"Fuck Fate." He snapped at me that very cold night at Winterfell. He threw the words at my face as if they were nothing but facts. For him, men decided of their own life. There was nothing but free will, the very deliberate choice to make a decision, right or wrong. I couldn't blame him, for if he believed in Fate, then, his relationship with Cersei would have been nothing but a move on the chess game of the seven gods. He wouldn't have had the choice, it would always have been Cersei and no one else. He was angry at me on that cold winter night, because I dared say it would be my fate to die on the battlefield. Or was he angry because I was a coward, who was running away from Life because it was overwhelming? Either way, he was angry, and his outburst lit a fire inside of me. Somehow, he forced me to face my demons. I owe him that.
Fate wasn't real? I sometimes thought of him when he wasn't around. The memories of the day filled my mind, the memories of his face entered even my deepest nightmares and he was there. He was standing near the corpse of Viserion, soaked with the blood of my beloved friend. And in moments like this, I was afraid. I was afraid of him, of his resilience and loyalty to a faulty queen. I was upset at him, for wasting away his chance at life and willingly acting as the pawn of the queen. The memories of his face entered my deepest dreams when he was nothing but just a man, an honest and loyal and vulnerable man. I would see him smirk at me. I would hear his voice in my ear. I would feel a shiver down my spine as he would walk towards me, his smile was inviting, seductive... dangerous. He would invade my personal space, as he always did, and would stop inches from my face, taunting me, teasing me, testing me. I do not owe him this.
Jaime Lannister was a dangerous man but not for the reasons people thought he was. I wasn't scared of him for his knighting skills. I didn't care if he could swing his sword and behead him. I wasn't afraid to die by his hand. I wasn't afraid to lose the war or become a slave once again. I have seen it all, I have lived through all...except maybe kindness and care.
//All the usual disclaimers
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