Oya had never really been worried about her ability to hunt, injured or not. She had been raised to become a strong hunter, the type to never run away from a fight no matter what it cost her, yet, what happened to Joshua sincerely messed her up. Joshua was just like her, a hunter who loved saving people. They held competitions sometimes, just for sport, to motivate the other to give their best and she could recall just how much he loved to run. What happened to him felt wrong. Joshua might have known and accepted the rules of the game, it still felt wrong. Oya commanded his ability to accept his new situation -after all he could have died. he could have lost his family, the love of his life but instead he survived.-. She commanded his ability to see the good despite the bad and even find motivation to keep doing what he loved to do best: saving people. He wouldn't go anymore on the battlefield, but there were plenty of ways to continue fighting.
He was resilient, dedicated and on top of all, he didn't seem to be bitter about what had happened to him. the most important was that he wasn't alone. Joshua still had a future with Stephanie. he still could become a parent, still could help others the best way he knew. He still could move forward and Oya commanded that ability. Dean had to talk to her quite a few times already, just so she could get things off of her chest, admit that she still had issues with Joshua's situation because she thought that he didn't deserve this but Dean pointed out to her that the man himself, in the last conversation they had over the phone, was telling her that his life was far from being over and he did find new ways to be happy. he was happy. yes, it sucked that he couldn't walk, but he was planning to resume training, master his wheelchair, keep helping people while building a family with Stephanie. That was far from eliciting pity and he didn't want her to be upset anymore. Angels helped him when they saved his life.
So why was she so upset? Well, Oya realized she was projecting onto Joshua and was wondering how she would have handled such a situation. Hunting was her life, it was the only thing she was good at. She couldn't possibly switch lives like he did. She couldn't possibly give up on going on the field. As a matter of fact, Oya was scared of potentially having to choose another life than the one she built over the years. She heard stories about Bobby, but also heard that he had a hard time adjusting to being on a wheelchair and not on the field. She heard that his injuries truly sent him down the rabbit hole and perhaps that was due to his own issues. He had issues after all and so did Oya. She wasn't like Joshua who always found a way to find anything positive to say about life. He was optimistic, something Oya was clearly lacking of.
Nah, the real question wasn't even what could have happened to her if she was bound to a wheelchair. she could always manage and adjust to this new condition. What truly bothered the woman was being unable to hunt with Dean. It was sacrificing their lilfe on the road, as partners. Not being able to go hunt with Dean? not being able to enjoy the long ride with Baby? This was something she was dreading. she couldn't accept it and refused to. Her eyes shifted from the window to Dean who was driving, to the phone she was holding. On their way to the motel she did find a moment to call her brother and check on him. Hearing Joshua gush about his nieces and praise the love and patience of Stephanie brought a smile on Asma lips, but made her think long and hard about what he was saying.
Her life was right there with Dean. Although she knew deep down that their bond wasn't so superficial that if she wasn't able to go hunting with him it would fade. No, it was deep, deeper than this. their connection was so big that even if she was in Joshua's shoes, he would still stay with her. He would think of a way to make her as comfortable as possible and she would fight hard to be as independent as possible so he wouldn't have to worry. she was a kickass hunter, she was a badass woman and she would remain so, even if battle-damaged. And the bond that tied her together with Dean was strong, stronger than Fate. Stronger than Death... perfect.
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