Saturday, November 17, 2018

(GOT BAAHAL): finding meaning in this world

"It is easy, I assume, to find something or someone to hate in this world. A simple goal, an easy goal it is to let hatred settle in and drive us. In my case, I hated the Lannisters, not because they did something to me personally, but because they hurt my family. They had to pay for the Starks death, they had to pay for stealing the throne....yet again, I knew deep down that I was looking for a reason to keep moving forward. A target, a mission...a goal to achieve.

What I was dreading now was the next step. We would win the war, I was certain of it. With or without me, Daenerys would sit on the throne and rule with a gentle but firm hand. She would prove to be a fair queen, the breaker of chains, the....Did it matter? Lord Jaime told me already that I had to live /my/ life and make it something I could be proud of. That required I find my drive. That required a dream that didn't involve my family. That required me to know myself better. That's when the truth hurts. I don't know. I never got to meet myself. my first and only wish was to be free but now that I am, I feel empty. I took on my sister's dream to guide me on this new path but once she's on the throne? then what?

Anger could take me so far as to help Daenerys be on the throne, but once we defeat our enemies I would need to let go of that anger. With Cersei dead and Lord Jaime....dead...I would have no more reason to be angry. I would have no more reason to be bloodthirsty and seek revenge. And once those feelings would leave me, what would remain? Jon Snow asked me what my true desire was and I was unable to answer. Today, should he ask me again, I wouldn't know what to say. I guess the next step would be to find out. regardless of how I do it. I would need to find out."

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