OYA : She was alive

At the top of the list of things Oya hated during a hunt, losing her edge and being captured was right there. Once you took the trauma induced by having someone steal your identity, your likeness and pretend to be like you with your partner, what was left was humiliation. She was humiliated by the shapeshifter. She thought she should have seen it coming miles away and cursed herself for not having noticed earlier that she was walking into a trap. It happened, she tried to tell herself. It happened and many hunters, even among the best, fell for traps like these. She was only human, she was bound to make mistakes. Yes, of course! But mistakes in her line of work usually led to death and she could have died. Oya never truly realized how fragile her life was, or she never truly cared about it. It didn't matter if she lived or died as long as she got to destroy the Asanbosam who slaughtered her family. Things changed when she finally met the Winchesters. Things changed so much that she started to contemplate living for a change.

She wouldn't want to waste her life, like she did in the past. She was going to savour each and every moment she would share with the Winchesters, with Dean. And she did. But the memory of that last hunt, haunted Oya. She could tell she was out of her mind when she fought against this werewolf pack. Her friend Wendell asked for help and together they went after a pack of sadistic werewolves who played with their food and tortured them before they killed them. The fight in itself was not unlike the ones she already took part in. However, this hunt felt different. Her mind was plagued with flashbacks she couldn't contain, moments of pure fear and desperation as she saw this double of hers imitate her until the lines became blurred and nobody could tell she was somebody pretending to be Oya. Those flahsbacks either made her stop and freeze or had her behave even more violently towards her enemies. Mostly the latter. So she went on and fought and killed the werewolves one after the other int he most brutal way she could find. Wendell watched as she didn't even stop to talk or didn't even care about the victims that still were alive. He did take the victims out while his friend was going on a rampage.

Hunting was a sport, at least she was raised to enjoy it as both an art and a sport but it was crystal clear that she was angry and upset by what happened. Again, it didn't even have to take into account the consequences on Dean. It simply had to take into account the way she failed as a hunter and nearly died. That was enough to piss her off. Oya knew she had to face her emotions one way or another and address that issue. She would need to if she didn't want it to become a liability in her activity. Yes, someone shifted as her, yes, she got to see her « own » dead body! Yes, Dean had to kill her! But what truly mattered was that /she/ was still alive. She didn't die. She was living and breathing and was kicking ass. She was alive. She was....Alive!