whatever shit he put me through. She would have shaken me up, knocked some senses back into my thick skull. 

I need this today, her no-nosense pep talk, her comforting embrace, her motherly love. 

I miss my mom... 

so much...